Today was Mother's Day a day I dreaded and a day my mother looked forward to.

I hated it cuz my mother always expects something big yet I always seem to disappoint

"Good morning" my mother said "morning" I said "here's ur breakfast" my mother said placing a plate on the table "oh um I dunno if I'll be able to finish it" i said looking at the plate "at least have some" she said

"Kay" I said knowing I will throw the food out
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My mother was pissed that on her special day she still has to work.

But she didn't leave till she watch me eat all of my food. "Bye my beautiful girls" my mother said to me and my sister "bye mommy" my sister said as my mother left

Immediately I locked my self in the bathroom. I turned on the fouset and grabbed my toothbrush. I lifted up the toilet seat cover as I put the toothbrush deep into my throat.

I wanted to get better. I really did.

But I just couldn't.

I turned on the sink as I drank the water and spit it out.
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My face pale, as my vision started to get blurry my breathing started getting heavy

"Are you okay?" My sister asked "I'm-I- fine" I said but soon everything went black.
-
My eyes blinking awake I look around and I realized I'm at a hospital "what the fuck" I said rubbing my eyes "oh baby your okay" my mother said "what happened?" I asked seeing my mom and sister "you passed out sweetie" my mom said "I did?" I asked "your lucky your sister called 911" my mom said "yeah..." I agreed

"Hello my names Nina and I'd like to talk to Ellie if that's possible" the doctor said "oh yes of course go ahead" my mother said leaving the room with my sister

"So your sister told us what happened. Care to explain?" She said "what did she tell you?"I asked

"Well for starters she told us that the second your mom left the house you locked your self in the bathroom. She said all she could hear is the faucet.  She also mentioned that u don't eat often. Is that true?"

I was stunned.

"She told you that?" I asked

"We deal with kids like you all the time, we can help you" she said "I don't need helping"I said in a very angry tone
-
When I got home my mother had me stay in bed

"We have to talk about something in the morning, okay?" My mother said

"...okay...oh I forgot happy Mother's Day" I said to my mom

"Mother's day was yesterday." She said leaving

Oh
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I heard a knock on the door before it opened I turned at the door to see Lynn

Gosh I didn't want her to see me in this state, I was extremely pale with my curly hair in a messy bun

"Hey" she said walking near my bed "hi" I said " I heard what happened, you good?"

I sighed "Never better" I said with a smile she laid next to me on my bed as I put my head on her shoulder

"How do you not feel disgusted every time you look at me, for- for what I do to my self" I said  "because I'll always love you"

Did Lynn just say she loves me

"Im confused are we...you know dating now?" I asked "i mean if ya want" she smirked as I rolled my eyes and shifted closer to her
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"Honey I think you should see a therapist" my mother said "..what?!" I said my face, pure anger "the doctor said they think-"

"Like I give a fuck about what the doctor said!" I yelled "don't yell-" "I'm not going! I'm not going!" I yelled "it's not up for debate!" She said matching my tone "that's fine I'll just tell them what they want to hear" I said lowering my tone "why would you do that?"

"Because I don't wanna go!" I said "why don't you wanna go?!"

"Because I'm scared!"

"I'm scared of what I'm doing to myself...the other day a...a chunk of my hair came off" I said  honestly

"That's why you're going so they can help you."
-
It's been a week and I've been sorta better, not really. But I've been able to be my usual self.

"I'm glad your here Ellie, I'm gonna tell you straight off I'm not gonna try to twist your arm or control you" the therapist said "okay"

"Just to let you know...I understand your pain, I was anorexic so I know what it's like" she said

"you where lucky" I said with a straight face

"Why do you think I was lucky?" " Cause you didn't have to think about food. You just didn't eat." I said looking at the papers that laid on her desk " well that's not true. I always thought about food I thought about it. I dreamt about it. I was always starving and I was out of control like you." "You aren't out of control. you just stuck to your diet...and I can't"

"Yeah I stuck to my diet, now I break my bones all the time, and I'm sterile...I'm not tryna scare you"

"I know how this whole therapy thing works ya know" "yeah I do know in fact, so does that mean that mean you know my tricks? Or that you can't trust me?" "No" "do you think I'm in some kind of cahoots with your mom?"

"Cahoots?" I laughed

"I don't need this" I said "I've meet dozens of girls like you, they say the same thing and trust me they really did need this...Im here to help you understand why you do it.there is always a reason "

"I know it's sick, but I don't do it everyday I- I only did it when I ate to much"

"And when you feel full?"she asked

"We don't have to talk about food, what does you dad do?"she asked

"He's dead"I said

"Oh I'm sorry" she said "don't be it's not your fault"

"What about your mom?" She asked "okay I don't know why all of this is irrelevant" I snapped

"It's not" she said looking at me

"We are here to talk about you, and to help you."

"You say that over and over but you haven't done shit!" I yelled yet she still had the same face on.

"It takes time, trust and courage. Do you have all or that"

"No"
-
Ive been seeing the same therapist once a week and I still feel the same.

Today I decided i wanted to go to the louds house I tried my hair the best I could into 2 pigtails that rested in the front on my shoulder

It was dark out,I still choose to walk that's when I saw a familiar little girl

"Lisa?!" I said to the poor girl that was shivering "oh hey Ellie are you coming to my game?or are you going to Lynn's game too" Lisa said "oh Lisa your shivering" I said taking off my jacket

"And I'd love to come to your game, come on let's get there together" I said to her as she smiled
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"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!" I yelled across the phone to Lynn "what do you mean?" She said "you left your little sister to walk on her own in the cold night while you left to ur game!" I said pissed

"Are you talking about Lisa?" She asked "well who else" "you do know I have 9 sisters" "that's not the point, her game is about to start, bye" I said hanging up
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Ellie phone call stunned me did she go to Lisa's game instead for mine?

"Give me a w" "w" "give me a I" "I" "give me an n" "n" "what's that spell?" "Win!"

The spelling reminded me of Lisa and her game.

Then all of a sudden Ellie and Lisa sat in the passenger seat with Lisa on Ellie lap

"Give me an L! Give me a y! Give me a double N! What's that spell?" Lisa said "Lynn!" "Who broke her promise?" "Lynn?" "Who crushed my soul?" "Lynn!" "Who's gonna regret it forever?" "Lynn!"

I snapped out of my head "turn the van around!" I yelled to my dad
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"You're out! Next up Lisa " the Lady said as I cheered for Lisa

"When the easy gets tuff-" Lisa Said "tuff gets going" Lynn finished

"You came" Lisa smiled brightly "ya kidding I wouldn't miss it for the world" Lynn's said giving Lisa her hat. Lynn stood next to me as I turned to her "you really did come" I smiled "well you where pretty mad on the phone" she said putting her hand around my shoulder. I scoffed "you such a dick" I said as she laughed

"I'll take a home run" Lisa said as everyone looked shocked

"The word is 'ubiquitous'" the boy said

"U-b-I-q-u-I-t-o-u-s, ubiquitous!" Lisa said

That's when she won the game "Lisa" they chanted.
-
"Please please please" she said making everyone stop chanting "keep it going" she said as they did as they was told

"I think I'm gonna head home" I said to Lynn "oh come on aren't you gonna eat?" How did she know I didn't eat "what?" I said immediately "yeah my dad got pizza" she said with a smile "oh! Oh yeah no um I ate already" I said slightly touching my nose

"Oh come on Ellie I know your lying" she said looking at me in a worried look on her face "look I'm not gonna force you to eat, but I'd like it if you stayed" Lynn said as I finally looked up at her. I sighed "fine" I smiled
-
"I'll wait in your room" she said "Kay I'll be up there in a minute" I said as I watched her go up the stairs

I was worried for her. I mean i just found out that she forces herself to vomit and she wasn't the one that even told me. And im worried that there is so much more I don't know about her.that's she hides, from not only me but her family.

I sighed as I ate my pizza, I really cared for Ellie I wanted her to feel safe, to be safe.
-
"Hello" I heard a voice behind me "holy- Lucy you scared me" I said to the girl "do you always sleep in here?" I asked talking about her room "no I usually sleep in the basement while I watch my favorite show with Edwin" she said holding up a vampire on a stick "cool" I said to her "I was just grabbing my candle" she said as I nodded as she left

I made myself comfortable on Lynn's bed I was tired, I always am. My eyes started to slowly close till I felt hands wrap around me I slowly turned around due to my tiredness to face Lynn but then slowly going back to my position

"Your cute when your tired" Lynn said putting her face in the crook of my neck "I'm always tired" I said "exactly" she said also closing her eyes

"You know I can't believe this is the second time you've been to one of my sisters stuff but haven't came to a single game of mine" Lynn said "are we serious gonna talk about this again?" I said

"Well yeah, I just think it's kinda ya know" she said "unfair" she whispered in my ear "I'll go to your next game" I said "you promise?" She said "pinky promise" I smiled "good cause I'd love you there"she said giving me a kiss on my cheek "I know" I said as she laughed

"Ya know I've been thinking, I kinda want our relationship to be...secret" I said "what?" She said "yeah I mean I don't really want people getting on my case" I said "oh um that's okay I guess" Lynn said in a sad tone "thanks for understanding" I said to her

"No problem..."
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