THEY HAD LEARNED FROM THEIR MISTAKES. After the disastrous skills lab from two weeks ago, the hospital had chosen to let them practice on computerised simulators. Courtney would never forget that moment. Whenever she ran into Dr. Hunt, she still couldn't get that image out of her brain of him stabbing the pigs one by one. She had been so very excited when she had heard that Dr. Watkins had needed her to assist that day, giving her a good excuse to skip the skills lab. (Also should be noted that Courtney and Mark had spent a big part of their night ranting and venting to each other about the trauma surgeon.) So, seeing a big computerised doll in front of her instead of pigs felt like a huge relief to her.

"How are the diaries? Feel closer to your mother yet?" Alex asked from beside her.

Courtney scoffed as she crossed her arms over her chest, "It's interesting to say the least. She might have been the world's worst mother, but she was one hell of a surgeon. I have to give her that. Does it make me see her in a better light? Not really. The woman I knew and the woman I read about in those journals seem like two different people to me."

Meredith and Derek had recently found more of their mother's old journals while they were cleaning up. The latter really wanted an office where he can come to rest and won't be disturbed by everyone in the house. Apparently there had been more than one journal. Ellis Grey had basically transcribed a big chunk of her life at Seattle Grace. Courtney had been a bit hesitant at first. However after some thought and talking with her sister, she decided to read them after all. 'Mom might not have been a lot of help to us, but at least Dr. Ellis Grey can teach us some things.' Meredith had said.

Together with Meredith and Cristina, Courtney was now going through the journals. They often had some night calls talking about what they were reading. It was fun to do and a new way to bond with her friends. However, her boyfriend thought differently. There had been some nights where she had kept him up and/or woke him up by being on the phone with Cristina and Meredith. He loved getting back at her and ended up saying her name loud enough to make sure that the other two on the other line could hear him. It had raised some questions from time to time. Luckily Meredith and Cristina were either too focused on the conversation going on or too engulfed in the reading. If they had heard, Courtney managed to keep all suspicion off of her, while putting a hand over Mark's mouth to stop him from making noise again.

He apparently found her extra attractive when she did that.

"How are things going with Izzie? Still living on cloud nine?" Courtney asked, while she saw George and Izzie walking into the room deep in conversation.

Alex nodded, "Mmmh, everything's still good. What about you?"

"Me?"

"Yeah, you, who else am I talking to?"

"I'm not dating anyone though." Courtney lied through her teeth, trying to keep her face straight. They still hadn't told people that they were dating, which was more Courtney's idea than Mark's. He had absolutely no issues against going public, but Courtney however...

She still wanted to keep things quiet for a while. She wasn't ready yet, which he understood. However all of that didn't mean that it didn't hurt. She was lying to all of her friends and family. It hurt even more when Mark was around when she had to say those words. Looking at his face while she had to say it was even more heartbreaking.

"You're going to end up dying alone if you keep this up. It's not as if you are too ugly to date anyone. If it's the dating that you're against, then keep it casual? Find a stress reliever." Alex said as she shook her body, making her laugh a bit.

"Yeah, no, I'm good. You're overly interested in my love life, you sure that you're okay?"

"I can't have my one and only friend be like this," Alex put his arm over her shoulder. "This hurts my reputation too, you know."

"Oh, shut up!"

Once everyone was present in the skills lab, Richard Webber started speaking, "Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce: Stan. State-of-the-art computerised patient simulator. Stan can educate you in airway management, trauma assessment and care. He breathes, he pulsates, he seizes, he haemorrhages, he secretes. And he speaks; hello, Stan."

"Hello, doctor. I'm not feeling well."

"Stan'll tell you what he needs. He's more forgiving than most patients. You kill him, he'll keep coming back for more. Make good use of him, people." The Chief explained before swiftly leaving the room again.

Some already had their complaints about what they were practicing on this time. Their resident stepped forward. She only had to utter some words to shut them up immediately. "When the chief decides who gets the first solo surgery, be ready."

"Solo surgery?

"I do not know what it will be, I do not know when it will be. I do know that the winner should be prepared to do any surgical procedure, and will choose one intern to scrub in. So practice your skills, impress your attendings and do not make me look stupid," She looked up at them with a stern gaze. "Grey, Stevens, you're with Hahn. Grey with Shepherd. Yang, the pit. Karev and O'Malley, you're Skills Lab. Get to know —" Bailey didn't even get to finish her sentence because the two men ran up to the robot to, well, basically fight over it.

With a roll of her eyes, Courtney followed her fellow residents out of the skills lab. They all went their separate ways; Cristina went left, Meredith and Izzie went forward, while Courtney went right. A case with Shepherd. She let out a sigh. "Today's gonna be a hard day, I can tell." She muttered to herself. The days where she had to work with Derek were never really fun. Something always went wrong.

Odd.

Did it have something to do with Shepherd? Maybe, who knows. Or perhaps it was just all coincidental. On days she liked Derek less, she liked to blame it on him. On better days though, he was exempted from being the scapegoat. Courtney was warming up to him again. She could tolerate him more was perhaps a better way of saying. It wasn't like she was going to go out of her way to talk to him, but it wasn't like she hated his guts anymore. He made Meredith happy. That was all that mattered in her eyes.

"You look deep in thought." Valerie Rivera said as she tapped Courtney on the shoulder to get her attention. She greeted the blonde with a kind and warm smile like she always did.

Courtney smiled back, "Huh, oh! It's been a while, Valerie. It feels like months have passed by since I last saw you. How are you? And how's the little one?" Her ocean blue eyes travelled down to Valerie's stomach.

Valerie couldn't help but smile even brighter as she placed her hand on her growing stomach, "Good, good. This week is my last week before I go on maternity leave. I'm welcoming a break with open arms," She laughed. "Even though I reduced my work load, I'm just tired. So, just relaxing at home seems very, very nice at the moment. But how are you? Tell me how you're doing!"

"I'm doing well. I feel like my life is back on track," Courtney let out an awkward chuckle. "But yeah, I'm doing well. Solo surgery is coming up as well, which is exciting to say the least. Life is good right now and I hope it stays that way."

☤☤☤

THE DAY WAS GOING SURPRISINGLY WELL. Suspicious. The surgery Courtney had had with Shepherd had ended not that long ago. Everything had gone smoothly, no complications. The patient seemed to be doing fine, so hopefully they would continue to do so. While Derek had moved onto his next surgery with Bailey, the blonde resident had found herself a place at a nurses' station. A bunch of charts in front of her that she needed to check. A pile that never seemed to get shorter. She let out a yawn as she played around with the pen in her hands.

"You seem tired. Someone keep you up all night?" Callie teased as she took a sip of her coffee. Out of this entire hospital, Callie was one of the few who knew about the secret relationship.

Courtney stopped spinning the pen around and turned to face Callie, "Yeah, my dead mother." She had to admit that the look on Callie's face was pretty hilarious. She had to hold in her laugh.

Callie on the other hand had to stop herself from spitting out the coffee, "Your what? Ah, the journals? How are those by the way? Learn anything useful from your mom?"

"Mmmh, I'm learning some things here and there. Do you all think that I would lose myself or something? You and Alex keep on asking about my mom's journals. I'm not gonna go insane, don't worry. Half of the time I forget that it's my mother I'm reading about. The Ellis I know is nothing like the one I'm reading about." Courtney explained, looking down at the page. A hint of pain flashed in her eyes.

She couldn't deny that deep down inside her heart broke piece by piece as she turned on a page. She couldn't describe how painful it was to read her mother complain about her children or not even mention them. It often seemed like the Ellis in the journals didn't even have children, even though by that time both Meredith and Courtney were already born.

"You can always call me, you know? Or talk to you know who if he's around. I just don't want to see you wasting yourself away again", Callie said, putting her hand on Courtney's shoulder. "How's Meredith feeling about the journals?"

"Mmmh, I know, I know. Present me learned from past me. And Mer," Courtney let out a small sigh as she let her chin rest in her hand. "She's pretty excited. Same with Cristina. They're like children in a store, wanting more and more. Meredith has always been more forgiving than me. I don't think she feels affected much. But again, Cals, I am completely fine. There's no need to worry about me, okay? How about you though? And Erica?"

Now it was Callie's turn to sigh, "It feels like we're in a limbo? We're doing fine, just fine. Not good, not bad, just fine. After I told her that sex with her wasn't as enjoyable for me as it was for her, she hasn't been the same. She pretends she's okay, but I doubt it. The smile on her lips seems fake. I feel like she's still mad at me. I don't know what I did wrong. It's not like I cheated on her or something."

Courtney looked up at Callie, "Mmmh, just try to give her some more time maybe? I don't know. It's not like I know Erica well enough to give you more advice. Maybe her ego got bruised a bit? I really don't know", Her hand raked through her blonde hair. "Honestly though, Callie, I am happy that you didn't follow Mark's dumb advice. Sometimes I really wonder what's going on in that head of his."

"Well, you're the one that's stuck with him. Not me." Callie couldn't help but laugh as Courtney rolled her eyes. She gently slapped her friend's thigh as she muttered something along the lines of not stuck. Suddenly, Callie's pager started pinging, signalling that their conversation was over.

Before Callie walked away, Courtney squeezed her hand, "I really hope that things clear up soon. I like seeing you happy, Callie. You've been through enough with George and all. You deserve a happy relationship without a lot of drama."

Callie smiled brightly and squished Courtney's cheeks with her hands, "You're really cheesy sometimes, you know that right? It's not a bad thing though. It's very endearing", The blackhaired resident leaned a bit closer to whisper in her ear. "Mark's really really lucky with someone like you."

Courtney rolled her eyes with a small smile on her face. She motioned with her hands for Callie to get moving; she shouldn't keep whoever paged her waiting for long. Once Callie was gone, the blonde focused back on the charts in front of her. Courtney let out a deep sigh as she twirled her pen around again.

That day was one of those days where she wished all the paperwork would just disappear. Most days (not all though!) she found a certain joy in catching up on the dreaded paperwork. She could just sit back and calm her mind in a way.

However that day wasn't one of those days.

Courtney let out a groan as she buried her face in her arms. Her head was now resting on her folded arms on the desk. Her ocean blue eyes were staring out in the distance. A smile appeared on her face as she saw Eva Romero waving at her as she passed by her. With one last sigh, Courtney pushed herself up and tried to focus on her work. The pen glided over the paper. The papers rustled as she turned them over.

"It's unbelievable, huh."

"What is?"

"Remember Denny Duquette? Well, apparently the man whose heart got stolen for him is in this hospital. It's a bit sad. Imagine how his life had turned out if he had been given the heart. Still can't believe she got to keep her job after that. She really —"

Courtney got up from her chair abruptly, leaving her charts for what they were. She tried to act normal as she walked through the hallways. She held her hand against her mouth as she felt like puking. Her stomach was turning inside out. Her face looked oddly pale, which she caught in the reflection of glass. She couldn't believe that she was back here again. It's been months — almost a year — since the whole Denny situation.

Hadn't they gone through enough then?

She burst into an empty on-call room in one of the more empty hallways. Barely anyone came here. After she had discovered the room a while ago, it had become a bit of her hide-out whenever she needed it. Every now and then it turned into a secret meeting spot for Courtney and Mark. He paged her there whenever he missed the touch of her body.

That day was not one of those days. In despair, she crashed on the floor with her back softly touching the frame of the bed. Her head was resting on her knees, which were tightly pressed against her body.

The world around Courtney turned dark as she closed her eyes. She tried to breathe in and out in a controlled manner. For a couple of minutes, she sat there like that in the dark (she hadn't turned the lights on in the on-call room and the blinds weren't pulled up). The world was no longer disappearing right from under her. The peace was quickly disturbed when someone came into the room and took up some space next to her.

Mark Sloan gently took one of her hands off of her legs and interlocked it with his. He didn't say anything and just stayed beside her. Courtney ended up putting her head on his shoulders as she stretched out her now sore legs. Her eyes were open and stared at their interlocked hands. "Feeling better?" He broke the silence.

"Mmmh, I just. . . Do you remember Denny Duquette? About what happened?" Mark nodded. "From what I heard, the patient that the heart was stolen from is in the hospital today. Meredith and Izzie are on his case together with Hahn. I never thought that would happen. I thought it was all over and done with, which was naive of me, I know. All the things I did came rushing back. I felt like I was back there, standing at the end of a cliff, losing my balance over and over again."

"You're making it seem like you were the one who stole his heart right out of his chest."

"I basically did!"

Mark gave her hand a squeeze, "You didn't though, Court. Izzie Stevens did. She did all the damage, while you and your friends tried to clean it up. You were disciplined for what you did then, not asking help and trying to figure it out all alone. Your punishment is long over, while hers is still going on till this day. I'm not saying that whatever you are feeling doesn't matter, because it does. I want you to understand that you shouldn't worry over this anymore. Let Izzie deal with this. You care a lot about your friends I noticed, but don't let them ruin you."

"If she had robbed a bank, I would've been an accomplice. I would've ended up in jail because I drove the getaway car."

"Good thing she didn't rob a bank then. Although it would've been badass to have a girlfriend in jail. You're already hot, but imagine you with an orange jumpsuit looking intimidating and your posse behind you. You would be even more attractive." Mark said, squishing her face between his hands. A common thing people like to do that day apparently.

Courtney rolled her eyes as she let herself be pulled in for a sweet kiss. "Yeah, well, I appreciate my freedom, thank you very much. You can just stick to imaging because I am not throwing all those years of hard work away", She let go of his hand as she heard footsteps in the distance. Courtney remained quiet, fearing that someone would discover them. Once she no longer heard something, she let him hold her hand again. "Did Shepherd say something to you?"

"About what?"

"Meredith mentioned he was annoyed about us calling so late again. She said he was going to do something about it. I just wondered if he told you something about it."

Mark let out a laugh, remembering their conversation that very morning. "Yeah, he did. You could never ever guess what his genius plan was to stop the late nights. He asked me to seduce Cristina Yang, so she could have something to do at night beside talking with you two on the phone. He assumes that you'll stop calling too if they aren't calling you anymore."

"What? That's dumb and wrong on so many different levels. Mark, you're not some piece of meat that Derek can jiggle around. You're way more than being handsome. Being a "manwhore" isn't what defines you. If Derek has a problem with being woken up by our phone calls then he needs to do something about it himself. I don't want you to go around and try to seduce Cristina for his benefit — and that's not because we're dating. Even if I was not your girlfriend, I wouldn't want you doing that."

☤☤☤

NIGHT HAD FALLEN. The hospital was quieting down as visits were no longer allowed. The staff who had been working during the day hours were going home one by one. Emily Hanson and Rebekah Park were strolling through the hallways, trying to fill up their free time. The former had to take a night shift, while the latter had one last surgery on her plate before going home. They had found themselves in the basement area, after Rebekah had taken a wrong turn. To this day, she still couldn't get to a place without taking a wrong turn once.

"I told you we were wrong. Guess we're taking the long route again. This always happens when I'm alone with you." Emily teased her best friend, giving her a playful push with her hip.

Rebekah crossed her arms over her chest, "Yeah, well, not all of us are a walking map. This hospital is like a maze to me with my poor orientation skills." She could no longer count on her hands how many times she had gotten lost and ended up late to their rounds. Lately, she was lucky enough to realize on time she was wrong. She only had to urgently stop running and turn back like an idiot. At least it was better than being late again. She had gotten scolded a couple of times for her tardiness, but now Courtney no longer tried.

Rebekah was about to say something, but Emily motioned her to stop speaking and held her finger in front of her mouth, "Do you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"I don't know. I think I hear people talking. What are people doing here having fun in the basement? Don't you think this is a bit creepy?"

Rebekah deadpanned, "Hmmm, I don't know. Why would people be here where they are all alone?"

"It doesn't sound like that! I hear people talking as in having actual conversations", Emily said. "What if people are doing some shady business here? They might be selling hospital drugs or something."

"Stop being so paranoid, Em. I'm sure it's nothing big or crazy like that. Since you're so curious, come on, let's check it out." Rebekah grabbed Emily's wrist and tugged her along. They went closer to the origin of the noise and found themselves standing in front of a door. They peeked in through the glass. A group of four or five interns were gathered around a small table, hunched over something. Rebekah and Emily frowned at the sight.

"What are they doing there?" Emily whispered.

"I don't know. I can't see from here. Should we go in?"

Emily looked at her friend, "I don't know. Maybe? I don't know. Bekah, I don't want to be roped in whatever they are doing. No matter how I look at it, it does not look good."

Rebekah pursed her lips as she thought, "We can't just stay out here like creeps. Let's just go in and see what's going on. We'll leave the moment you feel uncomfortable, okay?" She held out her hand. "Just squeeze my hand if you want to leave. We won't stay there, I promise. I just need to know what they are up to,"

Hand in hand, the two friends walked into the room, making all the heads turn. The group of interns suddenly jumped up and turned around, hiding their arms behind their backs. They feared that someone higher up had entered the room. Something metal hit the floor as they were faced with Rebekah and Emily standing at the entrance.

"What are you guys doing?" Rebekah asked bravely. They stepped closer to them and saw what was lying on the box in between them.

Emily frowned, "Why do you have suture kits with you? And IV-needles? Is someone hurt? If someone is, you shouldn't try to fix this yourself. There are enough professionals upstairs."

Ryan Spalding, a newly assigned intern of Cristina Yang, decided to speak up. His arm was still hidden behind his back. "That's the problem! They're professionals and we're not. They won't even teach us how to be one."

"What are you even talking about? Who are they?"

"Our residents! Unlike you two, we are stuck with residents who refuse to teach us anything. While you get to do advanced procedures, we are struggling to put in an IV. So, we decided to take matters into our own hands. If they won't teach us, we'll find a way."

"He's right though. Not all of us have Courtney Grey as our mentor. You have no idea how hard it is to work under our own residents. We are treated like dirt under their shoes." Graciella Guzman added.

Steve joined the other three and said a loud yeah, while lifting up his arms in the air. His sleeves slid down a bit, showing suture marks on his arms. Rebekah and Emily's eyes opened widely in shock as they each went to inspect their friends' arms. "What the hell is this? You're practising on yourself? This is all kinds of wrong and not to mention dangerous?" Rebekah yelled.

"What else are we supposed to do?" Lexie wondered, letting out a deep sigh. "I don't want to almost kill someone again because I can't put in a simple chest tube."

Ryan went to sit down again and took a needle, "We used to do this all the time at Baylor. It's not a big deal. It's not that dangerous. Nobody ever died because of this. We're kind of out of options here. I didn't spend all my time in med school studying hard to fail during my internship. You don't have to join, but please keep quiet about this."

Rebekah gave them a weird look and mumbled something under her breath as she dragged Emily outside with her. They walked a bit further, so that they wouldn't be heard by them, "What are we gonna do? Should we tell doctor Grey?" Emily panicked.

Rebekah went with her hands through her hair, distressed, "I don't know. I really don't know. We should tell Peter and Sam tomorrow and ask them what they think. This is such a mess. I don't know what to do."

☤☤☤

hi!

start of a new uni semester for me and a chapter for you!! i really hope that you enjoyed reading it! as you might have guessed, here is where i have to start being a bit more creative and tweaking canon plot lines here and there. in the show, at this point mark and callie were still sleeping together but that didn't happen in my version since mark is already with courtney at that point. at first i was gonna switch mark out with someone else for callie, but then i thought,,, why? so i just opted for mark giving the dumb advice to do that, but callie ended up not following said dumb advice. if i can scratch some cheating out then i will gladly do so yeahhhh

i think i might have mentioned this in another author's note too, but i am also trying to focus a bit on the interns!! ithink that might be fun as well to get to know them and see the intern cabal through their eyes? ~exciting things ~ i am trying to write in more of my own characters since i end up creating new ones but then forget about them five chapters later lmaooooo

so before i go, i want to ask you about your thoughts and feelings! what did you think of this new chapter. i always love love reading your comments! even if i don't reply all the time, don't worry,,, i am reading hihi!!

see you later and take care everyone!