“There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.” - Nietzsche

***

Baramee was already in the table that was setup in the patio. Breakfast was colorful today. An assortment of fruits, pastries, eggs, and bacon are arranged on the table. He is so engrossed in a book that he didn't notice me arrive.

I cleared my throat. He looked up and smiled while I stood in front of him, and then he motioned for me to give him a hug. We kissed and embraced tightly before I sat down opposite him.

"Let's eat." He puts down the book and we start eating.

"The weather is really nice today. So I decided that we have our breakfast here," he said.

"Yes, this is nice," I answered and looked at him, and just as always, he was calm. His beautiful face was serene and composed.

He reached out to hold my right hand, and said, "It is the perfect time to say goodbye."

I dropped the fork that I was holding.

"It is time?" I asked.

"I'm afraid so."

My vision blurred and tears start to silently fall as I looked at him. He is smiling, but I can feel his grip on my hand tighten.

"Stop crying," he said sternly. But there was a shake somewhere in his voice.

"I don't want to leave you looking like this," he said.

"Will I see you again?"

"Maybe... someday..." This answer somehow lightens the heavy feeling in my chest.

"The future is unknown Jaturapoom," he said.

I nodded. "I hate goodbyes." 

"I know," he chuckled.

He has always been the mature one between us. His calm and reserved demeanor together with this perfectly combed up hair and button shirt makes him look more mature than he let on.

"Stop crying," he said.

He scooted over so that we are now sitting side by side. Reaching his hands to my face, he wiped my tears with this thumbs.

"I love you, Baramee." I leaned my forehead on his.

"I love you," he said before kissing me.

He held my hand. "Let's take a walk in the garden."

I nodded and followed him. We walked for a while, basking at the morning sun. I let the cool breeze hit my face and dry my tears. 

He dug his hand in his pocket and took out a box. "This is for you to remember me by."

Inside the box was a bracelet, made of white gold studded with brilliant cut diamonds. It is beautiful.

"This is perfect. Put it on me please," I said.

We both smile as he worked on the screw to lock the clasp on my left wrist.

"I will never forget you," I said.

"I know, and I don't want you to."

I breathed the heaviest breath I could, just to suppress the onslaught of emotions.

He looked at me with eyes overflowing with love, assurance, and confidence.

"We've already talked about this, my love. I know you will be happy with him. Everything will be okay."

"Yes. Everything will be okay," I croaked.

We kissed and hugged again.

"Goodbye, my love," he whispered on my ear.

"Goodbye, Baramee," I say my final farewell in a muffled voice as I bury my face on the crook of his neck.

"It's my time to go," he spoke slowly with a voice so low I can barely hear.

But I knew. I know the gravity of what's about to happen. I will lose him, and may not see him forever. But I also know this is for the better. I am suddenly overcome with sadness but also with positive anticipation for the future.

I have to let him go.

We hugged tighter, longer, never letting go. But ultimately, he pried my arms off of him. He kissed my cheek one last time.

My knees felt weak as I watch him walk away from the garden. I memorize his retreating back, the way he walks, the way he was dressed, his hair. This is probably the very last time.

I gripped my chest as I say the word again silently. Goodbye.

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