third person

maddie sat across the table from the psychiatrist, dr. buckner. the room was an uncomfortable temperature, just cold enough that she was a little on edge. there was a desk and two chairs within the four stark white walls. dr. buckner adjusted his glasses. he wore a blue dress shirt with a white lab coat overtop. 

james buckner, MD embroidered above the left chest pocket. maddie noticed these small details while avoiding beginning conversation.

"how are you?" the doctor asked her,

"how do you think?" she slumped over further in the chair

"i'd like you to tell me", he encouraged 

"not good" she said, bluntly 

"are you having any thought of harming yourself right now?" he asked

"no" she said, she wasn't sure if she was telling the truth or not

"any thoughts of harming others?" he continued

"no" she answered 

"how are you feeling now that you are off 1:1 supervision?" the dr continued to ask her questions

"much better. i like not having to be watched to pee" she said sarcastically.

"i know we talked about it on our initial interview, but can you share more about why you decided to attempt an overdose?" the dr. asked, immediately jumping into sensitive territory

"you see, people love stories with endings, right now, i'm just sort of a story that's dragging on slowly page by page, year by year but people want an ending, they want a crash" 

"can you tell me what you mean by that?" 

"it was the end of my story, i have nothing left. might as well give them a crash ending, something to talk about" 

"what caused you to feel like you had nothing left to live for?' 

"are we almost finished here?" she grew inpatient 

"we can be" the dr. never aimed to irritate his patients further

"when can i leave?" she asked

"i can't be sure yet"

maddie sighed, she was sure she was stuck in here for good

"have you had any positive experiences since admission?" she dr asked, trying to get her to explore her thoughts more

"i guess i made a friend. gus, he's cool. you probably know him but i know you can't talk about that. confidentiality or whatever" maddie shrugged, meeting him was the most excitement she'd had in a long time. 

"making a friend is a good step. positive connections are very protective for your mental health" the dr encouraged her steps in the right direction. 

maybe it was the being locked up with no other access to anyone or anything in the outside world but she thought he was attractive. he was charming, she'd never met someone so instantly likeable. 

"well, that's time for today. it was nice speaking with you maddie. let the nurse know if you have any changes or concerns. we'll talk again on thursday" the doc wrapped up the interview

"sounds good" maddie told him, already heading for the door.

maddie startled, gus surprising her outside of the office door. "hey" he was equally surprised to run into her. "talking crap about me in there?" he joked

"not at all" she told him, "i'm next" gus told her, going to open the door. 

"good luck" maddie told him. 

like a revolving door, gus entered and maddie left back to her room. 

"hello gustav" dr. buckner greeted

"gus is fine" he corrected 

"gus, sorry" the dr. corrected himself

"is there anything you'd like to talk about today?' the dr opened the conversation to gus 

"not really" he shrugged

"how are you feeling today?" dr. buckner asked

"sad" gus responded

"is there anything in particular causing this feeling?" the dr probed 

"no, i always feel like this" gus was used to it

"do you ever feel like you wish you could go to sleep and not wake up?" dr. buckner asked him

"yeah, i guess so" gus shrugged, he felt numb most of the time

"are you currently or ever had thoughts of harming yourself or suicide?" he continued

"yeah i have" gus answered like it was no big deal

"did you or do you have a plan?" the doctor continued 

"overdose, i guess" gus shrugged, answering the questions like any other small talk 

"do you have the means to access these substances?" 

"yeah, that's why my friend had be admitted he was worried about me or something"

"it's good you have people that care" the doctor smiled softly

"yeah" gus just shrugged

he felt very detached from everybody. even tracy, who'd been his best friend for a long time now. 

sometimes he wrote music, that was his way of dealing with his feelings. 

"is there anything you've enjoyed the last few days, or finding is helping?" dr. buckner asked gus

"not really. you can only talk about your feelings so much so many times. i think i made a friend though, maddie, we were chatting earlier. she's a nice girl, really-" gus stopped talking, knowing one or both of them would probably get in trouble if he kept talking. 

he was going to say she was really beautiful, he wished he could take all of her hurt and put it on himself instead. even at the lowest point of both of their lives right now he thought she was gorgeous, and he started to have something to look forward to again.