It was like no other day, it was around four a clock and the the sun was going to start setting soon. As per usual I laid in my bed, trying to find the motivation to continue my art. While Mark playfully laughed and recorded many videos all day with his best friends Ethan and Tyler. It was another "we try cooking.." type thing.

A burden till ends time.

I enjoyed his husky laugh, his bright white and toothy smile that brightened anyone's day. But as the days grew on, it pained me to see that smile, to see him so happy and to know deep down that I wasn't in anyway. And that possibly I could ruin that smile. It was my worst nightmare on repeat, playing on loop in a odd wispy melody in my head. Telling me over and over that no matter what I did, in the end. He deserved better and more.

A disaster waiting to cause havoc.

I sat up, stretching my lazy limbs back awake as I looked around the orange sun kissed walls of the bedroom. Knowing I'd give up in the end, I stood up and made my ways into my small studio type room. Mark had built it for me on my twenty-first birthday. Sitting at the desk I grabbed my sketchbook, the leather exterior felt soothing and brought nostalgia to my finger tips. Getting my charcoal I began making a small sketch of a humming bird, tilting my head in multiple different views to make sure it looked good from any angle. And while anyone would say it was a beautiful sketch, it was never enough for me. To me, in my eyes. I hated every aspect of the drawing, every black smudge and every highlight given.

Just who are you?

Giving up finally after wiping my face from any fresh moisture brought from my eyes. I wanted to get away from it all, not see myself as a failure and find happiness in something. But if not now then when, and if not soon, then just how long? Mark was the only person I had now, the only one I cared about since the actual beginning of my life, my adulthood. Without him I'm nothing, I wouldn't be here and I wouldn't have anywhere to stay. He is my support beam, he is too amazing of a human to burden like I have. So what do I do?

Just stop it all.

    And just like that, here I was. Telling my wonderful husband a horrid lie. That I wanted to talk a relaxing bath and that I'd be out in a hour or so. And as I slipped off my clothes and fell into the steamy water, my muscles relaxed, and where one should feel at peace and calm. I felt nothing but a empty numbness that voided my entire being. Where I would have too many thoughts and it would be pounding. Now there was nothing.

Do it for him..

    I closed my eyes slowly, inhaling quietly as I held a small blade in my hand that I got from my craft station in my art room. I guided it to my wrist until I felt the cold steel on my flesh, and as I did, I then pressed softly at first until I slowly pushed down harder and left my hand guide it down. The blood oozing out my wrist and into the water around my body, and just as blood slipped down, so did the tears and hiccups of a broken soul.

It's okay.

    This went on for an hour, just like she promised him. Though in the end she wouldn't be leaving that tub, it pained her to think of what he would say or do if he saw her. But it was no matter now. She was on the verge of death as she could barley stare up at the ceiling and could barley hold her eyes cracked open. She waited a moment, finding the right time before she mustered the strength to utter out something, even though no one would hear.

"Bye.."