"We have to take him to the Captain!"

...

"We have to hurry!"

I knew this voice...

Floch's voice...

"We can't just sit here like idiots!"

...

I looked down at my palms, kneeling in the swaying grass of a field scattered with hundreds of memorialized corpses. My mouth was dry, needles gliding down my throat each time I swallowed.

I knew this place.

"Section Commander, please!"

It's been a long time since I've been called that...

I threw that title out ages ago.

"We have to-"

A hand reached up, nails digging into my shoulder unspairingly, drawing thin crimson lines in my skin as they pierced through the sleeve of my thredded shirt. The masculine hand belonged to the deceased Commander, his sky blue eyes speaking the sour prominence of death.

He did not say anything.

I did not dare try to move.

His hand on my shoulder chained me to the ill-fated truth, cursing me, shaming me...

Blaming me.

My blood ran cold...

I need to wake up.

●●●

《 Chapter 16 》• I Hear It

●●●

My skin felt raw when I awoke, a similar feeling to the time I had scrubbed the blood off my body till I was peeling my skin off. My mind was reminding me over and over again the pain I felt, never letting me escape from it. I would never be granted the redemption I sought, only able to feel the sore hands of retribution on my shoulders till the day I die.

Even if it wouldn't help, I felt the need to wash away the feeling.

The older shower faucet in this house was broken, so I had to resort to something else.

The river.

It was midnight now, the crickets singing the song of dreams as I gently shut the front door, stepping down the porch with a simple robe wrapped around me for warmth. I sunk into it, walking on the trail that cut through the forest, heading in the direction of the river. It was hard to see, so I let the distant sound of rushing water take my hand and guide me toward it.

Soon, I stepped out of the shielding ceiling of trees, the mouth of the sky opening overhead. The moonlight fell into the river and joined the waters dance, sparkling as I neared.

I was barefoot the whole way here, the mud now seeping between my toes when I stepped closer.
I disliked the feeling, but dealt with it as my fingers slipped down the opening of the robe. It was a warm night, but I still felt the nipping winds brush across my bare skin the moment I even slightly pulled it open.

The stars watched me as I slipped it off my shoulders, assisting me by giving me light. I folded the robe and set it on a rock, careful not to place it in the sopping mud.

I wrapped my arms around my unclothed frame, shivering as I pondered the idea of going into the ice cold river.

But I swallowed my hesitation, cautiously dipping my foot into the shallow end, lightning jolts of pain shooting up my leg at the biting temperature. But I withstood it, furthering my steps. Soon, the water was up to my knees, splashing around me.

I was in the nicer end, the end where the rapids could not fight me and force me under. With this in mind, I brought my hand up to my nose and plugged it, allowing myself to fall back into the water with a splash.

The cold only enveloped me for a moment before turning into a more therapeutic touch, and I relished in the sweet feeling that encompassed me.
I could reach my feet to the bottom, standing and rising to the surface, breaking through the water. I drank in a sharp breath, wiping the dripping water out of my eyes, hands dragging down my face.

I could still hear the crickets as I bathed, hugging myself as I stood in the blue reflected water, listening to the sound of the night breeze.

I closed my eyes, listening closer...

...

Snap!

My head shot around my shoulder, eyes wide as I spotted a dark figure standing at the edge of the river, foot directly overtop a broken twig.

I have never wanted to drown myself more than right now in my life.

"Levi?!" I breathed out, shock coursing through me as I sunk deeper into the water until all that was visible was the face above my chin.

Levi looked just as alarmed as me, his mouth tightly shut, eyes wide.

"I didn't expect to see you in the river in the middle of the night," He grumbled, turning his head away out of respect for my privacy.

"And I didn't expect to see you wandering the forest in the middle of the night!" I spat back, still hiding my body under the waters cover.

I could see Levi's signature scowl under the moonlight, his lips downturned as he kept his eyes away from me.

"I'm leaving." He began to turn around, but something inside me begged for him to stay.

"Wait!" The words blurted out before I had the chance to think them through. I had reached a hand out of the river, water dripping off my outstretched fingers as I held them out to him.

Levi turned around now, eyes on mine. I didn't bother covering my body, knowing the water did that job well enough.

"Were you... Here to bathe too?" I asked like a shy girl, sounding a lot more sheepish than I would have particularly liked.

"No," Levi said plainly. "I was just walking."

"At midnight?"

"At midnight."

"Do you always do this?"

He thought for a moment. "... When I can't sleep, yes."

"Oh..." I felt my heart ache for him, the water lapping across my collarbone. I realized now I had subconsciously rose slightly, my neck fully out of the water.

"Well if you can't sleep..."

Is this pushing it?

"... You're... Welcome to stay here."

Too much! I can't believe I said that. Am I insane? This is far too intimate!

Levi crossed his arms.

"And watch you swim around with your bare ass out all night?" He rose a sarcastic brow.

"No you dunce!" I answered him quickly, ignoring the hint of sarcasm in his voice, my arm landing back in the water.

"I mean here, in the water," I gestured around me. Then I grew bashful under his gaze again, sinking into the water at the idea of him joining me.

The water rose over my lips the deeper I sunk.

Levi was quiet for a few heartbeats, causing me to feel even worse about the suggestion.

"Actually, forget it, I ju-"

"Are you going to turn around or what?" He interrupted gruffly, forcing me to jump at the startling response.

He was actually going to...?

Then I realized I hadn't turned around yet, immediately whipping around and staring into the water that sloshed around from the sudden movement.

I could see his shadow cast over from behind me, watching as the silhouette removed its shirt, folding it and placing it beside my robe. It felt odd to be staring at it, so I forced my eyes to occupy their time elsewhere.

...
I heard him step into the freezing water, and when I heard him get even closer, I allowed myself to turn around to him.

He had a weird look on his face, a look of disgust and regret.

I couldn't help but laugh.

"What's with the face?" I questioned, still giggling as I held myself up in the water, my foot overtop a slimy rock at the bottom.

"I stepped on something filthy," He grimaced, and I assumed it was likely just another slimy rock.

How amusing. Humanities Strongest; disgusted by a rock.

I kept chuckling, unable to stop myself. Levi didn't enjoy my teasingful laughter, his scowl pushing the disgust off his face and replacing it with a petulant frown.

"Quit that." He glared, the moonlight illuminating his dark strands of hair.

"Sorry, I can't help it," I took a breath to eradicate the laughter, letting the water wash away the humor. When the mood died down, I saw Levi's eyes fall onto my bandaged arm.

"How's it feel? The water's got to hurt like a bitch," He watched as I held my hand over it, preventing him from staring.

"It feels fine. Hange took good care of it."

He returned his attention to me as a whole. "... I guess I don't have to worry then."

My heart leapt.

"... I guess you don't."

We were both silent for a moment, only the sound of the distant rapids and crickets harmonizing the area surrounding us.
His raven hair fell beside his eyes, dangling in the moonlight that spilled in through the pine trees. My eyes traced over a faint scar below his lip, and then fell down to his neck and exposed collarbone that was just above the gentle water.

I couldn't peel my eyes away.

Levi's expression fell.

Maybe it was the way the light hit his face in just the right way, or the way he looked at me so deeply, or the way I could hear my own heartbeat pound through my bones when I gazed at him-

Whatever it was,

I recognized something stir in the depths of my heart.

I didn't particularly like this feeling. In fact I dredded how it made me feel weak. I hated how it made my breathing unsteady, and I hated how it made me search Levi's lamenting blue eyes for an answer I wasn't ready for.

But I did like one thing.

I liked how it made me feel alive.

And if it wasn't for a strange sound echoing in the distance, I might have done something I would have regret.

"Tch."

Levi looked away from me, quick to investigate.

I could feel his attention dissappear as he focused on the sound, but before he had the chance to forget about me, I began to speak.

"Levi...?"

I called him by his name.

He brought his eyes back to me.

"What is it?" His voice broke through the veil of shadows that fell over us as a cloud blocked out the moon in the sky.

I think I had more guts in the darkness. Being unable to see his face gave me a power I never knew I held.

"Can I ask you something?"

The water went still.

"..." He was quiet for awhile.

Then his voice reached out again, engulfing me. It strangled me, as if to humiliate me for allowing such emotions to settle in for a man I claimed to have resented for years, a man I had hurt with my own two hands.

"Knock yourself out."

My eyes were blind in the area of nothing but black shadowed trees. I relied on his voice to reel me in, my head still directed toward where he was in front of me, scared of loosing him in the overbearing darkness.
Then the question escaped my lips, desperate for an answer.

"Do you..."

A knot formed in my throat.

"... Do you resent me?"

The words seemed to drown themselves in the river, sinking into the invisible winds and hanging off the sky.

Those words were dangerous. They threatened to devour me.
But still, I held my ground, unwavering from my spot in the cold water.

Levi was silent.

Then,

I could hear a breath fall from his lips.

...

"... I don't know."

...

Blades of disappointment stabbed through me, poisoning my body and leaving me an empty vessel of nothingness.

However, as I was feeling disheartened, Levi shifted closer.

"[Y/n]..." I could see his silhouette in front of me. He had brought himself to a much closer distance. My heart thumped. I prayed for it to stop beating, I prayed to pass away right here and now.

I'd rather die at the hands of a titan than admit what was progressively making itself prominent in my chest.
Yet I only stood here, living and breathing, forced to experience every little detail that made me loose my damn mind.

He was in the moonlight again, the cloud voicelessly passing.

I saw how he looked at me.

I wanted to run away, to fight it and hide.

But looking at him drove me mad...

He stared at me, the light embracing the two of us as we stood. I saw the stars reflect in his eyes, and the deeper I looked, the more I could see just how solemn his expression truly was, as if he had been hurt by my question.

My eyes dropped to the scar below his lip once again.

Something so small could hold so many memories. Being outside the walls tore people apart, whether that meant from the jaws of a titan, or from watching the people you love most depart from your life forever.
Every scar had a story to tell...

I knew this one did too.

And before I knew it, my hand reached up on it's own, my fingers tracing over the scar delicately as I yearned for the story to be revealed.
I was enveloped in his presence, loosing myself to such a profound thing I had never expected to fall victim to.

Levi made no sudden movements, nor did he try to pull away.

He just kept his gaze on mine, my hand gently caressing the scar. I saw his eyes sink, and soon, he closed them, allowing me to do whatever I wished.

I wanted to say something, but my mouth didn't work. I couldn't make a single sound.

Then, for just a brief moment, Levi pushed into my touch, eyes closed as he reached up and slid his cold, watered hand over top of mine. I wasn't sure what he was doing, until he intertwined our fingers ever so carefully, slowly pulling my hand away from his face.

He held on for a breath longer, then let go.

I was speechless.

"... It's getting late," Levi implied in a hushed whisper, as if he no longer knew how to use his voice.

"You should go."

I averted my gaze, restraining my urge to stay longer. I didn't feel in control of myself.

"... Just me?"

"I'm going to stay out here a bit longer... I don't sleep well, but that doesn't mean I have the right to keep you up all night. You need rest."

I took a step away from him, the water slithering around my frame.

"Levi, you need to rest too, you-"

"[Y/n]."

His voice was strict and dull, telling me that he wasn't going to argue. He wanted me to leave... That much was plain to see...

"Alright..." I said softly, eyes on him as I began to pass by, pulling myself through the water.

He was turned the opposite way as I stepped out of the river, water falling off me and dripping as I reached for my robe. I slipped it on, shivering uncontrollably...

But I wasn't shivering only because I was cold...

My nerves were completely on edge, my heart ripped to shreds.

Do you resent me?

... I don't know.

Those words were all the evidence I needed... How could I be so foolish?

Levi would never allow me back into his life. The space I once occupied was completely empty, and refused to let me back inside. I ruined the chance to mean something to him years ago...

...

Thanks to the years I've known you, I can't help but worry about you, too, [Y/n].

I held tightly onto the oversized sleeve of the robe, looking at Levi one final time, who still stood motionlessly in the icy river.

"Do you... Really resent me?" I whispered, so low that even I could barely hear my pained voice.

...

"Or have you lost your mind too?"