Remus puts the photo back, his heart beating almost painfully too fast. Sirius still has his face in his knees.

"Sirius?" Remus scoots a little bit closer.

Sirius lifts his head. "Look, I... It's not like that, okay?" He swallows, flinching a bit. "I'm... I didn't," he pauses, "I just thought you were..."

"I'm not mad," Remus says, gently nudging Sirius' shoulder with his. Sirius looks at him for half a second before his eyes dart back down. Remus thinks it's cute. "Hey," he nudges Sirius again. Sirius looks at him once more. "I'm really not mad. Just confused."

"Not completely weirded out that some random guy has a photo of you in a box?"

"You're not some random guy," Remus laughs.

"Well, maybe not anymore," Sirius shrugs, "But back then I was. We never even met each other properly back then."

Remus wraps an arm around his shoulders. "I guess you have a point there," he admits, "But you weren't that random. You were really hard to miss,"

Sirius scoffs. "I was obnoxious,"

"Was?"

Sirius gives Remus a weak shove, but pulls him back just as quick. He puts his head on Remus' shoulder. "I used to see you in the library. Didn't know your name but I thought you were cute," he says softly, playing with his hands. His words are like a warm mug of chocolate on a rainy night.

"I never took you to visit the library often," Remus replies.

Sirius laughs. "I didn't go there for reading," he confesses, "But it was quiet. I liked that, sometimes."

Remus watches Sirius reach for his hand, and lets him grab it.

"Sometimes I thought of talking to you," he says.

"Why didn't you?"

"I don't know," Sirius shrugs. "I liked it the way it was. I'd walk into the library and I'd be half mad off of my own head and then I'd see you and..." Sirius draws his thumb along a small scar on the back of Remus' hand. "And you looked so at peace, you know."

A moment later, he clears his throat. "I mean, I didn't stare at you the whole time. I swear. As cute as you are, I'm not that big of a creep. I'd usually just draw something. But I liked being able to see you whenever I looked up."

Remus remembers the half-ruined sketchbook in Sirius' drawer. He wonders if those are drawings he made in the library.

"Why did you tell me that you never noticed me, then?" He asks, resting his chin on Sirius' head and letting him hide his face in Remus' neck. "The day we first met?"

Sirius makes an embarrassed groan which vibrates through Remus' throat, tickling him. "Couldn't exactly tell you I used to stare at you in the library, could I?"

Remus laughs at that. "You could've told me you'd seen me around,"

"Look, I panicked, okay? When James sent me to the shop, I had no idea it would be you,"

The thought that the Sirius Black he met that day was actually panicking inside makes Remus feel weirdly bubbly and warm inside. "You knew my name," he reminds Sirius.

"No," Sirius curls his fingers around Remus' hand. "I knew a name. I never found out your name at Hogwarts. I knew you used to talk to James every once in a while, but... Wait," Sirius tilts his head up, frowning. "How come you were friends with James but not me?"

"We weren't really friends back then," Remus shrugs. "I talked to him a couple of times whenever he came to see Lily. He was usually alone, then. We only really started to talk after school. When I started going to his shop."

"Do you miss it?" Sirius asks.

"Miss what?"

"The shop? And everything else. Your shop, for one... And selling Potions"

Remus looks down at him. His eyes are wide and shiny. "I'm a bit afraid to answer,"

"Why?"

"Because if I say yes, I can't be sure you won't build me a shop,"

This makes Sirius grin. "You're damn right," he laughs. "I'd build you a shop right here. The biggest shop. You deserve it, Remus."

Remus shakes his head. "You're hopeless,"

"It's not my money, anyway," Sirius grins. "It's my uncle's."

"That makes it even worse," Remus frowns.

"Shh," Sirius puts his finger on Remus' lips, and it takes all of Remus' might to not kiss it. He's starting to suspect that Sirius can tell, because he doesn't move it away.

"Remus?"

"Hm?"

"You look like you want to kiss me,"

Remus swallows as Sirius' hand comes to rest on his jaw. He tries not to look at Sirius' eyes. But eventually he does, and he doesn't know if it's the sight of those dark, wet eyes that makes him so much bolder.

"I do," he replies.

"Then why don't you?"

"Because I'm only now realizing just how much it might be asking of you," Remus says, removing Sirius' hand from his cheek and holding it to his chest instead. "It clearly hurt you back then, and I don't want that. Hurting you is the last thing I want to do,"

"You don't hurt me," Sirius tells him. "It's not you, Remus. It's... It's me. I'm just so fucked up—"

"You're not fucked up," Remus says firmly. "You really aren't, Sirius. Please don't say that,"

Sirius squeezes his eyes shut and drags a sharp breath in. He tilts his head up then, and presses a small kiss on Remus' cheek. "I'm sorry," he says softly. Remus frowns, as if to ask him why. "For... For all the back and forth," Sirius clarifies, blushing lightly. "I didn't realize how horrible it made you feel. And I should've, but I just... I just couldn't. And I'm sorry for that,"

"I know," Remus replies.

"And maybe I'm doing better but I still..."

"I know," Remus repeats, unable to watch how Sirius grapples with his words. Sirius gives him a small, grateful smile. It takes a minute for him to continue.

"But I do want... this. With you. I want to make you happy, like you make me. And... if you want to, if you'd let me... I'd really like to try."