Its Monday night. The week has went by fast by myself.

I decided I had nothing better to do so I came to walk around backstage and watch the show production.

Its different not being on the TV and just watching the production be made.

The lights, the cameras, the fireworks and fire, the tron, the theme songs, ect.

Its all done by people in the back that dont get a whole lot of credit.. the fans dont even know their names.

It puts the whole thing in a different perspective for me I guess...

No one really talked to me..When I'd walk by they would just give me weird looks..

Looks of concern, horror, like I didnt belong here.... different one with different people..

Which I mean, who could blame them?!

I've became a ticking timebomb and a basket case in the course of a few days! I've literally became my character.. April is now officially AJ.

And its definently not what I expected it to be like...

"April!" I heard a voice behind me...

thats a suprize.

I turned to find Dean jogging over to me.

"what." I said blankly, not really looking for a conversation.

"April, are you ok? you havent been answering my texts..."

"never better." I said staring off into space.

"April, you can cut that line of shit to someone else but you cant lie to me." he said using his finger to move my face toward him. "I've known you long enough to know when youre bullshitting....and this is a whole pile of it" he said.

"Dean....I just dont want to talk about it." I said before turning and walking away.

~~

I left the arena and went back to my hotel after my little "chat" with Dean..

Does he really care that much to even try and speak to me...

I really dont understand why he would want to....

I stayed in my room te rest of the night..alone.

I didnt want to come out..

I couldn't fall asleep so I got on twitter.

It was mostly the usual. Fans tweeting me about them loving me and wishing me good luck and all, but there were also a lot of people retweeting links to the videos of me attacking Alicia and Nikki.

great. Just what I needed...