alejandro's pov
it's been 2 weeks since mattia had started living with me. my mom was still under the impression that mattia's parents were on vacation. i was hoping that by mattia living here with me that maybe he would slowly go back to his happy self but i was wrong.

every night he still tossed and turned. he would still stare off into the distance and he still didn't engage much into our conversations.

i needed to get him out of his thoughts for a while so i decided that today it would just be me and him.

i walked into the kitchen. my mom was cooking food and mattia was setting the table. he was always doing something around the house whether it was cleaning or cooking.

a: buenos días ma! hey mattia!

am: buenos días hijo! cómo amaneciste?

a: bien!

i went over and stood next to mattia.

a: you should of woken me up so i could of set the table

m: i didn't want to wake you up. you looked really tired last night and plus i didn't want to just stand around and not help your mom.

after eating breakfast mattia and i ran up back up to my room. i went over to get my phone and realized that it was only at 23%.

a: shit

m: what?

mattia looked over at me and saw that i had my phone in my hand.

m: you forgot to charge your phone again. is this why you always look tired. because you're on your phone all night long. you need to sleep ale.

little did mattia know that the only reason i didn't sleep much every night was because i was looking out for him. i was making sure that he wouldn't go into a full blown panic attack again.

a: you're right. i'll start sleeping earlier

m: you better or i'm taking your phone from you and i won't give it back

a: okay mom

we both starting laughing. i would never get tired of mattia's laugh.

a: anyways get dressed

m: why?

a: i'm taking you out

m: taking me out?

a: well um not like a date or anything. just like as friends. you know. like hanging out. not a date

m: yeah i get it. why are you so flustered?

i touched my face and i could feel that it was warm.

god why do i always embarrass myself

a: it just got hot in here

m: mmm sure

a: just shut up and go change

m: okay okay. i'm going to go shower

after 10 minutes mattia poked his head out of the bathroom.

m: can you bring me a shirt i forgot to bring one in

i got up and headed towards his side of my closet.

a: what color pants are you wearing?

m: light blue ripped jeans

i grabbed a purple shirt and walked towards the bathroom.

a: you know you can walk out and come get it right. i won't look if you don't want me too and i won't judge.

m: yeah...

he stuck his arm out reaching for the shirt. i noticed that his cuts were beginning to heal and there were no new cuts. i smiled.

i turned back around and sat down on my bed, waiting for mattia to finish up.

m: you ready?

i looked up at him and my mind went blank. i hadn't seen him this dressed up in a long time. he looked so gorgeous.

m: hello? ale are you ready to leave?

a: y-yeah let's go

we arrived at the mall after a rather quiet ride. mattia would speak to me but it was like he wasn't there sometimes. i hope this day won't go to shit.

we spent the majority of the time walking around in the stores just goofing off. we passed by a photo booth and i grabbed mattia's hand to stop him from going further.

m: we are not going to do that

a: come on please just once and we'll never do it again

m: mmm

a: please

he looked back to the photo booth and then to me.

m: fine

i smiled widely and dragged him into the booth. i interested the 5 dollars into the machine.

a: okay a normal one for the first picture

mattia reached over and grabbed my waist pulling me closer to him. we both smiled and the flash went off.

a: silly picture now

both mattia and i stuck out tongues out.

a: now a serious one

it was hard for me to have a serious face on. i was slightly smiling as the flash went off.

a: well i messed up on that one. what next? what do we do?

m: i don't know

a: the timer is about to start. think

i turned and looked at mattia waiting for a response. his head was slowly inching closer to mine and i didn't notice that i was doing the same. my heart was beating faster and faster by the second and the butterflies in my stomach were going crazy.  the flash went off startling both of us, making both of us back away.

mattia nervously ran his hand through his hair.

m: um let's go get the pictures

we each took one of the pictures and walked off. it was starting to get a little awkward. i was about to speak up until mattia did first.

m: you want to go get food. i'm actually kind of hungry

i smiled at that last sentence. i was happy that he was finally eating more little but little everyday.

a: yeah sure. let's go

when we got to the food court we both decided to get some fried rice and egg rolls.

we were taking and joking around but the tension was still there but we ignored it like always. we've been ignoring for the past few weeks.

m: you've got something...

a: what?

m: here let me get it

mattia reached over the table and wiped off my cheek with his thumb. i could feel myself blush and i was hoping that mattia wouldn't notice.

m: there. now it's gone

i was a bit stunned at what he had done so i kind of just sat there staring at him.

m: are you going to eat or are you just going to sit there and stare at me the entire time?

a: uh sorry

m: it's okay. i know i'm irresistible to look at

a: ha you wish

we both started laughing. i was glad that he was having a good time. after we finished eating we decided to go back home.

mattia was laying in my bed and i was sitting in my desk chair.

m: thanks for taking me out today. i had fun

a: no problem. we should do it again sometime.

m: yeah

a few minutes of silence went by.

a: do want to watch some movies. i mean it's barely 5 pm.

m: sure

i took out my laptop and searched up movies to watch. i got into my bed and mattia sat next me. i threw the covers over us and placed the laptop on top. we finished up the first movie and we planned to go through another one. i was staring to get a little sleepy but i tried fighting it off.

i eventually laid my head on his shoulder as sleep took over my body. i felt a hand run through my hair luring me into an even deeper sleep.

after what seemed only a few minutes of sleep i was woken up by rough movements. i lifted my head up from mattia's chest and reached for him. i shook him trying to get him to wake up.

he jerked up and looked at me.

m: im sorry for waking you

a: it's okay. another nightmare?

he nodded. i reached under the pillow for my phone. it was 11:32 pm.

a: put a hoodie on

m: where we going?

a: somewhere. we'll sneak out through the window.

i knew exactly were i was going and i was hoping that he would like to go to. as we approached the place i stopped and turned to mattia.

a: you might recognize this place and once you do and you don't want to be there tell me and i'll find us another place to go to

he looked at me weirdly before nodding. as we approached the place i could tell he had recognized it by the way his steps slowed down and his breathing hitched.

we had arrived at the bridge.

a: this is a place that i usually come to so i can destress myself. that's what i came to do the day i found you here. i know this place probably brings back terrible thoughts and memories so if you don't want to be here we can leave. just give me the word and we'll go.

he was just standing there looking at the bridge. after a few minutes i took hold of his arm and guided him away from it.

m: no stop

a: it's affecting you. we can go to some place else.

m: no it's okay. i can do it. just... you're going to be here with me right?

a: yes. i won't leave you. you don't have to if you don't want.

m: i want to. i'm sure

a: okay. what i usually do is i sit on the ground and let my feet dangle over the edge. like this

i sat down on the pavement scooting closer to the edge. i placed my legs through the railing and hugged onto the railing. i looked up at mattia giving him a hand so he could do the same.

he eventually sat next to me and we stayed silent for a while.

m: so what do you do when you're here

a: we'll i usually look up into the sky and take in the beauty of the stars and the moon. i speak of any problems that i have into the empty air and then i sit in silence.

m: is that why you brought me here? so i could let out my problems.

a: yes... i know you don't like talking about what happened to you but i want to help you.

m: i don't-

a: i know what you're going to say. you're going to say that you don't need my help but i want to help. i thought that by you living with me your nightmares would get better. that you would get better. i was wrong. you're still distant. you still wake up being scared to death. you still toss and turn in your sleep. all of that pains me. it pains me that i can't help you through it. it pains me that you won't let me in. i feel useless. there's more to it. i know it. there's more to your story but you won't let me in. i'm begging you mattia let me in. i promise i won't judge. i promise i won't leave.

tears were starting to run down my face. i knew i shouldn't have said anything or brought him here but i couldn't stand it anymore. i couldn't stand it that he was in pain and i was doing nothing to help.

a: mattia please talk to me. please... i promise-

m: stop! no more promises! no more... i've heard those two words too many times. my life revolves around promises. promises that always get broken. BROKEN PROMISES. you won't understand ale. no one understands.

both of us were in tears now. he sounded mad but i could tell that he wasn't mad at me but at himself. i let go of the railing and took a hold of his hand.

a: then make me understand. tell me everything and make me understand. that's all i'm asking for. make me understand. please

mattia inched closer to me and placed his head on my shoulder.

m: you'll leave me. you'll leave me if i tell you. i'll be alone again. i don't want to be alone. not again.

a: i won't leave you. i'll never leave you. i promise. i know you said no more promises but i promise that this is a promise that i will never break. i'll never leave you. it's me and you until the end.  so please let me in. tell me everything that's going on with you. i want to know about all the bad not just the good.

m: promise?

a: i pinky promise.

i wrapped by pinky finger around his.

a: promise.

mattia gathered himself together. his mouth opening and closing like he was trying to find a place to start.

a: take your time.

after a few more minutes he began to tell me everything.

m: all of this pain started back in texas. i was a happy kid with a normal happy life but everything went to shit in only a couple of months. i had a friend group that i was really close to. i didn't know i was gay until i caught feelings for my friend. Miguel.

he paused for a moment. i tightened the grip around his hand.

m: god i haven't said his name in a long time. after a couple of weeks i finally came to terms that i was gay. i felt really close to my friends and i didn't think that they would judge me so i came out to them. they promised that they wouldn't say a thing to anybody.  that was my first mistake. a while after miguel came out as bisexual and he admitted that he liked me. we went on a couple of dates and then we started dating. that was my second mistake. it was one of the happiest times of my life. after a while i finally had the confidence to tell my parents that i was gay. i mean they promised me that they would love me no matter what. i came out to them and well you know how that went. that was my third mistake and it was the first of many promises that were broken. i met up with miguel a few days later and that's when another promise was broken. he told me that i was just a game and that he never actually loved me. he promised that he loved me and he promised that he would never leave when i needed him. he broke another promise that day when he broke up with me. the next day at school i was given many stares. it turns that the friends that promised that they wouldn't say a thing, outed me to the whole school. my life went downhill from there. that's when the pain started. too many broken promises. too many...

mattia broke down in my arms. i was shocked at how cruel people could be. i let him cry it all out as i whispered sweet nothings into his ear.

m: all of that happened just because i was gay. just because of one thing. something that i can't change.

a: i'm so sorry that you had to go through all of that. i'm glad that you told me everything.

m: b-but that's not everything.

a: it's not...

m: no. it gets much worse than that.

a: you don't-

m: no you said you wanted to know everything  and i also want you to know everything. i can't hold onto this much longer.

a:  okay. okay. i'm listening

m: the summer before i moved here so just a couple of months ago my dad had enough of me so he sent me to a camp. i was able to get through most of it.

a: most of it?

m: at the end of the week a woman came into my room and she... she

he stopped for a second trying to keep himself from breaking down again.

m: she... she raped me

the words barely came out of his mouth but i heard them loud and clear. i was taken back by what he said.  i pulled him into a hug holding him tighter than ever.

i began recalling all the events since he had arrived here. the dots began to connect in my mind. i was scared that he would say yes to my question. i didn't want to be right.

a: does that mean that... that that one week that you were gone you were...

m: yes... my dad sent me back and she was there again. but she wasn't there once. she was there every night.

a: every night?

m: every night. every night she would come into my room and make me do things that i didn't want to do.

i didn't know what to say so i just held onto him as he cried. all these people had hurt him and i wanted to make every single one of them hurt. to hurt worse than him.

mattia's sobs eventually died down but i didn't let him go. i held onto him. silence filled the air.

a: listen to me mattia. i'm so so sorry that all of this happened to you. it angers me so much that people you trusted did this to you. my heart aches for you. i want you to know that despite of what you've been though i will always be here for you. i'm going to help you though everything. i love you.

mattia let go of me and pushed himself up.

m: i love you too.

i grabbed ahold of his face.

a: no mattia you don't understand. i love you. not as a friend but as more. i love you with my entire heart. i love you to the moon and back. i've fallen for you. i want to be with you for eternity. i love you and only you.

i didn't know where that confidence came from but i was glad i was able to finally let the truth spill out. i looked into mattia's eyes waiting for any type of response but he just stared at me.

great i just ruined my friendship with him

i let go of his face and began to get up. i was pulled back down and my face was taken into mattia's hands.

m: i've fallen for you too.

we both started leaning in and this time the gap was closed. his lips touched mine and the butterflies in my stomach were going wild. his lips tasted of cherries. my hands found his torso and i pulled him closer to me.

the kiss was long, sweet, and passionate. i never wanted for it to end. i didn't realize how much i had been longing for this to happen. i could feel myself running out of oxygen so i finally let go.

we both stared into each other's eyes not being able to believe that that had just happened. mattia leaned in and placed his forehead against mine.

m: i love you too

author's note
hope you guys liked this one
much love ❤️