My mouth brushed up against the rim of the porcelain teacup, the surface pushing my bottom lip down as I sipped the sweet glistening liquid out of the cup. I relished in the sugary flavor that sprouted on my tongue, and also the lasting bitterness that evidently accompanied it.
My hand was careful as I placed the cup down on the table, the quiet sound of the two surfaces colliding echoing through the unoccupied Mess Hall.
My eyes went over to the figure across from me.
The Captain sat there, content with the steaming drink that hung from his left hand. He held it strangely, covering the top so that you could not see the the liquid that was held in by the delicate sides. My finger tapped against mine.
I cleared my throat, which felt like a taboo when in the presence of Levi.
But I pressed on.
"The new gear..." I made conversation. "Are you growing more accustomed to it yet?"
It felt like a desperate attempt to hide what I was feeling by asking the question, but I was also curious to know the answer. Judging from his expertise in the field the other day, he must be used to the new adjustments.
Levi did not look at me as he spoke.
"Not entirely..." He admit, which genuinely shocked me. "I still have trouble with the new weight shifting aspects. I'm not completely prepared to fight anything in it as of right now... I'd be a shitty excuse of a soldier."
I took another sip of my tea, a soft laugh escaping my lips afterward. "I'm sure you'd still be Humanities Strongest either way... But yeah... Me too." I shared my experience, and oddly, it felt like catching up with an old friend sitting here like this. I felt more at peace with him than I was expecting... And I was not against it.
"It's certainly a struggle having to relearn everything."
Levi was unresponsive, setting his cup down. Even before the situation that happened between us, Levi was not a very talkative man. He was not shy, no, but he usually kept to himself about most things.
The fact he was sitting down and speaking even just a few sentences to me of all people was a miracle, so I did not take offense to him not saying anything.
My eyes went down to my tea, the pink-orange color of it forming around the reflection of my face. I found myself watching how the ripples of the liquid made my imprint sway around and disfigure itself. I watched how I sunk deeper into the depths of the tea the further I leaned away, and I felt unease stir in my gut.
I disliked seeing myself so misshapen and horrid, and I felt like this was a reflection of my insides rather than my outsides.
I placed my hand instinctively over the top, and then blinked in unalloyed surprise when I realized what I'd done.
I was mimicking the way Levi held his tea.
Could it be... That he thought the same thing?
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《 Chapter 6 》• Can You Taste The Honey?
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The spine of the lovely rose was snapped, the petals kissing the dirt as it hung limply downward. I bent down to push it back up, but as soon as I removed the stability of my hand, it fell toward the dirt once more.
The gardens beauty was tarnished, multiple roses meeting their fates as they lay like bodies in the area I stood before. The petals mimicked the color of blood, an upsetting sight, truly...
"Those damn rodents..." I said behind gritted teeth. I eyed yet another stem that had been knawed off, the flower missing. Connie, Sasha, and Armin all scattered through the garden, distressed by the image of devoured roses. All that hard work down the drain...
Then a thought crossed my mind.
I looked behind me, staring at a figure that stepped up beside me, stopping as soon as they reached the foot of the disrupted garden.
Mikasa.
"... You must be pretty upset," I sighed, crossing my arms in disappointment at the situation. "I'm sorry that your hard work got ruined like this."
Mikasa shook her head. "Don't be," She picked up a dead flower off the ground, and then held it up to me. The pink fleshy scar on her cheek outshone the might of the sun, and she picked my arm up and placed the lifeless rose on my palm. I wrapped my fingers around it, giving her a puzzled expression.
"Creatures eat, just as we do," She explained, her black hair framing her face as she spoke. "The rodents must have been hungry. I don't blame them."
The words settled in my mind, and I couldn't help but let out an exasperated chuckle. I handed the rose back to her, folding her fingers over it as I held both her hands in mine. I gave her the warmest smile I could muster. "Yes, you're right. They must have been hungry."
Mikasa, in a way, was like a daughter to me. I wanted to shield her from the horrors of the world, but unfortunately, she'd been exposed to them far too early.
So I tried my best to lift the weight she carried off her shoulders if I ever got the opportunity. I would share all the kindness I had stored in me with her, because she needed it. All the kids did. I loved them all very much, more than words could possibly explain.
Mikasa held the rose close to her heart. I could tell she appreciated my gesture deeply.
"Thank you, Mikasa." I let go of her hands, turning back to the destroyed garden. If it weren't for the bite marks on the stems, I would have assumed someone sabotaged the beauty with just how disarranged everything was.
Mikasa dipped her head in parting, and left my side.
My eyes swapped from her over to
the right side of the disheveled garden, glimpsing a familiar face.
Levi was reaching down, plucking a departed flower off the soil and holding it up to examine, his blinking slow and sedative.
I recalled a brutal fact.
Levi was the one whom planted these roses- The one responsible for bestowing this plain old place with something so gorgeous. He was the one who gave us something to look forward to tending to in the spring, the one who handed us something to take our minds off of everything else.
Levi was the one who planted every individual seed, and the one who watched them grow and is now being forced to watch them wilt away and die, trampled by the feet of starving animals with no idea what they've stolen from him. Another piece of him torn ruthlessly away...
And I had to say...
That the animals and I had a lot in common.
... What a horrible comparison...