fuckin Hogwarts AU come at me

Phil is in his 5th year and is a Hufflepuff and Dan is in his 4th year and is a Slytherin. he lived somewhere else then transferred into Hogwarts (idk, I can't think of a good enough backstory soz)

i was stuck on what to name this excuse of a chapter so yeah here ya go

thank you so much @jason_graceless for this bloody amazing idea (it's real bloody cute oh hell get eXCiTeD gUYS)(i changed it a lil if that's okay : ) xx)(also i know you commented this honestly like half a year ago god damn i'm terrible)

ALSO anyone here a Spanish speaker/reader? yes? did you like my one-shot 'I hurt You?' yes? (i don't understand how but keep reading) WELL BOY HOWDY YOU'RE IN LUCK bc the lovely @swaggerphan has so very kindly translated it into Spanish so that you can read it!! go check it out on their page yo (again very late i'm so sorry)

also comment your Hogwarts house (Slytherin ftw fite me)(jk pls b nice)

*I won't include characters from the original HP series. this story doesn't take place in the same timeline as Harry's story - this is an AU, pls don't correct me on my knowledge lol**i kno me shyit bro come @ me scrublord i'm riPpED*

(Dumbledore and stuff are all alive lmao idk when this is set leave me aLoNe tHiS iS aN aU)

ALSO YES I KNOW DODIE IS A RAVENCLAW I FINISHED PLANNING AND PLACING HER IN BEFORE SHE TALKED ABOUT IT LMAO (now you know how bliddy long i've spent on this one chapter honestly smh)

this took too long to write wish this was better smh enjoy anyway

*the only thing i could think whilst writing this was how i lowkey made Pj and Chris to be like fanon Matsuhana and i want to cry because MATSUHANA IS SO UNDERAPPRECIATED GAH ANY MATSUHANA NERDS OUT THERE PLS TALK TO ME?!?* (haikyuu has consumed me whoops)

warnings: h8 against Snep (I rlly dislike him lmao), aggressive bullying (for story progression) and homophobic slurs (I'm so sorry :(((((() + a not very super duper in depth panic attack scene

words: 4394

~Phil's POV~

I entered the Great Hall, the homely glow radiating around the room. Tables out, candles aglow, the low murmur of students returning, eager for the upcoming lessons filled with magic. This was what I needed. This was home.

"Guys, sit on the left side of your table so that we can still talk." PJ explained, starting to get pushed over to the Ravenclaw table.

"Talk? How could we ta-" Chris started.

"Our tables are next to each other. We've been doing this for years you doof." PJ grinned.

"Oh yeah. I forgot. C'mon, Phil, let's go sit. I hunger for the foods."

I let Chris drag me over to the bench excitedly. PJ sat behind us along with a tall fourth year guy with glasses. A fourth year girl who I remember was really amazing at ukulele - Jodie? - sat next to me and chatted with the Ravenclaw boy.

"Do you think that we'll end up getting the same classes for the first couple periods tomorrow?" Chris asked.

"I dunno, we'll find out after the sorting, I guess."

Dumbledore welcomed everyone to another 'magical year' and proceeded with the sorting. All the first years looked so lost but so filled with awe. It was quite endearing and nostalgia inducing.

After all of the first years had been sorted, a tall boy, surely too tall to be a first year, shuffled up.

"Daniel Howell, fourth year." Dumbledore said, he blue twinkling eyes landed me on me for some odd reason.

"Strange," Chris whispered to me. "We don't usually get new comers who aren't firsties."

"Hmm." I replied, my eyes silently studying 'Dan.'

I couldn't see him super well from here but I could tell that he had his fingers clutching the sleeves of his robes, his fringe falling messily into his eyes which were darting around the hall in fear and awe and anxiety and wonder. He walked over to the stool as Prof McGonagall placed the sorting hat gently on his head, sending him a warm smile he didn't seem to notice.

The hat pondered for a moment before declaring "SLYTHERIN!" A roar of applause sounded from the Slytherin table. Maybe it was just me, but I thought it was a bit louder than for other students.

He walked over nervously, surprised that he was welcomed so quickly. A sixth year called Emma stood up and waved him over to where she was. Dan relaxed a little. Maybe they knew each other?

"Hmm," Chris mumbled, "He's pretty tall for a fourth year. He looks almost as tall as you, actually."

"Yeah." I mumbled, distractedly. I looked away from the Slytherin table. "Oh hey, Professor's coming with our timetables!"

"Fuckin' finally." Chris grinned.

"Chris. Langu-"

"Ugh, sorry mum."

"Hello darlings!" Professor Sprout grinned at us, handing us our timetables.

"Hey prof!" We replied in unison. Jodie (damn, I can't remember her name) waved and smiled.

Professor Sprout quickly explained that she was looking for someone to help the new boy, Dan, to find his way around.

"Would any of you mind to keep an eye on him sometimes? Professor Dumbledore has told me that he's a shy one," she smiled warmly at us, the question lingering in her eyes.

"Yeah, I don't mind that much, professor. Evan and I could help him get to lessons and stuff! We'll both have quite a few lessons with each other seeing as we're in the same year." Jodie replied happily.

"That would be wonderful Dodie, dear." Professor Sprout beamed at her and started to move along. Ohhhh, Dodie. That's her name. Suits her.

Chris raised an eyebrow at me. 'I mean ... we don't have to.' he seemed to say.

"Of course, I can help! That won't be a problem at all!" I replied in a heartbeat. Chris rolled his eyes and I heard PJ chuckle behind me.

"Oh, thank you Phil, darling! Just keep a quiet eye on him okay?"

She continued to walk along the chattering students.

"Phil, what if he's not nice? I mean, he's a Slytherin." Chris whispered.

"Well," I replied, "We'll make him nice. Also stop stereotyping. Emma's a lovely person and she's a Slytherin."

Chris wrinkled his nose. "She scares me sometimes. You think everyone is lovely. Even me. I don't understand how."

"I will make you believe you are love-ly," PJ sang, reaching over to boop Chris's nose. Gross.

"You don't count. Of course you have to think I'm lovely. I'm your fucking boyfriend."

"Hush you. Food's coming up." PJ replied, grinning.

I turned around and eyed the Slytherin table to see Dan wedged inbetween Emma and another fourth year boy. Everyone was talking animatedly and eating their fill of magical Hogwarts food. Dan nodded along quickly, seemingly trying to absorb as much as he could, smiling politely and taking small, dainty bites of food.

I turned back around to see Chris and PJ snickering. PJ had moved to sit next to Chris and both were now looking at me strangely. I brushed it off.

Everyone finished dinner and we were all rushed to our respective dorms. The first years all trailed along after us, awe and wonder in their wide eyes.

I grinned as we entered the common room, the warm smell of baked goods and spices welcoming me back, drawing me to the dorms to a long sleep.

♡

The next day went fine.

I got to lessons on time, gave 11 people compliments and caught up on what was going on over the summer. It was nice, nothing special, just like any other day.

Obviously until Dan got cornered by 7th year Gryffindors.

"Watch where you're going, faggot."

I stared down the hallway, blinking rapidly and making eye contact with Dan.

The Gryffindors started to corner him, backing him up into a small alcove. He was shaking all over but looking at them with a fiery, angry, scared glare. I couldn't believe this was happening. Since when were there homophobic people here?

"Look, I didn't mean to get in your way, okay? I'm literally going to be late for lesson if you don't go, thanks." He tried to push past them but they shoved him back. Those eyes swished towards me again.

"Do you know who you're fucking talking to, faggot?"

My legs moved forward. I almost stumbled over my words. They were so much older than me, of course. That's pretty scary. "Hey! Could you, um, maybe not?"

Too late. My voice was drowned out by Dan's scream of "what the fuck?" when one of the Gryffindors hit him.

I ran forward and pushed through the 7th years.

"This is unnecessary!" I said loudly standing in front of Dan, not completely obscuring their view of him. For some reason, I could feel him roll his eyes at my back. Probably adrenaline messing up my thoughts.

They snickered at us. Maybe me in particular. Probably me in particular.

"Got yourself a boyfriend already, Slythy? We've only just got back and you've managed to trick some faggot into liking you." One of them laughed.

"I mean it's hardly like you used Amortentia or something, too stupid to brew it in the first place. Even if you got someone to do it for you, it wouldn't even work would it? You're too repulsive." Another jeered, throwing out meaningless insult after insult.

Dan was shaking behind me. With rage? Fear? Sadness? Pain?

I took a deep breath. "Look. This is unnecessary. Could you take your, rather wrong, thoughts away from us, please? Also, we're not dating. Just for, um, clarification."

"Oh, really, Hufflepuff loser?"

Punch. Kick. Slap. Scream. Laugh.

My glasses were knocked off of my face, most probably smashing onto the cold stone floor, which I was currently laying on. I had also knocked Dan over.

Dan was quietly pondering whether coming to Hogwarts was a good idea. He should've gone to Shiratorizawa.

Whispering and taunting echoed off the walls, smashing around and finding their way into our heads, comfortably nestling inside, digging deep into the crevices of our brains.

Rushed footfalls and hurried mumbles resonated through the hallway as I unsteadily got up onto my feet. Laughter then silence. A small sniffle broke though.

"Accio glasses." I muttered. The Gryffindors had run away. Tch, cowards.

My very obviously broken glasses flew into my hand from a couple feet away. That was one hell of a punch. I sighed. There was obviously blood on my face. It had stained the floor. "Reparo."

I blinked quickly, adjusting my vision as best I could. I had to wipe away some blood. I looked over to my left. More blood. How did they manage to do that much damage?

A deep, honey like voice and a loud Irish voice yelled from my left. They were far away but recognisable. Awkwardly rushed apologies and more running footfalls could be heard getting further and further away. An animated laugh pierced through the air, followed by a deep one. I managed to crack a small smile before quickly averting my attention back to the situation at hand.

"Dan? Dan are you okay?" I said in an urgently hushed tone. He sniffed again.

"No." He slowly sat up.

There was blood smeared across his face in an almost comical, cartoonish manner. A dot on his nose, a streak on his jawline, another on his cheekbones. He looked like some sort of model in a rather gory photo shoot.

"Sorry." He inhaled in quickly.

"Not your fault." I replied just a quick. I extended an arm out to him. He looked at it sceptically for a while, pondering whether to take it and risk getting blood on my hands or not. He decided it was fine seeing as it was pretty much already everywhere anyway.

"Did they break anything?" I asked him insistently.

He wiggled his limbs about a bit to test things out. "My left shoulder hurts, my right knee hurts (props to anyone who got these obscure ass anime references lmao), my head hurts, my nose hurts, my ass hurts and my heart hurts."

"Oh." I looked at Dan. They really did hurt him. Bruises started to become more prominent on the skin that was showing. They contrasted again his slightly tan skin looking like cracked red thunder across his forehead and cheeks. Some areas were sharper, redder, angrier; very appropriate to our emotions in this current situation.

Even in this state he was beautiful.

"I think that you've just bruised your nose a bit seeing as it's not bleeding, though it does look rather sore." I frowned in concentration as I assessed his injuries. "make circular motions with your shoulder please?"

He rolled his eyes. "Jeez, it feels like I'm being examined by a professional doctor or something." He rotated his shoulder regardless of his snarky comment. It seemed fine.

"Okay, you probably didn't break or sprain anything. I hope. I should probably take you to Madam Pomfrey, shouldn't I." I started walking before realising the searing pain that shot up my leg. I briefly stopped to regain my composure.

"Um." Dan started. "You're not exactly okay either." I opened my mouth to make an excuse. "Don't lie about it. You're basically radiating agony and discomfort. Sit down." He aggressively pointed to a ledge. We sat.

Dan pushed my fringe out of my face quickly, a light blush dusting his cheekbones. "Tergo," he whispered, pointing his wand at my forehead. "Does your leg hurt?"

I sniffed and scrunched my nose up a little, scratching my forehead. Hmm, he did a pretty good job. "Yeah, a little." I lifted up my trouser leg and propped it up. "Oh."

An absurd amount of blood was spilling out of a large wound ripping up my leg. I cringed at the sight.

"How the heckie did that happen?" I mumbled. I looked up at Dan who was on the verge of dissolving in laughter and projectile vomiting on me.

"What's with that look?" I ask him, muttering a cleaning spell at the floor which seemed to have puddles of blood on it already.

"You said heckie," he smirked. I averted my eyes, dragging my attention back to my leg.

"I don't like swearing all that much I guess." I pushed my glasses up my nose.

"Well shit, that's a shame." Dan said in a monotone voice. "I still don't know your name Mr I'll just get beat up by a much of kids older than me just because this scrawny ass guy was being picked on because he clearly couldn't handle himself."

I blinked.

"Wh-"

"Thanks though, I guess. I just thought you'd get a professor or something, not insert yourself into the situation. Only I would have gotten hurt instead of the both of us." He quickly muttered a spell. Then groaned. Then dramatically fell backwards into his arms.

"Dan a-"

"And NOW everyone will think you're fucking gay and going out with a piece of trash like me. God, I just fucking love ruining people's lives don't I, fucking Jesussss." He inhaled sharply before hastily sitting upright and cross-legged again and spelling away bruises from himself and me.

What a strange guy. "Phil."

"What?"

"My name's Phil and I'm a fifth year and I'm actually openly bisexual and I really like chocolate frogs and I'm a muggleborn."

A split second of silence before, "Okay, Phil, I do-" I cut him off.

"I also want you to know that Hogwarts is an amazing school and we're frankly really accepting and lovely and kind and it's really strange that those Gryffindors did that because that's only ever happened to me once last year. I didn't expect they'd pick on you especially because you're literally almost as tall as them. You also kinda look intimidating sometime. Also my leg hurts still and I really think we should go to Madam Pomfrey's because we could get infected because, yanno, open wounds. Also we're pretty late for class and it would be good to have an explanation note to give to the professor you're having next bec-"

"You're rambling. And profusely bleeding. You're going to start to feel more pain soon after the adrenaline has worn off and I don't know what spell to use for open wounds like this and I know it's stupidly incredibly difficult to perform major spells on yourself as it could harm yourself even more so if you would kindly tell me what spell to use that would be incredibly helpful for the both of us. Mainly you I guess seeing as you're the one splashing blood on our robes bu-"

"Now you're rambling. Vulnera Sanentur is the spell. Say it slowly whilst tracing the wound. You don't have to say it thrice because I'm not exactly dying right now. Oh, you're right. It really does hurt. Ow."

Dan gripped his wand tightly. "Okay. Okay I got this." He cleared his throat quickly. "Vulnera Sanenturr."

He didn't do a bad job, actually. The wound slowly wound itself up and the blood stopped flowing, quickly drying and leaving scabs.

Footsteps fell slowly towards us. We both turned towards the sound.

Snape.

God damn it.

With one quick glance at the scene, he turned away and mumbled, 'detention', in his monotone voice.

Detention? What for! If anything, those rude ass Gryffindors from earlier should have gotten detention; doesn't Snape have a thing against Gryffindors anyw-

"Why detention, sir?"

"Scheduled for tomorrow afternoon, both of you," he glared at me in particular, "you must go out to the forbidden forest to collect-"

"Professor, you didn't answer my question."

He shifted his glare onto Dan who, in turn, flinched slightly.

"For staining the corridors with cuss words and filthy blood."

Filthy blood.

"Oh, what, so you're a racist? Fuckin' marvellous; my head of house is a racist."

"You have a big mouth, Mr. Howell. Forbidden Forest, tomorrow night. Collect Alihotsy leaves, Moly plants and Aconite flowers. Shame, they're in the middle of the forest too." He left with a grand swish of his cloak and a smirk plastered on his greasy face. Ew.

I heaved a massive sigh. "You must think this school is balls."

Dan scrunched up his nose a little before shaking his head. "Nah, just a select few people are, ahem, 'balls'." I giggled at that. "Let's just get to Nurse lady."

♡

"In you get then! Filthy students," Filch mumbled the last part under his breath, quickly hobbling away back up to the safety of the castle.

Dan gave me a slightly angry sidelong glance as if to say 'If it weren't for you, we wouldn't even be here'.

"Lumos," I whispered. Giving him a weak smile, we both trekked into the wild area that was the forbidden forest.

I noticed Dan edging closer to me at every small sound, eyes darting around quickly, arms hugged tightly around himself taking big cautious steps.

He suddenly whispered, "I have a question. It might seem strange." We were walking side by side, shoulders touching, now. The hand holding out his wand was quivering slightly. "Can you hear my heart beat?"

"What do you mean?" I whispered back lightly, making sure to step over a root that was rather rudely protruding out of the ground.

"My heart." He gulped nervously. "Can you hear it."

I paused a moment to duck under a low hanging branch. "No, I don't. Why?"

Another pause.

"I'm scared." (sCarED pOtTAH?!)

"Oh," I smiled lightly in his direction. "Don't worry. The centaurs won't disturb us, they've gone to the other end of the forest to read the constellations today. The sky is clear or something, I guess. The Forbidden Forest is rather scary but I've been in here enough times to be rather familiar with it and it's inhabitants. Left here, under this tree."

Dan ducked under after me, lightly grasping the sleeve of my robes. "What do you mean by you've been here enough times. Do you get detentions a lot then?"

I looked down at him trying to brush his fringe out of his eyes whilst also grasping me and keeping his wand hand steady whilst also keeping his eyes front to watch out for any protruding branches or roots.

I had the sudden urge to brush it away for him. I brushed the thought off instead.

"No. I come in here alone to gather some plants for Madam Pompfrey. She tells me off every time but she loves me really." I smile as a shy bowtruckle leapt out in front of us, clambering onto the next tree.

"Oh. Okay."

He continued to cling onto my sleeve, hopping quietly around roots and ducking agilely under branches.

I nudge away some obtruding bushes and hold them back for Dan to pass. He gives me a small whisper of thanks and re latches onto my sleeve.

We arrive at a small clearing.

"I'm guessing this is the place?" asks Dan in wonder and slight amusement.

"Yep." I hand him a basket. "Could you pick some young Alihotsy leaves from the trees just over there?" I point to the opposite side of the clearing. "They're gonna be used for the laughing potion for Madam Pomfrey."

He blinked quickly. "Sure. Where will you be?"

"I need to collect some aconite flowers (aka monkshood/wolfsbane) just overrrrrr here." I point to a place a couple meters or so away from the alihotsy trees. "We only need to fill the baskets up to the top. After, we need to collect some moly plants which are on the way back so we don't need to worry about looking for them now!" I give Dan a smile. He goes over to the trees.

I busy myself with picking the aconite flowers. The sun was completely gone leaving behind the moon and sprinkling stars across the sky. It was nice, calming.

(Third person POV)(It was easier to write soz)

Dan, on the other hand, thought otherwise. He was completely trembling in his robes; he had already told Phil that he was scared but he definitely wasn't going to again. His worthless pride wouldn't allow it.

He heard a huff from his left, followed by a quiet grunt and crunching. Slow, loud crunching.

Dan somehow suppressed a scream in his throat and yanked a handful of leaved from in front of him. He backed away a little, hands shaking, mind going into overdrive.

Not the fucking time to have a panic attack, Dan.

Not the fucking time to embarrass yourself on the first actual day, Dan.

Not the fucking time to let Phil down, Dan.

He reached out to grab another handful of leaves when an explosion to his right sent him dissolving into fear and panic.

"What the fUCK," he screamed through cloudy tears.

He stumbled backwards quickly, as quickly as possible, tripping over his own feet and dropping the basket.

What a fucking mess. What a fucking idiot. What a fucking wimp, fucking weak, fuc-

"Dan! Dan, are you ok-" Phil got cut off by another loud crashing sound as a fucking monster appeared to their right.

"What the fuck is that scorpion penis looking bitch." Dan tried to stop the fat tears rolling down his face and tried to ignore the weakness of his knees and the shaking of his hands and the way his voice had trembled and how his hair was matted to his forehead and how his eyes were stinging so fucking much.

"Hey, Dan? Dan it's okay." Phil reached him quickly and put down his own basket, wrapping his now free arms around the younger, trembling, frightened-as-fuck boy.

"Please make it leave." He whispered, choking on sobs and gripping onto the front of Phil's robes. "God it's so dark I hate this I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so fucking sorry."

"Why are you apologising? It's okay Dan." There was a crease between his eyebrows made from concern. He brought his right hand up to brush away Dan's hair. "It's not your fault."

"I should've stood up to those bullies more, I shouldn't've been such a wimp, I shouldn't've gotten us in detention then this never woudl have happened I'm terrible I'm so goddamned sorry I'm so so sorry, Phil."

"It's okay."

'Protego' was whispered by Phil.

"See, the Skrewt can't touch us now, okay?"

"Can't you just kill it?" The shaking hadn't subsided but Dan could breathe properly again. He was still clutching the front of Phil's robes, burying his face in shame.

"I - I couldn't kill it."

A weak chuckle. "How pathetic, isn't it, Phil. I'm pathetic. I'm so scared of bloody everything that fucking moves and I literally had a fucking - fucking panic attack over fucking nothing and - and - and I-"

"It's okay."

A pale hand in brown hair. A consoling hug. Steady-ish breaths becoming steadier. Calmed hearts. Hands still clutched to robes. Quiet sniffles and back rubs. Blotchy cheeks and embarrassed eyes. Blushing cheeks and comforting eyes.

"You're okay."

Small smiles shared between two boys sat in a clearing in a forest, with a glow from the moon barely lighting up their surroundings.

Strong hands helping still-slightly-barely shaking one's up. A 'thank you' in a muted tone. Brushing down of robes and glances being shared whilst picking up dropped leaves.

A hushed whisper of 'Lumos' and soft light flooding the area.

"We've pretty much got a basket full of what we need."

"Okay."

A hand slipping into another. Dusted, tinted cheeks with traces of embarrassed smiles. Carefully treading footsteps, steady light, fingers intertwined.

Whispers of jokes, light heartfelt giggles, meaningful peeks at unknowing faces.

Walking back up to Hogwarts holding baskets and hands, following the soft glow from a wand, feeling welcomed and loved and protected and accepted.

♡

lmao how cheesy :')

i intended this to be longer but idk how or what else i'd've written lmao

this will be the last one-shot i'll probably ever write for this book. there should be a chapter going up shortly after this to explain everything and stuff.

thank you so much for your support, honestly honestly thank you :')