December 21st | Ten days until NYE

My dinner was sitting uncomfortably in my stomach. Nausea, guilt, they plagued my senses as I recalled the look on Carrie's face. Seeing her yesterday had thrown me off kilter, and what was meant to me a relaxing few days leading up to the end of my parent's grounding, as well as the fierce determination I had for meeting Henry again, wasn't true at all. Instead I felt sick.

I didn't want to think back on why I left my eighteenth birthday running. I didn't want to remember Carrie's face that night, or Max, or their expression when they realised what had happened, and what had been said.

I'd been so focused on what had come after, with Henry and the secrets of the sea, that it was easy to bury the reason I found him in the first place.

Seeing Carrie yesterday had brought everything back. Seeing her strawberry hair bound, when on my birthday it had been loose, straightened. The vibrant turquoise eyes had been lined with perfectly blended eye-shadow; the purple hues had matched her dress. Max had worn a buttoned blue shirt with sleek black jeans, crisp new Converse.

I'd worn a shimmering silver dress that brushed my thighs – I lost the heels running down to the water.

I sighed and while pushing my food aside. Leah and Benji looked up, Maureen frowning at how much was left, but I couldn't say anything as I stood and left the table. I went to the bathroom, clutching the sink, and used the cool water to pat down the back of my neck, my wrists, to get rid of the hot sweat of nausea sticking to my skin.

It wouldn't work, I knew it. The problem wasn't the heat, or the food. It was the memories that had risen to the surface, no longer wishing to remain buried anymore. Washing them away would be easy, but easy wasn't what life was about.

I left the bathroom and grabbed my bag, shoving my phone inside, and peaked out to the kitchen where my best friends and Old Smithy still sat, quietly eating.

"I'm, uh," I swallowed. "I'm just going for a walk."

"Okay," Benji started to stand. "Did you want company?"

"No," I said too quickly. "I just, I just need some air."

Leah and Benji looked at each other, and Maureen's expression fell. Her eyes swam with nostalgia – and I knew she was recalling Whale Beach six months ago.

I'd been soaked, in a silver dress, and I felt haunted, and she was the first person I saw in days. The memory was so close to the surface for me I knew, without a doubt, that Maureen was remembering as I was.

"I have my phone with me," I forced myself to say. I could see the prickling of fear in Old Smithy's eyes, and the worry in my best friends', but I needed to clear my head, and I said as such. "Just for an hour or so, though. I'll be at Siren Bay."

Maureen leaned back in her chair. "I don't know where that is..?"

"We do." Leah nodded to me and I felt a little of the worry lift. "Take your time."

I nodded back, shoving my phone in my bag and walked out of the house. As soon as the front door was closed against my back, I forced a few breaths in before I began walking away. The bag was heavy on my shoulder, but I did my best to ignore it.

I focused on the sounds of summer echoing all around me. The cicadas rattling at such a volume it made my ears ring, my thongs slapping on the blistering road, the calls of kookaburras – the familiar old farmer's tale of kookaburras cooing hours before storms made me look to the skies. There were clouds forming on the horizon, too far away to be anything but a blur.

Seems some tales were true – kookaburras in the morning, shepherds warning; kookaburras at night, shepherds delight.

And mermaid stories might have been around for a thousand years, yet the real thing was living in my local beach.

As I walked down the winding road heading towards the round-a-bout, my mind was torn in two. I knew I needed to look at my birthday, I knew I couldn't run from acknowledging what happened, but I kept all my focus on the sounds around me. The overwhelming sound of salt and sea hit as I reached the end of the road, and Whale Beach waited for me.

The last of the public were leaving, the setting sun and cold water signalling the end of a long day in the surf, basking in the summer and the lead up to Christmas. Towels were being rolled up, bags packed, parasols being brought down; the closing to a great day of fun, by the looks of it.

I ignored the fun. I went straight to the ocean pool at the south end, walking around it with one hand on the cliffs to keep my balance. I walked slowly, knowing my thongs weren't great grip on the still-wet rocks. I was careful; keeping my focus on my feet and the sounds around me.

It meant that by the time I reached my silent Siren Bay, I plopped on the sand with a huff, the weight of my bag leaving my shoulders signalling I could rest, and think.

All I could see was Carrie's eyes when I shut mine. All I could hear was her saying my name. All I could feel was guilt – like a box that tumbled, its contexts spilled and laid bare for all to see, yet no one had started to clear it up.

It was a mess. My soul was a mess.

I could hear my shallow breaths, watching the sand ruffle at the evening wind. As the quiet hour blended the sky from searing orange to crisp fuchsias and indigos, the gateway at the end of Siren Bay was filled with a familiar face.

Henry's smile was a bright spot in my dark thoughts. He heaved his body through, the eel tail sliding over the rocks as he delved into the shallows of Siren Bay. When he used his hands to lift himself up, his tail completely submerged, his dark eyes roamed over my obviously sombre expression.

"Are you okay?" He said, cocking his head to the side, his wet hair plastered to his forehead. Trails of water ran down his face but Henry wasn't bothered by them. He didn't flinch when a droplet ran over the curve of his eye.

"You don't flinch when water runs by your eye," I said, avoiding his question, and tried a joke instead. "Why don't you flinch like the rest of us?"

Henry pursed his lips as my joke fell flat. "I'm around water all the time I guess...it just doesn't bother me anymore."

"It's a comfort, in a way?"

"Yeah," Henry shifted his weight, the water rippling as his tail adjusted in the water, curling at the end. I could glimpse the deep brown hues in the remnants of dusk. "I don't have to worry about being found out."

The smile on my face was cutting. "I can relate, in a way." The memories of my eighteenth wouldn't stay back anymore, they wanted out, and it was ironic that it was all occurring at the place I ran to. "The ocean was my calm and comfort before my eighteenth."

"Because I – how did Leah put it – kidnapped you?"

"No," I laughed despite the despair that was quickly climbing up and welling up my eyes. "All throughout school with Benji and Leah, this was our little hideaway from the world, you know? We ventured down to this little cove when we wanted to rant about exams, when Benji wanted to talk about how he missed his parents, when Leah's parents separated for a while, when I found out about the twins being born...it was our sanctuary."

I brought my knees up and hugged them to my chest. "It's where we ran to when the world was getting too big, too loud, and too much."

Henry was quiet, listening. All I could hear was the water gently lapping over his waist, the far-off echo of people leaving Whale Beach and heading to the comfort of their own homes. There was no one around but us, which made talking about what happened easier.

"My eighteenth...it didn't end well," I swallowed the heavy lump in my throat, "and it lead to me running away, to here, and by chance, to you.

"I had a lot of friends in school and for my eighteenth I wanted all of them there. I wanted to go all-out for it, like, have all my friend groups meet and it'd be a giant get-together. I wore the most sparkly dress, straightened my hair, make-up, I wanted to look good. I wanted my party to be talked out for years...in a way it was, but for the wrong reasons."

I looked down. "I was also a secret keeper. I don't really remember how it started, just that I was loyal, trustworthy, and a great listener, and other people knew it. Everyone didn't have a Siren Bay that they could escape to. Instead they came to me and unloaded all their problems on me. It made them breathe easier, I guess, but gradually I was getting overloaded with everyone's secrets."

"What kind of things would they tell you?"

"Who their crushes were, if they stole something, why their family was a mess..." I shrugged, "everything and anything, from why they had a bruise on their leg to if they had the hots for the maths teacher."

Henry raised his eyebrows. "That's a lot to take on, Sylvia."

"Yeah, and it definitely took its toll, I had no way of unloading everyone's secrets. I'd been keeping my word for years and I was just used to being everyone's secretive pack horse by the time I was in Year 12."

"So what changed?"

I took a deep breath as that inner box, battered beyond belief, began to open. "I had two friends, Carrie and Max, who I invited to the party. I was so excited I didn't really think about the ramifications of them meeting."

"Weren't they friends?"

"Sort of," I answered. "They weren't close, but I think they could have easily got together if I hadn't messed everything up on my birthday. They were, um, familial strangers, in a sense, but I'd known Carrie for a while, we were friends in school, and Max had just transferred at the beginning of Year 12.

"A few weeks before the party Carrie told me something," I stopped talking. Even six months later, I couldn't unfurl her secret, her story. It wasn't my secret to tell. "It involved Max, and things between them were tense. But the week before the party, Max told me the other side of the story, and I think both of them were better for having spoken to someone, but I didn't realise the impact it would have on me."

I crossed my arms over my chest and stretched out my legs, my feet enveloped in the waves. "I was too wrapped up in my party to realise my mistake."

"What mistake?" Henry said quietly, still listening intently to every word.

I smiled sadly at him. "I don't have a poker face. I can keep a secret, I can keep something quiet 'til I die, but I can't, well, I can't hide it on my face if I know something."

Henry started to piece together what I was about to say. "Why do I have a bad feeling about this story?"

"About halfway through the party, I'd had a few drinks already. Leah was in charge of the music, Benji was on drinks, and I don't know what he put in the punch but I was feeling giddy and fearless. I had all my friends around me, the party was in full swing, and I got off the makeshift dancefloor – which was on the outdoor deck Dad had finished building a few weeks prior – and I saw Max against the wall."

My battered soul of secrets began to spill out. "I was chatting with Max, asking how they were enjoying the party, when they brought up the secret they told me a week ago. Max...Max was just being Max, thanking me for listening, and I was saying it's okay, that what happened between them and Carrie was going to resolve itself.

"Max made a joke, 'As soon as Carrie apologises', I can remember what happened so vividly, because I smiled and shrugged, not completely hearing over the music or pretending not to, when Carrie herself walked over."

My eyes welled up and tears began to gently spill over, though my voice was clear. "She'd overheard our conversation, seen us chatting, and assumed that I'd told Max what she'd said."

"Oh," Henry sighed. "What did Carrie do?"

"Carrie shoved me," I admitted, "and started shouting at me. Max grabbed her and pulled her back from shoving me again, but I couldn't explain what happened because it would be breaking my word to both of them, and the whole party was already stopping and listening to what was happening – how I'd given my word to keep Carrie's secret."

"She shoved you?"

I waved it aside. "I wasn't even bruised by it. It was just to get her attention." I could still remember that sleek eye shadow around Carrie's turquoise eyes smudging from tears, the breaking of her voice, thinking I'd betrayed her.

"What happened next?" Henry pried me away from my thoughts, from my memories.

"I went outside," I said, ashamed, wiping the stray tears off my cheeks but more quickly replaced them. "I was a coward, I couldn't face her, couldn't look at the pain in her face. I went outside and just, just started running. I couldn't stand the music, seeing the cars parked outside of my friends, I didn't want to look at the fairy lights or the balloons I'd hung up. I just...I just needed to escape."

"You ran to Siren Bay," Henry pieced together.

"Yeah," I sniffed. "I lost my shoes along the way, I don't remember how long I ran for, but I found out after I came back that the run from Newport to Whale Beach is about an hour flat out."

"You ran for an hour in complete darkness just to reach here?" Henry's eyes were wide in shock. "Sylvia, you could have been seriously hurt."

I gave him a pointed look. "Or kidnapped?"

Henry shrugged and only said; "Touché."

I rubbed my feet as I recalled the run from Newport to Whale Beach, from my home to my sanctuary. "I had blisters, I remember that. My feet were scratched beyond belief from running on the roads, but I just knew I needed to get away. Siren Bay was the only place I knew where I could breathe, could cry and scream to the ocean all that weighed on me without breaking my word to anyone."

"But you found me there instead."

I laughed. "The last thing I expected was to find a mermaid trapped in the alcove."

Henry shifted his weight at the word, moving closer to my legs in the water. "Winnie and Trent had an argument that night, and I needed to get away too. I liked hiding in the rocks near the beaches so I could, I dunno, pretend I was still human and involved somehow. All I heard was you sobbing and wailing."

"I was not wailing, come on–"

"You were full on sobbing, wailing like a banshee, snot all down your face, and–"

"Okay I wasn't that bad," I chuckled as I wiped the last of my tears aside. "I'm a pretty crier, okay?"

"Whoever told you that was lying, you were a mess," Henry teased.

"Anyway, you were saying about the fight with Trent and Winnie?"

"You looked like a wet quiche."

"Henry."

The mermaid only smiled, completely unfazed by my playful glare, and carried on with his story. "I heard you crying, and when I climbed through the alcove, I got stuck."

"You panicked."

He paused, dipping his head. "...Yes, okay, I panicked, and when I heard people coming our way, someone calling your name, I grabbed your ankle and took you with me. I didn't know what to do, you'd seen me, seen my tail, and I just...panicked."

I leaned forward, peering up at him under his drying hair. "If it makes you feel better, I'm glad you took me away from the beach that night."

Henry locked eyes with me. "You are?"

"Yeah, I didn't want to be around anyone. I wanted to stew in my mistakes and I would have done, sitting in the shallows, but you took me away from that and when I came back days later, I was so focused on keeping your existence secret, keeping you safe," I didn't look away from him. "I owed you. You kept me safe when I was out here, in the water in winter and stopped me from getting pneumonia, let alone eaten. The least I could do was protect you, too."

Henry leaned closer, his elbow resting on the sand. "But I also took away your time to process what happened with Carrie and Max."

I sighed, the weight I'd been ignoring for so long finally acknowledged. "I saw Carrie yesterday at Mona's markets. It was the first time I'd seen her since the party, since everything."

"You didn't see her at school?"

"She moved schools. Max stayed, but we drifted after my party and what happened," I explained. "When I saw her...everything just came back to me. I remembered her expression, her pain, and her looking at me yesterday just..."

"You needed to get away again."

"Yeah," I said meekly, knowing how cowardly it was to hide.

"You can't hide from her forever," Henry said after a moment. "And you have to forgive yourself."

"What?"

"Sylvia, what happened was a massive case of miscommunication. Carrie misread the situation and scared you to the point where you had to run away – have you thought about how guilty she might feel knowing she was the inciting incident that led to you being missing for days?"

I paused. I hadn't thought of what Carrie might be going through, if she'd been just as traumatised as I was from my birthday. I'd not even considered if she left school because she was ashamed, like I was, but for an entirely different reason. "I hadn't thought of that."

Henry gently tapped my knee to get my attention. "You need to talk to her and clear the air – forgive yourself, forgive what happened, and move on."

I shivered, the cooler temperature biting at my arms. Henry noticed the goosebumps trail over my bare legs, and he inched away.

"You should head home," he said hesitantly, withdrawing back into the shallows. "Message Carrie and talk it over, you know?"

I nodded weakly. I didn't want to leave. The relief I found having spoken to Henry, having him listen to every word and hear my side of the story, without judgement at all...his company was a sanctuary in its own right. "You know, I've just shared a rather personal story and you listened the whole time. I owe you one in return."

Henry paused mid-turn to the gateway, the ocean's fiercer waves brushing his fingers that were clutching the rocks tightly. His eyes flared, his tail shimmering jade beneath the water. I gasped at the glow, captivated, and confused how his tail could glow. "Okay, next time."

I smiled. "Next time," I agreed.

"Only after you've spoken to Carrie," Henry negotiated.

My anxiety bubbled like champagne but I forced myself to nod, to smile. Henry waved goodbye and dived back into the ocean beyond, taking all his wisdom with him beneath the surface, into the depths.

Alone on Siren Bay's shores, my feet still curled in the empty shallows, I sighed. I was tired of carrying the weight of my birthday party with me on my shoulders. I needed to let it go, but I knew I had to confront Carrie in order to do that. I needed to say my apologies, to hear her out and explain – that was even if she wanted to see me.

But remembering how she said my name yesterday in the markets, how she began making her way towards me – and would have if the crowd were thinner – I knew she wanted to see me too.

All I had to do was reach out.

~

In Australia the drinking age is eighteen, fun fact. I hope you enjoyed this little chapter, delving more into the reason Sylvia ran away from her party, and going through her reaction to seeing Carrie. 

Let me know what you think, as always!

Libby x