Levi's POV

...

Damn... I really shouldn't...

But I can't just sit here, it's driving me crazy.

Just how much did that woman drink?

She's going to be the death of me, that's for sure.

Now that we've gotten past all that depressing shit, she goes right back to her old habits. What a mess she is...

...

I paced around my pretentiously spotless office, debating on whether to check on her or not.

"No, she's with Hange. She's fine." I reassured my nerves, speaking to myself like some sort of idiot.

"... But shitty four-eyes probably doesn't know the right way to take care of a drunkard like her," I clenched my jaw, trying to hold in a frustrated sigh. "No, leave them be."

I wanted to punch myself for being so strange over this. But I couldn't help it.

I was worried.

...

"I can't help but worry about you, Levi."

Those words she said to me that day... I've held onto them ever since, keeping it stored safely in my mind, afraid of forgetting the way she sounded when she'd spoken them so softly, with a voice like silk...

Stop, I was tormenting myself with these stupid thoughts.

Just leave it be, Levi.

My mind was at war with itself.

And also...

Those things she was saying outside my door.

They were so-

Damn me...

I carded my fingers through my hair, dissatisfied with my unruly behavior. I wanted to forget it all. I wanted to forget the way my heart nearly jumped out of my chest when she called me those things, to forgot how I'd almost lost all my breath, and to forget how I'd felt my adolescent bashfulness return for just a moment, even if only for a mere second or two...

That woman... She has no idea...

I let that sigh out now, admitting defeat and storming out of my room.

I was worried.

I wasn't going to hold myself back.

I wanted to see her.

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《 Chapter 23 》• The Blossoming Truth

●●●

I stood outside Hange's door with three cups of water, two in one hand, one in the other. I was biting my bottom lip raw, pissed with myself for acting upon impulse.

But there was no turning back now...

Fuck.

"Hey, four-eyes, open the door." I ordered plainly, narrowed eyes directed toward the handle, waiting for it to turn. I couldn't exactly knock, as all my hands were currently busy holding these cups.

After a few ridiculously long seconds, Hange finally opened the door with a wide eye, the other still hidden behind that worn eye-patch that slithered under her crazed hair-do.

"Levi? What are you-" She noticed the cups.

"Oh, I see. Well you're welcome to come in for a bit-" I entered while they spoke, a frown contorting my face as I spotted [Y/n]. "-But she's... Asleep right now."

"I can see that," I grumbled, setting the cups down on Hange's desk.

Great. This was a complete waste of time.

"She's not going to be able to drink that." Hange pointed at the water.

"No shit." Despite my words, I was not trying to be rude be rude.

Hange knew this, and shut the door as if implying that she intended for me to stay a little longer.

Hange strode across the wide built room, tugging a folded blanket (which was probably the only neat thing in here) off a chair next to the couch [Y/n] was currently snoring into, cheeks still touched by the hands of alcohol, a frothy pink color. They shook it, then placed it over her shoulders, tucking her in snuggly.

Hange smiled. "Isn't she just adorable when she's asleep like this?"

I looked away. I wasn't going to answer that.

"Geez, okay," Hange spat in response to my silence, pulling her hands away from the blanket. "I hope she takes back all those compliments she gave you when she wakes up."

I groaned. "She won't even remember them."

"Sure she will! She's not a kid. She can handle her drink quite well, if you've forgotten. I doubt it will affect her that badly." Hange was now walking over to a mirror propped up on the wall of the office, fingers trailing across the band of their eye-patch. "Plus, even if she does, she probably thinks them in her head all the time. They say drunk words are sober thoughts!"

"I doubt that," I retorted, eyes falling back onto [Y/n] as Hange removed the covering across their damaged eye, tossing it carelessly on the floor. I felt irritation flow through me, walking forward to pick it up and set it neatly on the desk. "And don't throw this thing around like that. That's filthy."

Hange shrugged, sitting on the chair. "Yeah yeah- Anyways, go sit down for a minute. You're here already, so let's talk."

I wanted to deny, but I was also reluctant to leave [Y/n]'s side. Even though there were numerous other places to sit, I chose to sit beside her on the couch, foolishly drawn in by an invisible thread.

I felt the need to punch myself again, repressing the urge by holding my breath.

I hoped like a shy kid that Hange didn't notice my stiff posture, but they were damn observant...

Luckily, though, Hange seemed to be focused on something else.

"I heard you two made up."

I wanted to get up and leave now.

I rubbed my head exhaustedly. "... Yeah, we did."

This wasn't a conversation I really wanted right now.

I was glad we did, but after dwelling on the past for so long, it was kind of bittersweet to believe that we now weren't avoiding eachother. I didn't want any questions about it, because I felt like I'd somehow manage to damage the relationship again...

Hange was a dear friend to me. I could never hate that shit-faced grin always on their face, no matter what. But I did not want to deal with their pushy antics right now...

I was still adjusting to everything.

I wanted to let things flow smoothly without having to think about it...

"I won't stick my nose in your business," Hange began. "I know that look on you face, Levi. I won't ask you any questions, I promise."

Relief fell over me.

"I just wanted to make sure... Not that I think [Y/n] lied about it, of course, but I wanted to make sure you didn't have any negative feelings lingering about her. She thinks the world of you, Levi. She won't admit it herself, but I can see it in her eyes." Hange's words struck me through the gut like a sword, but strangely enough, it didn't hurt like I thought it would. In fact, it made me feel warmly inside, a strong hit I needed.

"Even before everything went to shit and you two openly 'hated' eachother, she still looked at you with such adoration, with eyes that admired everything you did. I'm glad to see that she's not hiding it anymore." Hange smiled at me again, and I was beginning to grow soft in the chest.

Ugh... This feeling.

"But that's enough of that-" Hange smacked their hands on their thighs and rose to their feet.

"I'm sure you're sick of hearing me ramble on, as always. I'm going to bed. You're welcome to stay the night if you're worried about her, or you can leave. Up to you."

I was watching [Y/n]'s eyes twitch in her sleep as I opened my mouth to respond.

"I'll head out... In a minute."

Hange laughed.

"Alright. Goodnight, short-stuff."

"Goodnight, four-eyes."

And then Hange opened the door in the corner of the office that led to their room, entered, and shut it shortly after.

Now I sat alone on the plain grey couch with nobody but a slumbering [Y/n] who was curled into a pretzeled ball in the corner. Her bottom lip had fallen in her dreams, lashes brushing her cheeks, chest rising and falling with each intricate breath she drew. I stared at her idiotically, hypnotized by the twitching movements of her lush features under the clementine candlelight.

... Just how long has it been since I allowed myself to look at her like this?

I had to admit it. She was so... So utterly beauti-

"Le... vi...?" Her voice spilt over me like a warm shower. It shocked me at first, but was soon sending allaying goosebumps down my spine, pulling me into a soothing embrace that I didn't wish to break free from.

She was still asleep.

And I peered down at her, eyes practically glowing with such devotion that she was unaware I had for her. I had a reputation of Humanities Strongest, as a fearless soldier, and as a man made solely of steel... And yet here I was, unable to express how long I've been waiting for the chance to be close to her like this again.

But I'd never tell her.

Never.

There was no guarantee of survival for either one of us. I refuse to allow her to get any closer than she already is...
This hellish world is nothing but an endless cycle of loss and loathing. I refuse.

...

But damn...

It's so hard to keep myself away when she's got her hooks so deep in me.

It's always been this way.

She has no clue how unbearable those three years without her had been for me.

I want to keep her away and close all at the same time.

Where we are now is good enough for me.

"You're good at keeping me on my toes, you know that?" I whispered hoarsely as she slept, smoothing out a bump in her blanket. I could feel her arm give a slight shake under my palms as I did so, and I quickly pulled away, afraid I'd disturbed her.

Thankfully, she remained asleep with her face buried in the back of the couch, unresponsive to my senseless blathering.

But she shifted closer to me, the warmth of her skin seeping through the blanket and threatening to keep me here all night.

I wanted to get up and go, but I couldn't because right as I was about to, she slid down and fell onto my lap, arms sprawled over her chest as she continued to dream, unknowing of what she'd just done.

I stared down at her, speechless.

Feeling her this close felt too intimate, my shitty heart trying to kill me without a shred of mercy.

I felt the blood rush to my face, tingles traversing down my entire body.

Yet as much as I hated this awkward positioning, and the idea that Hange would surely discover us in the morning, I couldn't bring myself to move her.

She looked so peaceful... Who was I to take that away from her?

So I just sat there, head leaning back onto the head of the couch as I inhaled, trying to ease my jumbled nerves that had knotted together inside me.

I was a fool.

A damn fool.