"...It may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allah knows but you do not know." (Al Baqarah 2:216).

[Note - I think this is the first time I'm quoting or should I say copy-pasting from my personal journal, at least for the write-ups to post here in this book and platform, maybe I've posted some poetries like 'Recompense' or 'I Rise' but not a journal entry as far as I can remember and it's awkward/scary to say the least.

The reason I've typed out the above entries isn't for complaining about those trials or for gaining some sympathy/duas. Let me explain the logistics because c'mon we've all seen people judging and jumping to conclusions without a second thought, haven't we?

I write about Hope (primarily, + pain, endurance and faith as related topics), so be assured I shared them for Hope itself.]

8/2/2021

/I want it to go away, completely/ Journal Entry

I am tired of life coming around in circles, in those exact arcs I escaped or You saved me from, You made me stand there again. Here, I am again, standing in the exact same place still afraid to face it.

I know there's ease, small doses of ease showing up, smoothening a part of the journey. But I'm ungrateful, I want it to go away completely and not in portions. I know there's hikmah (wisdom) in it, I'll become a stronger and better person when I overcome this but why is it so draining, so exhausting.

I agree that I'm not seriously doing anything but you can't blame me, I am also human, I feel like I'm made to work as a robot. My lips are seconds away from screaming out the complaints stuffed within.

***

24/3/2021

/He knows what He's doing and you gotta trust Him./ Journal Entry

Nothing else, no other way out.

I don't know till when can I keep calm, my lips are sealed because I don't wanna scream. I've grown numb, not willing to open my mouth and spill all the sourness of this situation.

It's challenging, He has made us get this far and He'll do so for what lies ahead.

You still got this Boo, the game is strong but so are you.

Love ya,

Xx.

***

You know how life goes around in circles, sometimes you are afraid of certains arcs that stand before you, you are stressed about how in the world are you even going to get through it,you think through in circles and circles and not find a way out, you complain and cry and give up, but He saves you and you sigh a long breath of relief. Then comes another season, which brings you to the exact arc you're afraid of facing before and this time along with no way out, there are other factors which makes the situation even more stressful.

You seal your lips, to keep in the complaints and grow numb, to suppress the emotions bubbling in. Every passing day drains the colour from your face gradually, your heart grows heavier, your mind isn't able to see a way out and like that, you lower your armour and give in.

Or you take that leap of Faith and trust Him.

At least for me, things were extremely stressful compared to the last time I wanted to escape that particular arc and it was only getting worse to a point that I didn't understand what I was supposed to even do, but I just did one thing for which I'm grateful for, I decided to trust Him.

No, I'm not the perfect believer who opens her arms to every test and trial that comes her way, without complaining and going mad stressing about it. I've had my fair share of complaints, overthinking spree's and sleepless nights but this time around I'm just grateful for two things.

One, I didn't scream, complain and make a fuss about it externally. (Lol, I wonder if I or anybody else would do this? But bro, things were uff! Extremely suffocating.)

And two, I didn't let it overwhelm me (at all times, sometimes they did overwhelm me) and tried to take it one step at a time.

Oh and last but not the least, I kept repeating this mantra after complaining about the chaos getting increased every passing day which is, 'He knows what He's doing and you gotta trust Him'

(Should I end it here Or you guys are gonna throw your slippers at me for not giving you the climax?

Okay chill! I am giving you that, please have mercy on this soul;)

So again and like always, He saved me from that arc Alhamdulillah. I don't know whether I've to face it again or not, but at the moment I'm breathing in relief and trying to savour the feeling of Ramadan without worrying about anything else.

Yes things were not easy, but am I complaining now? No. As a human I'd complained then, but now I'm grateful. Alhamdulillah for all the trials that take me back to Him. Alhamdulillah for all the doors which got closed on me, forcing me to go and knock on His Door, where all our miseries end and sadness departs. Alhamdulillah for being alive, getting a chance to repent and not die in a state of heedlessness and ignorance. Alhamdulillah for being fortunate enough to be witnessing another Ramadan, let's hope that it will change our hearts and not just our schedules Insha Allah.

***

17/04/2021

/Alhamdulillah for all the trials/

"A trial which brings you closer to Allah is better than a blessing which makes you forget Him." — Ibn Taymiyyah(May Allah have mercy on him)

I've nothing to say except Alhamdulillah and smile as His plans roll out effortlessly, leaving us in awe and making our hearts grateful for everything we went through and complained about.

So the next time you stand before this arc or another, bigger and much intimidating arc of life, hold onto this "He knows what He's doing and you gotta trust him".

Note -

If you found the scenario relatable or a part of it reflected what you're going through/went through in the past, do share your inputs and inspire others to hope.

On another note, I didn't speak about the crisis, the world is going through at the moment, things are getting scarier each passing day, we're captured by the second wave of the deadly virus here in India and being such a populated country, the medical infrastructure is exhausted. Suggest y'all to take extreme care of yourself and your loved ones, physically and mentally both. Pray for the entire Ummah, we are in desperate need of His Mercy and Healing.

While we know it's scary, He knows what He's doing and we gotta trust Him. (After doing everything that's necessary on our parts, Remember 'Tie your camel and have tawakkul')

Since the days are trying, I recommend y'all to check out this amazing book filled with beneficial reminders called "Did you know? (Inspirational Islamic Stories)" by   . If you're busy, add the book to your library for another time, but just read the recent update for a refreshing and uplifting write-up. Sharing one gem from that piece.

"Had Allah lifted the veil for His slave and shown him how He handles his affairs for him, and how Allah is more keen for the benefit of the slave than his own self, his heart would have melted out of the love for Allah and would have been torn to pieces out of thankfulness to Allah. Therefore if the pains of this world tire you do not grieve. For it may be that Allah wishes to hear your voice by way of dua. So pour out your desires in prostration and forget about it and know; that verily Allah does not forget it." – Ibn al Qayyim (May Allah have mercy on him)

P.S - Do check out this GIF and tell me, if it's good,

Sis is not creating traditional art these days, so you can see her trying digital;)