My heart is ramming itself against my rib cage

I've gone deaf from the blood pounding in my ears.

Sight claimed as I'm experiencing caffeinated vertigo

With my chest constricted my lungs can't inflate.

Dizziness overtakes me as I spiral out of control

Intense feelings saturate my entire body inside and out

Anxiety is at the forefront of this tumultuous war

Fear accompanies this anxious state as second in command

Bruises form all over my skin from gripping my arms so tight

I'm quaking and shaking incapable of a logical mindset

Finally managing to gulp down air is like swallowing a porcupine

There's an immobilizing tension keeping me trapped in this condition

Brain cells are trying to form a thought but forgot the superglue

It's as if I'm a slave who has hands bound by fear and failure

Feet shackled to a concrete block then into a lake sinking to oblivion

This constant battle inside me isn't always noticeable though

In fact most of the time I'm the only one who experiences it.

But then there are times when I lose the ability to contain the panic

It rises up faster and faster erupting like a volcano of never-ending lava

Attempting to stop it is like putting my arm in a lion's mouth and asking for it not to be eaten

Seems a waste of time to explain this to you when you could never understand

Don't you dare say you know exactly how I feel because I promise you don't'

All I want is to be free of this debilitating daily suffocation

In the moment having it brushed aside as drama is the last thing I need

Panic attacks are my reality, constant reminders of never being normal

If I could cut out this cancerous toxic anxiety I would do so without a second thought

Not having complete control of myself paralyzes me with fear

Severe anxiety is like being cornered in a dark alley with no escape

Appearances can be deceiving since you can't see on the inside I'm screaming

Help me please, I yell but you hear nothing because anxiety soundproofed my body

Freedom is but wishful thinking or have you not seen the bulletproof glass

Desperation is the long lost twin that anxiety takes pleasure in goading

Grow up, people say, it can't possibly be that hard

For your information hard is the level anxiety is always playing at

You say I don't look anxious, that I must be mistaken

Oh yeah sure, it's an act, just the role of a lifetime that I never asked for

Peace is obtainable according to you, you jest, I'll never know true serenity

Tell me how to get it through your head that this is no joke

Downplaying what I'm going through just makes you ignorant

Few people can handle my zero to a hundred in a second emotional explosions

How am I supposed to be successful with one hand behind my back

Stop saying things will get better and could always be worse

Thins will never get better and nothing is worse than this.

So regardless of the fact that I am not match for myself and the chemicals of my brain

Every day that I wake up and get on with life is a triumph

Forgetting anxiety is impossible for it sets reminders to daily disrupt my life

Knowing that at any moment things could take a turn for the worst makes me queasy

While I try to make sure that this nightmare stays mine and mine alone

Searching for my PTSD's kryptonite would be a good use of your time

Hoping for anxiety to give up is a laughable concept through and through

Because it doesn't own anything white so it won't ever retreat

Maintaining relationships is difficult when all I do is wait for them to walk away

Those that don't have made me question my expectations and I cherish those who've stayed

Truthfully I've no idea why this is the thorn in my side that keeps drawing blood saying I'm still here

Honestly telling you this is how I protect myself in case you witness my weakness and run the other way

Sooner or later people disappear when I become too overwhelming or too annoying

Silence now envelopes me all light fading leaving me at the mercy of my anxiety once again