Ein sinkendes Schiff untern Horizon:
die Leute schauen es,
den Sonnenuntergang
mit Tränen in den Augen
aber im Westen jubeln die Leute,
weil das Schiff einen neuen Tag bringt.

As I said before, you can't like someone you don't know.

Obviously Rosa's moving away on 29 June did not hit as hard as Lily's. It sucked, yes, for I was planning on asking her out in Junior year, and I felt ready and confident. However I likely would not have been so once the time came.

It didn't help that I'd never spoken to her in real life. With Lily, I felt extremely confident, because I knew she likes me enough to want to sit with and be with me.

But Rosa was someone whom I never had the opportunity to spend time with. And that would have been the whole purpose of asking to hang out: to spend such time.

Alas it wasn't to be, such so with Lily, and such so with Amy. It seems the only girls I've ever come to truly want to date are always those who are yanked away at the last moment, as if the gods are taunting me, a cat, with a string they withdraw once I get close enough.

It's not to say I'm the victim. If anything these three girls are. I can't imagine the utter sorrow and pain of being yanked around like such string.

But I don't know their grief; I only know mine. And by this point I feel helpless. I feel like all I can do is just let it be. To know that opportunities never last, and some things a teenage boy can not control.

So I promise myself that if I ever have a family, that I would ensure that my job allows us locational stability, so my children and their friends never have to feel this.

And as for Rosa, I suspected she was moving a while ago. At some point she was writing more poetry in the Summer 2019 about moving around, which she had done before. But I still hoped.

I'm gradually to distance myself from her Instagram account. I liked a couple of her posts but now I'm gonna try to stop that. I'm going to try to forget her pretty face and stop looking at her stories. It's gonna take a while.

I might still follow, just to see what happens to her. And I'll still keep the screenshots of her poetry from her stories (don't judge).

Pretty girls often make me depressed. Likely because I know I'll never have a chance with them. With Rosa, maybe I did, or maybe I was just fantasizing the whole time.