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Mentions of Abuse

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P' Phayu: Are you busy tonight?

Rain: No P'. Why?

P 'Phayu: I have some free time tonight. Let's go on a date.

Rain: Really? Yes!

P' Phayu: I'll pick you up at 7.

Rain: OK! I love you!

P' Phayu: I love you too.

I haven't seen P' Phayu in 5 days, the longest five days of my life. He has been busy with a big project so I stayed away from him or I would end up distracting him. We have daily calls just to hear each other's voice; sometimes it's a quick 'I love you and miss you,'. We never miss a call with each other when we are apart.

I never realized how lonely I was until I met P' Phayu. Sure, I had Sky but it's not the same. Sky is my best friend and he does what he can to help and support me, but P' Phayu showed me love and understanding, something I didn't think was possible. He is also very patient with me, the most patient person I have ever met. I am not easy to deal with... I know I am annoying, needy and a little slow, but P' Phayu has stuck by me and even enjoys my clinginess. I'm the type that can't sit still, I believe that I might even have undiagnosed ADHD. Because of the way I am, I annoy a lot of people and I have never really had any meaningful relationships in the past. I only consider P' Phayu and Sky as the only ones that actually cared for me ( maybe even P' Pai, Sky's boyfriend). They are the only ones that know that I only act happy because I am masking the pain that I have been facing all my life. It's the best way I can deal with everything. Pretending that my life is perfect and that nothing bothers me, basically I run away from my problems.

The truth I tried to hide so much is that my dad hates me. My mother died giving birth to me so he blames me for her death. Her death devastated my father, he started to drink, leaving me with maids to raise me. I don't really remember my childhood, everything before 7 has been completely erased from my mind. My memories start at home when my father wakes me up with cold water and tells me to get in the car. The next day I was at school in what I suppose was a different city. I was so scared, I didn't even remember my name let alone my father. All I remember was having a really bad headache, I complained about it but my father said that if I didn't shut up he would make it hurt more so I left it alone. It was so hard for me to follow the lessons at school, I was labeled as stupid by my classmates and they only kept me around for entertainment. I never had a true friend until I met Sky.

When Sky found out that my father hit me, he was furious. He wanted me to report it to the police... but I refused. My father is rich and has a lot of connections. I was scared that he would be let free and it would only be worse for me. Sky didn't like that I wasn't reporting it but he accepted my decision. He invited me to stay with him whenever I wanted.

When P' Phayu found out... It was harsh. My father had beaten me a few days before and my body was still bruised. Normally I would stay far away from P' Phayu, but this time I missed him so much and I thought that if I just saw him from far away for a few seconds it would be fine. But I got caught. He ran to hug me but I flinched. Then he forced me to tell him what happened. He hugged me and promised that my dad was going to pay for hurting me, but I made him promise that he wouldn't. He was paying my tuition, and I needed his money right now. As soon as I got a job I would move out, but for now I had to stay. He made me promise not to go home. So since then I would sleep at P' Phayu's house or with Sky in his apartment.

That is where I'm currently at. Staying with Sky because P' Phayu is busy with work and doesn't need me to distract him. I have been so bored since Sky normally stays with P' Pai a lot. So I spend a lot of time alone, studying because we all know I need it.

I go to school and try to sit still throughout the classes. I am so excited for my date with P' Phayu. Once my last class is done I race back to Sky's apartment. I get ready and wait for P' Phayu to pick me up. A few moments later I received a call from P' Phayu.

"Rain, I'm sorry I have to cancel our date today."

"Why? P' Phayu I was so excited to see you."

" I know. I want to see you too but I have a job to do tonight. I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you! Let's go on a weekend trip next weekend."

"Ok! I'll forgive you only because I know you are working hard."

" I love you," he sounds a little guilty.

"I love you too P'."

I am sad that I won't get to see P'Phayu tonight. I was about to see which of my friends where free for the night when I suddenly got a call from P' Som.

"Hello? Nong Rain?"

"Hello P'. Is there something you need?"

"No. My cousin has decided to through a party and asked me to invite all my juniors. I asked everyone in the group chat but I noticed you and Sky didn't respond."

"I am sorry, I had plans but they recently got canceled. Um, I guess since I am free I can go. Sky is out with his boyfriend so I don't think he will be able to make it."

"Do you want to meet us there or want me to pick you up?"

"I'll meet you there, send me the address please P'."

"Ok, see you there."

I met P' Som and my other seniors at the address of the party.

"P' Som, thank you for inviting me."

"No problem Nong... but...?" He looked really uncomfortable, he even looked at me with pity.

"What's wrong?" I was starting to get worried.

"You should see for your self... ," he walked in front of me, leading me into the house. Once I saw it, I stood there frozen for a few seconds.

I saw Sky and P' Pai with P' Phayu. But they weren't alone. P' Phayu had his arm over the shoulder of a very pretty girl, they were laughing and having the time of their life. Without me.

Then the pretty girl was looking around, her eyes stopped on me. It was like she knew who I was. She smirked at me and then grabbed P' Phayu by the neck and kissed him. I waited, for 10 seconds. I waited ... but he didn't push her away. I ran out of there with P' Som running right behind me.

"RAIN!" He pulled my by the arm as I was crossing the street to my car and didn't notice a car almost hitting me.

I was numb, I wasn't even crying. I felt absolutely nothing. It was as if nothing mattered anymore, like my soul had left my body.

"Rain, are you ok?" He looked at my face. I am not sure what he saw but he looked at me with so much sadness.

"I am sorry Rain... I'll go in there and punch them all for you." He was walking away towards the house but I pulled him back.

"Don't. Honestly I was kind of expecting this. I know I was a burden to them. I dragged them down and I guess they finally got tired of me. I knew they were too good for me. Leave it, let them be happy. I am going home."

"Do you want me to drive you home?"

"No, just please don't tell them I was here. I want to see for how long they they deceive me for."

"Rain, don't do that to yourself. You are worth more than all of them combined. You are loyal and kind. You are persistent. Please don't put your self down like that."

"Thank you P' Som. I think I just need to go home and think things through. I want to confront them myself when I have a clear mind." I gave him a small smile and walked to my car.

As I drive away I start driving to Sky's condo. I wasn't sure if Sky would come back, but I didn't want to see him. I made a stupid decision, I drove to my dad's house. With any luck he is passed out drunk or out on a business trip. When I arrive, I do not see his car anywhere.

My hopes die when I open the door and am welcomed with the smell of alcohol. I just realized how bad my night was about to get as I spotted my dad on the couch with a bottle of alcohol in one hand and a framed picture of my mom while she was pregnant in the other. I must've made a noise because suddenly he looks over at me and his eyes darken.

"It's all your fault! If you hadn't been born, my wife would still be here." He runs at me and kicks my legs, making me fall over.

"You should have died you murderer!!! You're useless! I hope you know no one will ever love you. You're disgusting! Just trash! Yes! Trash! Trash I'm going to get rid of for good today." He kicks my stomach over and over while saying these things. I finally let the tears I have been holding back go. Why is this happening to me? What did I do to deserve this? Maybe it's better if he kills me. That way I won't have to suffer anymore.

"You killed my wife! IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT YOU BASTARD! DIE!" He screams as he hits me over the head with the bottle of alcohol. He kicks my had repeatedly strangely before I pass out I hear a loud noise and suddenly I don't feel anymore pain.