Remus struggles to sleep. He's never had much trouble with it until very recently, not even when he was feeling his lowest.

But tonight, he just can't sleep. He feels uneasy, and there's a pounding in his chest that won't cease. His breathing is too heavy. He's too warm under the blanket, and too cold without it. And his pillow is all wrong, his ear getting in the way of comfort with how it squishes against his head.

None of the cats are with him. Remus is ninety-nine percent sure that Marshbutton is with Sirius. She's taken a particular liking to him, and has now practically cut off all ties with Remus since Sirius ends up feeding the cats most of the time.

Which is adorable, and sad, and also really beautiful when Remus thinks about it.

Maybe Mittens and Mentos are with him, too, but Remus can't be very sure.

A sigh of relentment, and Remus climbs out of bed. His room is next to Regulus' one, which is right across the corridor from Sirius'. As he walks the few steps that he needs to cover to get there, he hardly realises what he's doing.

Because he's worried. He's worried sick, and he's scared to speak up about it because maybe if he does, it'll get even worse.

He stops in front Sirius' door, a hand on the knob. And he stays like that for some time, chewing on his lip. And then he turns to go.

God, this shouldn't be this hard.

He turns back towards the door. Hasn't Sirius seen him at his absolute worst? Hell, he probably saw Remus naked, the first full moon they spent together. And he's always made Remus feel like it was okay. Like it was normal. Like Remus was normal.

So why couldn't he just let Remus do the same for him?

In the span of a stuttering breath, Remus remembers the way he pleaded to be left alone, how pained he looked when he asked Remus not to make him speak of it. Speak of what?

Remus sighs, pressing his forehead on the door and closing his eyes. Why does it seem like no matter what he does, it ends up being the wrong thing? Leaving Sirius alone clearly does him no good, but neither does trying to be with him. Sirius can't even seem to bring himself to look at Remus, let alone talk to him.

So what's the third option? Is there a third option in the first place? And even if there is, will it help?

Remus sighs. Lately, he's been sighing a lot.

And then he jerks back, because the door starts moving under his forehead. Remus takes a step back, his mind going completely blank when his eyes fall on Sirius. His eyes are full of grey and void of life. And Remus can't look away.

"Sirius," Remus doesn't dare raise his voice any higher than a whisper.

"I heard you through the door," Sirius tells him, lips stretching into a thin smile that does nothing but render him cold and distant.

"I..." Remus takes another step back, "I was worried about you."

Sirius looks at him for a while, frowning and sad and quiet. "Do you want to come in?" He eventually asks, looking down at his feet.

Remus nods, not trusting his voice.

Sirius opens the door to let him in. The room looks strange with just one bed. Despite everything, Remus can't help smiling at the sight of all three of his cats happily curled up on Sirius' bed. There's no way he can sleep with all of them hogging his bed like this.

"I'm going to miss them," Sirius smiles too, but he can't look at Remus just yet. "When you leave," he adds.

Remus looks at him. "Are you going to miss me, too?"

Remus can see how that question hits Sirius. He freezes, his breath  hitches and he swallows thickly, wincing as he does so.

"I'm going to miss you," Remus adds quietly.

Is it selfish to speak about this? Should he just pretend that he's not sad to make it easier for Sirius?

Sirius goes to sit on his bed, moving Mittens' tail so that he wouldn't crush it under his weight. There's no space for Remus to sit, so he sits down on the floor, his back leaning against the nightstand. He turns his head to look at Sirius, who's already looking at him.

It hurts Remus that Sirius looks so wary around him.

"Do you remember how you told me not to turn into a stranger," Remus doesn't move his eyes off Sirius, "when I first came here?"

Sirius looks down, his hands gripping each other.

"Can I ask the same of you?" Remus asks, a little breathless. Breathless in the worst way possible, like you're crossing the road and there's a massive bus speeding towards you, and you know it can't stop in time.

Sirius doesn't say anything.

"I'm leaving in a week, aren't I?" Remus presses on. He feels guilty, like he's being relentless, like he's adding salt to all of Sirius' deepest wounds. He feels like he should just leave Sirius be because that's all he asked for from Remus.

But Remus is scared. Scared to leave him, because he looks so fragile. Like Remus could look away for one second and Sirius would've been swept away by the wind by the time he turned back.

"I'm leaving in a week," Remus repeats, letting the words hurt them both. "And I want you to be my friend until then. Like you used to be."

Remus' eyes flicker to Sirius' hands. He's digging his nails into the back of his hand, and Remus grabs his hands to stop it. He doesn't feel as warm as earlier, probably owing to the medicine.

"We were happy," Remus says, his voice wavering. "You were happy. We can be like that again. Just for one week."

In his head, Remus can picture how he looks. On his knees in front of Sirius, holding on to his hands and pleading with a voice as broken as his heart.

Sirius curls his fingers around Remus hands. He tugs at Remus, and in a thoughtless haze, Remus moves to sit next to him, crammed between the headboard and Sirius' shoulder. 

"Is that what you want?" Sirius asks quietly.

"It is," Remus tells him. He turns his head to try and look at Sirius' face, but with their height difference, all Remus can see is the top of his head. And the tip if his nose, if Remus leans back a bit.

"Okay," Sirius finally says, and Remus can't tell if he's more surprised or relieved. Sirius lets his head fall on Remus' shoulder, as if he was held by invisible bounds that were suddenly cut, and now he was finally free.

Remus closes his eyes to breathe him in.

"Okay," Sirius says again, "We can do it. Just for a week."

***

Author's Note

Last little filler!

I'm so excited for the next chapters. And you're free to let yourselves be filled with as much dread as you can handle at that sentence.

Except I know you love it when I hurt you. That's why you're here, isn't it? You bunch of miserable masochists.

I love you guys so much xx