Deprevation

(Vic's POV)


I was laying quietly on my bed, staring out the window, thinking about Mom.


I wasn't letting myself get upset. Finally, I could think about her without bursting into tears. Now all I was left with was a lurking sadness in the inner most part of me and the urge to question everything I did. Had I done everything I could that day? Was she aware of how much I loved her? Is she watching over me?


These questions, along with others, nagged at me all day. Whether I was doing work, eating, or showering, they fluttered inside my skull, make me feel worse and worse. There was a weight on my chest all the time and a stupid piece of metal was the only thing that made it go away right now.


Well, it did momentarily.


I felt stupid. In all this mess, this is what I do? I wasted time hurting myself, time that I could have spent with Mom. I sigh and stop thinking, shutting my eyes and taking a long breath.


After I drag myself out of bed for the first time today, I shut my curtains forcefully, hiding the sun. I lay back down on the mattress and just as I pull the covers over me, my door sounds with a knock. "Who is it?" I ask. Mike peeks his head in. I lay down and shut my eyes again. Why was he in here? We usually don't play the game this early.


"I texted Kellin,"


My stomach churns and I prop an elbow up, glaring at him. "Why?"


"You guys are fighting." He shrugs like this is no big deal. He could not be serious. What happened between Kellin and I was none of his business. "None of your business," I roll my eyes. He sits on the edge of the bed and I move my feet quickly, as if him touching me will harm me.


Not that I was disgusted with him or anything, I just didn't want him here right now. I was busy sulking and wallowing in self pity, that required solitude! "How'd you even get his number?" I ask quietly, the edge gone from my voice. Mike rolls his eyes now, small grin on his lips that looked like mine.


I hadn't realized that we even looked alike until the past few weeks. "Your phone of course. Sorry, I wanted to ask a question. I came in here to tell you what he said."


My stomach does another flip and I feel a little dizzy for a moment. He was talking to my brother. There's no telling what Mike said to him. "I don't want to know." I say. There's a silence between us then, I don't think he expected that. But it was true. I needed to forget my feelings Kellin, no matter how long it took. He didn't want to be with me, no need to get my hopes up.


"I'm telling you anyway because he asked me to. He says he's sorry and I assume he wants to talk to you. He also said that this is his fault, so I'm not opposed to the idea either." He grins again, nudging my foot.


"Who said you had a say? This has nothing to do with you."


"I say. So, here's your phone, call him." He tosses the phone by my side. Must have left it downstairs last night.


Without thinking, I blurt out, "He doesn't like the phone."


"See, you obviously care." He smiles.


My face goes red and he stands from the bed. He was like a different person, less distant towards me. We still knew nothing about one another really but Dad wasn't much help so we started hanging out. We played the game station together a few times and talked about Mom over our dinners that we shared. Dad was usually gone, he said he was making up hours at the office, so we took turns making food.


"Text him, dude." And with that, Mike shuts the door, leaving me alone and nervous. I groan annoyingly and flop back on the bed, my head digging into the pillow.


_____


(Kellin's POV)


I stand in the shower, scrubbing and mumbling the words to I See Fire by Ed Sheeran, sighing in the pauses. I finish the slower song and rinse, then wash my hair. I hear a faint buzzing somewhere but I assume it's the shower. Then I listen closer when it doesn't stop.


With the realization that's it's my phone, I stick my head out of the curtain. Sure enough, the screen of my iPhone is enlightened, telling me I have a call. From my stance, I see the name was causing me sleep deprivation for weeks. The name that belonged to the boy I'd been missing for three weeks. The name I mumbled in my sleep, or so my dad said I did, when I actually fell asleep on the couch last night.


Why was I so attached? I scolded myself internally for not being able to let go of him so easily, as he had with me. The phone screen went black before I could move, tangled in my thoughts. I finish rinsing my hair and cut the water off, reaching for a towel. I wrap the towel around myself and grab my phone, unlocking it.


1 Missed Call; Vic


My face gets hot and I bite my lip. Did he call me on purpose? Maybe he butt-dialed. I didn't care if he had called me by accident, I dialed his number. It rang four times and I started to pull the device away from my ear, finger hovering by the red button. Then I heard a groggy voice I'd almost forgotten. "Kellin?" I shivered at the way my name sounded coming from him. "Are you there?"


I clear my throat, "Yes. You called?"


"I want to see you."


My face breaks out in a grin and a redness settles on my cheeks. "Okay."

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