Remus frowns to himself a little as he watches Sirius steadily move away from James, almost knocking into a half built wall in the process.

Today, the sky is grey again. Upon Regulus' orders, Remus is sitting down on the front step because he looks like he could faint if someone spoke too loud. Mentos is at his feet to keep him company (or not), pawing at a blade of grass. A harsh blow of wind sloughs a cascade of copper gold leaves from a tree in the empty piece of land adjoining Remus' garden. Some of the leaves float over the fence settle around the three boys.

Speaking of the three boys.

Remus can't take his eyes off of Sirius today. By itself, that may not be anything particularly new or surprising, but today, it's all gone grey and hazy again. Sirius looks mussed, not in his usual effortlessly messy way, but with a more pronounced air of tiredness.

And then there's James, who's visibly agitated. Since he arrived, he has dropped whatever he was carrying twice -very unusual for someone who handles fragile and potentially dangerous things on a daily basis- and worse, he has not spoken to Sirius. At all.

Even Regulus is oddly quiet, not his usual playful antagonistic self.

To put it summarily, the tension in the air is palpable. And Remus knows nothing about it.

He catches Regulus' eye. Something passes between them, a glimmer of understanding that cannot really be put into words. I have something to say to you, Regulus seems to be saying. I will wait, Remus replies.

The actual saying of the something in question happens when they take a break for lunch. Sirius walks over to Remus. "I have to go somewhere... I'll be back in an hour," he says, not quite meeting Remus' eyes. He doesn't stop to pet Mentos, just mounts his bike and drives away.

Remus stares after him, feeling a little like he's taken a hit.

"Hey," Regulus sits down next to him. He smells of leaves and something fresh, a cologne, maybe. Remus smiles at him. "Tired?" He asks. Regulus nods. "Tired and starving. I sent James to get us something to eat."

"Oh," Remus says.

"Yeah."

There's a small pause of tense silence. "About Sirius... is he..." Remus curses at himself when he finds himself grappling for words.

"They had a fight," Regulus sighs, placing his chin in his hands and leaning his weight on to his elbows, which rest on his knees. "Sirius and James?"

"Sirius and everyone, really," Regulus rolls his eyes, "But mainly him and James."

"About what?" Remus asks. "And who's everyone?"

"Everyone includes James, our uncle, me, and also our parents. But that's nothing new." Regulus falls quiet for a little, and Remus waits for him to find his words. "He's just a really self-destructive idiot. And he's too stubborn to admit when he needs help, you know?"

Remus nods distractedly.

Self-destructive.

There's a word that shouldn't exist.

***

"I'm going with James to see Lily," Regulus announces loudly, taking his mug to the sink. "Leave it," Remus tells him as he reaches for the tap. "I can wash it."

Regulus looks at him for a second, and then at Sirius, who's staring into his mug of tea as if it's got the next Quidditch match broadcasting inside of it. Remus bites his lip. "Just talk to him?" Regulus whispers in his ear. Remus nods. He walks Regulus and James to the door.

"See you tomorrow, Re," James smiles at him as they leave. "Bye," Remus waves at the two boys. Tentatively, he walks back into the kitchen. Sirius hasn't moved.

Remus sits down on the chair opposite to him and places his elbows on the table. He props his chin on his palms, keeping his eyes on Sirius. They wait in silence.

"What?" Sirius mumbles after a while, turning his face away. Remus can't help his smile. "Not going to tease me about staring at your beautiful face?" He raises an eyebrow. His heart makes this little skip behind his chest when Sirius bites his lip, obviously trying to hide his smile.

"What do you want?" He doesn't look at Remus when he speaks.

"To know what's wrong," Remus shrugs, "And for you to stop sulking."

"I'm not sulking."

"And I'm not Remus," Remus rolls his eyes. Sirius looks up at him, smiling a little. Remus holds his gaze until he looks back down.

"Sorry..." Sirius says reluctantly, like a child. Remus lets out an amused huff. "It's alright. Here, give me that," he reaches for Sirius' empty mug and carries it to the sink. Sirius walks over to stand next to him, watching him wash the mugs with genuine interest.

"We usually use magic," Sirius says. "To wash dishes?" Remus asks, surprised. "Well... It's not a spell. The sink is charmed to wash whatever's placed in it."

"Oh," Remus nods, drying his hands on a rag. "Want to go upstairs?"

"I... okay," Sirius looks down at his feet. Remus has to force himself to move, because there's something about the way Sirius stands that makes Remus want to hold him close. Maybe it's that bow of his head, hiding his eyes under his long lashes. Or maybe it's the way he's wringing his hands, squeezing and tugging at his skin. Remus places his hand on Sirius' to stop it.

When Sirius looks up, Remus forces his eyes away because he knows that if their eyes meet, he wouldn't be able to look away. Over the course of two months, Sirius' eyes have retained that same magnetic effect they held over Remus the very first time he looked into them.

"Come on," he says softly, pulling Sirius along. The stairs groan under their weight as they make their way up. "Your room?" Sirius either asks or suggests quietly. Remus can't tell which. "My room," he replies, opening his door. It lets out a mournful sound as Remus pushes it.

Remus can only pray that Sirius wouldn't mind the mess. He moves a pile of books from his bed and on to the floor. Sirius doesn't seem to care much, he walks straight to the window and presses his forehead on the cool glass.

Remus goes to stand next to him. "What's bothering you?"

Sirius doesn't reply, only releases a long, sad sigh.

"Here," Remus reaches into the drawer of his nightstand, pulling out a bar of chocolate. He breaks a piece and holds it out. Sirius lifts his head to stare at it. "Just take it," Remus smiles at him, "there's a surprise."

A hesitant hand grabs the chocolate. "Chew it slowly," Remus instructs, grinning. Sirius gives him a suspicious look. "This better not be poisoned," he mumbles, "I hate hospitals." He breaks a small piece off and puts it in his mouth.

Remus watches him, still grinning wide. Sirius frowns at him, as if asking what the big deal is... But then his eyes go wide. "What the-" his face lights up in childish joy.

"What is that?" He pops the remainder in his mouth, grinning widely as the candy starts popping in his mouth. "Popping candy," Remus tells him, eating a piece himself.

Around ten minutes later, there are at least three new chocolate wrappers in Remus' dustbin, and Sirius is beaming at Remus as he wipes his fingers on his jeans. "That was amazing."

"You look better when you smile like that," Remus tells him before he can stop himself. Sirius looks at him, his smile from earlier now lost in his parted lips. The dying light of the sun catches in his eyes, leaving a sparkle right under his lashes.

"Thank you," he says softly, looking down again.

There's an innocence to him that Remus isn't used to, a vulnerability left behind with his usual boldness stripped from him. It brings him delightfully close, as if he's been barred from Remus until now, but suddenly the doors have been thrown open and here he is. Here and now.

That smell of flowers in his hair, Remus wants to close his eyes and breathe it in. This close, he can see the individual hairs on Sirius' lowered lashes. He can see the small veins on his eyelids.

And then Remus sees it. A very faint patch of purple on his jaw, like the soft flesh of a bruised fruit. Sirius hasn't come close to him all day, but now that Remus has seen it, he wonders how he could've missed it.

Before he knows it, his hand is stretching forward, the back of his fingers brushing Sirius' skin lightly. Sirius' eyes snap upwards, alert and guarded. Foreign. His head moves back the slightest.

"Remus," he says, his voice low. That edge to his words could be a warning, but when Remus moves closer, his eyes fall closed. Neither of them can tell who's closing the gap, but eventually someone does.

Lips, trembling with anticipation, holding in the breath that carries the weight of the whole universe. It's all Remus can think about. Everything he feels stems from that one point in his body, the curve of his lips as they meet Sirius'. But with a ghost of a kiss, everything changes.

It's like he's been walking on a thin shell of ice. Everything was beautiful until he stepped too hard, and now there's a crack. It spreads. It spreads everywhere.

With a sharp jerk, it's Sirius who pulls back, his pupils wide in the grey of his irises. Remus feels his mouth open, but he doesn't know what to say. His brain has stopped working. It perceives, but doesn't process.

"We can't," Sirius shakes his head, taking a small step backwards, "We shouldn't."

"I'm sorry," Remus hears himself say.

Sirius looks at him and shakes his head again. "No, it's... please dont," Remus wonders if Sirius is also fighting himself like he is. "Remus," his hand reaches for Remus, stopping at his wrist. Remus wishes he could focus on something else other than the warmth of his fingers.

"Yeah?" He manages to reply.

"This won't change anything," Sirius says, sounding almost determined. But then his eyes flick over to Remus' own and he adds, "Right?"

"No," Remus lies, more to himself than to Sirius, "Of course not."