7.50

abby has been chattering all morning about how excited she is for parents and our sorry excuse of parents to meet.

mom and dad both gave me a small smile when I told them minho's family invited us over. I tried not to let it show how annoyed I am about them meeting.

minho is sort of my safe space. it feels like im contaminating him by introducing him to what he keeps me safe from.

abby takes the bus to school and I usually walk to minho's stop and take the bus with him.

abby decides to come with me on the bus with minho.

i don't like it. I like to be alone with minho. now abby is going to follow us everywhere.

minho doesn't seem bothered though and greets the two of us with a smile. "hi sung, hi abby."

I stop in front of him awkwardly. I don't know what I'm supposed to greet him with now that my sister is around. he daps me up. I cringe. he giggles.

"just practicing for tonight," he teases, pulling me in for a hug. I smile into his chest.

abby rolls her eyes. "shall we get in the bus brother and brother in law?"

the three of us slide into a bus seat made for two. I'm squished in the middle, and minho gives abby the window seat. I scoot closer to him.

he wraps an arm around my shoulders. "jisung," he says. "I didn't realize you don't totally love hanging around my friends. do you want to just eat lunch as the two of us today?"

I shake my head, laughing softly at him. "I like to just sit quietly next to you," I say, resting my head in its comfortable spot of his shoulder.

he puts his hand on my cheek, patting me. for a second I remember abby is next to us. I turn to look at her. she is looking at us wistfully.

she wrinkles her nose when I notice. "what? I want to have one happy couple in the family."

I make a face in her direction, getting a little bit more comfortable with the PDA. the bus seats are covered enough that no one is paying attention to us cuddling except my sister.

minho gets out his airpods and sticks one in my ear, putting the other one on. one ear is pressed against his shoulder and the other one has a noise canceling airpod in, so all the outside noise is drowned out.

its nice.

8.26

minho offers to walk me to class but I shoo him away. he frowns but leaves and I head to english.

school has always been a distraction from me, but it isn't a big enough distraction from the dreaded dinner party thats going to occur today.

I know that minho promised we could hang out alone.

i just feel like my parents are gonna ruin everything. either they fight there and humiliate me. or they go home and have a fight about minho.

I sigh, looking down at my messages.

minho 11.32 pm yesterday
jisung
my parents said yea
wbu?
-
you 11.35 pm
Mine also said yeah
-
minho 11.35
youre still cool with coming over right?
we can still cancel
dont feel pressured or anything
-
jisung 11.36
You don't make me feel pressured
Ever
-
minho 11.38
goodnight, ji
i miss you
cant wait for tomorrow
-

jisung 11.38
Night
I miss you.
…

3.40

I meet up with minho outside his classroom, and he grins at the sight of me.

"hi," he says, "wanna hang out until seven?"

"I thought you work out with changbin and chan after school on wednesdays?"

he flashes me a grin. "you just know my whole schedule don't you? I was thinking you could come too? only if you want."

I stare at his outfit. jeans and a hoodie. "are you going to work out in that?"

he shakes his head. "I've got a change of clothes. I probably have something for you in my gym locker too if you want to work out with me."

seeing minho all sweaty in a tank top is a tempting offer. working out? not so much.

I do need to hit the gym though. I've been taking a much too long break from lifting.

"fine, let's go."

…

"oh, you brought your friend," changbin says, not looking very enthusiastic. "great."

minho rolls his eyes. "work out with chan we're going to hang out together."

minho's muscly friend looks a little irritated but not annoyed. "I don't want your annoying ass following me around anyways. have fun on your little date."

minho links arms with me and leads me to the locker room. I shuffle after him nervously.

"let me check what I have in my locker for you, kay?"

I nod and watch him unlock it. I peer in over his shoulder.

"uh," he begins, "I have my old dance uniform? like the shirt and shorts. sorry. it's workout clothes, it just has my name on it."

he hands it to me and I inspect it. Lee. Number twenty five.

I try to hide my smile.

"I can wear it," I say nonchalantly. "it's no biggie."

I peek at minho and he smirks at me. "okay," he laughs softly. "you do that then. are you okay changing here or do you want to head to the bathroom?"

"ah.." I scan the room. there's no one here. except minho. "bathroom."

he shrugs, nodding. "okay. im changing here. i'll wait for you."

he points to a door in the back of the locker room. I rush over there and head in a stall.

before I change I stare at the outfit for a bit.

I swallow at the thought of wearing his uniform. Lee. his name on my back.

I waste no time pulling off my own shirt and putting on his jersey. I quickly slip off my own pants and replace them with his shorts.

I look down at my body. it's so weird.

I pull out my phone and take a couple of pictures in the outfit. it takes a lot of willpower to not giggle.

the locker room is still empty when I renter it. I tiptoe over to where minho was changing.

is changing. he's clearly not done. he pauses when he sees me.

"oh," he says. "you look.." he swallows. "you look good."

I avert my gaze from his bare thighs until he pulls up shorts. "you too.."

minho grabs his water bottle and my hand. "I wanted to work on arms today?" he offers, "you seem like you're pretty experienced in that area anyways."

I shrug. is that a compliment? is he telling me he likes my arms?

minho leads me to the bench press. he sets his water bottle down. "do you want to go first?" he slips his fingers out of mine. I flex my hand.

"no," I murmur. "you go first."

he nods. "I'm gonna start with a warm-up so don't worry about spotting me or anything."

I stand aside, watching him place weights on the bar. he lays down on the seat.

he looks good working out. I mean, he always looks good. but especially good.

he does a couple of reps before stopping to look at me. "are you bored?"

I blink, shifting my gaze from his biceps to his face. "no?" I ask. "I'm really not." I gulp. I'm used to being the insecure one. "do you want me to go now?"

he gets up. I get on the bench. the weight is a bit heavier than my typical warm up weight, but I don't say anything.

"jisung," minho says. i grunt in response. "you're so muscly."

I groan, putting the bar up. "minho I'll leave right now," I threaten. he rolls his eyes.

…

we bump into changbin at some point while changing machines. he looks me up and down like how my judgy little sister does sometimes. "your uniform? really, minho?"

he shoots his friend a grin. "he looks good right?"

I turn away from the two of them, flushing in embarrassment. I don't know what changbin answers and I don't want to know. I notice a cafe across the street.

I turn back to minho and his friend, tapping minho. he turns to me.

"want to get coffee?"

minho nods. "changbin we are leaving to get coffee. please get away from us so we can peacefully leave."

..

minho and I link arms while walking to the coffee place. I savor the moments of touch because I know in just a couple of hours we won't be able to hold each other.

maybe i'm being dramatic. it's only a couple of minutes and then we will be alone in his room.

it still worries me. I don't know what my parents are going to say to his.

minho pays for our drinks and leads me to a table. we choose to sit next to each other instead of across. he presses his leg to mine.

"are you nervous?" he asks

I just nod in response. I take one of his hands and play with his fingers. "can I paint your nails?"

"what are you nervous about?" he ignores my other question.

"my parents make everything about themselves by fighting," I shrug. "maybe I can paint them tonight?"

"what do… they fight about?" minho's voice gets quieter. he hasn't ever asked questions like this. I don't mind answering them.

"religion, ethics, how to raise me and my sister, work, politics, you name it. I think your nails would look good in blue."

"ah," he whispers. "I think it's a sad place to be in. arguing with your significant other."

I shrug. "they chose to get married. they chose to have me and my sister. now they're having regrets and refuse to do anything about them."

he stays silent, staring at his hand in mine. "I don't have nail polish at home," he murmurs. "my mom says it's bad for your fingers."

"that's sad," I pet his fingers. "i'll bring nail paint over next time we hang out."

he smiles softly at me, then his smile fades. "when I tease you at school, it doesn't hurt you right? with your parents and all? i'm not fighting with you. I just think you're cute."

I shift my gaze from his pretty hand to his pretty face. "I mean, we aren't married. or dating. so no."

he nods, looking down.

I panic for a moment. not that I don't want to…

minho squeezes my hand. "I know you want to honey," he whispers. I wince, realizing I voiced my thoughts.

"do you want to?" I ask, staring at his face. his eyes have always been sparkly.

he shrugs. "who would be opposed to dating you? I think we have to get to know each other better before anything like that."

I frown up at him. he smiles back. "no one knows me better than you, though."

he raises his eyebrows in brief surprise. "not even your sister?" when I shake my head he breathes out a laugh. "god, you do not open up to people do you?"

"neither do you," I defend. he nods, shaking his head and smiling.

"that's why our parents are meeting today, and we are going to get a full three hours of alone time in my room."

I bring my knees up to my chest, leaning into minho. "not while my bratty sister is here," I mutter.

"we can be lovey enough that she leaves in disgust don't worry," he offers, patting my head.

I hide my smile

…

6.45

minho and I walk to his house. we aren't holding hands. or linking arms.

he kicks a rock, his hands in his pockets. "what did I do with my hands when we weren't all touchy?" he asks me incredulously.

I shrug. "beats me. my hands feel empty."

he pouts at me, eyes adorably round. "jisung, my heart feels empty."

I roll my eyes, shoving him playfully.

when we reach his house, my parents' car is already pulled up. I exhale. minho gives me an awkward pat on the shoulder.

he unlocks the door and holds it open for me. i've met minho's parents before so it isn't too awkward.

"hi mr. and mrs. lee," I greet. they smile at me. abby immediately comes to stand with us. minho waves at her. my parents smile at minho.

"it's nice to finally meet you, minho. jisung is always spending time with you. it's like he lives at your house!" my father jokes. it seems backhanded to me, but minhoâ€"the angel that he isâ€" smiles.

"yeah! we're pretty close," he says. "maybe we can start hanging out at jisung's place so he is home more." It takes a lot of willpower to not smack minho for putting that idea in their heads.

"you kids can all hang out in minho's room," mrs. lee offers. "we can talk more over dinner."

minho nods and leads us through the familiar path. abby follows, the annoying ass that she is. once we enter the door to his room, I breathe a sigh of relief. minho shuts the door and I collapse on minho's bed. he takes a beanbag chair and abby sits on the floor.

"where were you guys after school?" she asks.

I just roll over, so minho answers for me. "we went to the gym and then a cafe," he leans back on the chair, posture as relaxed as can be. "what did you do?"

abby shrugs. "I studied in the library."

minho groans aloud at this. "you two are similar in a bad way." I throw his own pillow at him.

"jisung never tells me about your guys's relationship," abby says accusatorily. "how'd you two meet?"

I roll over to meet eyes with minho, who's looking right back at me. he suddenly gets up from his chair to jump on his bed. I yelp at the sudden impact. "school," he says. "I noticed he's a loser and started following him around. now he just tolerates me."

I drape a leg over minho's body. "I'm not a loser," both abby and minho snort at this. I groan loudly.

minho rolls over and grabs my leg, massaging it. he opens his mouth to say something, but is interrupted by a dreadfully familiar noise.

right outside his room. mom and dad are arguing.

"are you fucking stupid?" dad snaps, tone laced with pure anger, "why would you say that to them, you uneducated bitch?"

my mom is quick to respond, her voice shrill and high pitched. "what's wrong with you? are you crazy? all I said was that gay people are mentally ill?"

"you can't just say that idiot, learn to keep it to yourself," my dad argues. "did your fuckass parents never educate you? you act like a rabid animal. you leech on me and have never had a job."

"oh I've never had a job!? you've never cooked or cleaned a day in your life, you just clock out at six p.m. and are lazy the rest of the day. your kids are addicted to their phones and never spend time with us."

"that's because you always talk shit about me to them, you belong in a slum!"

minho squeaks, getting up quickly. "what the fuck?"

my entire face turns a shade of bright red. god, of course. fighting in front of minho, just twenty minutes into meeting. this was more humiliating than everything i've ever experienced.

minho, who's always filled with surprises, heads straight to his room's door and flings it open. my jaw drops. just like that?

"excuse me," he says sweetly. "we can hear you."

my mother's eyes widen, and my father looks embarrassed. "ah," my father begins, looking at me. "jisung I'm-" I shake my head at him and he closes his mouth. he looks ashamed as if he hasn't just told my mother she belongs in a slum. just because she grew up poor.

my mother doesn't look ashamed, even though she has publicly voiced her opinion on gay people being mentally ill. I stare at her. she rolls her eyes. "jisung, I thought I raised you to be care-free. you don't need to worry about what people around you are doing and focus on your own life."

abby looks sympathetic. I'm most mad at her for never being mad at them.

minho grabs my elbow, I look at him. "I think jisung and I are going on a walk around the neighborhood. abby, can you play with the cats while we go out? they're in the room next door."

abby looks upset, but nods. minho wordlessly takes my hand and leads me out the door. his parents raise their eyebrows at us leaving, but don't question it.

as soon as we are out the door, minho's arm is wrapped protectively around my waist. I suppress a laugh. "minho I've lived with them for twenty years."

he shakes his head, not responding.

I watch him for a moment. this was the moment i was nervous for. minho finding out about my parents. and now that it's happened…

"jisung," he says. "I'm sorry for pressuring you into having dinner with us. I should've known. I never should've outstepped your boundaries. I could tell how uncomfortable you were and-"

I elbow him. he winces. "minho, please. it seems more serious than it really is. my dad is just desensitized to words like "slum, bitch, degenerate" and my mom is highly unaware of what the modern world is like. I don't think they're abusive." I sound horribly like abby. but it's true.

he shakes his head at me. "so why don't they divorce then?"

I shrug. "my mom doesn't have a job. my dad can't take care of himself."

he squeezes my waist. "jisung," he says.

I look at him.

"jisung," he says again. "please."

"minho," I say. "don't worry about me so much."

that was a mistake. something in his face shifts.

"how can I not, ji? I've already started out worrying about you. sitting alone, barely eating, studying for hours with no breaks. It took me weeks to convince you to join dance. you wanted to spend that time studying instead. and nowâ€"after seeing your parents fight like that… you're more worried about my reaction than being worried about yourself?"

I stare at him, eyes wide. I didn't expect this to be the reason he was mad.

"can you take care of yourself, jisung? that I can have the luxury of not worrying about you? you know it's okay to be flawed, right? it's okay if you feel like crying when your parents fight. or if you want to cheat on your homework one day?"

I pull away from minho's arm around my waist. "I am flawed," I point out. "I make plenty of mistakes. when my parents fight I only think about how it affects me. not anyone else."

minho shakes his head. "you're fed up with your parents, yeah? but you haven't said a single thing to them? you might glare at one of them. but you haven't argued about how they are harming you? your fucking sixteen year old sister?"

minho's voice is surprisingly hostile. for a brief moment I wonder why he is mad at me. did I do something wrong? I knew I shouldn't have allowed my parents to meet him.

"minho.." I whisper. he interrupts me.

"jisung," he snaps. "I'm not saying you're selfish. or stupid. I'm saying you need to do something about your situation. clearly they won't."

"I am," I murmur. "I am doing something about it. I hang out with you. instead of going home."

minho throws his hands up in frustration. I feel a lump grow in my throat. "oh, brilliant. you're running away from the problem. now you can hang out with me while feeling shitty and conflicted. that's real helpful jisung."

I turn my head away from him. I don't want to see him. I don't want him to see me. I wish there was a way I could stop hearing him too.

"jisung, you need to move out. or talk to your parents. one of the two."

it's not that easy. how can he think it would ever be that easy?

suddenly, minho is not safe. he is far from safe.

"I-" I keep my head turned away from minho, I already know what my face looks like and I don't want him to see. "I think I'm going to walk home, minho. pleaseâ€"please just tell my family and your family that I felt unwell and left."

he huffs, his tone almost amused. "oh, so you're running away again?"

I don't reply, careful not to make any sniffling noises. god, this is so fucking cringe. "I'll see you, minho." I say quietly, putting up my hoodie and shoving my hands in my pockets.

the walk home, I walk briskly.

minho doesn't follow me. he usually does. he doesn't this time.

8.45

I lied.

i went to the park. it's dark out but no one attacks a relatively muscular 20 year old man. might as well use my male privilege.

I look so emo. I just know it. sitting on the swing and rocking gently. head resting against the chain of the swing, eyes unfocused.

"so," I say out loud. maybe I'm talking to spirits, gods, my dead relatives. I don't know. imaginary friend? "does minho hate me, or what?"

well! the imaginary friend says. why would he hate you?

"no that's true," I mutter. "it's my parents fighting. what's he all pissy about?:

yeah, for real. he's totally victim blaming.

i nod strongly. he totally is victim blaming because what did I even do?

no but,

what if he's right? the imaginary voice finishes.

i guess he could be right to some extent. I haven't done much to fix my problems with my parents. I've tried telling them to stop, but it doesn't work. I haven't even considered moving out. whatâ€"ditching my sister?

the swing squeaks annoyingly as I rock on it. I always feel fat when they do that shit.

what am I supposed to fucking do? just tell them to not fight? 'this isn't you, mom and dad! look into my eyes!'

maybe if I do something really bad they'll stop. I briefly consider my options.

have a mental breakdown? I feel like they might feel a little regret if I do that one. I quickly pull out my phone and tap it into my to-do list.

fuck, I'm lonely. I'm talking to my imaginary friend. minho really was my only friend.

I stare blankly at my phone screen. I know minho is tracking my location and has decided to not come find me. I sigh.

tomorrowâ€"I'm going to make more friends. or new friends. I don't know if minho has unfriended me.

….

7.55

i take the regular bus today. abby takes minho's bus.

I try not to hate her for it.

i blocked minho this morning. I saw him typing in our chat and panicked. he can't see my location either.

fuck.

where am I going to go after school?

I scan the people in the bus. this seems like a good place to make friends. if everyone wasn't either napping or listening to music that is.

i sigh, staring out the window. today is going to be a long ass day.

…

I sit in a different seat than usual in period one. one I know that's next to this extroverted blond boy. his face lights up when he sees me.

"oh my god, it's you!" he exclaims. "you're always so quiet in the back. I'm glad you sat here today. let's be friends."

I blink. okay. that was easy.

"sure," I say. "can I sit with you at lunch today?"

the boy nods. "I'm felix by the way. you're jisung?"

I nod. extroverts have got to be studied. they're like a separate species.

"yeah," I say, briefly surprised he knows my name. from my peripheral I can see that minho has entered the room, but I find myself too afraid to even glance in his direction.

"felix!" I exclaim, before I have too much time to think about minho. "so.. you.. um… got any weekend plans?"

he looks at me funny for a second before laughing. "well, not really. you wanna hang out? I would have asked myself but I figured you'd be busy with that minho guy."

I swallow. usually I would be.

"no," I say, offering no further explanation. "i'm not busy. here's my number. we can hang out."

â€"

being with felix is nice. he's funny, kind. he never leaves me out either. I feel like I could belong in his friend group.

he sits only a couple of tables away from minho. I try not to look over too much. I wonder if he's happy im 'taking care of myself' or whatever he said.

minho never spares a glance at me. it makes me feel painfully alone, despite being surrounded by felix and his friends.

â€"

2.35 Friday

abby has been annoying all week. I can tell she's been hanging out with minho because… this is creepy but… she smells like him.

when i'm finally dismissed from school, she meets me outside.

"jisung han. are you going to dance?"

I shrug, adjusting my backpack straps. "uh, probably not? there's no reason to anymore. you probably are though. have fun with minho,"

before I can walk away she grabs me by my backpack straps. "yeah right, jisung," she snaps. "mom and dad had a crazy fight while we were at school. dad texted me. if you go home it'll be crappy. just come with me."

I roll my eyes, checking the time on my phone. "I don't want to see minho. i'll deal with dad and mom,"

she tightens her grip on the strap of my backpack. "no, jisung. you need to supervise me. i'll be the youngest in the class and I need your support."

"just ask minho," I grumble, pulling away from her roughly. she stumbles, but minho catches her.

where'd he come from? probably the pits of hell.

I can't look at him. I tear my gaze away. I don't want to cry.

he looks at me with ease.

"abby," he says gently. "are you okay?"

he used to talk to me like that.

"i'm fine minho. jisung isn't coming to dance," she replies curtly. I try not to scoff. what does she think she did there?

minho doesn't reply to her. in fact he ignores the second part of her message. "okay, if you're fine let's go to dance. can't be late."

he's always late. he's just trying to get away from me.

"I want to go with jisung," abby complains. minho says nothing. with every second of silence that passes my heart cracks more.

"i'm heading home abby," I say quietly, keeping my head down. "i'll see you. don't worry about me. i'll call felix."

she doesn't say anything. neither does minho. I head to the park.

I like it there in the daytime. a lot of young kids. and their parents.

people watching is oddly comforting, which is something I realize as I sit on the bench facing the children in the park. a small annoying voice tells me I look a bit like a creep, but I block it out.

I see two boys on the swings, one pushing the other and have to refrain from outwardly groaning. why is minho so annoying and why does he follow me everywhere?

I glance at my phone and find that I have to stay here for around three hours. joy of joys. since when is dance three whole hours? usually it felt like fifteen minutes.

out of pure reflex I unlock my phone and look at minho's contact. at least that's what I tell myself. the "unblock caller" button glares at me. I tap it.

"jisung."

the message finally comes through. that's what he texted me.

â€"

7.40 am. sunday

the idea of going to school quickly graduates from an escape to something I desperately want to escape from.

I go through every class like it's the sims and someone's giving me a task. I don't know if minho has even realized i've unblocked him.

probably not.

when lunch comes around I sit with felix as usual. my previous positive attitude to being his friend has shifted. I feel like I have to be super loud and entertaining around him.

I always crack jokes and scream and say stupid things. I hate it. I just want to sit quietly.

ten minutes in I can't take it anymore.

"hey felix? i'm heading to the library. I gotta study. i'll see you in physics?"

felix nods, smiling brightly at me. I smile softly too, grabbing my bag and other shit to go and sulk in peace. the librarian is going to be disappointed in me, but whatever.

before leaving I subtly glance in minho's direction. he's looking down at his phone.

I sigh.

…

I collapse on the beanbag chair and pull out a book. i'm currently reading a steamy romance book to get my mind off of things, and i'm so caught up in my problems I don't bother to cover the title in embarrassment.

I left off where the male lead is holding the female lead and comforting her.

I'm sorry it's so hard for you at home, he says. It's not fair that you need to patch up problems that your parents made.

I burst into tears.

ugly, loud, snotty tears. the library is empty besides the librarian and me, so I don't even bother to quiet down.

what the fuck is wrong with this author? I glance at the cover bitterly through my tears. this is the stupidest shit i've ever read. god, makes me want to quit reading forever.

my phone lights up, through my tears all I see is the word "minho" and my sobs only get louder. why the fuck is he calling me?

I press the decline button so hard my phone falls out of my hand. then I bury my face into my knees and cry.

so much.

the door to the library opens. someone comes in. I briefly hope it is minho.

I don't quiet down my tears.

I lift my head.

it's felix.

â€"-

he wipes my tears with a tissue in the bathroom, I sniffle.

"minho told me to chase after you. I asked him why he didn't just do it on his own."

"he hates me that's why," I spit out, grabbing the tissue and blowing my nose into it loudly. "fuck him."

felix laughs a little. "I think he thinks you hate him."

"I should hate him. i would if he wasn't so hot," I snap. "his personality is ass. it's just his looks."

I only receive a sympathetic pat on my back at this. "you need to talk to him."

"do I need to? or do you want me to?"

felix rolls his eyes at me. "since when are you this sassy? i'm saying you need to. i've seen you two before. you both are incomplete without the other."

I scoff. "I lived plenty years without him. how are you planning on getting me to talk to him, huh?"

he gives me a small and evil smile. I discover a new side of felix today. "tomorrow, minho and I are sitting in the library at lunch. you either sit with us, or in the cafeteria alone."

I gulp.

â€"

11:47 am

my parents do not let me skip school today. none of my teachers allow me to eat lunch in their classroom.

in other words, i'm fucked.

I decide the only course of action now is to hope and pray to god that felix was kidding. minho probably does not want to talk to me and would say no to the library anyways.

I head to the library when lunch starts and try to ignore the lump in my throat.

I push the door open very slowly, squeezing my eyes shut.

"oh hey jisung! you're here!"

I open my eyes.

I burst into tears.

…

"hey! hannie, calm down," felix tries to comfort me, rubbing my sides frantically. minho just watches in discomfort.

I try to stop crying. I really do. it's harder than you would think, okay?

minho finally speaks up. "give him to me," he says. "this happens sometimes. I know how to handle it."

I sniffle, gasping uncontrollably as i'm shifted from felix's unfamiliar arms to painful, strong, warm, and scary arms.

familiar arms.

"jisung," minho whispers. I shake my head rapidly, engulfed in warmth. here he goes again taking care of me. my stupid body won't stop crying.

minho pats my head, ruffling my hair. my breathing slows a bit.

"it's alright. take your time. no one's watching. you're actually pretty quiet."

he keeps patting me, my arms, my head, my shoulders. eventually I calm down. eventually.

when I do, I shove him off of me. he stumbles a little, but catches himself. "felix," I say quietly, "this was a stupid idea. I didn't ask for this. I don't even know why I came."

I don't look at minho as I say this. I don't even look at felix. "minho has something to say to you," felix says weakly. "maybe you could listen?"

i finally look at minho. he stares back at me. "sorry," he says.

"it's alright," I say, "you don't have to be sorry." I pick up my bag, the one I dropped upon seeing him.

i feel like I've gotten some sort of closure. like an understanding of what's going on. and what I want.

i think I've also gotten to accept that what I want is probably not coming. I smile weakly at the two of them. "tell abby I say hi," I say to minho jokingly. "I never see her at home. its like shes around you more than me."

minho doesn't say anything.

"I guess she follows in her brother's footsteps," I finish. "I'm heading to the cafeteria, felix. I have someone to eat with."