It's quiet as Brendon slowly buttons up his shirt. 

This shirt is baby blue, unlike his stark white work shirts. He's wearing his church pants too, nice black slacks very similar to his work pants. 

All Brendon ever wears are fancy things. Put-together things. Only after church when he's finally home alone does he have the chance to change into comfortable clothes. Working every weekday and then going to church on Sundays doesn't really allow for much diversity in his wardrobe. 

It's nine a.m. Brendon had to look it up because he wasn't really sure where he was supposed to go, but he'll pull up google maps or something for directions. It's six a.m in Las Vegas right now, meaning his mother and father are going to be up within the next hour to get ready for church too. Church always begins at 9:30 a.m for them, at the church Brendon went to his entire life, up until this past week.

Brendon feels strangely guilty for not being able to go next week. Having gone every single Sunday of his life, and on Easter and Christmas, makes not going to church feel almost wrong to Brendon. Even if he may be struggling in his faith. Though he would never admit that to his mother. He isn't even sure how he managed to admit it to Ryan that Sunday afternoon a couple of weeks ago. 

He puts on the heavy gold cross necklace. It's extremely light, but also so heavy at the same time. Brendon also won't admit that he feels strangely wrong wearing it. 

This new church starts at 10 a.m and goes until 11. It's a lot shorter than his home church, which usually lasted at least two hours, but people in Columbus must be busy people, and may not have as much time to worship God in groups. Maybe on their own, because Brendon knows a lot of people label themselves as Christian but don't go to church. 

Brendon knows that he doesn't need to actually go to church to call himself a devoted CHristian, but is he really devoted?

So, so many little things his parents managed to ingrain into his head when he was younger - don't sin, go to church every Sunday, worship God, and love thy neighbor. All that stuff that Brendon still believes for the most part.

Brendon slips on his church shoes. Again, very similar to his work shoes, except not black. These ones are more of a brownish-tan, and have more of a suede feeling. His work shoes are black and shiny. 

He can't think of anything else he needs for church, except maybe slicking his hair back a little to keep it out of his face. He really is in the need of a haircut, if not just a little trim. Locking up his apartment, he runs into Jenna, which really isn't that hard to do because she's right across from him. 

She's wearing a pink sundress with sunflowers all over it. "Good morning, Brendon," she says, her hair curled around her shoulders. The morning light is shining on her beautifully. 

"Morning, Jenna," Brendon smiles back. "Where are you heading off to?"

Jenna shuffles around in her small purse for her keys, locking her front door, mirroring Brendon. "Church. You?"

"Church," Brendon breathes. Jenna lights up almost immediately, putting a hand on Brendon's arm excitedly. "Which one are you going to? Oh, you might be going to my same church!"

"I'm not really sure the name of it," Brendon admits sheepishly, doing his best to hide his discomfort at the thought of actually going. He's already gone this far, locking his front door, so he can't really back out now that Jenna has gotten so excited. 

"Well, I didn't see you last Sunday, but I'm sure you're probably thinking of the same one I am. I can take you, or you could just follow me since I know how to get there."

"That'd be great." Brendon smiles softly, and begins to follow Jenna down the hallway to the elevator. Thank God the building has great air conditioning, otherwise Brendon would have already sweat through his shirt anxiously. 

"I've been going to this church for a really long time now," Jenna mentions as the elevator doors close and they start descending. "Five years, I think. It's a really nice setting, lots of nice people, and they're very accepting of LGBT people. So that works out really well for me."

Brendon nods, not really sure of what to say. It's okay, though, because Jenna continues, "I know it probably doesn't look like it, but I struggled a lot with my sexuality when I was in school still, but this church really helped me. They made me realize that it's okay to love women and God simultaneously."

Brendon hums in acknowledgement. Jenna doesn't really seem like the type to have struggled with that kind of thing, but at the same time, he doesn't know Jenna all too well, and he can't just judge a book by its cover. "That's really awesome," he chokes out eventually. He's so awkward it hurts. "I'm glad you were able to find that acceptance." Except I haven't found it yet, and I don't know if I ever will.

"You're very kind, Brendon," Jenna says sweetly. "I'm glad we were able to become friends so quickly, but I'm sorry if I forced it upon you. I've been told that I have a rather bold personality. I'm a really big extrovert."

Shaking his head, Brendon reassures her. "Don't be sorry. If you hadn't offered to help me unpack I probably wouldn't have made any friends yet. I'd be going to church by myself and it would probably be pretty sad."

"Do you usually have someone that you go with?"

"My parents." The elevator reaches the final floor, the parking lot, and opens up to all of the cars before them. Theirs are right next to each other because they share the same floor. 

"Do you miss them a lot?" Jenna asks quietly, leaning against her car as Brendon leans against his. 

He nods solemnly. "Yeah, I do. I would go to my parents' house every Sunday for lunch after church, and my mom always cooked a big meal with my favorite foods."

"She sound really sweet." Jenna's car beeps as she unlocks it. "Just follow me, yeah?"

Brendon follows her the entire way, through the mild traffic. The church is just on the outskirts of the main city, a large white building, calm, with giant stained glass windows and a small bell tower on top. It looks nothing like the church he used to go to in Las Vegas, which was more of a regular, almost industrial looking square with regular windows. 

A few people are gathered out front in their Sunday attire, chatting quietly. The sermon begins soon, so more people begin to fill the seats inside. The pews are made of wood and there are cushions, which is pretty considerate, so that people's bottoms won't get sore from sitting for so long.

Brendon follows Jenna's stride, a quiet breeze pushing her dress around the skin just below her knees. She is wearing lace-up sandals and her toenails are painted pink. 

"We can sit next to Tyler and Josh," she whispers to him, and Brendon is surprised, because he wasn't entirely sure of whether or not they were religious. His suspicions are fully confirmed, however, when he catches sight of Tyler and Josh standing up to give Jenna a hug. 

Josh's hair is slightly neater, but still wild nevertheless. He is wearing that same dangling cross on his left ear, and a warm smile on his lips. His shirt is black, no tie adorning his collar, a button or two popped. He's also wearing red slacks, his shirt tucked in. He dresses fairly well. 

Tyler is also dressed in nice church attire, closer to Brendon's, though, with a pale shirt and black slacks. "Brendon, hi," he says softly, pulling Brendon in for a tight hug. They just met last night, but he and Josh are already so sickeningly kind that Brendon actually kind of enjoys it. He breathes in deeply as Tyler pulls away, catching scent of what he thinks might be pine. 

Josh hugs him too, albeit a little tighter than Tyler, and Brendon feels a little dizzy. He thinks it might be the warm air. The air conditioning in this place doesn't seem to be working too well. 

Jenna sits next to Tyler, leaving Brendon at the edge of the pew. Tyler leans over Jenna, though, to speak to Brendon. "I didn't know you went to church," he wonders aloud.

Brendon shyly pulls out the cross from under his shirt. "Yeah, I try to," he mumbles, cheeks warm. Tyler smiles at him, beaming colorfully like the light seeping in through the stained glass windows. It leaves a pink and purple reflection on Tyler's back. 

"Well, it's nice to see you here," he tells him. "It's a really nice church. You'll enjoy it, I hope."

"That's exactly what Jenna told me."

The sermon starts quickly, the preacher speaking to the full pews. Brendon thinks there might be at least one-hundred people here, just sitting. 

The preacher speaks of loving one another, and then about how people should always love themselves too, except to not be too vain. Because with self-acceptance comes love for not only yourself but for others.

Brendon notices people nodding along to what the preacher is saying, and at one point, out of the corner of his eye, Josh's hand grabs Tyler's and squeezes it tightly. It looks like Tyler might cry. Brendon looks away awkwardly, hoping Tyler doesn't notice him staring. He wonders why Tyler might be teary-eyed. Does he deal with issues involving self-acceptance? Or has he in his past?

Brendon knows for a face that he struggles with self-acceptance. He struggles with his faith, but only in his head. He could never let anyone else know that. And he definitely will not say it out loud. 

Brendon's struggle with self-acceptance, he thinks, might have stemmed from religion first of all. All these things his parents taught him, to always love God and be faithful or whatever, they're exhausting. They're a lot to keep up with, and sometimes Brendon feels as if his head is spinning trying to collect all the information that Christianity has to offer.

Because there are so many variations of the religion that people preach, from homophobia to racism to sexism, and Brendon doesn't understand. If you're supposed to love thy neighbor, then why do so many people preach hate?

Why can't Brendon seem to figure anything out?

Between work and church, he hasn't had any time to figure things out for himself. He just moved across the country a week ago, a total spur of the moment kind of thing, for a job that was offered to him very quickly. His salary was bumped nearly $30,000. Brendon should be grateful, and he should be thanking God for this amazing opportunity. But he can't seem to.

And on top of that, he's thirty-two and lives alone, and has never even dated. Barely even had a crush in high school either. 

Brendon doesn't realize how shallow his breaths are until Jenna is rubbing his back softly, whispering, "Are you alright?"

Brendon looks up from his hands and sits up a little straighter, recollecting himself. "Yes, why?"

Jenna shrugs, her voice still low. "You just looked a little distant."

The service is over soon enough, though it still felt drudged out, long and a little painful. By the end, Tyler is wiping his eyes on his sleeve, and Josh is kissing his cheek kindly. 

There are little snacks like cookies and juice and vegetables laid out on a table in the back of the church, which all the children immediately race to as soon as the service is over. In a way, Brendon feels sorry for them, being forced into religion at such a young age, not being allowed to think anything other than what their parents are making them think. But hey, at least they're getting something out of it. Cookies and juice. 

Jenna hugs Tyler tightly, and Tyler breathes against her shakily as Brendon watches. But Tyler is smiling, so Brendon is sure that everything is alright. At least he hopes so. 

"How'd you enjoy it?" Josh asks him, stepping out of the pew, and they all follow him, Brendon by his side and Jenna and Tyler walking behind them, conversing separately. 

"Uh, it was really nice," Brendon mutters, not wanting to admit that he wasn't focused on the service whatsoever, except for in the beginning when Tyler became teary-eyed. 

"Think you'll go next week?" Josh asks him, grabbing a couple of cucumber slices from the snack table. Brendon does the same, except with a carrot. This time, Brendon is unsure of what to say. He doesn't want to disappoint his parents by not going to church, so he supposes he should. So he nods subtly, toeing the carpet with his church shoes. 

Tyler hooks his finger into one of Josh's belt loops, pulling him a little closer. "I was thinking," he starts, snatching one of Josh's cucumber slices right out of his hand, "we should take Brendon out to lunch to get to know him better."

"Oh, that's a great idea!" Josh smiles, and Jenna does too, clapping happily.

"This is great!" she says.

Brendon doesn't remember if he actually agrees to going out to lunch with them, but he finds himself following them in his respective car, and it really isn't too far of a drive, still on the outskirts of Columbus, away from all of the traffic. It's a small hamburger joint, not too full but also not deserted. 

They find a place outside, where the bugs are buzzing around lazily, but it doesn't bother Brendon. He orders a sprite. Jenna and Tyler both order sparkling water, which Brendon thinks is vile but he won't just say that. Josh orders a coke. 

Brendon watches a bee, one of the soft, fat ones, sit in the middle of a flower peacefully, moving its little legs in the sun. Josh is the first to speak after they all mumble through their own menus, Brendon and Jenna ending up having to share. Of course Tyler orders the avocado burger. "So, Brendon," Josh starts, "what's your job like?"

Brendon's job is boring, but easy. "It's just numbers," he explains. "I mean. I do people's taxes and whatever, but that's really only for the actual accountants. I maintain a lot of the company's stuff, whereas everyone else works with other companies."

"Sounds really complicated," Josh laughs. "Tyler probably knows all about it, though."

Tyler turns his attention to Josh at the mention of his name. "I know all about what?"

"Numbers, math, all that crap." Josh plays with a stray curl hanging over his forehead. Brendon thinks he might want to lay with that same curl too. 

"Oh, yeah," Tyler giggles. "I do know about that. It's tiring though, especially with running the shop's stuff. Though, I didn't get a business degree for nothing. There's a lot that goes into running a business. Is your job tiring, Brendon?"

Tyler's eyes turn golden in the sun, almost, a honey brown. Brendon manages to not sweat through his shirt as he makes direct eye contact. "I think the dark circles under my eyes can answer that question well enough," he jokes. Jenna snorts, spitting water onto her dress. But only a little. The pink in her hair is still there, but it is more golden than pink now. The color was definitely a little more prominent when they first met a week ago.

Their food comes quicker than Brendon would expect, and their waitress is a teenage girl, probably just working a summer job. Brendon remembers working in high school too, at some run-down frozen yogurt shop. It was pretty popular back then. It's abandoned now, so Brendon guesses after the early 2000's people must have lost interest. 

Through a bite of food, which Brendon knows is rather rude and gross, but he's too slow to catch himself, Brendon asks, "So, how did you two meet?"

Josh and Tyler are silent for a moment, but they're both smiling softly. They look so in love, Brendon wishes he could have what they have. But again, he has no time for relationships or sex or anything of that matter. He doesn't even know how strong his interest for it is, either. 

"Well, we've been best friends since college," Tyler says. "We met in biology class freshman year, and sort of instantly hit it off. We started dating about four years ago though, so we were friends for a really long time before romance became involved."

"It's embarrassing to admit, but it was love at first sight for me," Josh chimes in. "I just refused to admit my feelings for him until we were like, twenty-seven."

"How old are you now?" Brendon could have sworn they were in their mid twenties. Is there something in the water here in Columbus. Is that why everyone ages so well? Brendon better start drinking more water, geez.

"I'm thirty-one, and Tyler is going to be thirty-one this December," Josh continues. "So you're only, like, a year older than us."

Brendon is a little confused. He turns to Jenna. "Wait, if you met them in college, but you're five years younger than them, how does that work?"

"I graduated high school at fifteen," Jenna says way too casually, as if she isn't making herself out to be a total genius. "So Tyler and Josh were in their junior year when I was in my freshman year."

"God, you're all so smart," Brendon groans, taking a giant bite out of his burger. He misses his mother's home cooked meals already. His favorite macaroni for sure. Maybe she can send Brendon the recipe and he'll attempt to make it without burning his own skin off. Or maybe he can beg Jenna to try make it and repay her by doing all of the dishes. 

"Says the accounting manager," Josh scoffs playfully. "I have a degree in freaking graphic design."

"Then why are you running a sandwich shop?"

"Because I couldn't find a job for my major. But I draw on the side sometimes."

"He's really good at it," Tyler butts in. "Don't let him ever fool you into thinking he's bad at it. It's framed all over our house."

At this point, Josh looks a little vulnerable, but in a good way. Brendon watches as Josh sort of curls in on himself a little, his cheeks pink with what could easily be mistaken as a sunburn. From what Brendon has observed in his barely two days of knowing Josh and Tyler, he can tell that Josh is definitely more of an extrovert, though Tyler is too, just not as much. Josh also has a bit of a punk, rebellious exterior. But that doesn't stop Brendon from noticing how shy he just got when Tyler complimented his art. 

Brendon really wants to see some of Josh's drawings now, even if he can't draw for shit. He still knows how to appreciate art, though. 

"I'm not that good-" Josh starts, but Tyler quickly cuts him off, slapping a hand over his mouth. 

"Don't listen to him. He's incredible. Now shut up and eat your food." He plants a kiss on Josh's blush-ridden cheek, turning back to Brendon and Jenna. Josh is smiling into his lap like a teenage girl on a date. 

Eventually it gets into a discussion of Josh and Tyler's dog, whose legal name is Spooky Jim, Jim for short, along with Baby Boy, Fatty Mc. Fart Pants, and Chunky Overlord. Brendon has never owned a pet in his entire life, but he loves dogs. Jim is a sweet little Golden Retriever and Brendon thinks this might be his love at first sight. Jim looks so soft and dumb. 

Casually, Tyler mentions that Brendon will have to "meet Jim someday." Brendon is definitely not opposed to the idea.

Brendon kind of wants to ask about why Tyler was crying during the church service today, but he figures they're definitely not close enough for them to talk about that. It seemed pretty personal.

Their lunch comes to an end far sooner than Brendon would like, and he doesn't even realize until after he gets back up to his apartment, changing into more comfortable clothes, that he is still wearing the cross necklace.

Being around Tyler and Josh, though entirely out of his element, actually made him forget how much he hates wearing it.

Brendon sniffs, barely loud enough for even him to hear it. 

Butterflies flutter in his stomach, soft.