"I can't tell if he's playing with your feelings or not," Lily frowns. Her words are a blow to Remus' heart. He bites his lip, looking down at his hands.

They've been sitting on Remus' bed for almost an hour, Remus with his legs crossed and Lily with her elbows on her knees, her chin propped up on her palms. In Remus' peripheral vision, she's a blur of bright colours. Red from her hair and purple from her blouse. She's always been so bright. It's like she was made for James, and James was made for her. 

"Hey," she says softly, placing her hand on Remus' knee. "Whichever it is, I don't think Sirius would ever want to hurt you on purpose, Remus. I know he's not that kind of person." 

"I know," he finds it difficult to look away from his ugly skin, but raises his eyes to look at Lily. He smiles at her the best he can, even if he knows that she would never buy it. "But it still hurts me all the same." It might well be the first time Remus is acknowledging this.

That it hurts. 

That Sirius hurts him.

But dear God, he also makes Remus feels so wonderful. When did Remus give this boy so much power over him? To make him feel so many things... Such beautiful things.

"You really like him, don't you?" Lily sighs, too. "Have you thought about... maybe telling him?"

Remus shrugs. "He said we can't... And that we shouldn't. Remember?"

Lily's mouth practically falls open. She looks somewhere between having taken a very bad blow and downright offended. It makes Remus laugh. This only causes her to look even more offended, which in turn makes Remus laugh harder. "I definitely do not remember you telling me anything like that, Remus," she scowls at him.

"No, I..." Remus forces his laughter to cease. "It was a long time ago... When we were building the shop with James and Reg."

"Sometimes I wonder just what kind of deep dark secrets you keep in here," she taps Remus' chest. "But anyway, that was a long time ago, Re. You should talk to him about this."

"I know," Remus blows a puff of air out of his lips, and leans back against the wall. "I just... I don't know. I'm scared... Why is he so hard to read? And... I've been thinking about what you said," Remus mumbles the last part.

"About Sirius?" Lily asks softly. "What have you been thinking?"

"That he probably doesn't love me the same way I love him,"

"Love... You love him?"

"Not like that," Remus chokes out very convincingly. "I just... you know what I mean,"

Lily stays quiet, biting her lip. "I wish I knew what to say," she squeezes Remus' knee. "I still think you should just talk to him about this, Re."

Remus sighs softly. His eyes wander over to Sirius' bed. How can someone sharing a room with him still feel this... this unreachable?

"He said that friends isn't what he wants us to be," he finally says, and Lily has to lean closer to hear him because of how quiet his voice has gone.

"That... that could be a good thing," Lily smiles, giving him a little nudge with her elbow. But somewhere in her voice, Remus hears that she's not sure of this. And maybe she can tell that he knows, so she adds, "It has to be a good thing."

I can't tell if he's playing with your feelings...

"Nothing is what it seems to be when it comes to Sirius, Lily," Remus shakes his head. He stretches his arms and stands up, walking up to the curiously-shaped window. The sun is barely there anymore, a faint pink glow the only sign left behind. He presses his forehead against the glass, feeling its cold creep into his skin.

Remus hears Lily come up behind him. She places a hand on his shoulder. "You need to make a choice, then," she says. Looking at the dark sky, her eyes aren't as bright. They're rendered a wet grey colour, barely green anymore.

Remus doesn't have to ask her what he has to choose between.

"I think I might look for a job," he swiftly changes the subject, not wanting to think about said choice.

"I think that's a good idea," Lily grins, turning her back to the window and leaning against it. "Any idea where to start?"

"Well, no," Remus admits.

"You're hopeless," Lily laughs, "We can go job hunting together."

"You'll come with me?"

"Of course I'll come with you, silly," Lily sounds mildly offended, "We can go tomorrow, if you want."

Remus finds himself grinning. Never in his life did he think that he would be glad to go outside, but as massive Sirius' house is, it's still not his house. And he hasn't gone beyond the gate ever since he got to 13, Nuvel Drive. A change of scenery really would do him more than good.

"Okay," he smiles wide, showing his teeth. "Tomorrow it is."