Levi's expressionless gaze cut through the overgrowth of the looming forest as I leaned against the creaky railing of the front porch, watching the hunters return with grins on their faces. I propped my elbow up, resting my head in my palm, legs behind me a bit so I could rest my weight comfortably on the railing.
They were a few meters away from the cabin, but I could still see Hange's gleaming grin, and Sasha's jumpy posture. I could see Mikasa's long, black bangs kissing the tip of her nose as she watched Sasha and Hange converse with a few ducks held in her hands, and I could see Levi at the back behind them all, eyes fervently on me.
I felt my heart leap as I felt the wind comb through my hair, carrying the message of his approach over to me, whispering in my ear that my thundering heart meant something a little more than I originally assumed...
That it had a deeper, concealed meaning that I had yet to ascertain.
The group eventually came to the foot of the porch, looking up at me with conquering smiles that stretched from ear to ear.
All except Levi, of course.
"It's not much, but it'll feed us good!" Hange snatched one of the ducks out of Mikasa's hands, her fingers clutching the flaccid neck. "Check it out!" Hange shoved it close to my face, forcing me to step back.
I held my hands up. "Woah! okay, okay- I see it," I said fastly. I turned to the rest of the group behind her. "Nice work, guys."
I hadn't gone with them today due to stubbornly sleeping in, so Hange took my place. I was glad to see them in such high spirits. Hange probably provided them with much more positive feelings than I did...
"Hey, [Y/n], what's with the bandages?" Hange then took notice of my arm, blood already seeping through. I looked at it, groaning in annoyance at the fact I was going to need to rebandage myself.
"I was being a clutz. Nothing new," I repeated what I had told Armin, my fingers placing themselves on the blood soaked bandages. I watched how a thin layer of blood managed past the barrier of bandage, attaching to the fingers that touched it. I held my hand up to my face, eyeing my reddened fingers. Blood... It always put me in a foul mood...
Levi hurriedly stepped up on the porch, snatching my hand and staring at the blood that soiled it. He then brought his pensive stare over to where the blood came from.
"You're hurt?" His voice soothed my aching mind that raced from the memory of the event that caused the wound. "Let me see."
I only pressed my lips into a thin line, frowning as I brought my head down to escape his perturbed eyes that seemed to beg me for an answer, even though it was obvious.
"Well what does it look like?" I responded, eyes still on the floor of the worn porch, brows turned upward in a frustrated expression that I hid from Levi. But the attempt was futile, for he saw anyways.
"You really are a clutz..." He glared, bringing himself over to my side as the kids walked inside, dismissing themselves. Only Hange remained, folding their arms across their chest as they took a step toward the door.
"When Levi's done pestering you, come see me. I'll clean you up." She said, heading inside. Levi gave her a resentful scowl.
"Tch."
My shoulder was beginning to sting again, throbbing underneath the tight bandages.
Levi brought his hands up, but quickly stopped just before allowing himself to touch me. He brought his eyes up to mine, the shadows dampening the blue color as they implicitly asked me for permission.
I hesitated for a moment, but soon granted him with my consent, not wanting to push him away any longer.
He let his fingers glide across the bandages, sending a series of gentle tingles down my arm as he began to tug on the knot Armin had efficiently tied, fast at work. The way his skin felt against mine was the only thing saving me from having to endure the stabbing pain that tormented the inflamed surface of the wound. He pulled the dirtied bandages off, eyes slightly widening before returning to their usual stoic positioning.
Levi looked at me.
"How did this happen?"
"I fell."
"Bullshit."
"I'm telling the honest truth!" I retorted, offended that he didn't believe me. At least, some of the truth...
Levi gave me a doubtful glance, the tips of his slender fingers still resting below the sweltering injury embedded in my skin, acting as stabilizers that held me in place. I was beginning to take refuge in the feeling, but just as I let myself sink into his touch, he pulled them away, robbing me of my found alleviation.
I couldn't fight back the disheartened frown that crept onto my face.
"You'd better go see four-eyes before this gets infected," He ordered lowly.
"I was planning on it..." I responded with my eyes on his, still frowning.
"... You seem to enjoy getting yourself hurt," He criticized my bad habit, clearly recalling the last time he'd tended to my finger when I had accidentally cut it. I cringed, embarrassment crawling under my skin.
"It seems so." I unloaded a sigh I'd been holding, leaning back onto the railing once again. Levi rested his back on it, the opposite position of me, who faced the forest. He shook his head, draping the bandage over the rail.
"You're the strange one." He briefly insulted, making me shoot him a deathly glare.
"What?! You-"
"Can you blame me for thinking so?" Levi leaned closer, his elbow sliding across the railing. "It is strange. I've never seen anyone else this clumsy."
His face was inches away from mine, his narrowed gaze intertwining with mine. I felt my fist clench, my irritation overflowing, ignoring the way my cheeks grew obtrusively hot.
"You think you're funny, don't you?" I questioned wryly. I place my index finger on his chest, demonstrating that my accusation was directed at him as I pushed him back.
Levi grabbed my wrist in a smooth motion, removing my hand. He abruptly grew more serious, startling me.
"You've never been this shittily coordinated before," He pointed out. "What's going on with you?
I scoffed. "What are you talking about?"
Levi's scowl grew more fierce, a potent expression that drowned out my remarks.
"In the past, your skill in the field was a rank behind me. You never screwed up on the missions, and always kept a level head. You weren't clumsy in the slightest," He ranted, his fingers still tight around my wrist. "Why is it that you're suddenly all scatter-brained now?"
I blinked cretinously. How in the world did he catch on so quickly...? I was only this clumsy because I kept getting distracted by the past, constantly fumbling my hands and feet whenever I fell too deeply in my despair.
"I've always been scattered-brained, Levi. Just not in the field," I lied through my teeth. "I dropped cups and tripped all the time off the job back then. You just didn't pay attention..." I said, a somewhat bitter-sweet feeling washing over me when remembering our days as enemies.
Levi shook his head. "No, I did."
My heart stung.
"... What?"
"I did pay attention to you."
Looking into his eyes right now wasn't the best move. I felt like I was drowning in a sea of memories, reliving the days we had fought eachother mercilessly, the days we had been at eachother's throats constantly.
I remember the times I sat in the Mess Hall, sneaking glances over at Levi, who was too wrapped up in his tea or a conversation with Hange and Erwin to look back at me. I remember how he kept his eyes on that table, never returning my gaze. I could not dig out a single memory of him ever looking at me from across that room.
I never imagined that when I looked away, he would consider that his turn, and finally gaze at me when I couldn't see him do so.
Is that what he was admitting to?
"You weren't clumsy," Levi insisted. "So tell me, [Y/n]-"
He drew closer.
"Is there something going on with you?"
...
I didn't know what to do or what to say. I couldn't just flat out tell him what's been on my mind... I wasn't ready.
The visions of Erwin, the burden of blame, the weight of death...
It was all so much.
And on top of it all...
Was the apology.
...
I held Levi's strong gaze.
I couldn't tell him all of this now. I wasn't ready...
However, I think it's about time I prepared for it.
"There's a lot going on," I admit. "You're right. I'm not usually this shittily coordinated, but I don't know how to fix it." I balled my fingers into a discouraged fist.
"But it's... not something you should worry about."
Levi's scowl didn't let up.
"Don't you think that's a little unfair?" He asked bitterly, frowning.
I rose a brow, to which he took as a question and proceeded to speak.
"You tell me you can't help but worry about me, then say I shouldn't worry about you. Doesn't that seem unfair to you?" He tightened his hold on my wrist. Then he dropped his head in a heavy sigh. "Seriously... You're a handful."
I wanted to pull my hand away, but kept it there when I saw his head turn up again, eyes meeting mine once more.
"Thanks to all the years I've known you," His words were familiar.
"I can't help but worry about you, too, [Y/n]."
My heart swelled with a storm of emotions. The world, that had been caved in for so long, was beginning to pick itself up little by little, all because of the simple sentence.
This man...
"... You love quoting my words, don't you?" I let out a puff of air, a small laugh escaping my lips as Levi dropped my wrist. He just rolled his eyes, shifting away from me.