DOUZE

james potter, professional heartbreaker!

"SO WE BETTER start planning this end of the year thing," James said while they were doing homework in the common room. They had grown accustomed to each other's company and frequently enjoyed working together, finding it mutually beneficial. 

"It seems as if we do, do you have any ideas," Lily asked, not looking up from the book she was reading. James, however, did look up and gave her an incredulous look. 

"Um ... Quidditch Cup ... the moment my entire life has been leading up to...?" James said, trying not to be too mean.

"Well I'm sorry for wanting to give you the space to change your mind," Lily retorted, still not looking up. James rolled his eyes.

"You wanted me to change my mind," James corrected as Lily chuckled a little. "So, if you didn't have a future professional quidditch player as your Head Boy, what would you have done?"

"I don't know ... maybe a ball or something. I originally thought a talent show, but the school's too big and that could pose a health hazard if anyone tries any stunts," Lily rambled, James was just looking at her endearingly. 

"Smile," James said softly as Lily looked up and a camera flashed.

"What ... What are you doing?" Lily asked, slightly shaken.

"Taking a picture of you," James stated as if it was the most obvious and normal thing in the world.

"Yes, obviously, but why?" Lily asked, nervously laughing a bit.

"For memories. I want to remember this year and the best way to do it is pictures. Plus, I bribed Estelle to get me one from the muggle world in return for setting her up with Josie," James replied. Lily smiled a bit, remembering halloween. "Plus, you look pretty."

James smiled quietly and wrote something on the polaroid before continuing to study. Lily, on the other hand, was blushing furiously.

"Wait, Potter, the end of the year?" Lily asked, gaining his attention again.

"Merlin, right ... would you mind having a quidditch cup?" James asked, pulling an apologetic face.

"No, not at all. I actually quite enjoy watching quidditch," Lily said with a slight smile.

"Oh ... I didn't know that ..." James trailed off. "How about we compromise? We can have a smaller quidditch cup, cut it by a couple of rounds and then have a ball at the end. Like American muggle's prom."

"I love that! Hold on," Lily exclaimed as she grabbed a quill and parchment. "Let's make a basic list of things so we can give it to McGonagall. That reminds me actually, isn't the next Hogsmeade trip in 2 weeks?"

Lily excitedly wrote down the list as they talked and when she was finished, she handed it to James who looked it over and added a few things.

"Yeah, it is, I was planning on going with the lads, what about you?" James asked.

"Oh, just with my friends, nothing special. I know Ruby and Charlie are celebrating 2 years together, so they'll probably do something," Lily rambled.

"Oh that's nice. So, for the list, maybe should we ask McGonagall first? I'm sure she's in," James said.

"Uh, yeah, let's go!" Lily said as she stood up, slipping on a pair of shoes. James did as well and they exited the dorm. 

On the walk over, they hashed more of the details in order to present to McGonagall.

"Well, we could do the Yule Ball. They've already done it loads of times and from what I've seen, it was gorgeous," Lily suggested.

"That's a good idea, but we'll be doing this at the end of the year. It's called the Yule Ball for a reason," James remarked.

"Right, right. Well we could just have it be theme-less. All of the muggle proms that have themes are usually pretty cringey and people ignore them anyway," Lily suggested.

"We could get a band and put out some food, some decorations. Maybe banners of the winning team — " James suggested.

"No. Remember McGonagall said that morale was already low because Gryffindor always wins. We don't need to present another opportunity for you lot to gloat," Lily said firmly.

"Merlin, woman. What's got your knickers in a twist?" James joked. Lily rolled her eyes in response. "So no banners to commemorate my glory — "

"Plausible glory, you haven't actually won yet," Lily corrected. James stopped walking, as did Lily and he walked up to her. He didn't tower over her, she wasn't a house elf and he wasn't a giant, but he still had a considerable amount of height over her. He tilted her chin up and looked her dead in the eye.

"I always win, darling," he said in a low voice. Lily felt her face heat up and kept staring back at him, unable to breathe. His eyes flickered to her lips and she gulped at how close they were. He chuckled softly while shaking his head, his curls bouncing perfectly, and pulled away.

He thought she didn't want him to kiss her. 

She was confused, to say the least. Holy shit, did she want James Sirius Potter to kiss her? At the Thomas party, she thought it was the alcohol talking, but the swarm of butterflies had come again ( a barrage was more like it, though ). She let out the breath she was holding and cleared her throat.

"We should ... uh ... probably go ... to ... you know," Lily stuttered.

"McGonagall's?" James asked, clearly amused at the affect ( he thought he didn't have ) on the girl.

"Yes, McGonagall's," Lily said with more conviction. They continued on the journey, awkwardly, with some small talk. Lily was very confused and trying to sort out her new found attraction towards James and James was reliving the moment over and over again in his head. 

Once they reached the Phoenix door, Lily had officially psyched herself out and James was fidgeting madly. As if she had expected them, the stairs started to climb, causing Lily and James to jump onto them.

"Ah, Ms. Edwards, Mr. Potter. I had a feeling you'd come. Biscuit?" Professor McGonagall asked as she gestured to a plate on her desk. 

"No, thank you, Professor," Lily muttered. James nodded and smiled gratefully as he took one and ate it. 

"So, I presume that you two have come to me about the end of year?" she asked, breaking the silence.

"Professor how did you — " Lily asked, confused.

"Ms. Edwards, don't be silly," McGonagall said as she cut her off. Lily fell silent.

"Well, um, Lily and I thought that we could hold the quidditch tournament," James explained, but he noticed that McGonagall looked a little disappointed. "But we would make it a bit shorter this time and have a ball at the end to celebrate."

Professor McGonagall's eyes lit up and she smiled slightly. 

"Both of you thought of this?" She asked, looking between the two of them. They both nodded. "Very well, I must say I am pleased. I have been pleased with your performances so far this year, in fact. You remind me of another pairing of Head Boy and Head Girl that I had in 1977." Her eyes drifted, getting slightly lost in her memories as she continued to speak. "But, it does not due to dwell on the past. I like your idea. Everything will be sorted, with your guidance, of course."

"Thank you, Professor," Lily said with a grateful smile. McGonagall stood up from her seat, walking over to a chest in her room. She noticed that James and Lily had not moved.

"You may go," McGonagall said, slightly exasperated. The pair stood up from their chairs and headed over to the door. 

They walked in silence until James broke it.

"I'm really sorry about — " he started quickly.

"It's fine," Lily said with a weak smile.

"No, it made you uncomfortable and I — " James tried to say again.

"It's fine," Lily said with more force.

"It wasn't cool — " James protested. 

"Potter! It's fine! Don't worry about it!" Lily exclaimed, causing James to stop talking. He then nodded to himself and discretely looked back over at her.

"Are you sure?" James asked.

"Yes!" Lily yelled. "I'm fine! Why wouldn't I be fine? Everything is just peachy!" 

James when silent.

"Shit," Lily muttered. "I'm sorry I — "

"No, it's fine," James said weakly smiling.

"No, it was completely out of line — " Lily tried to protest.

"Lily, listen to yourself. We're both sorry. Also, it's fine to have emotions and to be mad at me," James said softly, making her calm down as she had to make an effort to hear him.

"But I'm not — " Lily protested, trying to explain.

"What I did completely violated all of your boundaries and you don't like me like that and I knew that and forced it. I'm sorry, it's my fault," James explained. "So can we just — I don't know — go back to being friends?" 

Lily nodded with a smile. 

"Wicked. Um, well, here we are," James said awkwardly, referencing to their dorm door that stood before them.

"Great, uh, I'll meet you in there. I think I saw Ruby and I really need to talk to her," Lily said quietly. 

"Oh, ok. Sure! Wicked! I'll ... uh ... see you later then?" James asked.

"Yeah," Lily said softly, looking up at him with a small smile. 

Only once he had headed inside and she was sure the door was closed did she let out her breath.

"I wasn't mad at you," she whispered to the door.

The chilly wind whisked her hair into a tizzy, making her tilt her head back and groan. It was nearing dinner time and her stomach reminded her of that fact. She had obviously lied about seeing Ruby, but she couldn't go back into the dorm. Not with war that was raging in her mind.

So, Lily decided to walk around aimlessly. She needed to clear her head and the best way was to go outside. Luckily for her, the outside could be reached just by walking a few feet on the Hogwarts grounds, so she didn't have to search very far for some grass and a meditative cloud.

She walked around the courtyard, eventually finding herself in the fields in the back of the school. The facade of normalcy hid the hell that was wrought on her mind — the battle of who James Sirius Potter once was and who he was turning out to be, battling to the death.

Suddenly, she cared about what James thought and then she was confused as to why and then the thought of caring all along creeped in, slowly, but perhaps most importantly. And then the memory of the almost-kiss invaded her mind again and if everything was chaotic then, it threw it into more disarray. 

She found herself at the tree next to the Black Lake, but was slightly disappointed to find it already occupied by a girl. The closer Lily got, the more she realized the girl was crying and even if Lily was having a shitty day, like hell she'd stand by and let another person have one as well. 

"Are you alright?" she asked softly as she approached, slightly startling the girl. She looked up, wiping away some of her tears and gave her a weak smile.

"You don't have to do this," the girl whispered.

"You're Alice aren't you? Alice Longbottom?" Lily asked, ignoring Alice's comment. 

"Yeah, I am," Alice said with a sniff.

"You don't have to tell me anything, but I'm not leaving you out here on your own. So, if you don't mind, could I sit down next to you?" Lily asked. Alice only nodded and moved slightly to the side.

"It's about a boy," Alice said after a small period of silence.

"What did he do to you?" Lily asked, a small amount of anger growing inside of her, ready to take away house points or — god forbid — smack the boy that dared to break her heart.

"He fancies another girl. It's obvious, but I thought maybe I had a shot," Alice sniffed. 

"May I ask who it is?" Lily asked quietly.

"James Potter," Alice whispered.

"Oh," Lily said, knowing that by the other girl, Alice meant her. "I'm so sorry."

"It's not your doing. You can't control who he likes," Alice said with a bitter laugh.

"I do feel somewhat responsible for you living in a Conan Gray song," Lily said with a sad smile as Alice laid her head on Lily's shoulder. Alice laughed lightly at the reference.

"You really are a Heather," Alice said, looking up at her with a genuine smile. Lily's eyes widened and her cheeks blushed at what she had insinuated. 

"I didn't mean-" Lily corrected, nervously. 

Alice just started to laugh. Lily did as well, eventually ( and with quite a few nerves laced in ). 

"I'm not a Heather," Lily said firmly once they had finished laughing.

"Yes, you are," Alice insisted.

"No, Heather is perfect and let me tell you — I made loads of mistakes. In fact, the one year I took Divination, in 3rd year, I believe, I actually almost failed it," Lily admitted.

"You almost failed Divination? It's so easy," Alice said in disbelief.

"For you, maybe, it never made sense to me and I only took it because a couple of my friends were taking it," Lily explained. "I was so close, but I did a couple of extra credit assignments."

"Did you have to talk to McGonagall," Alice asked.

Lily hummed with a nod before continuing: "and she sent a letter home to my parents — "

"No," Alice gasped, sitting up to look at her in disbelief.

"Yup. But I'm a muggleborn and this was the first owl post that they had ever received, so luckily they were more concerned about an owl shitting in their house than the fact that I was failing Divination," Lily said as she and Alice started laughing again. "I don't think they actually know what Divination is."

"I barely know what it is," Alice said through her laughter. "Lily Edwards, a Ravenclaw and future Head Girl, failing a class. Imagine that."

"Feel free to imagine it, because it almost happened," Lily said.

"But, but, but in all seriousness, you are a Heather," Alice said and hushed Lily when she started to protest. "While you may fuck up really badly sometimes, your heart is in the right place. Merlin, you came and comforted a sad girl sitting under a tree by a lake that you barely knew when you were dealing with your own stuff!" 

"Let me tell you, my heart was not in the right place when Trelawney told me that I was the worst student she'd seen since Hermione Granger," Lily joked. They started to giggle again.

After wiping away a couple of tears, Lily looked down at Alice who was curled up in her lap. 

"How did you know I was dealing with something as well," she asked.

"I could feel it, I unlike you, passed Divination. You were giving off wistful energy," Alice explained. 

"Oh. Is it that obvious?" Lily asked, scrunching her nose a little.

"No, no! Not at first, when you first came up, I thought you were just being you, you know? But then once I actually looked at you, despite the fact that you were smiling, you looked kind of ... sad," Alice commented. "So to repeat your words: if you don't mind me asking, what's bothering you."

Lily almost responded truthfully, she almost did, but then she remembered. Alice had a crush on James and she didn't want to seem like she was rubbing it in her face or taking advantage of something. 

"It's nothing," Lily eventually said.

"That's complete bullshit. If you don't want to tell me, that's totally fine, but don't lie," Alice said firmly, sitting up, facing Lily. 

"It really is! It's something silly!" Lily said, trying to reason with her.

"It's not, you're clearly sad about something and that's important, no matter the cause," Alice said, motioning to the area around them. "Like I said, if you're not comfortable sharing with me, then feel not obligation to. But it's not nothing."

Lily nodded, tearing up slightly while looking at Alice, she then let out a breath.

"I'm sorry, I don't normally get this emotional — " she apologized, wiping away the tears that were starting to form.

"Hey! It's ok — " Alice, said, moving to comfort her as she wrapped an arm around Lily's shoulders.

"I'm just ... I don't know ... I'm confused, that's all," Lily said as she turned to face the lake, not baring to look at Alice, knowing she was talking about James.

"It's about James isn't it?" Alice asked softly.

"How did you — " Lily asked, shocked, looking over at Alice.

"It was bound to happen. You think that you two aren't meant to even be friends, but everyone can see that you guys are perfect for each other. And don't think for one moment that you can't talk about this with me because of my crush  on him. It's a childhood crush that lingers a little bit, but the more I think about it, the less I like the idea of us actually, really being together," Alice explained. Lily let out a breath and rested her head on her knees.

"I just ... something happened earlier. Well, something's been happening for a while and it's all very confusing. My head is screaming at me he's James Sirius Potter, all he does is make your life miserable and pick on innocent first years. But then my fucking heart, god damn it, is ... is ..." Lily explained.

"Feeling something different? Maybe something closer to love than hate?" Alice suggested.

"Because he's just been so nice and civil and actually a good person and it's very unsettling and I just don't know what to think," Lily huffed.

"That's what happens when someone grows up, they keep some of their childish tendencies, if they're lucky, but then they recognize how to handle the big world and how to be respectful," Alice mused.

"He grew up for me?" Lily asked, through sniffs. Alice chuckled a little.

"No, as much as he loves you, no he didn't grow up for you," Alice said as Lily's cheeks went bright red in embarrassment. "Not that you haven't been a big factor in it. Something happened with his family over the summer."

Lily nodded, not wanting to push further.

"Albus came out to his family, everyone took it well. And they're all ... you know ... older ... so they made some insensitive jokes and comments unknowingly, nothing he couldn't handle ... not that he should have to. And then they asked if he had a boyfriend, obviously he doesn't but we all know — " Alice explained.

"Scorpius," Lily breathed out, realizing. The Potters and the Malfoys were notorious for hating each other. 

"Rose's younger brother — " Alice continued to explain.

"Hugo?" Lily asked.

"Yeah, Hugo, he asked about Scorpius," Alice affirmed.

"Oh god..." Lily breathed out. 

"All hell broke loose. They almost disowned him, so James decided to step up and become basically the older brother he should have been. He fought his entire family except his mom and sister. I heard that he got into a yelling match with his dad and Uncle Ron. Since then, he's been different," Alice explained.

"Wow," Lily stated.

"Yeah..." Alice mumbled. 

They sat in silence for a little. Lily pondering what Alice had said, meanwhile, Alice was wondering if she should have said anything, knowing it wasn't her story to tell, but keeping in mind that it would help Lily to know. 

As fate would have it, she heard laughing from a little ways away. It was Albus and Scorpius. Together. 

Lily looked at Alice and nodded her head in their direction.

"Should we go over?" Alice asked.

"Al looks like he could use a couple more friends," Lily said with a weak smile. The girls approached the sitting boys who looked up and smiled.

"Hiya Lily! Alice!" Albus exclaimed.

"Hey Al," Lily said with a kind smile as she sat down. "hey Scorp."

"Hi Lily," Scorpius said with a wave. 

"It's weird, I have seen you since the beginning of the year," Albus commented.

"Al, we literally have every class together," Alice said.

"I meant Lil," Albus said with a small laugh. Alice rolled her eyes and started talking to Scorpius about Potions class and how unfair Slughorn was being. 

"I'm horrid at small talk, so I'll just say it. I know what happened this summer. I know it's not my place to say because it's private and a family matter, but I'd feel weird knowing and you not knowing that I know," Lily said rambled. 

"Oh," Albus replied.

"Yeah," Lily softly replied back.

"How did you — " Albus wondered.

"People talk," Lily muttered.

"Oh," Albus gulped.

"Not that everyone in the castle knows, just me," Lily quickly reassured him. 

Albus then looked at Alice, knowingly and nodded more assertively. 

"I just wanted to let you know that it's ok," Lily said carefully. 

"What's ok?" Albus asked.

"All of it. The fact that you like boys, how you feel about Scorpius, how sad you feel about your family," Lily explained. 

Albus just smiled weakly. 

"And I'm sorry if I'm ambushing you with all of this. You looked like you were having a nice time and I just felt weird knowing with you not — " Lily said nervously. 

"Lily, it's fine. Really. I appreciate that you care. I just don't know if he likes me back — " Albus replied. 

"Are you joking? Have you seen the way he looks at you? The way he's looking at you," Lily exclaimed quietly. 

Albus looked up, only to meet Scorpius's eyes. Scorp then looked away, cheeks slightly tinted with a blush and delved back into his conversation with Alice. 

"Oh," Al murmured.

"Yeah," Lily muttered. 

They sat in silence for a little while, enjoying the other's company and observing the other two.

"Are you ok?" Lily asked softly, out of the blue. 

Albus didn't answer at first, he just hummed a little, but then he broke the silence.

"Most of the time it feels like I'm up in space. I'm looking down on everything happening, but I'm not a part of it. Kind of like this world isn't meant for me. It's weird," Albus said truthfully. 

Albus went quiet for a moment.

"It's lonely out in space and he decided to be lonely with me," Albus explained with a smile. 

She followed his gaze to Scorpius, who was laughing at something Alice said. She then looked at Albus who had a content smile on his face. She smiled, happy that the boy was happy ( ish ).

"You're an incredible person Al. I've always admired you," Lily said, turning away from him. "And even though it may be weird, you can always come to me. Both emotionally and physically. You may learn a thing or two from my dads."

Albus looked up immediately. 

"You have — " Al questioned.

"Yeah," Lily replied quietly as she looked back at him with a kind smile.

"I didn't know — " Albus started.

"I know. Only my friends and your brother knows," Lily replied. 

"Oh," Albus muttered, thinking.

Then a smile broke out on Albus's face.

"So you and James, huh?" he asked as Lily blushed at the insinuation.

"No, no. Just platonic. He's not that bad," she replied with an amused smile. 

"It was a surprise to me too," he joked. 

They looked at each other and laughed. Lily put her arm around Albus and he leaned his head on it. 

"I'm lucky to have him," Albus said. "I've heard about kids whose siblings don't support him. Let alone fight their entire families."

"He's lucky to have you too," Lily replied as she kissed the top of his head. 

"Lily, could you help me up the hill? You know how clumsy I am," Alice said, looking pointedly at Lily while discreetly looking between the boys. Lily smirked a little and nodded vigorously. 

"But of course, Alice. Boys, a tout a l'heure!" Lily said with a wave as she hurried up the hill.

"Au revoir!" Scorpius called after her. They started walking very slowly and were ( unfortunately ) barely out of earshot when they heard Scorpius say: "I really really like you."

They broke out into giggles and collapsed onto the grass. 

"I can't believe you did that!" Lily exclaimed.

"We. You distracted Al while I talked some sense into Scorpius," Alice corrected.

"Of course, of course. How could I forget?" Lily said through laughter. Lily then calmed down and met the eyes of a boy who was looking at Alice and started to hit her arm. "Alice, Alice, Alice."

"What?" Alice asked, curious as to what Lily was garnering her attention for.

"That boy is looking at you," Lily whispered with a giddy smile.

"Which one?" Alice asked, looking behind her.

"Blonde, 3 o'clock." Lily said as Alice turned around, spotted him and waved. 

"Go talk to him," Lily urged.

"He is really cute," Alice muttered. "But I don't want to leave you."

"I'm a big girl, I'll be ok, go get your man!" Lily exclaimed quietly. 

"Ok, ok, here I go!" Alice said, hyping herself up as she headed in the direction of the boy and his friends. Lily stayed and observed for a little to make sure Alice was going to be safe before heading back up to her dorm.

She was dreading it slightly, but she felt more sure of herself ( not her feelings, however ) and that would be enough for right now. 

Once she finally reached the door and opened it, she found James sitting in the common room area tapping his leg. He jumped up when she entered.

"Hi," was all he managed to get out as his eyes swept her body to make sure she was ok.

"Hi?" Lily asked back.

"I ... uh ... I tried to get work done, but I couldn't stop thinking about ... you know ... what happened and I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have done it. It was a really shitty move and I — " James apologized quickly.

"Potter, stop. I'm not mad at you now and I wasn't then," Lily said firmly.

"I agree with you, you should be mad, you ... you ... what?" he asked.

"I'm not mad at you," Lily repeated.

"What? Why?" James asked. 

"It's best not to question it," Lily said softly. 

James then mimicked zipping his lips and flicking the key, causing her to chuckle a bit as she unwrapped her scarf and took off her coat and boots. 

"So, then, could I ask you something?" James asked, putting Lily on her guard a little bit.

"Sure..." Lily said cautiously. 

"You see, Teddy finally proposed to Victoire — " James clarified.

"He did?!?!? I'm so happy for them!" Lily exclaimed with a wide smile.

"Yeah, he did. And the wedding is during winter break — " James explained. 

"Wow that's quick," Lily muttered.

"Yeah ... I know ... it's so the press doesn't get wind. He's the first Potter to get married," James explained. 

Lily smiled softly and nodded.

"And I was wondering if you maybe possibly wanted to go with me — " James asked.

"Yes," Lily said quickly.