I finished packing and its around ten at night, my last night here. Tomorrow my plain leaves at 3 o'clock and I'm headed back to Mossel Bay. I can't believe this month went by so quickly, it feels like I just arrived instead of leaving. My parents are already asleep, but I can't seem to calm all my thoughts down. They are whirling and swirling inside my mind like a tornado, scattering every thought in different directions.

I decided to warm up some milk and sat on the porch in front of the house to look at the stars. So much happened during this month and I have grown. I was so scared to come and now I can't wait to come back, even though I haven't left yet. It's strange how certain situations can make you feel like your life have been ruined, but in the end you realized that it did not change your life for the worst but for the better. I felt like my world was turned upside down for the worst when I left five years but realized it was a good thing, then I felt the same way coming back and seeing everyone again especially Damion and yet again it changed me for the better. I can't really see the reason why my life has been turned upside down yet, but I have a feeling that I have started to see a part of that reason. I learned to cope with my sorrow by facing it and the person that caused it head on. I learned that no matter how unforgivable my actions may seem, my parents will always stand with open arms awaiting my return. I even learned a few things about myself. I have become strong and independent through the past five and a half years. I think the most important thing I learned was that sometimes running away can be a good thing, but that you will have to face that problem later to get closure and move on.

I'm so fortunate to have people that still loves me, even though I have made decisions that was only best for me, not taking their feelings into consideration.

Flash back

It's my second last night here before I leave, my mom said that she and my dad is going to take me out for dinner, she never told me where, only that I had to dress nicely. Before I got into the car my dad blindfolded me for some odd reason, but I decided to go with it trying to keep them happy for our last couple of nights.

It was eerily quite once we got into the restaurant, scratch that, there was complete and utter silence. I'm beginning to get uncomfortable feeling like someone is watching, the only thing keeping me from turning around and running was my parents that held onto my hands, oh yea and the fact that I was blindfolded. "Why is it so quite?" It felt like my whispering was so loud in the silence.

The words barely left my mouth when my blind fold was taken off and the silence was broken by people shouting "surprise". Turns out we were at TJ's parents' house and that they have organized a small fare well party for me. I was shocked and to say emotional, was an understatement. Everyone was there including Keven and Suzanna along with some old friends. We were about fifty or so people with a lot of food and even a small dance floor. I can't  count how many hugs I gave and I wound up laughing so much my stomach started to hurt ,my cheeks was also acing from all the smiling. This is exactly what I needed and surprisingly TJ and Damion did not make it difficult for me, even after our talks when I got back from the mini vacation with my parents. I danced all night and forgot about all the drama that happened in my life, allowing myself to soak up the moment.

End of flashback

I sigh and sunk deeper into the chair I'm sitting in. That is a memory I will cherish for the rest of my life. I felt content and truly happy, I felt complete. I haven't spoken to Damion about what he said since the day he said I should keep the ring and I haven't spoken to TJ about it as well, I get the feeling that it should stay that way until I have made up my mind. I do text them though and I will try and keep contact even when I'm back home. I sat for a couple more hours reflecting more on my life before I went to bed.

~~~~~

I'm so emotional. Saying goodbye has never been something I liked and I always seemed to cry. I was standing at the airport ready to leave with my mom, dad, brother, Suzanna, TJ and Damion standing in front of me. I could tell they feel the same way as I do with tears threatening to flow. My lip started to quiver as I turned to my brother, before I could say anything he grabbed me into a hug and whispered in my ear. "Please don't disappear again." I smiled and hugged him back whispering back "I promise." And them a bit louder so that everyone could hear. "I will never in a million years miss your wedding." That caused a couple of chuckles from everyone.

Next was Suzanna. "Remember Azora you need to take care of yourself. Don't forget to follow the tips I gave you, I want you in perfect condition for the wedding." I could see the tears glistening in her eyes. This was her way of saying goodbye and I did not mind. It showed me she cared even though it might not look like it. "I love you too Suzanna." She just gave me a weak smile. Who knew we would have become such good friends?

Damion looked so awkward not knowing how to say goodbye, but I hugged him and this time I was the one lecturing him. "Don't break too many girls' hearts and be the good boy I know you are." He started laughing and just winked at me once we broke the hug.

Before I could get to TJ my mom attacked me in a hug, almost like the one she gave me when she came to fetch me here, but this time instead of happy tears she had ones of sadness. "Mom" my own tears started flowing. "I'll be back in a month I promise. There's no need to cry, we will be seeing one another very soon. Before you know it I'll be back." I gave her a weak smile and she just nodded.

I looked at my dad and for some reason my heart broke to see him so sad. He is by far the hardest one I have to say goodbye to. I was full out crying now and we just stood there embracing one another not saying a word to each other. Even though we had our rough patches when I was younger, we have gotten extremely close and during this month we have gotten even closer. We didn't have to say anything to one another to know what the other one is feeling. "I love you my lady bug." I hugged him tighter and when I calmed down enough to speak I answered him. "I love you so much too daddy."

I turned to TJ and he opened his arms, I did not hesitate and went right into them welcoming the warmth and comfort that they hold. "I'm going to miss you TJ. Thank you for everything you've done for me." I looked up at him while I was still in his embrace. "I could not have gotten through this month sanely without you." He smiled down at me and in that moment his shields fell for the first time since I got back from my mini vacation and I could see all the emotions his eyes held, sadness, hope and most of all love and adoration. "I'll see you soon." And he kissed me on the cheek.

I went through the first check in point and looked back at them waving for the last time. I'm leaving with a heavy heart but with enough hope to carry me through the month that lays before me.

The end

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