Author's Note! Ah, my third chapter. I hope this doesn't end up in tragedy. *evil smirk* Do leave a review.

Disclaimer Notice! I disclaim the franchise Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, they belong to its respective owner. What I do own on the other hand, was the story twist I made. That's all.

BLAMES, TEARS, AND REGRETS

A Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Fan Fiction

Chapter Three

Focus on the Present

Leo stopped at the doorway, his hand still gripped tightly on the knob, his heart seemed to stop as his breathing seemed to halt as well. He had seen this scene before, even familiarized himself with it, but still every time he went through that door, he still had some difficulty accepting it.

It....

His fault...

He could feel tears forming at the corner of his eyes as he stared at the scene which looked awfully familiar with the dramas he saw on TV.

So, this is why the characters always tear up when they saw it. Now, he knew what they feel. Cause now, he felt it first hand...but the pain seems doubled. Tripled.

He watched as the monitor which dictates his brother's life make an up and down movement and emits the sickening 'beeping' sound. The only thing that ensures him that his brothers were still alive. That he hasn't failed them...too much.

The tears that wailed up in his eyes cascaded down as his emotions kept on building up. The guilt he felt was too much! Too much, that he fell to his knees in desperation.

It was his fault, all his fault.

If he hadn't...

If he had been much stronger...then!

He hugged himself, his body shivering from too much emotion mixed with the coldness of the night.

Tears continue to fall down from his cheeks. He whined and cried, trying to force out all his emotions.

It was all my fault. I had brought them this.

He stared at the ground. He felt his body goes numb. The pain in his head came back, doubled. It was probably brought up by his lack of sleep - his self-inflicted punishment.

How could he even sleep? Ever since the night he brought his fallen brothers home, he was always tormented by nightmares created by his mind. No, not nightmares. They were too real to be a dream. They were his memories.

It should be me...

"It should have been me..." He mouths those words silently. He should have been the one lying down on the table with wires injected at him, hanging for his life. It should have been him, instead of his three brothers.

He slowly stands up, forcing his numb and pained body to stand up and maintain his balance. He took small steps and walked at the middle of the room.

His three younger brothers were lying on each separate makeshift bed, forming a line. A heart beat monitor was located at the upper right corner of the room, strapped at each of his brothers. Three lines rhythmically beat; three lines, three lives.

On each side of the bed was dextrose, something that ensures the health of his brothers.

He stared at the limp figures of his brothers. They have bandages covered mostly of their body, some slices here and there, marks that reminds him of his mistake.

Luckily for him, their Master and their friend - April and Casey - were there to help him stitch and heal his brothers. He had carried them all three back home, he didn't even know how he managed to do that, he just remembered being so exhausted that calling for his master's name can be perfectly compared to acquiring someone's attention while staying under water.

But, he managed...lucky for him.

He sighed and decided to leave the room. He could not take it any longer. He could not endure the seeing his brothers waiting for fate to make decisions for them.

How could he take in the sight of his brothers suffering when he knew he took part in inflicting it on them.

Flashback, 24 hours ago

Raph, Don, and Mikey were already preparing for their upcoming night patrol. Everything was as planned. They'll watch over the city for five hours, training along the way, then they'll went to a story to buy pizza and grab some movie along the way, and lastly they'll have a marathon since Master Splinter will leave the lair for two days vacation which translates into Mikey's words : no training for two days.

Oh, how Mikey had dreamed of that day. All was going well, until Leo decided to say something that practically shattered and shredded his whole plan for the night.

"I don't think we should go out guys..." He sat at the cushion, with his arms folded in front of him. He was staring at the turned off television set, as if on deep thought.

Raph was the first to react. "Pfft. Frightened as a kitty are we?" He challenged his brother. Leo shook his head and Raph growled seeing Leo's lack of better cunning response.

"I had...this odd feeling that something...might go wrong," Leo said as he stood up and stared at his three younger brothers.

Mikey and Donnie's eyes widened. "Maybe...we can skip the whole patrol fight and just grab the pizza and movie instead?" Mikey asked in desperation, he just wanted to spend some quality time with his brothers. 'Please...Leo...' he silently pleaded.

Leo looked worn out, but his decision was firm. "No. I don't think going topside will do us some good. We are to stay here. We'll postpone the movie night for later days" Leo stated his plan for all of them to hear.

Mikey looked torn and hurt. He had been meaning to do this for days! It was very rare for Donnie to agree and it was even rarer to make Raph do so. Leo was okay, as long as he hasn't caught his nose between a book. "Argh, Leo why now?" He asked, his voice sounded defeated.

Raph huffed. "Tss. Come on guys, Leo's just being his paranoid self..." To Mikey's ears, Raph sounded very convincing. Donnie ruffled through his gadget, typing random number and letter combinations. "And...there's no report of any upcoming storms not rains. We'll be fine Leo" Sweet! Donnie was with him too! Mikey was overjoyed. All they need was a little push and he's pretty sure that Leo would given in.

"Come on big bro...please" Mikey gave his cutest puppy-pleading eyes to his eldest brother.

Leo signed as Mikey grin in satisfaction.

"Guys, please don't do this. I really don't want...us...to go topside tonight," Leo said, looking really defeated.

Raph scowled. 'Oh no! Not another fight!' Donnie and Mikey's thoughts were surprisingly similar.

"Well, if you really don't want to. Then don't come with us!" Raphael said in his most Brooklyn accent. Leo opened his mouth to retort something back, but he immediately closed it again when his mind stop processing cunning replies. Oh, how bad he wanted to give Ralp a good old lecture but his mind seemed to stop.

"You know what. I'm going to bed. If you still insist then you go. I'm not holding any responsibility on this" it was really rare for Leo to back down on their fight with Ralp, but it was even rarer to hear those words from him.

'Does that mean he don't care about us anymore?' Mikey thought as he looked at his older brothers. His eyes caught Donnie. As if reading his thoughts, Donnie shook his head and gave him a warm smile as if letting him know that everything is alright and Leo still cares them. He's just tired. That's why.

Silence filled the lair as the eldest and his immediate younger brother stare at each other.

It was only when Master Splinter entered the room that the tension grew thin. "Leonardo! My sons, what is happening in here?" Splinter said as he walked to them, a cane in his hand helping him walk more easily.

Leo suddenly found the floor more interesting to stare into. Mikey desperately went to his father's side, held on his arm and practically explained what had happened all the while begging him to convince Leo to go topside.

Splinter looked at his worn out son then back to three brothers. He does not want to see them split like this. He also doesn't want to favor any of his sons, but he had no choice on this matter. He had to choose, and he had hoped it would be for the best.

"Leonardo..." Upon hearing his name, Leo turned his gaze at his father, silently begging him to choose him. Splinter shook his head as he felt the discomfort radiating from his eldest. "Leonardo, you know I had appointed you as the leader of this team, and a great leader does not abandon his comrades in desperate need..." He half scolded his son.

Leo looked downcast. "But, Master Splinter, I really think we shouldn't - plus! It doesn't look important to me" Leo said, proclaiming his thoughts on that matter. Donnie's eyes widened. He never thought that an argument could actually happen between his eldest brother and their master. Leo had been the only one who he never seem to disobey direct orders.

"It does to your brothers" Master Splinter injected. To further prove his point, he gesture at Mikey who looked like a puppy begging his master for food and attention.

Leo shook his head. "But..."

It was the last straw. Master Splinter made his way towards his eldest and placed his hand on his shoulders, providing him some comfort. "Look my child. I shall stay here for today and postpone my leave tomorrow so you shall not be worried too much. I trust you son to lead your brothers to safety" Master Splinter's voice was so soothing Leo couldn't help but to agree.

"I understand..." Leo said as he sheaths his Katana. Mikey literally beamed with joy. He jumped up and down, grabbed Leo's arms and dragged him outside. Raph was still fuming with anger, being as who he is, but he had somewhat calmed down when he saw the wide grin of their youngest. Donnie followed suit, after rechecking his weapon. He mouthed a soft thank you to their father before leaving the lair. Splinter waved them off goodbye, a smile on his face. Perhaps he had made the right decision on this one.

As Leo found himself dragged by his hooping little brother, he couldn't stop the small smile that appeared on his face. The worry he had once now disappeared as he tried to focus and enjoy the night with his brothers.

***

The trip had been going well, too well. In fact they hadn't saw any members of purple dragons nor of the foot clan since they went topside. No other crimes were also committed too. It was too well and good to be true that Leo feared that it might be the one they called 'calm before the storm'. He does not like this. The feeling he had earlier came rushing back in. Imaginary scenarios flashed in his mind like a river flowing in an endless stream. They had to leave. He had to make it back to the lair with his brothers. That's the only way to calm his nerve.

"Guys, that's enough. Were going back now," Leo said, his tone was like that of a commander forcing his comrades to retreat. Raph gritted his teeth, showing no sign of obedience. "No way fearless leader. I ain't leaving here. We just got here. I need some thugs to defeat mercilessly" unlike Leo, Raph's way of calming himself was fighting off some random enemy and beating them to pulp. Why do you think he always goes topside, huh?

He had been fueled by anger after their argument back in the lair. He had to release some of it or he'll never be calm again.

As if on cue, ten foot ninja appeared out of nowhere and circled the brothers. This brought out a very wide grin on Raph's face. He looked back and forth at each ninja and speculated what kind of beating each of them would get.

"This ones prettt easy, Leo. Why don't you give this one to me. Payback for being such a prick" Raph said, a glint of pride and happiness in his eyes. Ten foot ninja was not that much but he thought it will suffice.

He looked at their eldest and was surprised to see him wide eyed and his body tensed. "What the hell? Leo!" He screamed. Fortunately for him, it made Leo snapped out on whatever derange he had gotten lost into. He clenched his head and gestured for him to continue.

"Stay back, got it?" He turned to his two younger brothers, warning them to stay out of his way. The two younger brothers nodded their head, still confused on why Leo was acting the way he was.

This time, Raph lashed at their enemies with a satisfying grin. Not only did he have the freedom to fight them mercilessly, he was also saved from another Leo-lecture when they got back. Oh, this day was surely perfect!

He jumped from one foot to another, his grin getting wider and wider as he lashed his angry on the now bleeding ninjas on the ground. "That's what you get, fools" Raph laughed maniacally as he saw the last foot fell on the ground.

Meanwhile, Leo was still having trouble with himself. Something inside him screamed that they should head out, now, as in now. That they should ignore those foot ninja and just head home, were they would be safe. It screamed to him that this was a trap and something worse would come crashing down from the sky, suffocating them and killing his brothers in an instant. Or perhaps, something even worse than his thoughts.

The sound of metal against metal brought him out of Terrance. He saw his brother fighting ten foot ninja alone. He growled. 'Why would he fight them all alone?" His mind screamed in frustration and horror.

Because you gave him permission to do so.

Oh right, I gave him that...

Leo's eyes narrowed as he watched his brother's swift movement. He knew Raph was strong, in fact he was even stronger than him, and the only reason he wasn't appointed as the leader is because his temperance and impatient clouded his decision making. And if he is a little bit more calm, then he could take on the role of the leader.

And you would be left with nothing...

Leo shook his head, forcing that though at the back of his mind. He shouldn't think bad of his brothers, rather he should be there to support them. Where do those thoughts came from?

He then heard his youngest brother cheered alongside Donatello. They both approached their older brother, cheering him and congratulating him as if he won some big prize when in fact he just defeated ten ninjas without breaking a sweat.

He is better than you...

I know...

Raph smirked at them as he took on the compliment. He had finally calm down, and he couldn't feel his anger radiating through him anymore. Good thing those worthless ninja appears. Heh, personally he thinks they only appear so he could vent out his anger somewhere, and not on his family.

"Now that you had your fun, let's go back," Leo ordered. 'So, he finally came back huh?' Raph though as he looked at his brother firmed gaze. He always loves bickering with him, and he don't even know why. Perhaps it was their own version of bonding. 'What the shell Raph? Why the sudden emo?' He thought to himself.

He nodded at his brother, silently agreeing for him to lead them back home. Leo got the message and nodded his way towards the right direction. The two brothers followed suit, each with a satisfying grin. For once, there was no fight that broke off with their two older bros before they went back. Usually, after fighting and kicking an enemy, the two of them would bicker at each other first before they headed home. And when they got home, they would fight each other again in the dojo to settle things. Then after being exhausted, go to sleep, and they would continue whatever fight they had the night before on their training when their master put them on pair.

Sighed, such an endless cycle of the two.

All of a sudden, Leonardo stopped in his tracks, eyes darted from left to right as if sensing something. Raph twirled his sais, obviously silently wishing for another fight. "This better be good.." He growled under his breath.

Donatello and Michaelangelo exchanged a few glances before getting into their stance as well, preparing for another fight.

Leo then gestured for them to head on another direction, his face neutral now that he's on his 'fearless leader mode'. They followed suit.

"We should shake them off track. Lose them first. Sorry, bros but we have to endure going such a long trip for now..." Leo said through huffed breathes as he jumped from building to building. His brothers, right behind his back.

"Who are we even trying to shake off, Leo?" Mikey asked. "I think they're foots..." Donnie answered for their leader. "But if it's the foot, don't you think is better to just fight them off instead of betting round' the bushes?" Raph asked, his eyes glaring at their leader.

Leo shook his head. He don't know what came over him, but something inside him screamed that they should prevent a direct encounter with their enemies. It screamed for him to just flight, and never fight. It may looked cowardly to his immediate younger brother, but he knew better than to say no to his instincts.

They jumped around the corner, a manhole insight. Leo smirked as he felt the rush of wind in his face. He could no longer feel the shadows lurking behind their backs. Now, he could finally take his brothers to safety.

Everything was going as plan, until they heard a yelped from their youngest sibling - Michaelangelo.

Everything happened in a blink of an eye, one time Mikey was jumping along the rooftops following his eldest from behind and the next he lay down on the ground, clinching his aching shoulder, a dart sticking from it, and him fighting off the nauseas that threatened to swallow his consciousness and leave him in the dark.

Five seconds, that's all it took for Donnie to rushed to his fallen brother. He immediately checks his pulse, silently praying all the while that the dart that hit his brother wasn't filled with some kind of poison that immediately stopped a person's heart beat, killing them in an instance.

His prayers must have been heard when he felt the normal beating of his brother's pulse. He lay him down and checked the shoulder Mikey kept on clenching. A dart sticks from it. He gently tugged it out and examined him.

"Donnie!" He heard his brother called his name. His head twisted and looked at his two older brothers fighting of some foot ninjas. He got up and put on his stance, willingly defending his fallen brother.

"Donnie! Listen! Get Mikey to safety, we'll cover for you" he heard Leo ordered from a distance. Even though he hates to leave his brothers behind, he had to follow his eldest's orders. He cannot afford to disobey, not now with Leo being in one of his famous 'leader mode'.

He gently lifts up his brother and half carry him by his shoulders. Then, it happened. Donnie felt a pick in his neck and was surprised to see the same dart sticking out from it.

He shook his head to fight off the darkness that threatened to consume his as well. But to no vain. He crashes to the ground together with his younger brother.

Raph heard a loud thud. He kicked the ninja he was fighting with and turn his healed, heading towards the source of it. His eyes widened when he saw his two brothers fallen to the ground.

He lifted Donnie up and saw the dart sticking out from his neck. He pulled it out and threw it away. He lifted both of them up.

From a corner of his eyes, he saw Leo surrounded by foot ninja. He was short on breath and even from a distance, you could see that he was losing his strength.

He then some foot heading for their direction. He stood up and laid his two brothers on the ground.

He had to fight these goons off or they will only follow him home, while trapping his eldest or maybe even capturing him. No, for now they had to stick together.

"Leo!!!" He yelled at the top of his lungs. Leo's eyes immediately snapped towards their direction. He kicked and pushed the ninja out of his way before heading towards his brothers, all the while Raph covered his tracks.

His eyes momentarily widened when he saw his two younger brothers fallen to the ground. His body tensed.

That's why his mind screamed to just fled. He somewhat predicted that this would happen.

Foot started to flood them with their numbers. Ralph and Leo got into their stance and protected their youngest brothers all the while protecting each other's back.

Raph and Leo went in front of them to protect them.

From behind the shadows, lurks a female ninja, silently watching the whole scene with a satisfied smirk etched on her face.

'Only one dart left...who will it be?' Karai thought as she charged the gun. His father had ordered him to left Leo the only one standing. But, she knew she cared enough for Leo even though she doesn't want to admit it. So she pointed at Leo, obviously disobeying a direct command. No harm would it anyway, just a sudden change of plans. She aimed the gun.

'Hmm...I wonder how Raph'll going to handle this...' She smirked.

The remaining foot, with her command, charge at the two remaining turtle. Leo and Raph fought side by side. Raph, with his high senses quickly defeated his share of enemies - they seemed to only focus on the other one. He then saw the slight glint of dart flashed from a distant. His mind only screamed one thought 'No! Leo!' He made a dash and tackled his brother. The dart hit him instead as they fell to the ground. The foot dodge and landed a few feet away from them.

Leo removed his body from him and lay it gently with his two remaining brother. Karai grimaced as she failed to shot her target. She leaned the heavy gun on her shoulders, like a sack of rice. And emerged from her shadows. Leo still has his back on them, as if daring them to attack him. She snickered at that thought. She decided to taunt him. "Look what we have here...only one turtle left..." She yelled out enough for all to hear. Leo slowly gripped his swords. He turned around and faced them, his eyes still focused on ground. The tension grew, as silence seemed to be the only one making a noise. Karai dropped the gun she held, and drew her swords prepared to for any attack. With one gesture from her, the foot attack the remaining turtle.

A minute passed, and all of the foot who attacked him now lay unconscious to the ground. Karai felt fear crawl on her skin. She gulped as she stares at the eyes of the beast.

Leo stood there, his stance the same. His blue bandana swayed rhythmically to the gash of wind. His eyes showed no mercy to whoever dared to attack his fallen comrade. His muscle tense and his senses high, allowing no room for further mistake.

A growl escapes his mouth as he prepared yet for another attack. Karai found herself drawing closer to the edge, surprisingly afraid of attacking the creature. 'He's a monster!' Her mind screamed as her eyes wondered the bloody concrete. 'He killed them all...' With one dash, she ordered the others to retreat.

Leo had long since prepared himself for a chase, wanting to satisfy his revenge. But a soft moan from own of his brother stopped him. He looked back, his eyes wide and full of horror.

The monster that once overcame him vanished within an instant. His once ferocious eyes reverted to its soft and forgiving ones. He kneeled down; his swords fell down from his grip, and checked his fallen brothers.

As if on cue, the rain suddenly poured down on the earth. Leo glanced up and stared at the black sky as droplets of water fell down from the sky. He poured out all his regrets and pain in one angst scream. He cried and let the rain shower his sins and pain. As if it would all go away.

***

"Well...isn't that noble? What a typical Leonardo thoughts" Raph said, sarcasm was evident on his words.

"No!!! Leo! Stop blaming yourself!" Mikey screamed, even though he knew he couldn't hear him...well, he can't stay silent knowing that his brother was suffering from a blame that doesn't belong to him in the first place.

"Leo...oh..why?" Donnie wasn't known for being able to manage his emotions well.

Author's Note! Next chapter would surely be more interesting. Will Leo able found a way to talk to his brothers? After all, no one can solve a puzzle all alone.

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