A/n comment your thoughts x

"No!" I yell punching Eric's chest. He is lying he has to be. Anger is bubbling inside me with each word he says.

People are staring at us, but I honestly couldn't care less.

"She's gone Ave! Stop it!" His words cut me like knives. They sink in makes me completely break. My legs turn to jello and I drop to my knees. My body shaking in sobs and anger.

My mom's dead. The chemo that "saved" her also destroyed her. I barely register Eric pulling me to sit between his legs holding me against his chest.

"Ava what can I do?" Eric sniffs. I squeeze my eyes shut shaking my head crying into his neck. My sister isn't even here. Nobody wanted to visit her today beside me. She got put back in the hospital a few days after what happened to Harry and I. Her liver was failing. I have been here everyday, allday, for the last three weeks. My mom distracted me from him and she helped me with dealing with it all. She was strong about everything when I fucking couldn't.

Harry and I have barely spoken it has only been a little hi and how are you doing sort of thing.

I told him about my mom but he didn't respond to my message.

"Ave I am going to go call your dad and sister, okay?" Eric and I have been sitting on the hospital floor for more than an hour. Him comforting me. I simply nod allowing him to stand. Wiping away my tears and ignoring my awful breathing. I pull out my phone my heart breaks a little when I see my lockscreen, a picture my mom and I took when she first got into here. Our eyes are crossed and us doing a duckface. Pursing my lips to stop my tears I click on Harry's contact.

"Hey this is Harry! And Avaaaaaa! Kitten stop. You stop Bear. Eh whatever leave a message" Harry voicemail makes my heart shatter just a little more.

We were so fucking happy.

"H-Hey Be- Harry I just wanted to call you and tell you my mom she passed away a hour or so ago. Um I don't know what I'm doing right now and I-I know I probably sound so pathetic right now but I really need you righ-" the ending of the voicemail cuts me off. Fuck I'm so stupid. Why would I leave a message like that? I end the call closing my eyes imagining a universe where my mom is still here and with me.

Why did she have to die?

My chest is hurting from crying and the pain. I pull my knees to my chest and try to control my breathing and my shaking body.

I feel like a shell of a person.

-

"Ava, you were asleep so I put you in your bed. Please call if you need anything. I love you xx Eric." I read his note aloud to myself. My phone buzzes next to me on my bed. I don't even have the energy or deserve to check who messaged me.

Maybe if I think hard enough this ceiling will fall and crush me and put me in a coma? It has to be less painful than this.

The day I have been hoping never would happen since my mom told me she has cancer.

I muster up some energy grabbing my phone seeing a message from Harry.

Harry: you want me to come over in the morning?

Do I? I don't know. It would be nice to see him and have him here, but it would also feel like I'm just teasing myself with the thought of having him again.

Me: If you want to.

Harry: I do. You probably fucking hate me and I don't blame you, but if you ever need me I am their, okay?

Me: I don't hate you. I hate what you did.

Harry: Me too.

Me: Im gonna go to sleep

Harry: Night x

I close my eyes trying to forget everything. My life was so simple just a few weeks ago. Now I feel like I have been hit by a train.

Maybe Harry shouldn't come over? I don't know if I can deal with that pain on top of my mother. This is all to much for me. Harry could make this time easier for me and help me. Then I will just have to face reality again in the fact that he doesn't and won't love me.

Tears are rolling down the side of my face falling on the pillow under me. For the first time since I was 16, I cry myself to sleep hoping I don't wake up.

-

My head hurts from crying and the lack of sleep I got last night. Memories from yesterday flood into my head making my chest tighten. My body is physically in pain from everything happening. I don't think I have anymore tears until fresh ones fall down my face. I get up going to my closet changing into sweats and hoodie. I'm not leaving the house today.

My eyebrows furrow when I smell coffee already brewing. Harry is standing in my kitchen looking down at his phone. I go over to my cabinet above the sink and get some medicine for my headache.

Why don't they have a pill for emotional pain?

"Morning" he says lightly noticing me.
"Morning" I mumble and quickly take the pills.

My mom had to take so many pills.

"How are you?" I ignore his question grabbing my cup of coffee and sitting on the counter. I shrug taking a drink.
"How did you sleep?" I slept like shit and I feel like I could die right now.

"Fine" I mumble instead of doing my first answer. I wonder how he has been sleeping without me? Have his nightmares returned?

"Are you hungry?" I shake my head no sitting my coffee cup down.

"Thanks...for like coming over." I pull my hair back into a small ponytail.

"Of course" Harry's eyes fall down to my neck his eyes landing on the necklace he gave me for Christmas. That seems like such a long time ago. So much has changed since then. I haven't taken it off, besides showering, since he gave it to me. It reminds me of happy and good times. I bring the diamond between my fingers running it back and forth against the chain.

"How are you doing?" He asks fiddling with his thumbs.

"This sucks." I purse my lips trying to hold back the tears welling in my eyes for the second time already today.

Harry's eyes staring into mine make me completely overwhelmed. I look away from him.

I don't know what happens, but a whole rush of emotions go through me and I break. I have tried to not get to this point. To never feel this awful again, but here I am feeling so... destroyed.

Harry's arms around me holding me into his chest makes me cry harder.

"It hurts. Its hurt so bad, Harry." I cry clinging on to him. My fingers digging into his black shirt. He pulls me closer holding my shaking body.

"I'm so sorry, Ave" Harry sounds like he is physically in pain. I don't want to cause him pain no matter how much he has put me in.

How did we get to this point? Harry not being in my life, but still being such a big part. My mother passing without warning. Harry comforting me.

"I just want this pain to go away." I cry against his neck. He doesn't respond just holds me tighter.

-

"I'm sorry, Ava! I love you so fucking much but you shouldn't have invited him over! You are at a weak state and you don't need him making any influence on you right now." Eric has been fuming since he got here. I don't blame him. After Harry left I just sort of regretted inviting him over. Not in the way that I don't want to be with him and I don't love him. I just do not need any extra pain right now.

"I get it Eric! Okay I fucked up! Please just sit down and watch this shitty movie with me." I snap at him slightly before controlling myself toward the end.

"Don't see him again until you are okay." Eric puts his arm around pulling me into his side. I close my eyes so I don't burst into tears just from his simple action and how protective he is over me.

"I won't"

A/n omg okay literally 18.9k reads 900+ votes 550+ comments!! I love you guys!! Thank you so much. Harry might not be in the next few chapters but im so sad about Ava's mom. Anywayyyyy Ava is gonna get pretty fucked up so prepare. (Love you lilyyyyyy)

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