I tugged the dirtied shirt over my shoulders, tossing it onto the stoned floor of the shared community shower room stationed in the Southern Halls of the HeadQuarters.

I stepped into one of the showers, twisting the handle with my soiled palms, hearing the squeak of the knob echo throughout the empty enclosure. I heard the current of water travel up the silver tubes, and then slightly jolted when I felt the cold splash of it spirt out of the shower head and spill over my blemished skin. Gradually, the water warmed, washing a days worth of experience off my skin and allowing me to start anew.

My hands slid up my shoulders, bathing in the steaming water, dipping my head back, eyes up toward the faucet as I let the hot water soak and comb through the strands of my knotted hair.

My fingers blindly searched for a bar of soap, my eyes tightly shut as beads of water pelted down onto the surface of my face. I felt the slippery body of the unscented soap press against my fingertips, picking it up carefully and placing it against the skin of my chest, scrubbing away the dirt imbedded in my pores.

I leaned forward, taking my head away from the flowing water, taking a deep breath and swallowing the steaming fog that was forming in the room. Bubbles formed on my body as I rubbed away the dirt and grime that accumulated over the hours since the last shower I had.

I let the water act as a warmth that my mind recognized as a perfect impression of a motherly hug, eyes closed as I stood in ululating silence, only the sound of the water sweeping down the drain filling my ears as I let the water drench every inch of my sore body. I kept my sights away from the scars that freckled my skin from many moons of battle, my eyes glued to the clouded mirrors that were stationed on the far end of the room, attached to a simple sink.

I could make out the hazy image of my figure in the shower reflecting off the steamed glass as I lathered my hair in soap.

I watched myself rinse the soap out, turn the shower off, and wrap myself in a white towel perched on a rack just outside the walls that separated each shower. I watched myself step up to the mirror, wipe away the condensation, and gaze upon myself intently.

I looked at myself for what seemed like an eternity.
My mind wandered.

I had just bathed, and yet I did not feel clean.

My feet grazed the rough surface of the floors as I stood stagnant, watching the water part from my hair and glide down my cheek, dripping off my chin and onto the ground like a senseless tear. I was not necessarily sad at the moment, and yet I felt the need to stare at myself in inhospitable resentment.

It was hard to look at myself.

I turned my gaze down, trying to avoid staring at myself any longer, my eyes catching glimpse of the healing gash in my finger.
I had taken the bandage off a few days prior to now, and the injury was healing smoothly. I was thankful for that much...

But it reminded me all too much of Levi, and Levi reminded me of many bad memories I tried so hard to bury.
And as time went on, I was discovering that these memories were just seeds, and every time I attempted to bury them, they would just grow into an even bigger mass that sprouted deep within me, the vines strangling both my mind and soul.

I shook my head, walking for the counter that held my fresh pair of clothes.

Another thought crossed my mind as I did so.

I remembered that night he had tended to my wound.

I pondered...

"Levi..." I hadn't even realized I was speaking to myself now, my thoughts overflowing out of my mouth involuntarily.

"...Is it... Selfish..."

I picked up a grey shirt.

My grip tightened.

"... To hope for your forgiveness...?"

●●●

《 Chapter 8 》• Paint It Grey

●●●

The rhythm of the jabbering birds that sheltered themselves in the trees above gave me a sense of endearment for the nature that grew around despite seeing so many violent casualties over the years. I let my back sink into the solid wood of the wagon as I sat, hands folded neatly in my lap.

Hange thought it would do us some good to take time away from the claustrophobic space of the HeadQuarters, to spend the remainder of the spring somewhere we could peacefully await the doom of war.
How silly of us.

The wagon temporarily shook, the wheel jamming over a rock in the path, and the horses that pulled it whinnied as they took us further forward.

The crystallized light from the sun beamed powerfully down, my eyes squinting in attempt to look at those who sat around me.
Hange manned the wagon, and Levi sat slightly to the right across from me.
Behind us, another wagon wavered as it went over the same rock.

Armin and Jean sat up front, holding the reigns of the horses, speaking something to eachother I couldn't quite hear. Mikasa, Sasha, and Connie sat in the back, watching the green blur of trees as we headed down the trail that led deep through the forest.

There were no longer any titans to pose a threat to us inside Wall Maria. It was somewhat bitter-sweet to wander through the lands that once revolted us due to the bloodshed that dyed the green grass red, and the blue sky grey.

Now we just passed through, as if we were simple people with no clue the horrors that once thrived here.

As the wagon jerked over yet another incessant rock, my foot shifted subsequently over the flat surface of the wagons bed, my boot colliding with Levi's. Depsite the distance that held a sweltering gap between us, my body had swayed forward ever so slightly, my face mere inches from his.

I felt my blood turn to ice in my veins, unable to formulate a proper thought in the depths of my disorderly and muddled mind.

Levi's eyes widened succinctly, before that expression dissipated into something more indifferent. His brows knit promptly together.

"You're eyeing me like a lost puppy." He mused bitterly. His sleek black hair bounced with each throttling movement of the creaky old wagon, his gaze interweaved with mine.

My eyes blinked, as if trying to speak through actions due to my inability to utter words. I forced myself to regurgitate something in response. I swiftly pulled back, no longer in close proximity with him. I cleared my throat.

"Then I won't look at you any longer." My words carried a systematic undertone of prevalent discontent. I didn't particularly want to speak with him at the moment. I wasn't ready...

Levi didn't appear very pleased with the words I had given him in reply, his face contorting in a display of vivid aggravation. He drew in a flat breath.

"That's not what I meant," He said as his nails dug into the black woven trousers that enclosed his knee. His fingers chaffed up the fabric.

My brow arched in a scrutinizing manner, vaguely annoyed by his response. It was hard to read him. His every action was written in hardly legible writing, something nearly impossible to decipher and understand.

"I'm not a mind reader." I answered curtly, my lips thinning into a perturbed line. Levi never ceased to obfuscate me. He was simply impossible to get. I didn't want to hurt him any more than I had, but I certainly wouldn't put up with any nonsense that he shoved my way. All I did was simply fall forward because of a bump on the road. I didn't understand his salted tone.

Then he planted his gaze elsewhere, an exasperated sigh parting his lips. The sunlight permeated over his features.

"You can stare at me all you want. Just... Keep some distance." Levi informed me, rendering me unvoiced. I could feel something stir within me as I struggled once more to articulate a response. It felt like I should be flustered, or perhaps even irritated over his words. But rather, I was more confused if anything.

Before I could say anything, Hange broke through my thoughts, their hand lifting off the leather reigns and pointing out over the layers of hills out ahead, the forest dissapearing behind us.

"Ah! Look," She beamed. "Home sweet home."

Everyone stared out across the fields, taking in the sight of an average sized cabin with a small barn attached to the arm. I could feel their spirits start to lift, the dark weight everyone carried dissipating as soon as they had something to now look forward to. Connie laughed in the back.

"Aha! It's huge!" He exclaimed excitedly.

Sasha gave him a weird look.

"It's not that big. It's pretty small, even when compared to your pea sized brain." She shrugged, a smug look on her face. This made Connie scowl.

"Lay off Sasha," He bat her hand away as she attempted to knock on his head as if to jokingly demonstrate the empty space within. "And it is too- At least to me."

"Is not! I used to live somewhere small in the woods, and even I can tell it's not that big!" Sasha put in again. She then looked over at Hange. "Are you sure that tiny ol' place is big enough for all of us, Hange?"

Hange didn't look back as she responded. "There are plenty of rooms for everyone, don't worry about it."

I looked back and forth between them, seeing Connie nudge Sasha in a way that said, I told you so.

Sasha punched him playfully yet harshly in the shoulder.

...

When we arrived, I stepped off the wagon, taking in the sight of the cabin. It was old and worn, with heaps of moss growing over the shutters on the windows that have been untouched for decades. There was mud splattered up the steps that led to the door, and cobwebs woven in the corners between the roof and the walls. This place must have been long abandoned even before Wall Maria fell.
I could only imagine what the inside looked like.

It was a good thing we brought Levi along with us.

I eyed him, and he met my gaze with a look that said he knew exactly what I was thinking.

He cleared his throat, and the kids all turned to statues, dreading the words that soon left his mouth.

"All of you, get cleaning."

Jean groaned, clearly distressed by the idea of cleaning for hours on end, especially when what we were cleaning was a house in terrible condition.

"Man, can't we take a quick break?" Connie spoke Jean's frustration aloud. "It took us over two hours to get here, we're all tired."

"Tired of sitting on your asses?" Levi questioned sternly, crossing his arms challengingly. His gaze swept through the crowd of kids, not a single one of them daring to speak against him. None of them ever argued with him over anything.
Well, except for maybe Mikasa, but I could see she'd rather not argue at the moment.

Connie opened his mouth to speak again, but Levi cut in quickly.

"Unless you'd rather sleep with the piss dirty mice, I suggest you make haste," Levi said orderly. I began heading up toward the door and walking past Hange, who remained silent. I propped it open, gesturing for the kids to enter with a tilt of my head.

"What are you kids waiting for? Get inside." I said to back Levi up.

They grimaced, but obeyed.

One by one they all headed inside the dimly lit cabin, bodies engulfed into the shadowy rooms. I shifted, preparing to enter after them, but before I could even lift my foot off the porch I stood upon, Levi called to me.

"[Y/n]," His low voice traveled up to my ears from below the steps of the porch where he stood. "You help me start out here."

He began walking over to a shabby looking shed near the left side of the house, but cast one final glance over at Hange before opening the rotting wooden doors.

"Hange... You go inside and make sure they're not just sitting around with their thumbs up their asses. It seems like that's a new hobby of theirs."

Hange rolled her one good eye.
"Will do, boss."
They trecked inside, dissapearing.

I made my way down the splintered steps and over to Levi's side, watching him tug open the creaky old doors of the shed. A large cloud of dust that carried the pungent scent of mildew wafted past our faces as they opened, and I couldn't suppress a hasty cough. I brushed the smell away with my hand, squinting as the sour scent slowly died away.

"... There should be some supplies in here somewhere," Levi stepped inside, his hand gliding over the built-in shelf while he crouched down, his hands acting as a second pair of eyes as he searched. I heard something clank, and then saw him pull a rod out from the darkness.

"Here," He stood again, turning back to me and handing me what I now recognized to be a broom. "Use this to sweep what you can off the porch. Try and get those cobwebs down too if you can."

I nodded.

He then glanced irritably at the windows and walls.

"I'll pull those damn vines down."

...

We worked for around four hours, cleaning every crevice and surface that carried anything worthy to be called filth. I had scrubbed, swept, and dusted every inch of the perimeter of the outside of the cabin, assisting Levi in making the place livable and comfortable for everyone. He had tore down every single vine with the help of a shabby looking ladder, stripping the place of the nature that was progresssively absorbing it over the years.

I released the broom I held, letting it fall to the floor.

My shoulders burned, and I sat down on the steps of the porch, a yawn threatening to escape my lips. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Levi walk up. Slowly, he sat down beside me, but left a reasonable amount of space between us, his palms cupping the edge of the step.

Storm clouds were brewing, looming overhead. The tip of my shoe brushed against a patch of lifeless grass below the step I sat upon, crushing the tan colored blades.
Thunder roared through the skies, darkness looming throughout the quiet forest. The leaves of the trees shook, the howling wind reminding us of the danger that had once lurked within the shadows. Drops of rainwater splashed onto my cheek, gliding down my skin and parting from my jaw, landing on the dead grass below as if attempting to give it life again.

I looked at Levi, who sat by my side in the falling rain.

"Looks like the storm is helping us out," I tried to joke. I pushed the clinging memory of our sour interaction earlier in the day aside. "We won't have to wash the roof now."

Levi didn't say anything for awhile, which wasn't unusual. He turned his cerulean blue-grey eyes up to the sky, delivering me with a familiar silence.

Eventually, though, he acknowledged my words.

"Yeah... Seems like that's the case."

He dipped his head down, then turned his face to me, eyes interlacing with mine.

In the past years I've known Levi, I have thought many negative things about him, and yet one fact seemed to always overshine every opinion I ever had, because it was impossible to deny.

He was a very attractive man.

His pointed nose was sharp against his other features, but matched in all the right ways. His lips were the faint color of rich cherries you'd find growing on trees in the courtyards of Stohess, his pale skin imitating the first snowfall of winter.

These stunning features clashed with the dark circles under his eyes, and with the way his raven black hair was disheveled from the events that took place today. But it didn't make him look any less attractive.
The perfect balance in his physical appearance made it even more difficult to pry my eyes away.

Levi noticed my staring.

"... Are you going to stare at me like that forever?" He asked, looking somewhat disoriented. "You seem pretty insistent on observing me today. Do I have something on my face?"

I quickly tore my eyes away, returning them to the distant sky that sang with blaring thunder. I took a breath, preparing to respond, my nails carving thin lines in the weak, molded wood of the porch.

"... No. Sorry." It was almost a whisper.

Levi rose his gaze up to where I watched the bodies of the clouds pass by, outstretched over the lands like a tarp meant to block out the watchful sun. I held out one of my hands, cupping it slightly to catch the droplets of blistering rain. The storm cried out, the stabbing rain acting as its neverending tears.

Both Levi and I were silent, sitting under the roof that hung over the porch, held up by green-painted pillars. The rain could not reach us, but I could reach the rain, still holding my hand out.

...

"Hey, you two crazy or something? This storm isn't gonna let up anytime soon. Come inside, everyone's about ready to start on dinner-" Hange opened the front door behind us, waving their hand toward themself to gesture us inward.

I exchanged glances with Levi, and then stood.

"Alright, we're coming."