"No idea what the thing is," the Doctor was saying as they entered a warehouse in London. "Once we figure out what it is, then we can start figuring out what to do."

"Right," Jessie agreed, fixing her hair again.

The Doctor looked at her. "Have the nightmares kept going on?"

Yes. "No," Jessie lied as she tugged on her ponytail. "Not since two months ago."

"And since then, I fought off an Elemental Shade, we've seen Benjamin Franklin, Marie Curie, and the futuristic version of hot cocoa," the Doctor rattled off.

Jessie rolled her eyes. "I still can't believe you made best friends with Benjamin Franklin. Followed by you getting shocked on that kite. I'm surprised you're not fried to death."

"I don't look different." The Doctor held open the door to the warehouse. "At least, I don't think I do."

Jessie snorted. "You've still got the normal gob, if that's any help."

He rolled his eyes as they walked in, looking at the sonic screwdriver. "Alien life form this way."

Jessie followed him towards a closed-off room. He peeked through the rotten door and inhaled. "Ah." He grinned at her. "Hoix!"

"Gesundheit," she joked.

The Doctor grinned at her. "No, seriously. Look." Jessie stood on her toes to match his height, and she made a face at the reptilian alien with loads of teeth sleeping. "Hoix!"

"I still say gesundheit."

The Doctor looked away. "Right, you stay here." She opened her mouth to say something, but he was already running off. She sat down on the ground, picking at her boot laces. A good fifteen minutes later, the Doctor came running back. "OK, we need to lure it out of there. There are several buckets around this place I think we can work with. As long as you don't grab the blue buckets."

"Right." Jessie stood up. "And what do we do with the bucket?"

"Pour its contents all over the Hoix."

"Gesund - "

"Jessie!"

She grinned at him. "Hold on."

She backed up, then snap-kicked the rotten door. It broke loose with a loud ruckus, and the Hoix woke up from where it was sleeping. It roared, and the Doctor grinned at her. "Brilliant!" He backed up. "And now we - "

"Run!" both of them yelled happily, and they were off.

***

"Doctor!" The Doctor stopped, hearing Jessie's shout a few minutes later. "Doctor! The trap!"

He turned and ran towards her just before she ran into him. "Where's he gone?" he demanded, looking around. "Can you see him?"

Jessie ran back around the other corner. "There he is!" The Doctor followed her out. "Stop!" He did, looking at her in bewilderment as she continued looking around. "No! Watch out! There!"

"Where?" the Doctor asked hopelessly as she ran off. "Where?"

He heard a door open further away and the roar of the Hoix. He shook his head, then took a pork chop from his pockets - good bigger on the inside pockets, he thought happily - and ran in that direction.

The Hoix was standing there, growling at a frightened young man with blond hair, which was staring at the alien in shock. He quickly appeared behind the Hoix, waving the pork chop. "Here, boy! Eat the food! Come on. Look at the lovely food." The Hoix sniffed, then turned to him. "Isn't that nice? Isn't it? Yes, it is." He threw a look at the man, who was looking at him incredulously. "Get out of here," he ordered. "Quickly." He turned back to the Hoix, going back to a coaxing tone. "That's a boy. Wouldn't you like a porky choppy, then?" He glared at the man, who hadn't budged. "I said run!"

He turned to do so when Jessie burst out of a wall, and the Doctor's eyes widened at the bucket she was carrying, and before he could warn her, she threw it all over the Hoix. "Wrong one!" he shouted at her as the Hoix roared even louder. "You made it worse!"

"You said blue!" she shouted, waving the bucket.

"I said not blue!" The Hoix shoved the young man off to the side, and Jessie shrieked, turning tail and running off. "Hold on!" the Doctor shouted, running after them.

For the next few seconds, he couldn't tell who was chasing who. It was all a jumble inside of the warehouse, but soon he saw Jessie grab a red bucket this time, and he gave her a quick nod as she took chase to the Hoix. He sighed, then skidded to a halt when he passed the man again. "Hold on," he said suspiciously, looking him over, sure he was familiar. "Don't I know you?"

The man just stared at him, and then Jessie ran out from another wall. "Done," she gasped.

The Doctor smiled at her. "Brilliant!"

They ran out for the TARDIS without another look behind them.

***

"Idiot!" Jessie shouted only a few hours later as they ran yet again, but this time from Trojans. "Why did you have to say how much you admired Achilles?!"

"I didn't know they were Trojans!" the Doctor protested, dodging another spear thrown at him.

"How could you miss the fact they were Trojans?"

"They didn't have the horse!"

Jessie ran inside the TARDIS, and the Doctor closed the door behind them. "OK, you are taking me to London right now so I can cool down."

The Doctor nodded, heading for the console. "Got it. Ice cream on me, then?"

"You still owe me for the chips we got after the end of the world."

The Doctor made a face. "I'll pay that up eventually." He flipped a lever. "Here we go!"

Jessie held onto the coral structures as the TARDIS jerked around, then fell silent a few seconds later. "Here we go!" the Doctor announced cheerfully. "London, England, June 2014!"

"You'd better have that right," Jessie warned him, grabbing her backpack and opening up the door to the TARDIS. She breathed in the smell of London - that part's right, at least - and she walked over to a newspaper stand, looking at the date. "June 17, 2014. Two weeks after the Hoix." She smiled at the Doctor as he walked over. "You got it right."

"Häagen-Dazs this way," the Doctor announced, taking her arm and dragging her off.

Jessie laughed and followed, checking her phone. "Häagen-Dazs, huh?"

"Of course!" The Doctor looked at her in shock. "Don't tell me you've never been to one?"

"I've been busy."

The Doctor shook his head. "This is mandatory. Before we do anything else, you are getting Häagen-Dazs."

Jessie laughed as he ran, dragging her with him. She saw the ice cream shop logo overhead, and the Doctor pulled her inside. "All right, you got me in here. What am I getting?"

The Doctor promptly walked up to the cashier. "One medium Belgium chocolate and one medium chocolate midnight cookies."

Jessie found a seat down outside and pulled out her tablet, flicking through recent SHIELD news. HYDRA agents are still being found was the first thing she saw, and frowning, she opened the file, and her jaw dropped when she saw who the most recent agent found was. "That bastard!" she sputtered.

The Doctor walked over with their ice cream and stopped short, looking at her in bewilderment. "What did I do?" he asked in surprise.

Jessie looked up, startled, then shook her head. "Oh, not you." She took the Belgium chocolate he handed her and took a spoon, too. "Agent Garrett's been confirmed as a HYDRA operative." She took one bite of her ice cream, and her eyes widened. "God, this is good."

The Doctor smirked and took a bite of his. "Agent Garrett, huh?"

"Ward's S.O.," she confirmed. "Skye gave him one of her famous slaps."

The Doctor made a face, and Jessie grinned. "I don't know if I should feel sorry for him or not."

"He's HYDRA."

The Doctor shook his head. "That answers it."

Jessie checked her inbox, then frowned when she saw something Skye had sent her. "Speaking of Skye . . . "

The Doctor frowned and pulled closer to her, looking over her shoulder as she read Skye's e-mail. Somehow, he read faster than her, and his eyebrows shot up. "Someone's hacked into SHIELD?"

"Why are they interested in me?" she asked.

"She sent you an article, too," the Doctor added.

She opened up the attachment, and within the first few sentences, she stiffened. "They're looking for you."

"LINDA," the Doctor read. "Hmph." He tilted his head. "London Investigation 'n' Detective Agency."

Jessie snorted. "'N'?"

"I kinda like it!"

"If they're looking for you, maybe they stole the files from SHIELD somehow. If they get me - "

"They get you."

They looked at each other, then the Doctor stood. "Fancy taking a trip to meet this LINDA, Dame Jessie?"

Jessie smirked, standing and slipping her arm through his. "I would love to, Sir Doctor."

***

They found an old library on a street called Macatier, and the Doctor sonicked the lift. "After you."

Jessie stepped inside, and the Doctor lowered the lift down. When they made it down all the way, Jessie winced when she heard the music being played somewhere. "They sound, er . . . interesting."

The Doctor just opened the door and walked out, and Jessie fell into step behind him. After walking through a lit corridor, they found a group of five rocking out on a set of instruments. Jessie's eyebrows shot up, and the Doctor blinked in surprise. It seemed like they were ignoring them at first. Then the Doctor did the natural thing.

He cleared his throat rather loudly.

A fair-skinned young woman on the guitar saw them first and promptly squeaked in shock. That prompted everyone else to stop what they were doing and look at them. Both of them raised a hand and waved. "I think you were looking for us?" the Doctor asked cheerfully.

Jessie recognized one of them immediately. "We saw you at that warehouse," she said, pointing to the younger blond man.

His jaw dropped. "Uh . . . "

Jessie rolled her eyes. "Odin almighty . . . "

The Doctor took a chair and sat down, leaning his arms on the back. "All right, LINDA, why were you looking for us?"

The older man blinked. "We were only looking for you."

The Doctor narrowed his eyes. "Then why did you take files from SHIELD on my companion?"

"None of us have the computer knowledge to do that," the older woman said, stepping away from the piano. "We haven't been searching for you for weeks."

Jessie shook her head. "So if you weren't taking the SHIELD files, who was?"

As if on cue, the lights went out. Jessie harrumphed in annoyance. "Of course that happens."

The lift behind them shuddered, and the Doctor stood, pointing at LINDA. "We aren't here," he told them, then ran over to the darker corners of the room.

Jessie followed quickly. "You think this guy stole the files, maybe?" she asked.

"No other option," he pointed out.

"Lights!"

Jessie poked her head around a few crates to see a short, heavy-weight man with a goatee and a cane with a silver top shaped like a fist exit the lift. The Doctor looked over as well, and he frowned. "That's not a cane," he murmured.

"What is it?" she whispered back.

He held up a finger to his lips as the man spoke again. "So, we meet at last, LINDA."

"Pleased to meet you, sir," the older man said pleasantly, holding out a hand. "I'm sorry. Was the music too loud?"

"No, no, no, no, I don't shake hands," the man said, waving them off. "Back! Back! I suffer from a skin complaint - exeema."

"Oh, you mean eczema?" the younger man asked.

"But this is worse. Much worse. I blister to the touch." The Doctor's eyebrows rose. "Back, back, all of you. Further, further." LINDA shuffled back, and the Doctor leaned forward, taking out the sonic screwdriver. "Thank you."

"Sorry, don't mind me asking, but . . . who are you?" the man asked again.

"I am your salvation," the goatee man said, exaggerated. "I am Victor Kennedy."

The Doctor poked his head up. "Pleased to meet you, Mr. Kennedy!" he announced, and Victor turned towards him in shock. "I'm the Doctor, and this is my best mate, Bad Wolf."

Jessie joined him, then her jaw dropped when she saw the logo on one of the files sticking out of Victor's briefcase. "That's the SHIELD logo!"

"Well, LINDA," Victor said slowly. "I underestimated your capabilities to find this man."

"Actually, we found them," the Doctor brought up, walking forward and aiming the sonic screwdriver at Victor. "Stealing SHIELD files gets noticed - oh, hello there," he murmured when the sonic made a noise. "Well, this is interesting."

"What?" Victor asked.

The Doctor held up his sonic. "You," he said simply. "I mean, sure, we've seen things that look normal. And you look as normal as they come! But you have got a very nice shimmer shield on you."

"I beg your pardon?"

"See?" The Doctor aimed the sonic screwdriver. "Shimmer!"

With a buzz from the sonic, what was Victor Kennedy was now a lumpy green . . . thing. Jessie put a hand over her mouth and gagged. "Oh my God."

"You're a thing!" the young girl with spectacles gasped, and the young man pulled her away.

"A thing?" Victor snorted. "This 'thing' is my true form! Better than that crude pink shape you call a body."

"Interesting," the Doctor said yet again, inspecting him. "Faces all over you . . . some sort of absorbing creature?"

"Absorbing?" Jessie squeaked out.

"Memories and thoughts," Victor growled. "And you, the greatest feast of all. The Doctor."

"Absorbatrix?" the Doctor tried out. "Absorbaclon? Absorbaloff?'

"Absorbaloff!" Victor cried. "Yes!"

Jessie swallowed the bile rising in her throat. "Is it just me, or does he look a bit Slitheen?"

The Doctor tilted his head. "Not from Raxacoricofallapatorius, are you?" he asked.

"No, I'm not," the Absorbaloff spat. "They're swine. I spit on them." He demonstrated, and the young woman who played the guitar squeaked and backed away. "I was born on their twin planet."

"Really?" the Doctor asked curiously. "What's the twin planet of Raxacoricofallapatorius?"

"Clom."

Jessie snorted loudly, and the Doctor raised an eyebrow. "Clom," he repeated incredulously.

"Clom. Yes," the Absorbaloff said proudly. "And I'll return their victorious once I possess your traveling machine."

"Well, that's never going to happen," the Doctor stated matter-of-factly.

"Oh, it will. You'll surrender yourself to me, Doctor - " The Absorbaloff brought its cane up and used it to slam the young blond man to the floor, and the girl with the spectacles cried out, but the older man stopped her from running forward. "Or this one dies." Jessie narrowed her eyes, reaching behind her back for her ICER. "You see, I've read about you, Doctor. I've studied you. So passionate. So sweet. You wouldn't let an innocent man die. And I'll absorb him unless you give yourself to me."

"Sweet?" the Doctor asked, tilting his head from side to side. "Maybe. Passionate?" He sighed. "I suppose. But don't ever mistake that for nice. Do what you want."

"He'll die, Doctor," the Absorbaloff warned.

"Go on, then," the Doctor replied nonchalantly.

"So be it."

"Of course," the Doctor said as the Absorbaloff reached for the man. "I could always do this."

He raised the sonic screwdriver and aimed it at the alien. With the press of a button, the faces all over his skin began to push out. "Stop it!" the Absorbaloff roared. "Stop it!"

"The cane!" the Doctor shouted. "Break it!"

The man stared at him, then took the cane from the Absorbaloff's grasp and snapped it over his knee. The Absorbaloff wailed and turned to liquid, sinking down to the ground. "What did I just do?" the man asked.

"The cane created a limitation field," the Doctor explained. "Now that it's broken, he can't stop. The absorber is being absorbed."

"By what?" the older woman asked.

"By the earth," he replied simply.

***

"Now, LINDA," the Doctor explained later as they all sat down in the basement far away from the Absorbaloff puddle. "That can be what happens when you try to search for me and my companion."

"And sometimes it gets much worse than that," Jessie added, leaning forward. "What are your names?"

"I'm Elton," the young man who had killed the Absorbaloff replied. "This here is Ursula - " The young girl with the spectacles smiled at them. "That over there is Bridget - " The older woman nodded. "That's Mr. Skinner next to her - " Skinner nodded as well. "And that leaves Bliss." The first woman to see them smiled at them.

The Doctor nodded. "Well, this is what can happen when you try to look for us. This is what SHIELD and UNIT are for, to keep an eye on us throughout history." He peered at Elton. "Hold on . . . I remember you now. From when you were just a child."

Elton paled. "What?"

"You don't remember, do you?" When Elton shook his head, the Doctor's face darkened and he leaned forward. "There was a shadow in your house. A living shadow in the darkness. An elemental shade had escaped from the Howling Halls."

"I remember that," Jessie said. "You didn't want me to go with you."

"No, I didn't," he admitted. "I stopped it, but I wasn't in time to save her."

"My mother," Elton whispered, looking devastated.

The Doctor nodded. "I'm sorry."

Mr. Skinner nodded. "We won't try and do this again."

The Doctor nodded. "It'd be better that way."

Jessie flipped the Absorbaloff's case up. "And I'd better get these back to SHIELD."

"Wait a moment," Bliss said as they started to stand. "Could . . . could you tell us a few stories, about your adventures?"

Jessie looked at the Doctor, who had his head tilted. "Why do you want to know?" he asked.

"What's out there," Ursula said. "What you've done for all of us . . . one of the reasons we joined up was so we could thank you."

The Doctor raised an eyebrow at Jessie. "Well . . . " He sat back down. "I suppose a few stories couldn't hurt."

Bridget smiled. "Where was the first place you took Jessie?"

"The year 5.5/apple/26," Jessie replied immediately as she sat down as well. "Five billion years in the future, right to the end of the world."

Five jaws dropped all around the circle. "He took you to see the end of the planet for your first trip?" Elton sputtered.

Jessie grinned widely. "Oh, Elton, it keeps getting better and better."

***

And another episode where everybody lives!

I really hated this episode. I'll just say that flat out. I don't know why. I don't know if it was because the Doctor and Rose weren't in here that much, but I just didn't. Although . . . that opening with the Hoix was pretty hilarious. Rose is running for her life, and the Doctor's just like . . . wait a minute, shouldn't I know that guy?

"Fear Her" is next!