"My whole life was a lie!" I said as I put the book down. silent tears streamed down my cheaks. The shock from what I had just read over the last two days seemed to pull me from this world, like I was in a dream. Nothing felt real.

Memories of the choices that I had made for that religion mixed with the words from the book swirled around in my head like a tornadoe. Agony over the pain that this had caused my son, the years of unhappiness that enveloped those memories. It was all for nothing!

Every choice, every thought, everything that I had ever done in my life was based on the idea that this church, this way of life was true. Everything, even down to believing I was hopeless, a lost cause. It was all based on that church.

The book outlined the begging of this church I had always thought was true down to the most recent "prophet." Ironically, my appointment to meet with the bishop in the LDS church was less than an hour after finishing that book.

When I sat down to speak with the bishop, he told me I was his first interview as bishop. Not the best mix, I thought. It was my first time confessing that I knew that church was wrong but that I was still so lost.

The bishop gave me one piece of advice that I will always remember. Listen to conference. He said it would bring me peace to hear the words of the prophet.

I took his advice and I listened to conference. It was the first time in my life that I understood what it was when I felt the Holy Spirit. Just calm and peace. My mind stilled as I heard one of the apostles bear his testimony that President Monson was the prophet and it was in that moment that I understood that what I thought God was was a lie.

Now I knew one thing, God loved me. And I felt it. I was not a lost cause. I was His daughter.