Dear diary why am i alive..

Dear diary, my suicide isn't an accident
"I have been bullied since first grade mom!" ,I would yell too her tears burning my eyes. She would say back to me that "I was overreacting " and "its gonna be okay."
My eyes burned with tears everyday I sat quiet in my room and would try not to think about things that happend in school,when my only peace was in my room. What my mom didn't know was that i had been cutting since second grade and I hid it pretty well on my stomache. I know what you guys are thinking, "WTF why is she so stupid!" The answer was clear that I was really young and didn't give two shits about my life anymore. My mom worked a lot and when she did come home she would ignore us or be really shitty to us. And I really didn't have a dad because he was never even home.My big sister the one who was supposed to be the role model..was shitty to me also and would lock me in my moms room when the phone rang and would have friends over a lot. It sucked. You might think,"MY FUCKING GOSH OH MY JESUS WTF YOUR LIFE ISN'T THAT BAD YOU WERE A FIRST GRADER UGH!!!" But belive me many times my mom would yell at me about doing things like locking myself in my room and never making eye contact with her,made me so pissed over the years that I never talked even in school or anywhere no one knew what I sounded like for 5 years. You might think i'm lying but I sang and talked to myself once in a while.Over the years of my mom trying to talk to me and spanking me just to get me to cry and be social..sucked so bad that im writing this on wattpad and letting you in on a sneak peek of my life.