chapter 14.
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[ triggers ]
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s**cide mention.

I WOKE UP FROM A NIGHTMARE, TEARS IN MY EYES.

I sprinted out of my room and struggled to open my moms door, but when I opened it she wasn't there.

I panicked and went back into my room, grabbing Ranboo's hoodie and putting it on.

I shuffle to my bed and grab the octopus plush and my phone, opening my window and climbing out.

I slowly slid off the top of my roof and started to run to Ranboo's house, the tears in my eyes slowly running down my cheek.

The wind pushed my hair back as I ran to the back of Ranboo's house.

I saw a room through a window that had purple LED lights, I grabbed a small rock and threw it at the window.

I threw another one, making a figure appear and open the window.

"lorelai?" Ranboo's sleepy voice said.

I carefully climbed up the tree and went through his window.

"what are you doing here—"

I sat down in his chair in front of his PC and brought my knees up to my chest as I hugged them.

Ranboo put a blanket over me as he grabbed another chair and sat down next to me.

"are you okay? you look tired and it looks like you just cried. what happened?" He asked.

I didn't reply, all I did was stare at him.

"i'll be back." Ranboo got up from his chair and walked out of the room.

I grabbed out my phone and opened spotify, I don't know but it's always something about songs that make me calm.

I press on my playlist, the song 'Line Without a Hook' comes up.

i don't really give a damn
about the way you touch me
when we're alone
you can hold my hand
do you like it when i'm away?

Ranboo walked back into the room, holding a cup.

He handed me the cup, it was full of hot chocolate.

you can hold my hand
do you like it when i'm away?
if i went and hurt my body, baby
would you love me the same?

I smile at him and take sips of the hot cocoa as he sits back down again.

i can feel all my bones coming back
and i'm craving motion
mama never really learns how to live by herself

"thank you." I mumble.

it's a curse
and it's growing
you're a pond and i'm an ocean

"mhm," Ranboo hums as he nods.

oh all my emotions
feel like explosions when you are around
and i've found a way to kill the sounds,
oh

"i guess we could say we relate to this song." He says, almost making me choke on the hot chocolate.

oh, baby, i am a wreck when i'm without you
i need you here to stay
i broke all my bones that day i found you
crying at the lake

I clear my throat, listening to the lyrics more closely.

"yeah," I smile.

was it something i said to make you feel like you're a burden?
oh, and if i could take it all back
i swear i would pull you from the tide

"sometimes i just want to run away. from school. from everything." I mumble as I look at Ranboo.

oh, whoa, whoa, whoa
i said no (i said no),
i said no (i said no),
listen close, it's a no

Ranboo looked at me, hesitating to talk. "you're delirious with enervation, lorelai."

"ranboo, i'm not."

the wind is a-pounding on my back
and i found hope in a heart attack
oh at last, it is past
now i've got it, and you can't have it

"you are. lorelai. do you want to know something?" He grips his hand onto mine.

"what?" I look at his hand and back at him.

He stares into me. "i can't live without you."

baby, i am a wreck when i'm without you
i need you here to stay
i broke all my bones that day i found you
crying at the lake

"yes you can. ranboo, don't tell yourself lies." I mutter, slowly dropping my head down.

"lorelai." He lifts my head up with his finger under my chin.

was it something i said to make you feel like you're a burden?
oh, and if i could take it all back
i swear that i would pull you from the tide

"i want to see harvey again, ranboo. but i don't want to leave you." I mutter as I felt a drop of a tear roll down my cheek.

"please don't go." I watch as Ranboo's eyes fill with tears.

darling , when i'm fast asleep
i've seen this person watching me
saying, "is it worth it?
is it worth it?
tell me is it worth it?"
oh

"i won't."

"lorelai, please. please don't. it'll take me a while to accept what happened." Ranboo pulls me into a hug.

guess there is something
and there is nothing in between
and in my eyes,
there is a tiny dancer
watching over me, he's singing

"ranboo, i swear i won't go. i love you. remember that, please." I mumble into his chest.

"she's a, she's a lady,
and i am just a boy"
he's singing,

"i love you too." He says and I pull away. I could feel him staring down at me as I hug my knees.

"she's a, she's a lady,
and i am just a line without a hook"

Ranboo hesitated, then asked. "now tell me, what happened? why'd you run all the way over here?"

baby, i am a wreck when i'm without you
i need you here to stay
i broke all my bones that day i found you
crying at the lake

I shook my head and stared at the floor.

was it something i said to make you feel like you're a burden?
oh, and if i could take it all back
i swear that i would pull you from the tide

"do you hate me?" Ranboo questioned.

The song ended there, leaving us into an awkward silence.

"no. i'm sorry. my trust issues are really bad." I answered.

"so you lied when you said you trusted me?"

"no—" I look up, but I didn't look into his eyes.

"then why can't you tell me?"

We sat there in an uncomfortable silence until he broke it again.

Ranboo lowered his voice. "why can't— why can't you just.. trust me? you hate me don't you? you hate me."

"i love you ranboo. i don't hate you. do you know where i would be if you didn't exist?" I told as tears stung my eyes.

"no, lorelai. tell me. say the truth, be honest with me. you hate me; you fucking hate me. you can't trust me." Ranboo said, I could hear the pain in his voice.

"i said, i don't fucking hate you." I weeped.

"yes, you do, and if you can't trust me— then i- i can't trust you."

I was about to interrupt his sentence but the words got to me. My eyes fluttered, blinking back tears. We fell into a small silence.

I hesitated to talk, "oh." I got up from the chair.

"lorelai wait, you know i didn't mean it like that-" He tried to grab my hand but I pulled away.

"no, ranboo. i get it, you're the one who actually hates me. i'll be in the living room if you need— nevermind. i know you won't need me because i'm just a disappointment to you, and i know it. don't try to say otherwise."

"i'm sorry, lorelai. i'm really sorry." I heard him whisper before I closed the door.

I ran downstairs and flopped onto the couch, silently crying into the pillow. My breaths short, as if someone was taking the air out of my lungs.

he isn't sorry. i don't believe anything he says anymore. as he said, he can't trust me.

i can't control it. i can't control my trust issues, and he hates me for it. i'm such a disappointment.

I could feel someone sit down next to me. "go away, ranboo."

"no. i'm sorry, i didn't mean it. please forgive me."

I sat up and looked at him. "you meant it. i know you did. i'm a disappointment, aren't i?"

"you're not a disappointment."

"then you meant it. you don't care for me. you can't trust me. what's the point?" I said.

"i didn't. i swear." He spoke as I rested my head on the back of the couch. "i don't know why i said them. i'm sorry, i love you."

"maybe i deserved it." It was nothing new to have someone hate me, but I deserved no trust, and yet he asked for my forgiveness?

"no, you didn't. i scolded you for something you can't control, and i'm really sorry for making you feel that way." I heard Ranboo take in a breath before saying, "but please, i just need to know why you have trust issues."

"are you sure?" I asked, putting my head against his chest.

He put his arms around me, "mhm."

"fine. the reason why i have trust issues is because harvey. she promised me that we'd live our lives together. she promised that she'd stay. that she wouldn't leave me, but guess what? she left me. she didn't even let me have a chance to say goodbye. she just left." I cried.

"awh— lorelai.. you know i'd never do that to you." He said as I hugged him, laying my head on his chest. I could hear his heartbeat, it sounded like an echo against my ears. My breathing softened.

"i know. i— i'm just hurt. i trusted her and—"

"lorelai." He muttered as he cut off my sentence.

I raise my head. "what..?"

Our faces were inches apart, I could feel and hear Ranboo's soft breathing. I felt his glare lay on my lips but he stared at my eyes again.

As Ranboo's lips meet mine in a gentle caress, my breath got caught in my throat, my heart came to a halt, but I could feel warmth spread throughout my body. His lips were soft against mine just like how'd you imagine a cloud.

A small lock of hair tumbled in front of my face as we both pulled away, I didn't mind it but Ranboo tucked it behind my ear.

I still had my knees up to my chest and the hoodie I was wearing over my legs, Ranboo's hoodie.

I laid my head on my knees and stayed like that for a minute until I lifted up my head again, greeted by Ranboo's gray eyes.

We stayed in eye contact for a while as we observed each others features. His blonde hair was on the side of his face, as usual.

I smiled and put my head back onto his chest.

"wait," I lifted my head up. "i want to show you something."

"hm?" Ranboo said as we both stood up, I grabbed his hand and pulled him out the front door.

I lead him behind his house, into a secret tunnel.

"what's this?" He asks, looking around the tunnel.

"it's where harvey and i always used to go." I smiled at the thoughts.

"oh, it seems pretty calming." Ranboo said.

"yeah—" I stop my sentence as I hear shuffling.

"what was that?"

"wait," I slowly walked over to where the shuffling was, I saw a small figure on the floor.

Ranboo followed me and watched me as I picked something up.

"what is it? it's dark in here, i can't see." He asked.

"i know, i can't see either, visual field of static." I stated.

I turned back to him and showed him a puppy.

He gasped, "a puppy?"

"yeah. i think it's abandoned."

"lorelai." He said as I looked up at him.

"fine, we can keep them. what do you want to name them?" I questioned.

"hm, let me think of a gender neutral name since we haven't brought them to the vet yet.."

"okay." I looked down at the puppy, and it was glaring at me.

"what about.. raven?" Ranboo asked.

chapter 14.
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[ words ]
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2040.