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CHAPTER THIRTEEN !
❝Never truly gone❞

NOW

    NATALIE WOKE UP WITH A GASP. She held her throat, trying to reach for air. Her insides were burning, making her groan in pain. She squinted her eyes, trying to see what was going on, they hurt, but she still managed to see.

    The room was dark, and it was covered in some type of mold. It reminded her of something, but didn't know what it was. She didn't know until the red door caught her attention, making her held her breath.

    ❝—check his pulse❞

    Natalie turned to the person who spoke, only to see her three older siblings trying to revive Luke. She held her breath and her eyes widen in shock.

    ❝No, no, no, no❞ Theo shook her head, watching helplessly as Steve tried to give him mouth-mouth-respiration.

    Natalie went towards them, kneeling next to Luke's head. She didn't notice the tears forming in her eyes. She didn't remembered how she got there, any of them, but that was the least of her concerns at the moment.

    ❝Don't you fucking dare, Luke❞ Shirley spoke with hurt, still trying to do CPR. She tried and tried, but as if it was a mutual agreement, they stopped trying.

    The four stood in silence, watching their non-responsive brother. Natalie shook her head, looking at her siblings.

    ❝What are you doing? Keep going!❞ she cried out, panting. But they didn't answer. She shook her head and took Shirley's position, doing the CPR herself ❝Come on, come on❞

    ❝Natalie❞ Steve touched her arm, trying to make her stop, but she shook her head and shrugged him off.

    ❝No!❞ she replied firmly, even though her face was wet from all the tears ❝I'm not giving up on him, not again!❞

    Shirley sighed heavily ❝There's no—❞

    ❝Don't you dare!❞ Natalie interrupted her, giving her sister the meanest look she had. The three went quiet, watching as Natalie still tried.

    Natalie didn't want to give up. This was her brother, her family. She loved him, and to the people you love, you never give up on them. Natalie was not going to give up. No matter how many mistakes he had made, he was her brother and she loved him.

    ❝Natalie, stop, he's dead!❞ Shirley yelled at her, taking her shoulders.

    ❝Shut up!❞ Natalie yelled back, tears rolling down her face, like an endless river ❝Shut up, shut up!❞

    Natalie pushed her sister away, and looked down at Luke. She put her heads in her chest, and cried.

    The rest of her siblings stood up and went towards the door, trying to find a way out. But Natalie didn't moved, she was still next to Luke, crying. Her siblings didn't tried to move her, not wanting to upset her even more.

She felt angry that she was the only one crying. She had always been the one crying and looking hopeless. Natalie wanted to scream at them, ask them why do they always give up so easily. How fucked up they were to stopped caring for their own family.

But then, out of nowhere, Luke gasped for air.

Natalie didn't believed it at first. She thought she was imagining until Luke began to cough. She quickly reacted and held his head up, trying to help. She sat down and put his head in her lap as he tried to breath.

❝Luke, can you hear me?❞ Steve asked, kneeling down in front of him. Natalie held up his head, whispering encouraging words to him.

    ❝His pulse is very weak❞ Shirley came and kneel next to Steve, she checked his pulse, looking at everyone.

    ❝We gotta get him to a hospital❞ Theo nodded slowly, watching Natalie smiled down at her brother, but he had his eyes set in something.

    Steve was talking to him, but Natalie realized something was going on. She felt the room go cold, and she hush Steve.

    ❝He's trying to say something❞ she spoke softly, looking down at him ❝what is it, Luke?❞

    ❝She saved me❞ he managed to say, making her frowned. Her siblings tried to reason with him, but Natalie understood. She slowly looked up to the same direction Luke was seeing, and she gasp lightly ❝she saved me❞ he said again, pointing at the door.

    The rest of her siblings didn't understand, not until they looked at the direction he as pointed at.

    ❝I feel a little clearer just now❞ Nellie said, looking at the space in front of her ❝we have❞

    Theo stood up, watching her as her dead sister was staring in front of them ❝Nell?❞

    ❝All of us have❞ Nellie looked at her bother laying in the group alongside Natalie, looking pale ❝it wouldn't have change anything❞ she smiled briefly ❝I need you to know that❞

    Steve stood up as well, making his way next to Theo, Shirley followed him, leaving Natalie and Luke on the floor.

    ❝Nell—❞ Steve tried to get her attention, but it was she wasn't really there.

    ❝The rest is confetti❞ Nellie spoke softly, not hearing her brother's call ❝So many times and we didn't know it...all of us❞

    ❝Nellie?❞ Shirley called, slightly frowning. Natalie knew she wasn't dreaming, it was something more deeper than a dream. A foot between one world and the other.

    ❝No, not a heart❞ Nellie began to walk, still not hearing anything else outside the darkness ❝a stomach❞ she walked around, looking blank ❝we have, all of us have❞

❝She can't hear us❞ Natalie said, shaking her head lightly. Her siblings looked at her briefly, but then return their attention at Nellie.

At seeing Nellie like that, they realized there was no point, so they went to the door, trying to look for a way out. Natalie and Shirley shared a look.

❝I feel like I have been here before❞ Shirley said slowly, taking Nellie's attention.

❝We have❞ Nellie replied, and Natalie could see her eyes finally focusing. She wanted to smile, but she was still in shock ❝all of us have...so many times and we didn't know it, all of us❞ Nellie sighed ❝I feel a bit clearer now❞

    Steve and Theo stopped trying with the door and turned around, giving Nellie their attention. Natalie held Luke's hand, giving it a squeeze, then she looked up at her sister.

❝Everything's been out of order, time, I mean❞ Nellie frowned lightly, finally making sense of everything ❝I thought for so long that time was like a line, that our moments were laid out like dominos and that they fell, one into another...all into a long line from the beginning and the end, but I was wrong❞

    Natalie watched her sister chucked. And while the others were too in shock to react, she manage to let out a smile, finally being free.

    ❝It's not like that at all, our moments fall around us like rain❞ Nellie laughed softly ❝or...snow...or confetti❞ this time Natalie let out a chucked. She remembered how much Nellie used to like confetti, all different colors and sizes.

    Natalie tilted her head and sighed, feeling the familiar breeze brush her cheek. She smiled and looked towards the corner, where she knew something was standing there.

     ❝You're right, we have been in this room, so many times and we didn't know, all of us❞ Nellie smiled, and looked at each one of them ❝Mom says that's a house is like a body, and that every house has eyes, and bones and skin...and a face❞ Nellie began to trace her hand in the wall, were the dark spots covered most of it ❝This room is like the heart of the house...no, not a heart, a stomach❞

    Nellie sighed and turn to see her siblings ❝It was your dance studio, Theo....it was my toy room, it was a reading room for mom, a game room for Steve, a family room for Shirley, a tree house, and it was the music room for Natalie❞

    They all began to remember their moments in each of those rooms. Natalie never noticed that everyone had one special space in the house. A place where they could feel comfortable and safe.

    ❝But it was always the Red Room, it put on different faces, so that we'd be still and quiet, while it digested❞ Nellie's lip began to shake a little, but her expression was determined ❝I'm like a small creature swallowed whole by a monster, and the monster feels my tiny little movements inside❞

    Nellie looked down at Luke and Natalie, and she kneeled in front of them.

    ❝You have to live❞ Nellie held Luke's hand, but Luke didn't want her to go ❝I learned a secret...there's no without, I am not gone❞ Nellie shook her head ❝I'm scattered into so many pieces...sprinkles in your life like new snow❞

    Nellie looked at Natalie, giving her a smile ❝I am not gone, not if you don't want me to❞ Natalie smiled back at her, feeling tickles in her hand and Nellie reached for her.

    The two held hands and Natalie squeezed, not wanting to let go.

    ❝There's so much I want to say to you all❞ Nellie looked around, smiling at each of them. As they all apologized, Natalie looked down, not wanting to cry anymore.

    ❝I'm sorry I wasn't there for you that night❞ Natalie apologized, looking at her with sadness. But Nellie gave her a smile, the same smile they shared when something good had happened.

    ❝But you were, so many nights❞ Nellie tilted her head, giving her hand a squeeze ❝you were there each time, and you never gave up on me, not even when you wanted to give up on yourself❞

    Nellie looked at their siblings again and smiled ❝Forgiveness is warm, like a tear on my cheek, think of that and of me, when you stand in the rain❞

    Natalie sighed, looking at her like she would disappear at any second.

    Natalie felt a breeze, making her look away from her sister. In the corner, she saw a figure, trying to blend in with the shadows. Natalie smiled, letting out a soft chucked for the attempt.

    Nellie turn to see her, raising her hand to make her stand up. Her siblings watched with confusion as Natalie stood up, still watching the coroner.

   As she began to walk in the center of the room, the figure in the corner stepped forward. Her siblings watched with wide eyes as a tall, young man with hazel eyes appeared.

   Natalie smiled, sharing a look with her old friend. Rufus returned the smile and tilted his head, not having to look down anymore, she was all grown up.

    ❝I'm sorry for leaving❞ Natalie whispered, making him shake his head lightly.

    ❝It wasn't your fault❞ Rufus said softly. She opened her mouth in surprise, she was able to hear him clearly, he wasn't sounding under water anymore. She smiled wider and she took a little step forward.

    Natalie's lip began to shake, shaking her head lightly ❝I though you were...❞

    ❝gone?❞ he finished for her, making her nod. He let out a chucked ❝I'm not gone, not until you want me to❞

     ❝a-are you still my friend?❞ she asked, crossing her fingers. Just because she was alive and he was not, that didn't mean their friendship had to end.

     ❝Of course I am, Nat, I thought you already knew that❞

     Natalie chuckled, making him smile. She sighed and quietly approached him, embracing him. She thought he would disappeared or evaporate, that's why she was surprise to feel his arms around her, squeezing.

     She squeezed tightly, knowing that would be the last time she would see him. Rufus took her shoulders, wiping away the tears and the hair out of her face.

   ❝at least we're getting a proper goodbye this time❞ she joked, making him chucked. Natalie looked to the side, where her siblings were watching the interaction. She had never told them about him, because they never believed, not like she did. She locked eyes with Nellie, who was smiling towards them.

    ❝I'll take care of her❞ Rufus said, nodding ❝I'll take care of them, don't worry❞

    ❝thank you❞ she squeezed his hand that was in his shoulder, turned back to face him. He looked down at her stomach and smiled, before looking at her in the eyes.

    ❝good bye, Natalie❞ he smiled sweetly at her, brushing her cheek.

    ❝good bye, Rufus❞ she smiled back, feeling a burden leave her shoulders.

    As quickly as it came, Rufus disappeared. But Natalie wasn't sad anymore, she knew he was going to watch over for her and her family.

    Natalie walked towards her siblings, the smile still plastered across her face. She went back to her spot next to Nellie, who was still smiling at her.

    Nellie held her hand again, and looked at their siblings ❝I loved you completely❞ Nellie nodded, her features changing as she knew there was little time left ❝and you loved me the same, that's all, the rest is confetti❞

     With a blink of an eye, Nellie disappeared as well.

    They all remained quiet, still analyzing what had happened. Natalie wiped away her tears and took Luke's hand, but she felt something else.

    Just as Luke was talking, trying to make sense into something, Natalie felt something acid crawl from her throat. She began to gag and moved again, trying to suppress the urge.

    ❝Natalie?❞

    She shook her head, signaling them that she was okay. In that moment, Steve began to talk to Luke, seeing he was fading away.

    Natalie felt someone put a hand on her back, kneeling down with her.

    ❝It's okay❞ Theo whispered, passing a hand through her hair.

    The door of the Red Room opened, making everyone turn around and see their dad standing in the door frame.

They all quickly stood up and got out of the room. Shirley went ahead to start the car and Theo followed her to make sure everything was set up.

Natalie stayed a little behind them, right in front of Steve and her dad, who were carrying Luke. She glanced behind her every so often, not wanting them to disappeared, but fortunately, they didn't.

She opened the door for them and followed quickly out of the house. With a last glance inside, she sighed, leaving all the bad memories and burdens behind.

Natalie jogged towards the car, watching as they put Luke in the front seat ❝wait❞ she called, making everyone stop and look at her ❝put him in the back, I'll take care of him❞

❝But your car—❞

❝Screw my car, I can come back for it❞ Natalie shook her head and moved into the back seat. She ignored everyone's little smile and watched as Steve put her Luke in the back seat with her.

Theo and Shirley were in front, but she noticed her dad and Steve were not moving.

❝What are they doing?❞ Natalie asked, confused. She put her arm around Luke and he quickly embraced her, putting his head in her shoulder.

❝They're meeting us there❞ Shirley simply said and started the car.

    Natalie held Luke while Shirley and Theo drove to the nearest hospital. Every once in a while she looked down at Luke, just to make sure he was still breathing. It was a terrifying thought, to look down and realize he was gone.

    ❝Natalie❞ Luke whispered and she barely heard it with her sister's bickering in the front seat.

    ❝Yes, Luke?❞ she smiled, looking at him.

    ❝I-I'm sorry❞ he said softly, looking up at her as he squeezed tighter his arms around her ❝I'm sorry I disappointed, Natty❞

    Natalie furrowed her eyebrows, shaking her head as she brushed his cheek ❝You didn't, Luke, I promise❞

    The car finally stopped, making Natalie look around. They were in the parking lot of the hospital. She never liked hospitals.

    ❝Okay❞ she let out a shaky breath, she unzip her seatbelt and Luke's, sitting up ❝Okay❞

    Theo helped Natalie get Luke out of the car, and the two of them carry him in their shoulders. Shirley walked in front of them, ready to check him in right away.

❝Right here❞ a nurse said, and with the help of others, they put Luke in a bed, walking away.

    ❝He's going to be okay❞ Theo nodded, putting a hand in her shoulder as they watched Luke disappear in one of the rooms.

    ❝Everything's going to be okay❞ Shirley approached her other side, nodding as well.

    The three remaining Crain girls stayed there, waiting for good news. They sat down and waited with their hands held together. After everything, after all the ups and downs and all the fights and memories, they had each other.

    Because family was more than blood, it was a special bond that if it was good enough, nothing could break it. No matter how many mistakes were made, or how many hurtful words had been said, family was stronger than that. And Natalie had it, she always had.

    She looked down at her stomach and smiled. Family, either in the past or in the future, would always be that, family.

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