He felt nothing.

Dead. A constant ringing in his ears. Numbness. Silence.

Dean was long gone.

Sitting against the wall of the bathroom with one bloody hand gripping a bottle of whiskey and the other laying limp by his side, he stared off into nothingness and fought the urge to cry in the presence of Cas' body. Still laying on the floor, cleaned up, washed, and dressed, Cas laid wrapped in a stark white sheet with his face covered.

Dean couldn't bare to get to his feet and take the body of his angel to the bonfire that was about to rage outside. Cas deserved a hunter's funeral, it was the least they could do for him with all he did for them. With Sam outside gathering the wood for the fire, Dean was left with his empty thoughts and his sleeping daughter who was resting on his bed just an eye shot from the bathroom. The thought of his own flesh and blood brought the smallest smile to his face and distracted him for the time being.

It may have seemed indecent for him to ignore his own newborn daughter, but Dean loved her from the moment he saw her and would do anything to keep her safe. The hunter just couldn't find the strength to move without bursting into tears of leaving his angel.

"Dean?"

The hunter looked to his towering younger brother who stood in the doorway and speaking in the softest voice possible. Dean smiled an empty smile before wiping his mouth and breathing in deeply. The bottle of whiskey landed on the tiled floor beside him with a clang as he stood up and balanced himself against the wall.

Sam came forward to steady the older hunter in a loving embrace as Dean gladly accepted it. "Think you'll be okay?" Sam asked his brother as Dean nodded his head and separated but still being held in his brothers' arms. "I'm fine Sammy, I'll be fine. Let's get him outside shall we?" Dean ran his hand through his cropped hair and bent down by Cas' body to plant a long and soft kiss to his clothed head. A few stray tears fell from Dean's eyes as he sniffled and gingerly picked up his angels' body and took him outside with Sam right behind him with his daughter in his hands; snuffled close his neck and sleeping soundly.

To the best of his ability, Dean set the angel on the makeshift wooden cot as gingerly as he could before kissing him one last time on the head and saying his goodbye's.

"I will see you again, you hear me Castiel? I will see you again." He whispered, wiping his tears and stepping back from the pile of wood. Sam gave a loving smile before handing the matches over to the older brother and standing back with his niece in his hands snuggled close to his chest. "It's what he deserves, Dean. He was one of us."

Dean felt tears well in his eyes again as he pursed his lips and held them back the best he could. Staring down at the box of matches through his tears he hurriedly took one out of the box, lit it, and threw it on the gasoline soaked wood without a second thought in his head.

The hunter felt defeated, like the ground was slipping out from underneath him and the only thing that made that feeling go away was being held by his angel. His Castiel. To be caressed and gently squeezed by someone he truly loved. Only Castiel could do that and Dean missed that feeling more than any feeling in the world. It was the loneliest feeling in the world and Dean hated every minute of being alive without his angel.

"Dean?" Sam interrupted his older brothers' thoughts to hand over his daughter, thinking it would help him cope with the feeling of loneliness that Sam knew all too well. Dean turned around and gladly took his daughter into his hands. Every part of her reminded the hunter of Castiel. Her jet black hair, her perfect rounded nose, even her bright blue eyes lit up like the sky when she saw her daddy. Dean smiled the smallest of smiles at his pride and joy as he tickled her nose lightly as she gurgled happily and gave a toothless smile back.

"I love you my precious angel, don't you ever forget that." Dean kissed her wrinkled forehead and held her close to his chest, watching the fire set ablaze in the middle of the forest with his new life in his arms, wishing and praying that anything could bring back Cas.

"Let's get inside. You need a shower and she needs to be fed. C'mon Dean, it's time for you to be a dad to your daughter." Sam wrapped his arm around the older brother as he led him back inside to the bunker.

"We need a name for her Sam." Dean broke the silence as they walked back to the bedroom and undressed the baby for her first bath. The younger hunter smiled, not just because his brother was finally distracted from Cas but also he was finally freeing himself from the numbness of being a father.

"Did Cas have anything in mind?" Sam asked, furthering the conversation and furthering Dean from the memory of Cas.

"We talked about a couple names but never really settled on one. He had an idea for one but we never really agreed on it." Dean confessed, dropping his clothes right outside the bathroom door as he started the shower with his daughter still in his arms. Sam sat right outside the shower curtain from his perch on the counter. "And what would that be?" The younger brother asked.

Dean smiled for a brief moment, holding his daughter close to his bare chest as the warm water ran over both of them. Bonding it was called, how Cas would go on and on about how important bonding is when their baby was born and it always made Dean smile seeing his angel rant about something he was so passionate about like their baby.

"He...he liked the name Nova. Nova Castiel Winchester. Our daughter, and such a lovely girl she is." Dean felt the tears start again as he desperately tried to wipe them away in the midst of the shower. He couldn't let anybody see, not even his newborn daughter, that he was hurting.

"I like it. It's...fitting." Sam chuckled, doing his best to cheer his brother up as it worked and Dean admitted a laugh from behind the curtain.

A long and awkward silence was shared between the two before Sam broke it. "Are you sure you're gonna be okay Dean? I mean, I know I've asked this already but I want to make sure you can handle all this."

The shower turned off as Sam handed him a towel as he grabbed it and wrapped it around his waist before stepping out and grabbing a smaller one to dry Nova off and wrapping it around her small frame. "I think I'll be fine Sam. It'll be hard at times and a little frustrating, but this is what I wanted; a family. She's all I have now and I wouldn't trade it for the world." Dean warmly smiled down at his daughter who snuggled deep into his shoulder as he kissed her jet black hair and held her close to his chest.

"She truly is remarkable Dean. Cas would be proud." Sam set his hand to Dean's shoulder, overlooking the pair as he left with a smile on his face. Dean walked out to the bedroom where he set out some clean clothes for himself and Nova.

He set her down on the bed as she whined in protest but began to squeal at the absence of her father's warmth.

"Oh don't cry my baby girl, you're just fine where you are." Dean hurriedly dressed himself before swiftly picking up his daughter and holding her close once again and she quieted once more. "See? There's no need to get fussy, I'm right here princess. I'm always here for you." Dean kissed her head again before setting her back down to put her in a fresh diaper and some new clothes.

"There, now you're all fresh and squeaky clean. Aren't you baby girl? Yes you are!" Dean began speaking in a baby voice as he picked her up once again and headed out to the library to see Sam looking for the keys to the Impala.

"I'm making a run into town, is there anything you need?" Sam asked, shuffling papers around and scattering books just to find the keys. Dean chuckled, shoving his hand into his pocket only to pull out the keys and chuck them to Sam, who looked at him with an exasperated glare. "Just some baby formula and maybe something to eat for me. Anything fast food is fine." Dean confessed, bouncing up and down to calm his fussy daughter which they didn't have anything for her to eat or drink yet.

Before Sam could even get to the door, a loud bang rumbled through the bunker as Dean held his daughter close to his chest the more she fussed. The older hunter closed his eyes in defeat, realizing what that was.

"What the hell was that?" Sam asked, looking to his brother for an answer.

"The angels. They're here for Nova."

Hey guys!

I'm back! MUAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Anywho, let me get down to business of my absence, if you guys don't mind.

I have had the worst bit of depression these last couple of weeks and my anxiety has decided to give me multiple panic attacks over the last couple of weeks as well, even three in a day once!

Sometime last week, in one day, I had six suicidal thoughts and a couple of them were plans I constructed as well. It was a dark place I was in and I was physically tired from it. Now, as my own choosing, I've decided to be put on antidepressants after much deliberation and I've actually felt better about myself.

Now, since I'm doing much better with my mental health, I plan on catching everybody up on my stories and I have some major plans in store for Destiel and Johnlock.

Thank you all for being so very patient with me and patient about my stories.

Big smooch from your bad ass freelancer agent Tex!

Be sure to comment, follow, vote, whatever...