CHAPTER FOUR
no man's land.
season one, episode four.

          "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! ME GONADS, YOU OVARIES!"

George's words fell on deaf ears as Izzie, Meredith, and Cassie stepped out of the car. They'd all managed to ignore his whining successfully since they began living with him, but as it approached that time of the month, it was starting to be a problem.

(All they needed was a box of tampons, for God's sake. They weren't asking him to dress up as Dr. Frank-N-Furter and sing Sweet Transvestite.)

It was obvious that he was compensating for something. In the few weeks she'd known him, he'd been perfectly respectable, which was why it came as a shock that he'd suddenly joined the Misogyny Brigade out of nowhere.

A snort left her mouth before she could stop it.

George glared at her.

"Oh, that reminds me," Izzie ignored him entirely, throwing her hair into a loose bun. "We're out of tampons."

"Already?" Cassie wondered. "I feel like I just bought them."

Meredith shrugged, "That's what happens when three girls live together, I guess. We're synced."

George groaned into his hands, glaring at the three women, and it took Cassie quite a bit of restraint to not tell him to go fuck himself. Instead, she rolled her eyes, choosing to give him the benefit of the doubt for the time being.

Izzie caught her eye, and rolled hers back. Between them, Meredith raised a brow in silent agreement.

Much to their dismay, George didn't let up. "You two are parading around in your underwear while I'm naked in the shower!"

Cassie didn't bother to entertain him.

(Complaining about seeing Izzie Stevens in her underwear wasn't exactly a priority; if anything, she wouldn't mind seeing it more often.)

"Can you add it to your list please?"

Izzie spoke though a smile, and Cassie swore she knew exactly what was going through her head. If the blonde wasn't as straight as an arrow, Cassie may have made a move right about now.

"What?"

"Tampons."

"To the list," Meredith clarified, "It's your turn."

"I am a man!" George shouted, drawing the attention of many passerby's. "I don't buy girl products. I don't want you walking in while I'm in the shower, and I don't want to see you in your underwear!"

The three women blinked at him.

Cassie looked him up and down. A small part of her wanted to say something along the lines of that's kinda gay, but she decided against it, lest he break out into hives from unadulterated rage.

"What's the big deal?" Cassie asked. "It's not like I walk around naked. Besides, I'm super hot. If anything, you should be paying me for the free show."

George's face twisted.

"It doesn't bother me, okay?" Izzie said. "Look at me in my underwear, George. Take your time. It's no big deal."

"No, that's—that's not the point—"

A collective sigh washed over them, and Izzie and Meredith wasted no time walking ahead and leaving George behind. Cassie almost joined them, as his whining about simply having female roommates—that he signed up for—was getting on her very last, and extremely fragile, nerve.

Instead, she paused to look at him.

It hadn't been long since she was in medical school, surrounded by egotistical douchbags who used daddy's money to get in; Cassie knew what a typical incel guy acted like, and by all accounts, George wasn't one of them.

With a glance back towards his dejected features, she figured that maybe, he just didn't feel safe enough in his home environment; he did mention growing up with only brothers.

"Look, if it really makes you uncomfortable, then I'll stop, okay?"

George seemed shocked enough that it nearly brought the light back into his eyes. As a truce, Cassie linked her arm with his own, halting his dragging feet and pulling him quickly towards the front doors of the hospital.

He sent her a tired smile. "Thanks, Cass."

She grinned back, squeezing his arm tighter.

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In the locker room, Cassie slipped into her scrubs, holding a granola bar in her mouth while she changed.

Derek had bought her a box of them to put in her locker, as preparation for the days when she forgot to eat breakfast—most days, if she were honest—and her habits were so bad that it was nearly empty after only a month. For someone with a photographic memory, she was absolutely shit at remembering to take care of herself.

It was a good thing Derek knew that, and was always prepared, because she certainly wasn't.

"I'd better get good patients today," Meredith's voice broke through her thoughts, just as the other interns began dispersing for morning rounds. "Yesterday, I had two guys with colostomies who needed dressing changes every fifteen minutes."

"I had some asshole who wouldn't stop calling me sweetie," Cassie shivered.

"I'm gonna be in surgery," Cristina stated, as if it were a fact. "Today's my day. I know it."

Meredith and Cassie shared a look, a silent conversation of we need to get in on that, whatever it is.

"Uh, what surgery?"

Cristina scoffed. "Like I'd tell either of you."

Cassie frowned. Of course, surgery is a game, a good surgeon needs to be a shark, blah blah blah, but not sharing a super cool surgery with two people who you only sort of know but spend a lot of time around?

Very offensive.

(Okay, so, maybe she just wanted to get in on a surgery where she did something that wasn't holding a retractor for Bailey or suctioning for Derek, but could she really be blamed for that?)

Meredith narrowed her eyes at Cristina, seemingly in a similar train of thought. "What do you know?"

"I know that I was here at four, and you two didn't get here until four-thirty."

"Tell me!"

"No," she shook her head. "I'm not the intern who's screwing an attending."

Cassie took a bite of her granola bar, not swallowing before she whined through a mouthful, "Wha' 'bout me?"

Cristina gave her a blank stare.

"Everyone likes you," she deadpanned, walking out the door. "You get in on surgeries without even trying. This one is mine."

It wasn't a total lie, Cassie supposed; Bailey had given her more surgeries than most of the others, but that was only because she actually did her work in a timely manner and helped the nurses with their own. Being a shark can get people far, but Cassie firmly believed that kindness could them even farther.

With a shrug, she let this one slide.

Meredith, who only just seemed to process that she'd been accused of sleeping with an attending for surgeries, hurriedly followed Cristina out into the hallway. Cassie following amusedly behind.

"I am not screwing—"

"Derek," Cassie greeted with a nod, smiling at the man as he collided paths with the interns.

(The humor wasn't lost on her.)

"Cass," Derek acknowledged her—just barely—before setting his sights on the blonde, handing her a bagel and coffee with a sparkling grin. "Meredith. I have a cordotomy at five, and I'll be out at six. I thought I might buy your breakfast before your rounds."

"Hey!" Cassie gasped, offended. "You brought your one night stand a bagel, but not me?"

She moved to stand on his right, while Meredith practically hugged the wall on his other side in a half-ditch effort to stay away from the man. It was no use, really, because he only moved a step closer.

Derek gleefully handed Meredith the food, though his smile dropped when she passed it over to Cassie without a second thought.

"I've already eaten," Meredith declined the offer, visibly proud of herself for doing so.

Derek raised a brow at her, entirely ignoring the way Cassie chugged the coffee immediately as it was placed in her grasp.

"What did you have?"

"None of your business."

Cassie watched them carefully, as well as silently, as her mouth was quickly stuffed with the bagel he'd picked up; it wasn't New York quality by any means, but beggars couldn't be choosers. Besides, the side of relationship drama with her meal was more than enough to distract her from the dry bread.

"Let me guess," Derek crossed his arms over his chest, and Cassie had to pretend she couldn't see him grossly flexing his muscles, "You're a cereal person, aren't you? Straight out of the box, or all fruit and fiber-y? Or pancakes? Do you like pancakes? What did you have?"

Clearly Meredith didn't find him as gross as she did, because she caught the blonde's eyes lingering on his arms for an embarrassing amount of time.

"Leftover grilled cheese."

Derek made a faux-disappointed sound out of the corner of his mouth, and Cassie finished her bagel so quickly that she could feel a minor case of heartburn building in her chest.

"That's sad. It's pathetic. A good day starts with a good breakfast."

Cassie hummed in agreement, her mouth finally free when she added, "Or two breakfasts."

Derek sent her an odd look.

It didn't last long, though, as his attention was fully on Meredith, just as it had been since their first day on the job.

Looking between them, Cassie couldn't help but to feel a gentle, delicate sort of jealousy; anyone with eyes could see how the two were a perfect match. They both loved the game, hence the cat-and-mouse, but the connection was obvious. It was hard not to want it for herself, instead.

But everyone and their mother knew that Cassandra Harper didn't do relationships. For now, she'd be fine watching from the sidelines.

"Look," Meredith rolled her eyes, presumably responding to something Derek had said that Cassie wasn't paying attention to. "I am not being seen with you in this hospital anymore. Learn it, live it. It's unprofessional."

Derek stopped walking, but the cheeky sparkle in his eyes never dimmed. "I'm just... an attending getting to know one of his interns."

"He slept with the intern."

"Barely knew her."

"And it should stay that way," Meredith said with finality.

Cassie wanted desperately to laugh and say good luck with that, but she held her tongue, getting the vibe that her input wasn't exactly welcome; anyone involved in any conversation between Derek and Meredith was an automatic third wheel, it felt.

"You want me to be professional?"

"That's what I want."

"Then that's what you'll get."

Derek was still teasing her, his tongue poking his cheek as he withheld a grin. Meredith wasn't kidding, from what she could tell, and looked a bit constipated as she pretended to not be into him.

Cassie couldn't help but stifle a laugh at the whole situation, deciding to put them out of their misery by saying quietly, "Uh, you're gonna be late for your cordotomy, Dr. Shepherd."

"Goodbye," Meredith let out a sharp breath, turned on her heel, and strutted away, subtly shaking her hips so that Derek would stare at her ass, which of course, he did.

(They're as exhausting as they are entertaining.)

"I can't wait to be the aunt to your future kids," Cassie sighed sarcastically, earning an elbow to the ribs.

"Shut up."

The smile never left Derek's lips, and Cassie saw something on his face that she hadn't seen since before Addison cheated; love.

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"All I'm saying, is that there need to be some rules. It's your house, so you can put them in place—"

Cassie assumed the roommate conversation was over after that morning, but evidently not.

George's voice carried down the hall as he and Meredith approached the nurses station, where Cassie was looking at pictures of a nice nurse's newborn baby. Partially just to be nice, and partially because she had, and will always have, major baby fever.

"So what, we can walk around in our underwear on alternate Tuesdays? Or you can see bras, but not panties?" Meredith joked. "Or are you talking amish rules? Because if you think you're gonna get Izzie to cover herself—"

Cassie smiled at the nurse, handing her back the photos and politely dismissing herself to join the others.

"The amount of flesh exposed is not the point," George continued, "Meredith, you have to do something. It's your house—"

"Hey, George?"

His head snapped towards Cassie when she spoke, as if he didn't see her coming. "Yeah?"

"Chill."

Disgruntled, he let out a huff, mumbling something under his breath that Cassie couldn't hear. She almost recommended that he should smoke a joint or something, but figured that would only make him worse. George was starting to seem like the type to get paranoid easily.

"Do you like Izzie?" Meredith wondered, amused at the man's stress level, "Is that what this is about? Do you have a crush on her?" 

"Izzie? No way," George quickly disagreed.

"Oh," she grinned, "So it's Cassie, then?"

"Cassie? I—"

"If you do, I'm honestly flattered," the girl added, her tone holding no trace of teasing.

George blushed while furiously shaking his head. "That's not—" he sighed, cutting himself off. "Look, there just have to be some rules." 

"If you make a chore chart, I'll kill you—"

"O'Malley, Grey, Harper!"

The speed at which all three of the interns straightened their posture and paused their movements somewhat resembled what it would be like in the military, when the drill sergeant yells at his cadets to wake up, or something equally fear-inducing.

"Dr. Bailey?"

"Grab Karev and head down to trauma room 1," their resident ordered, hardly bothering to look at them as she quickly passed going in the opposite direction. "Shepherd needs you." 

"I thought Shepherd was in surgery?"

"He got pulled before he could start."

Cassie all but sprinted down to the pit. Getting Alex could be George or Meredith's job; her job was to be first.

It didn't work as planned, though, because by the time she arrived outside the trauma room, Alex was already inside. A panting George and Meredith appeared behind her only moments later, and she silently wondered how the hell Alex managed to get there so fast.

Despite the competitiveness, the group of four collectively widened their eyes at the sight before them.

"Holy shit," Cassie swore, examining the patient's x-rays. "Those look like—"

Large metal spikes punctured his brain, and the sight on the x-ray was no match for the real thing. Inside the room, Derek stood by the patient's head; Jorge Cruz, according to the name on the scan. He glanced up at Cassie after she spoke, cutting her off with a short but steady—

"Nails."

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Cassie blamed Derek for her suffering.

He allowed Meredith to run point on their patient alone—again—and stuck her in front of a computer with George and Alex, researching similar cases to better gauge what he should do in the OR.

(Didn't Derek know that favoritism was only okay when it was Cassie who was on the receiving end of it?)

After helping the boys out as much as she could, she soon found herself so irritated that she wouldn't mind seven nails jammed through her brain if it meant she could leave the room.

Eventually, she found herself flipping through a magazine on the opposite side of the room, waiting for them to find something useful.

"So," she heard Alex whisper, clearly unaware that Cassie could hear everything he was saying, "Harper and Stevens really walk around in their underwear?"

Out of the corner of her eye, she watched George glance over at her; she flipped the page, pretending not to know a thing. At the very least, if they were gonna talk about her, she wanted to know exactly what they were saying.

"I mean, uh, not—well, only some of the time."

Alex raised a brow. "Sexy underwear?"

Cassie rolled her eyes.

Flipping the page again, she paused, briefly tuning out of the conversation.

It wasn't a secret that Izzie Stevens was a model, but Cassie didn't necessarily expect to see her half-naked spread over two magazine pages at 10 in the morning. Not that she was complaining, or that it was anything she hadn't seen before; if anything, she was more concerned about it being available in the same hospital Izzie worked in.

(It would be fine, surely. Nobody reads those dumb magazines anyway.)

Putting her attention back onto herself, she only caught the end of George's sentence.

"—so, yeah, I mean—"

"So, they just let you look at them?"

Cassie frowned, now turning her full attention to them, silently wondering where Alex was going with this, although she guessed she already knew.

"Well, uh," George thought, "Yeah?"

Alex smiled, leaning back in his chair. "Oh, so like sisters."

"No, I-I don't think of them as—no."

"But they're not coming onto you?"

"Not exactly—"

"And they don't expect you to do anything?" George shook his head. "Just like sisters."

Cassie put the magazine down, unintentionally leaving Izzie's page open flat on the desk.

"Or," she interrupted, and took pleasure in the fact that Alex jumped a little in his seat, "Maybe, we trust him not to be a perv, which is why that roommate posting you made two months ago is still up in the hall."

Alex made a disgruntled noise. "Whatever. I wouldn't want to see you in your underwear anyway—"

"Wow, I knew you were gross, but not a liar."

Cassie smiled wryly at his silence.

Really, of all the people in hospital to pretend he wasn't into, she was by far the worst choice. It wasn't narcissistic for Cassie to recognize that she was pretty, and that she'd already been asked out by several doctors and nurses for a reason. At this point, Alex was embarrassing himself.

To curb the glare he was sending her way, and to actually start doing her job, she moved to lean over his seat, eyes skimming the words on the computer in search of something that could help Derek.

Then, just to piss him off, she dialed the OR number on the teleophone before either of them could stop her.

George scrambled to take it from her hand, and Cassie slapped his arm away as the other line clicked.

"Talk to me," Derek ordered.

"Okay, there have been 23 similar cases with nails in the head, but it looks like one was a suicide attempt—"

"That doesn't count."

"I know, I'm not an idiot," Cassie scoffed. Alex and George looked shocked that she would speak that way to an attending, but she payed them no mind. "Anyways, of the 22 cases, there haven't been any procedures that would help Jorge. The biggest problems were bleeding and infection, but the odds improved with shorter surgery times. Bottom line, get him out quickly and watch for bleeding."

"So basically what you're saying, is that I'm on my own in here."

"Basically."

While she spoke, she looked over the x-rays once more; eyes narrowing, a thoughtful hum left her mouth, words and ideas suddenly circling in her mind faster than she could keep up.

From the tone in his voice, she assumed that Derek practically grinned on the other line. "I know that sound. What are you thinking?"

"Look at his x-rays. See how the nails all come in at different angles?"

"Yeah, removing them could damage the optic nerve. The plan is to remove the nails at the exact angle they entered, but there's no guarantee the edges won't cause damage anyway."

"What if you froze them?"

The idea wasn't all that ridiculous, really; when molecules have less kinetic energy, they move slower, and the effect of collisions between molecules is decreased, which allows them to stay closer to each other. A major decrease in temperature causes objects to shrink. Objects, including metal.

It was simple science, really.

Cassie's thoughts were too sporadic for her to realize that she'd said all of that out loud; George coughed, and she remembered that she was still talking.

"So, ya know, freeze them. The brain can handle extreme temperatures, as long as it's in a controlled environment. If they shrink, it'll allow more room for you to take them out without hitting unnecessary tissue. It's risky, but not impossible. Isn't that kinda your whole thing anyway?"

Beside her, Alex and George stared at her as if she'd grown three heads.

The line went silent.

A few seconds later, a relieved sigh.

"You're a genius. And you better get down here, 'cause you're scrubbing in."

A surge of pride made it's way into her chest, all warm and fuzzy and hopeful. The two men rolled their eyes, seemingly hearing Derek through the phone, but their annoyance was the absolute last of her concerns at the moment.

"Well, I do have an IQ of 168 and a photographic memory," she said smugly. "Genius may be a bit of an understatement."

"Just hurry up, Cass."

It wasn't until she hung up that she recognized the pride in Derek's voice, as well.

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Of all things to expect with Jorge's surgery; bleeding, tamponades, machines going haywire, Cassie didn't expect Meredith fighting with the patient's wife to be the most painful thing she was forced to watch.

The surgery went well, and all seven nails were able to be removed from Mr. Cruz's head. Unfortunately, once the post operation scans came back, it was found that he had a large brain tumor; not to mention, that if the doctors were to remove it, they would take his entire memory with them.

It was an incredibly difficult decison to make, Cassie knew, so she didn't try and push him or his wife for an answer.

Apparently, Meredith had other plans.

"You don't understand. He'll be there, but he won't be Jorge. He won't even recognize you," Meredith had spoken urgently to the wife, not listening to Cassie or Derek when they tried to stop her, "You have no idea what this will do to you. Isn't five good years better than ten bad ones?"

There was a pain in her voice that Cassie, despite her elation at helping with the surgery, felt deeply.

(Her mom's face briefly flashed though her mind, all the years they spent waiting for her to get better, even when she never did.)

"She needs to understand," Meredith had urged them, not giving up the fight even as the wife was nearly brought to tears. "She needs to—"

"I do understand," his wife had scoffed, and Cassie's heart broke for her. "This is Jorge's decision, and if that means ten bad years for me, fine. If he doesn't remember me, if he doesn't remember what we are, he's still my Jorge. And I'll remember for us both."

The conversation ended there.

It was difficult to move on from, truthfully.

Cassie soon found herself en route to the locker room, dragging her feet to avoid going home to whatever passive-aggressive mess was waiting for her. In a way, the hospital felt more like home than anywhere else did, in the recent days.

Speaking of a passive-aggressive mess—

"Cass, wait up!"

George caught up to her slow steps with ease, but she didn't stop walking, afraid that she'd slump against the wall, give up, and just spend the night there.

"What are you pissed at now? Are my scrubs too slutty for your manly gaze to focus around?"

He made a weird face, and shook his head.

She could've felt bad, but she didn't.

"No," he said softly, awkwardly tugging at his pockets, "No, that's—I wanted to apologize for, uh, being like this, I—I'm not used to sharing space with, uh, women, and I felt a little emasculated, or whatever, but that's not an excuse for—I, uh—

Cassie almost let him continue.

Truthfully, it was rare these days for a man to truly apologize for his behavior. Mark's 'apology' to Derek was something like, look man, I'm sorry, but she came onto me, and you're telling me you wouldn't do the same thing?, meanwhile Derek hadn't even thought to apologize for sleeping with an intern: granted, he was likely in love with said intern.

Moral of the story, George had yet to cross the douche line, and Cassie loved him all the more for it.

"George."

"—women kinda scare me, and—"

"I forgive you," she bumped his arm, cutting off his rant for good. "I get that some people aren't comfortable with certain things, I just wanted you to not be a misogynistic bitch about it."

George inclined his head. "Fair."

Cassie grinned over at him, her pace speeding up as she eventually reached the locker room doors.

"You coming? I'm gonna go lie in bed and watch whatever procedural crime drama is playing reruns on cable while eating an entire cheesecake, if you wanna join."

"No, uh, Bailey wanted me to finish running some labs but just, uh, prepare yourself before you go in there, 'cause..."

Suspiciously, she tilted her head. "Because...?"

"You'll see, it's... Alex was... in a mood."

George waved goodbye, leaving Cassie standing alone, her brows furrowed and her hands crossed over her chest. Assuming that Alex had drawn a dick on a locker or something (again), she shrugged it off, going into the room with every intention to change her clothes as fast as possible and leave.

A photo of Izzie—the same one from the magazine she'd seen earlier—plastered all over the walls was the furthest thing from what she expected.

Her gut twisted, recalling how she'd left it open in her efforts to get in on a good surgery, and she bit her lip. There wasn't a chance in hell that this was supposed to be a kind prank, and based on the messily strewn clothes and single photo crumpled in the corner, it hadn't gone over well.

Why no one had taken them down yet was beyond her, and so, briefly placing her hands on her hips, she looked for the nearest trash can.

Izzie was beautiful, and the fact that a single person could make her feel anything but made Cassie want to punch something. Or, punch someone.

It only took ten minutes to get them all down.

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A waft of alcohol invaded her senses, and she wondered if she's accidentally stumbled into Joe's bar instead of her home.

Meredith didn't look up from where she hugged a half-empty bottle of tequila, all alone on the couch.

Wordlessly, Cassie joined her.

It was quiet for a while, both of them just staring ahead and thinking about their days; trying not to think about their days. After a few minutes, she passed the bottle.

Taking a swig, Cassie finally looked at her.

"Want to talk about it?"

"About what?"

Cassie studied her closely. "Whatever, or whoever, it is that made you react the way you did this morning."

Meredith sighed, taking the tequila back from her outstretched hand. A blink, and she was chugging it at a speed which had the other girl wildly concerned for her liver health, but she said nothing, in hopes of being the first to crack her rough shell.

Meredith stared at her for a moment, before heaving a sigh and handing her the bottle again, which she immediately took a swig of: not as big, but perfectly adequate.

When Meredith spoke, another few minutes had passed, and Cassie had gotten buzzed enough that she nearly forgot she'd asked anything in the first place.

"My mother." Cassie frowned in confusion. "Alzheimer's. Early onset. She wouldn't let me tell anyone, and I haven't. I'm the only one who's allowed to see her."

Letting the bizarre and devastating information sink in, the two passed the bottle of alcohol between them until it was nearly empty.

"If you haven't told anyone, why did you tell me?"

Meredith tilted her head sluggishly.

"I... am really drunk."

Cassie laughed loudly, throwing an arm around Meredith's shoulder and resting her head on the back of the couch. Stealing the tequila back, she drunkenly reveled in the comforting silence.

author's note ━━━━━━━━━━
hi i love you guys but i need y'all to realize
that if you're a bitch in my comments about
the rewrite, it's just gonna make me update
even slower. i genuinely do not tolerate
people being mean in my comments, esp as
if i don't see the notifications. lmao.

but aside from the few who are rude, thank
you for being so patient with me <3 and i
wish you all a very happy pride month!!!

also please remember that interaction helps
motivate me, and kind thoughts / comments
are always appreciated!