A friend is all she wanted. 

A friend is all she needed. 

As the cold silence grew so unbearable Jaiden desperately dialed Adam's number to shakily ask if Adam would like to come over. He didn't say much, but it immediately made her feel a little better.

Her phone was always blowing up now, she couldn't go on Youtube without hearing about it. Everyone, she knew made a video about it, except for her and Adam. She couldn't do it, she couldn't even write the script. And she figured Adam still couldn't manage to let himself believe that James was really gone, and Jaiden couldn't bear to argue with him. Jaiden stepped outside, the cool night air that flowed into her lungs cleared out her head a little, but not by much. She watched as Adam's car rolled up in her driveway, her taller friend stepping out and greeting her by handing her a package of cookie dough.

Adam hasn't said a word all night, and they'd already finished rolling out the dough. Jaiden wanted to pipe up, ask him what's wrong, but something in the back of her mind told her that he probably wouldn't even answer her. Maybe it was better to just let him stay quiet.

But he didn't stay quiet for long, as he slid the cookie trays in the oven, closing the door, he let out a soft whimper before he set the timer.

Adam leaned back, covering his face, "Adam?" Jaiden reached out, her friend flinching at her touch. He didn't respond, all sounds he made were either incoherent murmurs or more whimpering. "Hey...come on, it's okay." Jaiden attempted to soothe him, to no avail. She quickly glanced around the room, settling on the doorway, "Let's go to the couch." she spoke smoothly, taking Adam by the arm. She sat him down, settling beside him. It was like he cried without any actual tears, his face looked as if it was taking every single ounce of his being to prevent a practical waterfall from tumbling down his cheeks. Jaiden patted his back, unsure of how to console him. "It's okay." She repeated herself from before, whispering it over and over again as she slowly progressed to a weak hug, fretful of his reactions. Every time she reached out, he flinched, only making her more anxious. Eventually, Adam took her arm, giving her permission to hug him properly. Nearly twenty minutes had passed until they were interrupted by the cookies that had completely slipped Jaiden's mind.

Ding Ding Ding! The timer sounded.

Jaiden slowly got up, "I'll go get them." she murmured with a weak smile.

Quickly, the brunette slipped into the kitchen, wielding two oven mitts she carefully took out the cookie trays, now all that was left was to wait for them to cool. She feared to idle in the kitchen alone, instead, she made her way back to the living room, beckoning Adam to join her.

Jaiden slid onto the countertop, folding her legs as Adam stood beside her, his arms crossed as he stared emptily at the batch they'd just made. "What a ritual," Jaiden remarked, fixating on the cookies. Adam nodded, his silent response felt like the world at that moment. Seconds passed, then minutes, and then by the time an hour had passed Jaiden realized she'd completely lost herself for far too long. Her mind danced in cool, empty tones, no thoughts had words or imagery, all had become abstract shapes and colors. She quickly slipped off the counter, the cookies had definitely cooled. She opened a cabinet to take a plate, carefully filling it with the finished cookies. She gestured Adam to follow as she left the kitchen. 

She led him to the couch, where they silently enjoyed their creations. Perhaps one day she should take the time to make the dough herself and see where that goes.

By the time they had their fill, Jaiden decided to take Adam to her room.

They settled on the floor, Jaiden sat up, staring at the wall while Adam laid next to her. Her mind continued this odd, dully colorful dance. Until finally, it all stopped. Why had it even started? Why did it end? What had her thoughts become? No matter, reality had struck again. It had never truly left though. Adam's presence only reminded her of James, and she knew this. That's why she invited him over so much. Her large home felt so empty without her practical brother messing around in it somewhere. But Adam, no matter how much he was a wonderful friend, never sufficed. Jaiden clenched her fists as a cold fact crossed her mind, James was irreplaceable, no matter how much she wanted him to be. Her shoulders heaved, the pit that had grown in her heart with each passing second had engulfed her chest. She put her head in her hands, her first tears welling in her palms. Quiet sobs populated the silent room, previously the gentle whir of her fan had replaced any sort of conversation. But now, she cared less of Adam being there. She couldn't do it anymore. For the first time, Adam reached out to touch her arm with a quiet whimper. She moved her hand, allowing a steady flow of tears to trickle down her arm. She heaved, continuing to cry. There was nothing else to do. No words left to say to console or attempt to mend, because there was no mending to do in the first place. Adam sat up, and before Jaiden could object she was forced into a tight hug that didn't seem to weaken until she returned it. "He said he was alright, that he'd get better." Jaiden sniffed, his small, gentle smile tearing through her chest. Adam didn't respond, like before, but he didn't need to. It sounded like he was fighting his own battle with holding back his tears. But soon enough, he sounded like he gave up. And at last, tears shed. Many tears, in fact. He gripped Jaiden tightly, sobbing into her shoulder. "His bed was so cold, everything was so cold." Adam lamented, "His room felt so empty without him, even if everything was still there." Jaiden nodded slowly, letting him continue. "Jaiden," he sobbed, "I broke my promise." Jaiden shook her head, "Hush, you did no such thing." she differed softly, "I told you that he'll never leave us." Adam argued, "Do you remember the first promise you made me?" Jaiden's question made him grow quiet for a moment, "What?" he mumbled. "The promise you made that no matter what, you were going to tell James exactly how wonderful he is, and how much you love him. You were going to make sure that he was loved, all the way until he died." Jaiden spoke gently, "I do remember that." Adam sniffed, "Well I think you fulfilled that promise, and that's the only one I care about." Jaiden soothed, rubbing her friend's back. Adam grew silent, only continuing on their embrace, but his silence didn't matter. He'd done just enough.

A friend is all she wanted

A friend is all she needed

James was the friend she wanted

Adam was the friend she needed