"Oh my god. Is she okay?" I began to cry as Gabby was bought back into the room. She was awake and she was wearing a oxygen mask.

"Yes Mr Casey. She's fine. She had some small surgery. Some stitches, she's on antibiotics as well but she should be up and good in a little while." The doctor smiled before leaving. Everyone in the room, Boden, all of squad and all of truck gathered round her bed. She smiled as she sat up. She had to keep the mask on but she had a massive smile on her face.

"Can I have my baby?" She smiled.

*
"Gabby...no...do you not remember what happened?"

"I gave birth then I had surgery?" I smiled.

"You can't hold your daughter."

"I had a little girl?" I began to cry as I got up and out of bed, taking the mask off and slowly and painfully walking to the incubator. I felt heartbroken when I saw my daughter. "She's so small..." I wasn't even allowed to touch her because the risk of infection was so high. Apparently mum had gone home without seeing her granddaughter and I just felt devastated. Almost like I'd let everyone down. Especially the little girl laying in front of me hardly even alive.

"I can't even think of a name.."

"Usually we don't recommend naming your baby or building a bond with it until 6 weeks of improvement because born this early this is a easy chance baby can die." My midwife smiled. He squeezed my shoulder before leaving the room just full of family and friends. I sighed and rested my head and my hand against the glass of the incubator. She was the cutest little thing ever. The new midwife that come in explained to me that my engagement ring would be 5times to big for my daughters arms and legs. That's how small she was. How heartbreaking I can't hold my daughter because she's so small, all her major organs don't work properly. She isn't fully developed. Her eyes won't open. Her head is smaller than a apple. I couldn't help but the tears falling from my eyes. I held Matt's hand as he knelt next to me.

"I want to name her." I smiled.

"You can pick a name for her then." He smiled.

"Um...how about Adara Anna Dawson Casey?" I smiled.

"Adara Anna." He smiled.

"Adara Anna?" Kelly smiled, I stood up and smiled going over to him.

"Yes.."

"I love it. Thank you. Anna. It's so appreciated."

"Ruby and Adara." I smiled.

* *

Adara was 5 days old and so far there had been 11 rounds of CPR. I wasn't sleeping, I had puffy lifeless eyes and I felt sick and so fed up. Matt had been to the hospital a few times with me but spend most of his time at work. I wasn't coping well at all but I refused to let it show. I wasn't sure what to do. I couldn't work or even go home. I was still in hospital finally on a ward now. A ward with other mum's. Sometimes I was allowed Adara with me but a lot of the time she was in surgery or ICU. Today was the hardest day for me. I was laying in the bed, under the quilt, hands resting on my tummy over the quilt, I was sitting up some what and all the other 5 women on the ward were awake, up and about and all had their healthy, lovely, wonderful babies. I was just watching my hands as I noticed how badly I was shaking. I could already feel the tears rolling down my cheeks. I did see another women looking at me as I caught her eye she smiled. Then she said something quietly and all the other mums sat up on the edge of the bed's with their babies.

"Want to join?" Someone smiled.

"I can't really." I sighed.

"How comes? It's only a mummy and baby bonding club." She smiled bouncing her baby on her arm. I just shook my head. I shut my eyes again as the tears came again. I was waiting for Boden and Ruby to come and see me but I didn't know when or where they were going to be. I heard the door's come in and a nurse came in. She came right over to me.

"Gabby?"

"What's wrong? Has something happened?" I was pretty much hysterical.

"Adara's heart stopped again. We are doing CPR right now. Is it okay if you come with me to be there for her?" She smiled, I nodded and got out of bed, putting my slippers and a cardigan on. I took a little teddy bear off the end of my bed and followed her down the hallway and into the ward. There were 3 doctors there. 1 doing CPR, 1 checking her vitals and the 3rd holding her arms and legs down on the bed. I stood there in the corner of the room shaking, holding the teddy.

"Can you tell me what's going on?" I managed a smile.

"So Adara's heart stopped and it has caused a seizure."

"Will she be okay though?"

"We aren't too sure yet." The nurse stood next to me, pulled me into her arm so my head was resting against hers. I wasn't sure if I was about to be sick or scream. She finally came back into sinus rhythm and she was given some medication in her cannula which stopped the seizure.

"Gabby will you allow us to perform open heart surgery on Adara? It's the only way we can help her right now." The doctor smiled, holding my arm.

"I mean when do I need to decide by?"

"We'll give you about 15 minutes? But we'll come to the ward and get you a consent form?" He smiled, I was escorted back to the ward. All the mums were back in their own beds doing their own thing. With their babies or on their phones. I sat back on the end of the bed and made a phone call. Hoping Matt would answer.

"Hey. What's up?"

"Matt. I have 15 minutes to decide if I consent to Adara having open heart surgery?" I sighed beginning to cry.

"Oh my god. Gabby why didn't you tell me?" He shouted.

"I'm telling you now!" I cried, I hung up and threw my phone down on the bed. I sat down and squeezed the teddy bear in my hands. Clearly the 15 minutes went so quickly because before I knew it 2 doctors come in and handed me the form. I quickly signed it before I changed my mind and handed it to them and they practically ran off and took Adara straight through to surgery. I sat back on the bed. Crying into the quilt. I didn't know what else to do. I wanted to scream, punch stuff, just completely flip out. I was so absolutely angry, I was heartbroken. She was so little so how was she meant to deal with a open heart surgery. I felt someone touch my arm and as I looked up Boden, Matt, Ruby, Kelly, Cruz, Capp, Herman, Mouch, Otis and Brett were all stood there smiling with take out food, some more food, drinks, blankets and just all the stuff I could of asked for. I sat up and hugged every single one of them. They literally sat on blankets on the floor at the side of my bed, Ruby climbed up and both her and Matt laid either side of me to keep me company. Kelly sat on the side where Ruby was and held my hand across Ruby's side. Everyone sat around the bed out of the way on the floor on the blankets and we all shared out the takeout food and warm drinks. I think overall we were awake and all talking for 8 hours and still Adara wasn't out of surgery. It was scary, emotionally and physically exhausting. I was still awake like everyone else. Matt had taken Ruby to get some food, Kelly was still holding my hand and had been all night. Boden was asleep and Brett was leaning on him but the majority were still awake. There was the other mums and babies on the ward all awake as well.

"How comes your not asleep?" I smiled at Louise. The main women I had been speaking too.

"Because none of us are sleeping until we know Adara is okay." She smiled.

"Oh guys. No come on. You all need to sleep. You need to!"

"Nope. Mums stick together. Also looks like you have a amazing family support there in your firehouse." I nodded and squeezed Kelly's hand as he smiled at me. The doctor from earlier come in and held the door open. 2 porters come in and left Adara's incubator next to my bed. In front of Kelly. She looked beautiful. She had a rather large amount of padding and dressings under her baby grow. She was clearly in pain but couldn't cry because of the breathing tube that went into her mouth and down her throat.

"The surgery went amazing. It is really good how well she is doing. She is on pain meds. We are hoping if you would like to though you can hold her?"

"Right now?" I smiled getting tearful.

"Oh yeah. Right now. Want to get yourself prepared?" He smiled. Kelly let go of my hand. Matt and Ruby come in, everyone sat up to watch. I placed the pink blanket carefully on my lap incase she was sick. I undone the top 3 buttons on my PJ top so the very top of my chest and shoulder was exposed for skin to skin. This is the first time I was going to touch her. Like at all. I wasn't sure what she felt like. Her eyes weren't even open. Really I had no idea about my daughter at all. Hopefully she would look like Ruby. Ruby had frizzy dark brown hair and it was just lovely. Adara did have some hair but it looked strange on her tiny head. The doctor picked her up and I was shaking as he went to pass the baby over to me my brain stopped.

"No. Stop. No please I can't do it. Please put her down again." I sighed buttoning up my top. Kelly squeezed my hand again. I smiled slightly at Matt as the doctor made sure all her wires were set out as he laid Adara back down. I just laid on my side watching her with my hand resting against the glass in stead. Matt kissed my head and everyone went back to doing their own thing.

"I love you." Matt smiled.

"I love you too."