It's really shit i know:( im finding it hard to not be repeptitive but yeah

JOSHS POV

Jess's phone. I immediately grasp it tightly in my hand, knowing that it could lead me to where she is, or at least explain some of what has happened. I walk through into the bunks, the guys are all asleep now and i stumble through the dark, getting straight into my bunk. I turn her phone on and the lock screen lights up, a photo of her and I appears, her background is a photo of us that was taken when I came on tour with All Time Low to visit her, our hands are linked and she's gazing up at me as I smile into the camera. I unlock her phone, not wanting to stare at it for too long, knowing it does no good. Her messages open up immediately, I  scroll down to the bottom, it feels strange and such an invasion of privacy, but it's my last resort, i'm completely desperate. There's a message between her and Alan about their new record, and what she thought, a group message between her, zack, alex and rian about Jack, I tear up and laugh at the brief glimpse of the conversation I saw. Individual messages between her and all the ATL members, then between her and a few female friends I vaguely remember her mentioning. A group message between her, Ashley, Alex and Jack is next, I'm about to keep on Scrolling when I notice a mention of Emily's name. 

Alex: Jess, you could always tell Josh?

Jess: Like he would believe me, it sounds completely ludicrous :/ Plus she may say i'm making it up, I just don't know what to do. 

Jack: Just have a cat fight, she can't push you around and force herself between you and Josh. 

Alex: She won't stop until she gets what she wants. 

Ashley: Beating you up and trampling you in the middle of a crowd shows how far she's willing to go.  

I stop reading at that point. The pieces start to click into place. Emily was the one who punched Jess and knocked her down in the crowd? why would she do that, what has been going on? I realise that whatever Emily has been up to, it's been going on for longer than 3 days, why did Jess never mention it?  I click out of the messages when another one catches my eye. One solitary message sits from the night Jess leaves just above the group chat. It's an unknown number, I open it up curiously. A sound clip was sent with no reply. Intrigued I pull out my headphones and plug them in and press play. 

It's my voice. I listen to it and play it again. I sit there in confusion playing it again and again, gripping the phone tighter and tighter. It finally clicks into place. Emily set me up, asking me to say these things so she could use it against me. She had this planned for months. More importantly Jess heard this and believed it. She thinks I meant every word, that I  would deliberately go out to hurt her like this. I run my hands over my face, fighting the urge to punch something or just cry. No wonder she left if that's what she thinks I was doing the whole time, and walking in on Emily and I must have just confirmed it all. I feel torn in two, anger and despair fills me. I know what I need to do. I feel the buses' engine start up and I leap out of my bunk and run down the length of the bus, hopping out the door and running across to another bus, I slam myself up against the door as I trip. I pull open the door, thankful it's not locked and walk through into the full front lounge. I'm greeted with glares. Zack stands up immediately, followed by Rian who puts his hand on his shoulder, warning him not to go near me. The bus starts up and begins to move. 

"Hear me out." I tell them, the members and crew of all Time Low all stare back, Speechless. 

.................................................

"...and I never said any of that, really." I repeat for the fifteenth time during my explanation of my versions of events. So far they've sat listening, Alex having given his version of events half way through and informed me on everything with Emily

"Fuck." Alex half shouts, slamming his fist down on the sofa, "I can't believe Emily did all that." he continues, shaking his head. 

"We should have known, but even she managed to trick us and we knew what she was capable of." Jack says, wrapping an arm protectively around Ashley who is sat cuddled up with him, as if she could be ripped from his arms any second. 

We all sit in silence, unsure of what to say, all of us in disbelief of the situation. 

"I think we're missing out on the most important part here." Zack speaks up, looking me directly in th eye, with a sympathetic expression rather than vengeful, " Whilst it's fine that we know the truth and everything, but Jess doesn't. Where ever she is right now, she's sat thinking all these lies are how you feel and what really happened."

"Exactly, which brings me to my next question. I know that she would never ever want me to talk to her or see her and I know you would agree after everything that has happened, but I at least want to let her know what really happened. I've never loved anyone more and I need her to be happy and to know I wouldn't ever try to hurt her like that. Could you get me in contact or let me know where she is?" I ask, hoping to god they'll agree, I just need to know she's okay.

Flyzik and Jack look at each other, then to Zack and Rian, then all of them at Alex. 

"she won't ever give you the chance to speak to her, I know Jess and she will not hesitate to close a door in your face and cancel your calls when you've hurt her and when it is as much as you have...I just don't know," He tells me, avoiding eye contact and hesitating, his eyes suddenly spark up and look at me directly, "But.. If you send her a letter, I think that would work. she would never be able to resist reading what you have to say, it's easy to reject your voice but a latter sitting there will eventually been opened. You've seen her with presents." 

I nod agreeing it's a brilliant idea. I grab a pen and paper and set myself up on their table, considering i'll have to spend the night here as the bus is on it's way to the next destination. I spend the next four hours writing and rewriting the letter. Not knowing how to put it into words, how to show Jess how I feel and what happened. In the end I settle on the original, knowing it's the most raw version of my thoughts. I seal it in a Mickey Mouse envelope of flyziks and leave it on the table for Alex to address and sign. Grabbing a blanket I hop into the spare bunk and prepare myself for a restless night's sleep.