(Trigger warning: #panicattack)

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"Kageyama! SLOW DOWN!"

His coach yells frantically from the sidelines as Tobio makes his set, the ball shooting out from his hands, sending it flying across the net. The spikers have been trying their best to sync up with Tobio's set, but hell, they couldn't even touch the damn ball.

"What--the HELL--Kageyama?! No one--COULD EVEN TOUCH IT!!" Kindaichi pants as he states his bold comment towards Tobio. The teams is once again on the edge.

"THEN MOVE FASTER!"

Tobio is also on the edge.

Tobio, now in his third year, is playing his final tournament for Kitagawa Daiichi. Their formation has been clumsy, messy, but miraculously they manage to make it into the finals.

Today, he is very determine to win. The urge to taste that victory, to bring home that victory, to give his final volleyball year at Kitagawa Daiichi a prefect ending. He is throwing in everything he has into this damn final match.

'Faster-

Higher-

More'

Tobio feels himself stepping over a cliff.

'Faster-

Higher -

more MORE'

Little does he knows that his teammates has already given up on him, and they are about to give up on his match.

'ONE MORE TIME'

Tobio makes his ridiculous set once again as soon as he feels the ball landing on his fingers. He turns around to observe the spiker. He turns around.......

He turns around to see no one there.
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The whole match froze.

The ball drops behind him.
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"WE HAD ENOUGH!"

Someone shouts.
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"We've given up, YOU ARROGANT, EGOTISTICAL KING!"

King.
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Tobio could finally see the cracks, the separation between him and his teammates.
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"Kageyama,"

He finally hears his coach calling for him.
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"Sub out. Now."
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Tobio never thought that this day would come.

He never expect that this day would come.

He was petrified.

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Firstly, it was frustration. Now it's boiling anger. Tobio is letting it all out, starting with the typical slam on the front door.

He couldn't give a flying fuck if anyone was in the house. He throws his keys aside and storms down the hallway like a hurricane tornado, dragging his bag behind him. Unfortunately, he has forgotten to zip his bag. His items and dirty laundry spill along the hallway, like Hansel and Gretel's breadcrumbs.

Tobio whirls around to see the mess he made, cusses down his breath as he walks back the hallway, picking up his stuff and shoving them back into his bag, expect for his volleyball. He couldn't seem to find a space for it, so he holds it in his arms. He swings his bag into his room, his door half open, he manages to throw his bag in.

But Tobio forgets to zip his bag, again.

So the spill from the hallway just moves into his room, an absolute mess on the floor. Tobio tsked and heads to the kitchen, he swings open the refrigerator door and looks into it for a moment, before slamming the door shut grumpily.

They've run out of milk.

No victory and no milk.

Tobio storms back to his room, kicking off his stuff and dirty clothes from the floor, spreading the mess. Unfortunately, again, he steps on his bottle.

He begins to lose his balance and wobbles on his leg. Waving his hands frantically in the air, hoping he'll touch anything to grab on. He manages to hold onto his door. Tobio pushes himself forward, he rather falls forwards and catches himself with his arms from the front. But oh no, fuck it, kami-sama just isn't on his side.

His left leg grazes across the corner of his bedframe.

That shit really hurts, probably the next worst thing after a broken pinky toe.

"AH-"

Tobio yelps as he crashes onto the floor among the mess he made.

It was instant karma.

He curls his body and grabs onto his legs, wrapping his hands on the burning wound as he hiss between his teeth.

Everything went silent for a moment, Tobio realises his family aren't around.

"FUCK!"

Tobio cusses out loud, laying in a pile of his dirty clothes with an unpleasant burn on his legs. After losing the volleyball match. After realising there was no more milk. Frustration, irritation, madness, anger, everything combined.
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'After getting subbed out by the coach.

After getting yelled by Kindaichi.

After.......'

Tobio is feeling stuffed again.
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'After my sets were completely ignored.

After I broke my promise.

After.......'

The stuffy feeling spreads rapidly inside him.
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'After my teammates has cut ties with me.

After Oikawa-san despised me.

After.........'

It creeps within him, exposing itself. Tobio feels like he's being buried alive.
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'Ignorant, egotistical King.......'

Tobio shifts from grabbing his leg to grabbing his chest, his lungs feels as if they are shrinking, as if something was eating him from inside.
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'After Ji-chan died.......'

Reality kicks in.

Tobio lost it.

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He screamed as the feeling took over him entirely, filling him to the brim. A deep, emotional stab into his heart.

It vibrated, it shook him.

Stream of tears spilled uncontrollably, drops of grief wells up from the corner of his eyes, bleeding the salt of his soul and it coursed down his face. His lungs squeezing in as he struggled to take another breath.

Shallow.

Short.

Painful.

As if he was breathing in vacuum space. Huffing and puffing as he pressed into his chest harder. His breaths shed in and out of him, close to hyperventilating.

The pain was overwhelming.
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"Ha---HA---He-HELP--"
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So overwhelming, too much for Tobio to take in.

His whole world just turned upside down.

That sudden gush of realisation that Tobio was unable to feel previously over the course of months. Those amalgamation of blurry memories, those stagnant emotions that he had neglected for past months now snapping into his mind.

Now clear as fucking daylight, flashing through his mind.

Tobio couldn't take it all in at once. It ached, the mental pain was transferring from his head to his entire body, trembling along the way from his spines to his hands, to the tip of his precious fingers

He pounded against his chest.
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"Please--NO--I don't--HA--STOP--"
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Tobio reached out, begging to grab onto the closes thing he could touch in his reach. His shaking hands touched his volleyball, so he pulled that in, attempting to hug that ball that was relatively so much smaller than him.

He choked on his breathing, tears still flowing from his eyes, running down his flushed, heating face, wetting the floor as his hair and dirty clothes soaked it up.
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"Why?--I don't--un--derst-tand---HELP--"
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He didnt understand what was happening to him.

Crying hurts, but it shouldn't be this tormenting.

He was feeling so dehydrated but he couldn't stop. The weight on his heart pinning him on the ground, his trembling body weakening his legs.

Tobio was shivering everywhere, not from the cold. He curled his body in closer, squeezing his volleyball, his breathing still tensed, his lungs hacking, coughing into the air, his heart pumping, beating against his ribs in agony.

Agony.
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"Ji-chan---what--do---Ha---HA--"

He continued mumbling.

"Ji-chan--Ha---what do----I do----"
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Tobio shrieked, attempting to make a sound from his vocal chords that were ripping apart. His throat was dry from all that gasping, gasping for air. He really wished for a glass of water, but he doubt he could even swallow.

The only source of water was his own tears dripping down on his face.
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"Where---where are--you---"

Tobio staggered.

"I--missed--y--you--"
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Finally, he was honest with himself. Tobio turned around, laying on his back, trying to give his lungs and chest some space. He sucked in the air, holding it there for a while, before letting out the trembling breath.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Tobio felt dizzy, like he was about to throw up.

He really wanted to stop, he felt like dying, crumbling, this close to the brim of death.

His watery eyes overlapping his vision, the room was spinning.

-----

Tobio wasn't sure how much time has passed, but at least he could breathe better now.

He stares at the ceiling, the room is no longer spinning. It feels as if he had went through a trip to hell, drowning himself over and over again. His window open, the wind blows on his curtains, sending chills into his room. The floor feels like an iceberg, but Tobio doesnt want to get up.

He should take a shower.

He should grab something to eat.

But no, Tobio just wants to lay peacefully on the floor.

He closes his eyes, recapping all the amalgamation of memories from his mental breakdown. But this time, his memories replays slowly in his head. Tobio could visualise it so much better now.

His train of thought running down the memory hall.

Like how Oikawa used to make fun of him with his stupid face, and how Iwaizumi would always show up to give Oikawa a good smack when he does that.

He still thinks he has amazing Senpais, and Oikawa was still both a respectable and worthy rival.

Kindaichi had made attempts to talk to Tobio, trying to lift a conversation with him with light questions. But Tobio would just stare and stutter between his words, returning his questions with short, simple answer, as he makes no attempt to carry on the conversation.

Kindaichi gave up on Tobio after a few tries. He persuaded Kunimi to give it a go, thinking the introverts would relate to each other better. But even Kunimi finds it challenging to communicate with the simpleton. Perhaps to them, Tobio was beyond help.

He also thinks about Ji-chan, how he spent his time training, coaching him and Miwa. He knew his sister was a tough girl, always unwilling to admit defeat. The Kageyama siblings used to always fight and quarrel over little things, and their Ji-chan had to interfere to stop this fuss. Especially over the volleyball, since there was only one, Miwa and Tobio would tug and pull each other for the damn ball. Until Ji-chan finally bought Tobio his very own volleyball.

Now the Kageyama siblings fight over food.

Tobio chuckles a little at that memory as a tiny wave of warmness soothes Tobio's withered heart. Maybe he feels rather pitiful for himself. Maybe it's because of the nostalgic memories.

He sighs, but perks up a small......

unnoticeable and unintentional smile.
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Here, in his room, alone, with no one in the house.

Tobio, who is absolutely worn out from all the emotional rollercoaster, steadily falls asleep on the cold tiles.

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Credit: @榛名 (Pivix)