No moonlight nor candlelight stretched to this part of the hall, the entire walkway submerged in unfiltered blackness that swallowed my entire body whole. I held my hand on the wall, skimming down the lengthy hall in search of Levi's chosen room. I could heard the distant catterwhaul of laughter of the others pour up from downstairs, curiosity freckling my mind at the sound.
Just what were they so ecstatic about while I was sent on this ridiculous suicide mission?

"So glad they're having fun," I glowered with hints of sarcasm tainting my voice. "I, too, am definitely jumping with joy as I head toward my enemies door. He'll surely be stoked to see me." My hand that was on the wall balled into a fist for a moment as I expressed my irritable thoughts, then unfolded it a heartbeat later.

My fingers feathered over a doorknob, and I paused my venturing, spotting the light of a blazing gaslamp slithering out from both the underneath and side of the door. When my hand had landed on the knob, the door was pushed back ever so slightly.

It was cracked open.

My breath hitched in my throat.

This is Levi's room.

Was he still awake?

His door is open... He must be.

I now had a full-fledged grip on the  knob, drinking in a mouthful of air to attempt to calm my ruffled nerves. Something as simple as this seemed nearly impossible, a suffocating thing that toyed with the knots that formed in my stomach.

Just ask him if he's okay and call it a night, I told myself firmly. That's all you have to do. Don't be a wuss.

I replaced my unsure expression with a more headstrong look, forcing myself to appear more formally approachable.

Don't be a wuss.

Without a second (much needed) thought, I pushed the door wide open, bright light now flooding the once dark cornered hall behind me as I stood under the doorframe. It took me a second to adjust to the abrupt shift in brightness, my eyes slits as I fought to get a clear look into the room.

The yellow toned light splashed over my face, showcasing the red hue that flushed up my neck and cheeks without warning.

A surge of astonishing revelation coursed through every bone in my body.

It was such a strong rush that it almost knocked me off my feet.

"Oh."

The utterance of the single word was all I could bring myself to say.

Levi's serrated gaze sliced right through me, but I was too frozen to be affected by that compared to what I was already seeing.

There, in the middle of the drafty room, stood the raven haired Captain, his grey shirt pulled up over his head.
His upper half was exposed, uncovered.

I couldn't resist the temptation to stare like a complete and utter idiot, my eyes mapping out his chiseled abs, the pale tone displaying the shadows around the finely carved muscle. His lean figure was like a canvas, painted with divine colors that morphed together to create an astoundingly captivating image. The way he was posed with his arms in the air as a holder for the shirt made his slender back stretch, the strength he possessed evident in the way the sculpted muscles flexed. My gaze trailed downward, landing on the V-line that dissapeared behind the tight rim of his black fitted pants.

An abundance of scars peppered his pallid skin, ranging from numerous faint ones to a much deeper one that ran a coarse, muted pink river around his waist.

He was thin, but not sickly so.

The Captain was substantially attractive, a handsome man without a single flaw other than his tired eyes to combat his fair appearance.

I did not have the words to describe what I felt in this overwhelming moment.

My heart ran wild in the confinement of my chest.

...

"Oi."

Then it stopped beating.

Levi put his arms down, the shirt still binding them together.

"You going to stand there gawking all night or what?"

He eyed me, awaiting my response, honing a dull expression.

My hand shot for the knob behind me in an instinctive response.

I cleared my throat.

"No, as a matter of fact, I am not," I stated, keeping myself as calm as physically possible.

At least on the outside.

On the inside, a whirlwind of thoughts stormed throughout my restless mind. I was going beyond crazy.

I began to back out of the room, pulling the door with me.

"This is goodnight then," I said, a false smile tugging at the corners of my lips. I wanted to escape this awkward situation as soon as time would let me.

"I'll uh- see you in the morning, Captain. Please, carry on."

I shut the heavy door before he had the chance to respond.

When I was sure he couldn't see me, I exploded. My heated face seared through my skin, traveling down my chest and limbs, hot embarrassment laughing in my face, taunting me for being so stupid.
I hadn't thought to knock, too distracted by my previous emotions to think logically. Everything played out in the worst way possible, worse than I could've ever imagined. In all my years of knowing him, that was by far, and I mean by far the most horridly awkward and mortifying occurrence to happen between us.

What a nightmare.

"I've lost it," I concluded.

"I've truly lost it."

●●●

《 Chapter 12 》• Diety

●●●

I ran the digits of my fingers through the thick mess of hair on the ashen brown horse, the great creature whinnying as I expressed my desire to grow a bond by stroking its neck ever so softly. It was reluctant to my touch at first, but became more accustomed after awhile.

"Good boy," I praised, left hand traveling up and patting his cheek as I bent down to grip the looped handle of a tin bucket with my right. It was filled to the rim with horse-feed, all sorts of nutrients cram-packed into the circular space. I lifted it up, allowing the large horse to dip its head and bury its snout in the feed.

I was in the stables, a beam of light bleeding through the open doors and embracing the wooden stalls, irradiating particles of dust that embellished the cramped space. The horses that pulled the wagons resided here, consiting only of Hange and Levi's steeds along with two others. Everyone else's, including my own, were stationed back at HeadQuarters.

I was content with taking care of the horses when everyone else was too busy. It was a simple task that I took refuge in, a place to get away from everything and everyone when I felt the need.

And right now, that need was especially high.

But right as I was loosing myself in the task, the stallion suddenly pulled away, bits of food parting from his jaw. He seemed to be startled by something, snorting as his hooves clanked against the dirt floor of the stall.

I lowered the bucket.

"What are you so worked up about?" I grumbled, flecks of food landing on my face. I was revolted by the disgusting texture against my skin, but turned to see what caused such a reaction before even thinking to wipe it off.

I almost dropped the bucket.

Levi was standing in the doorway, arms tightly crossed as he caught my eyes with his, refusing to release them.

"So this is where you've been hiding." He glowered, stepping toward me.

I held the bucket close to my chest, backing up against the door of the horses stall that was at the end of the walkway, facing Levi as he began closing in with every passing second. My eyes went round with confusion, startled by his precipitous approach.

When the Captain reached me, he stopped just before coming in contact with the bucket I held, which was the only thing saving me from having to see that sharp glare up any closer. I had to bite my tongue to check if I was dreaming, bewildered, unable to properly breathe as he stared me down, burning holes through me with that oh-so familiar scowl.

"You barge in on me last night, then walk away with little to nothing to say," He chided, the frown contorting his face. "Care to explain just what it was you were doing?"

I dug my nails into the bucket, a hoarse scratching sound emitting from the action.

"I wasn't doing anything," I deflected his accusing words, averting my gaze. "... Nothing bad, at least, if that's what you're wondering."

Levi rose a brow. "Oh? Then what exactly were you doing?" He questioned, impatiently awaiting my answer.

"Enlighten me."

The sun snuck in through a crack in the decaying roof, shifting over his face, orange and yellow colors permeating through his blue irises that danced around as he studied my face, still indignantly waiting for me to speak.

The question shut off all my sentimental feelings toward him, gravely annoyed with his tone. It felt like I was transported years into the past, reacting just how I would have when we were still full fledged enemies.

I mirrored his glare, shooting it back tenfold.

"I was checking on you to make sure you were okay," I grimly spoke. "I was worried- but clearly you're doing just fine, seeing as how you seem to be enjoying this chance to pester me." I looked him up and down. His eyes carried that same light they always used to gleam with in the past. The same light he had when arguing with me, the same light that shone throughout his entire face whenever he saw me...

And then it hit me, and I choked on my words.

He was... Looking at me!

Not emptily, not with that lost look or that look of pure sorrow, nor that hesitancy that had always rested there for the past three years-

But with annoyance.

And to most people, that would have been something troubling, possibly even terrifying...
And yet, to me, it was something that made me feel like I'd just been pulled from the detrimental pits of hell, a righteous emotion that I could call my savior-

Because for the first time in a very, very long time...

He was looking at me with something.

I could not have possibly asked for more.

...

Levi blinked.

"... Worried?" He repeated the one word that caught his attention from my rant, searching my eyes for an explanation without even realizing it himself. Both of us stood staring at eachother, temporarily frozen in time, imprisoned by eachothers gaze.

My hold on the bucket loosened.

"Yes." I decided to come clean.

No good would come from denying it. Of course, Hange was the one who proposed the idea of checking on him, but I truly was hoping he was okay. I always cared about him, even if sometimes it was difficult to admit.

"I was worried about you, Levi."

...

He drew backward, the hardened glare now evaporating into a distant memory, replaced by a look I couldn't quite read.

But I knew he was surprised.

"... You must be a special kind of idiot to be worried about me over something so insignificant," The frown returned, but much less aggressive.

I turned around, breaking the eye-contact that seemed to be stealing my breath.

"I can't help it," I returned the bucket up to the horse, coaxing him into finishing his share of the feed. "Thanks to all the years I've known you, it just feels natural to worry..." I didn't want to look at Levi as I spoke, distracting myself with the horse.

"If that makes me an idiot-" I paused for a moment. The wind blew in from the open door.

"Then so be it."

I heard Levi shift behind me. I wasn't sure what he was doing, tying my attention to the horse. But when I looked deeper into the horses black orbed eyes, I could see the distorted reflection of Levi behind, crossing over to his horse in the stall to my right.

He cleared his throat.

"Next time, knock."

Neither of us turned as he spoke, focused on the horses infront of us. I ran my finger down the white patch of short hair squeezed between the horses brows.

Next time.

I noted it in my head.

Would there be a next time?
Who knows.
But I would like to think so.

"Next time, I'll knock."