recommended song - friends [by chase atlantic]

"tell me we weren't just friends, this doesn't make much sense!"
__________________
word count: 2.1k

you finished middle school and enrolled in an art high school, your fixation is on dance, you love dancing. it is the only time where you really feel like yourself. whenever you are dancing you forget about your concerns, problems, hatred.

you feel at home, safe and you can smile. it is your safe-zone. you can express yourself, let the music guide your body and have the fluidity of the beat in your moves.

your brother was also going to that school, he is four years older than you. the only thing that he could say about the school is that it was great, he loved going there and spending his time with friends while doing the things he loves - perform.

he badly wanted to be an artist, an idol, a rolemodel for all his fans. he wants to inspire people and convey his message. he says that everyone can understand music, read its vibe and emotions on the other hand languages need to be studied to understand the one another.

your desire was to be an artist, to make yourself popular and influential. there was no need for you to be an idol, you just wanted to be a rolemodel. you want to make yourself a brand and make people cheer for you as that came short in your life as of now.

you want to show others that anything is possible, that human are way stronger than they think and that women are as talented and good at things as men.

even though you come from a wealthy family your parents treat you like some kind of maid. you only exist to make them food, to clean the house and to make their paperwork.

you now live on your own, embracing the cold loneliness that you have.

you grew up in the shadow of your older brother. he was perfect next to you.

he was the sun and you were the just a little piece of stone and dust flying around the space without a purpose.

today is the first day of school and you were nervous, you hate people and you hate going out, leaving your house and safe-zone. you were scared of people, of judgement, of not fulfilling their expectations.

all the people you have met so far weren't your friends, they were using you. after you decided to take care of yourself you have distanced yourself from all people, except your brother. you were always on your own and as you were younger it was awful for you to accept the loneliness, but as you grew older you liked the peace you had and the time for yourself.

you concluded that you dont need anyone in your life... or so you thought.

you arrived at the school and went straight to your lesson, you did not want to interact with anyone. you were perfectly fine with the way your life was as of now.

you went to a seat, pretty much in the front and sat down, you were playing some games on your ipad as you waited for the professor to come and start his lecture. not paying attention and listening to some songs on one ear you did not notice that someone has sat down next to you.

as you put your earpod away you heard some rustling and felt some movement next to you, shocked you turned around and faced a young man, he was your age. black hair, brown eyes, tall nose bridge, wide shoulders and a gummy smile.

he bowed his head to you and muttered a quiet "hi", you sighed out of relief seeing that he was a rather quiet person and probably won't disturb the lecture. he looked like some kind of nerd, but he was handsome. you just could tell by his appearance that he was smart.

you greeted him back and turned once again to face the professor, who just started his lecture about the origin of hip-hop.

the class went by pretty fast and you could return to your beloved home.

as the days went by you always got a small gift placed on your unofficial but official asigned seat in school. sometimes you even got a chocolate milk to it or some runballs. most of the notes were things like "have a good day!" or "stay healthy" but you had no idea who it was from and why someone would spent their time and money on you.

after weeks it had not stopped and you got curious of who might have left all those little notes.

months were passing and everyday there was a small gift waiting on your desk. you went to school way earlier than you normally do and went to hide behind a door. no one was there yet which assured you to finally know who gave you your gifts.

the boy that sits next to you came into the class, pretty normal you guess as he is the nerdy boy. he never disturbed the lectures and is known to be in who knows how many extra-curricular activities after the lessons.
he is also one of the top students of the dance department.

even though he was like the campus crush and like an idol at the school you had no idea what his name was.

you watched him some more and spotted that he had a chocolate milk in his hand which he had put on your seat, he sat down fished a sticky note and a pen out his backpack and started to write something on it. as he finished he put the piece of paper onto the milk pack and hid his utensils back into his bag.

you waited about 5 minutes as other students came into the room. you seemlessly went to your seat, as if you just arrived.

you looked at the pack and back to the boy, wondering what his name could be. you took your seat and read the note:
"your handwriting is pretty and neat :)"  you took a moment and decided to risk it.

"thanks" you said while looking at him and adverting your eyes to the sticky note the boy has written before. you did not dislike his presence, you actually felt safe with him next to you in all classes.

his eyes widened and his ears turned a bit red. obviously flustered about the situation.
he just nod at you and went back to look at his notebook.

you got to know his name, park gunwook.

after that day you were always talking, nothing deep and not too much just asking eachother how the day went so far and biding goodbyes on the way out of the class.

he was quite sweet despite his scary looks.

the smalltalk eventually turned out to be more deep, more jokes, more dreams to talk about. you guys got to know eachtother. he wanted to be an idol, he's taking dance and singing classes for it.

his passion remindes you of your own. you guys had a lot in common. your laugher and talks went even deeper, talking about your past, about the future and about your relations with others.

it went on and on till you guys stated that the limited time in school was not enough anymore to talk about everything you had on your minds. you met up.

walks, sleep overs and so much more. you had the time of your life and you knew that this feeling that you get with him was something that you actually do not want to feel.

you get all giddy and hot, sometimes even nervous whenever you're meeting up, you get ready in the morning and wake up way earlier than before to put on extra nice clothes and make up.
your heart skips a beat whenever you see him. a blush creeps up your cheeks. and you get this weird feeling in your stomach, you suppose that those are the "butterflies" that everyone talks about.

gunwook was very touchy and affectionate. he always made sure to touch your hand, put his arm around you or just hug you. he loves putting his head on your shoulder or hand on your thigh and having you near him. he wasn't afraid of skinship and letting out his more childish and cute side.

he was like a giant baby and you loved to take care of him. one day you wanted to hang out, you got ready and went to see him. all giddy and happy to see the person that means the world to you.

he was making you feel so special and loved. you got blinded by his affection.

your thought that you need no one has disappeared a long time ago. you think that if the boy would disappear you wouldn't be able to live further.

he was the reason why you are smiling and happy.

you arrived at the Cafe that you guys wanted to meet, there he was. looking as handsome as ever. but he looked quite down and sad. his eyes weren't as sparkly as they usually were, his eyebags a bit puffy and dark. it looked like he didn't sleep and was crying.

"hey, why are you so sad"

he just looked up to you and gestured for you to sit down infront of him. he waited till you sat comfortably and then began to speak once again.

"Oh its nothing, just had a bad day"

you carried on your conversation as if there was nothing, but you could feel that there was something bothering him. and it also bothered you, it made things a bit more distant and awkward which you hated.

but you did not want to squeeze it out of him if he didn't want to say it on his own.

it was getting dark and he took you on a walk to a park nearby. it was pretty and very calming. you were alone there. the stars looked like glitter in the dark sky. here and there some tall trees and bushes. you sat down on a bench.

you looked up relaxing yourself and letting your head rest on his shoulder, as he rested his on your head.

"actually I need to tell you something"

he paused, waiting for your reaction or more of a confirmation that he could continue his thought.

"I don't think we can stay friends"

you were too shocked to react. your eyes widened, lips parted slightly. your head shot up and you looked to him as he did the same but instead of holding eye contact he was looking at his hands in his lap.

does he want to just throw away everything that they had build up. and what does he mean "friends"?

you were very sure that you were more than that, he was treating everyone else so coldly, you were the only one that gets to see his cute side.

and you too, you were speaking to no one else but him.

all the time that you had spent together, all the activities. all the hand holding, hugs, winks and flirts.

they were only friends?

"what do you mean?"
"I got casted as a trainee, I don't think we can stay in touch"

you did not know how to feel. happiness and sadness washed over you at the same time.

"well congrats on being a step closer to your dream but..."
you did not dare to continue your talk as you doubted yourself. maybe you did interpret more into everything than it actually was.

"...were we really only friends? please tell me weren't just friends, this doesn't make much sense!"

"I'm sorry y/n, really"

with that he left you there, all alone.

you had no one with you now, your brother was also going to debut and gunwook also left.

you guess were meant to be alone.

you now live on your own again, embracing the cold loneliness that you have.