By private he meant sa likod ng karinderya. Marami akong gusto sabihin sakaniya kaso hindi ko alam kung saan magsisimula.
"Stop interfering. Para wala tayong problema."
"Problema? Ano ba ang problema natin dito? Ang paghihimasok ko na sinasabi mo na hindi ko naman alam kung ano?!"
Tinikom niya ang bibig niya. He want to say lol something pero hindi niya tinutuloy. What? I want him to say something! Say what he knows!
"Ano? Tell me what you know!"
"Everything! I know everything! I'm the one who caused this all! I've been doing this for so long without a problem then you showed up!"
"Ano?" hingal na hingal na sabi ko. Sa sobrang inis ko kanina, hindi na normal ang paghinga ko. Pati siya, hingal na hingal siya. Tinignan namin ang isa't isa. Pareho kaming pagod at hingal. Pareho kaming naiinis sa nangyayari.
"I know everything... I remember it all..." Mas lalo ko siyang tinignan na nagtataka.
"Then why..." I can't even know what to say. It's too much. "Bakit ginagan'to mo 'ko?" He was shocked and confused at the same time.
I had a hard time keeping it all. I had a hard time thinking what is happening, what am I supposed to do. I even doubted my whole existence and going here back and forth!
"You always confuse me! Magbibigay ka ng sign tapos babawiin mo rin! I just want you all to remember me! Ang hirap sa akin na magkunware na hindi ko rin kayo kilala! Ang hirap pumunta rito araw araw para lang umasa na maalala niyo ako at bumalik lahat sa dati..." I didn't hide any emotions from him. I didn't wiped my tears that kept on streaming down my face. I'm too tired from pretending. I'm too tired to make it looked okay when I didn't want all of these to happen.
"Then, why the hell are you still coming back?" he asked. Mas lalo akong nainis sakaniya. I glared at him.
"Because I cherish all of you. Kayo ang una kong kaibigan. All of you let me feel how to live and be me." I kept on sobbing but we only stare at each other. "Nakakatawa, 'no? Kung sino pa 'yong nagpapasaya sa 'yo, sila rin pala wawasak no'ng kasiyahan na binigay nila." Umiwas siya ng tingin at hinilamos ang mukha sa frustration.
May gusto akong malaman. Natatakot ako tanungin siya. Tumahimik kami saglit. Nakatingin lang kami kung saan habang dinadama ang lamig ng hangin.
"Ikaw... Ikaw ba may kagagawan nito?"
He didn't answer. Bumuntong hininga lang siya. I badly wanted to know. Alam kong hindi impossible 'yon. Hindi na ako naniniwala na may imposible simula nang makapunta ako rito.
"Yes." Long silence. After that, he didn't talk. He didn't even explain how and why.
"Bakit? Bakit kailangan mo ulitin lahat?"
"I always repeat all of it." My brows furrowed. What does he mean? He sighed and looked me in the eyes. There's only longing and loneliness there... "Before you came, I was repeating it. Tuwing namamatay sila..."
His parents, right?
"Tuwing namamatay sila, I didn't know what to do. I was so fucking lost that time. My whole life... I was so damn devastated." Yumuko siya. I heard his small sob. "You came... Hindi kita maalala at wala akong alam kung bakit ka napadpad dito. Simula no'n, everything changed! Ang hirap mangapa. Dati, alam ko ang gagawin ko dahil kabisado ko na ang mangyayari. But you fucking came."
I slowly sat on the floor. So... Everything was really my fault, huh? Everything that happened and is happening right now was really my fault after all. The only one who needs to be blame was me...
"Inis na inis ako dahil hindi ko alam kung saan ka galing. You kept on messing up with my memories. Every single day, I'm always figuring out how and why are you fucking here. I was so damn lost with my own memories." He let out a small chuckle. "I wanted you to leave and got outta my way. Pero bigla na lang kita hinahanap hanap. Ayaw kong nawawala ka sa paningin o sa tabi ko. Tapos bigla ka na lang nawala sa harap ko... I didn't believe at first... Dumoble ang sakit no'ng maisip ko na baka kasabay ng pagkamatay nila, mawawala ka. I immediately repeat my memories again. Hoping that you'll come back, but you didn't... Now, my memories are getting back to normal and I'm slowly moving on from you, but you fucking came again."
Wala na akong maisip kung hindi yakapin siya at sabihin kung sino ba talaga ako. I only focused on what I go through, not knowing that he go through much worst than mine.
"I'm sorry..." I said, almost a whisper. I wiped my tears away. "So, everything will be go back when I'm gone... right?"
He immediately looked at me and shook his head. Mukhang alam na niya agad ang gagawin ko. Alam kong ito lang ang magagawa ko para sakaniya. After all, this is my fault.
"Don't go... Please... I'll endure it all! I will fucking endure it all! Please... Don't leave again..." Umiling agad ako at umiyak sa harap niya.
Lumapit siya at lumuhod sa harap ko. Nagkapantay na kami kaya pinunasan niya ang luha sa pisngi ko.
Tumayo ako kaya tumayo rin siya. I tiptoed to held his cheeks.
"This is the only--" He cut me off by kissing the back of my hand. He slowly looked at me with teary eyes.
"I told you, I will endure all of it. Just don't fucking leave me," he said almost begging.
I shooked my head. I need to... This is the only thing he could be free.
"You need to accept it. We're not meant for each other. You deserve better and I deserve better, but we're not better together."
"Then, let's make ourselves better for each other!" I bit my lower lip when he shouted. "Bakit ang dali sa 'yong iwan ako?! Ang dali sa 'yo iwanan ako at ang dali mo rin bumalik na parang wala lang! And I'm here! Ang dali bumalik sa 'yo. Fuck." He covered his face.
I looked up and saw the stars, shining brightly. I smiled at him. He looked away. He knows he can't stop me anymore. I just want to save him... We endure so much pain when we're together... We need to let go...
"'Till the stars let us meet again," I said while smiling at him. I was about to go when he asked me again.
"Why are you doing this to me?"
"I want to save you from all of these."
After I said those words. I wished to go back to my world. But he said something to me that I didn't had the chance to respond.
"I don't need you to save me!" That was his last word before I brought back to my time. I saw him said something else, but I didn't heard it.
I looked at the corner of my room. So... that was really it... We really let each other go.
I looked at the stars. I smiled at it.
Thank you for letting me experience the life I always wanted even for a little amount of time. Now, I need to face the real world.
Hope to see you soon, My Universe.