Adorned in the fabric of our enemies, speaking their language with an articulated accent from many moons of precise practice, we wander these paved roads like a herd of sheep- Sheep with no shepherd other than the incandescent light of the unyielding sun.
It spilt out over the crowd, shreds of ghastly white reflecting off the merchant stands stationed along the bustling streets.
The faint murmur of the ocean behind us lapped hypnotically against the port, splashing up and then back down, foam splaying against the stone roads as it reached toward the crowd scattered along the street. It continued to do this as we stood motionless, as if dancing in a neverending way that was expressing how amazed we were by the sight that loomed before us.
Then, as if the silence of our shock had finally recognized how long it stretched for, a familiar face stepped out from the crowd and offered up a conversation.
"Welcome to the continent of Marley! I will be your guide to the Azumabito Estate," The holder of the voice removed their white hat that was laced around the middle with a dark rim. They bowed in greeting, smiling brightly.
"Onyankopon!" Hange, the Commander of the Survey Corps from within the Walls of Eldia gasped in blissful delight. They returned Onyankopon's courteous smile, raising her hand in a waving gesture to show a more welcoming response.
Onyankopon put his hat back on swiftly. "I'm glad you all made it!" He began, enthusiasm lacing his voice. "What do you think of Marley's biggest port? Fascinating isn't it?" He inquired proudly, as if attempting to shine light upon this place despite the crimes that befell our homeland originating from hands of the government that resided here.
I liked Onyankopon, but couldn't conceal the twinge of irritation that welled up in my gut at his choice of words.
Everyone seemed to be in glamorous astonishment at what they saw here, but I wasn't very keen to admit anything positive about it. I was standing behind Sasha Braus, one of the few Soldiers whom survived the retaking of Wall Maria.
My mind wandered, recalling the battered organs of the previous Commander and the way the light in his eyes was plucked out by the disgruntled fingers of death. That expedition was nothing short of brutal and unhealing, an event that left a seering wound that would forever ferment in our frail hearts.
I bit my tongue as I shifted to look out past the heads of the mass of people, my eyes catching glimpse of a strange being that rolled into view, a spurt of smoke trailing behind it.
I blinked, my lips parting as I unwillingly gaped in a stupefied expression.
The others seemed to spot it too, gasps roaring out from their mouths.
"Wha- What is that?! A horse?! ... No, it looks nothing like it, what-" Connie, one of the other kids, cut himself off, amazement and plain confusion ringing through his words as he thrust his index finger outward, pointing directly at it.
Sasha followed where he pointed, her irises flashing with disbelief. "That's gotta be some sort of cow... Right?!" She turned to Hange for clarification, too stunned to form anymore coherent sentences.
Hange grinned, the lenses of their glasses gleaming avidly. She began walking forward, her feet carrying her childishly over the unfamiliar creature.
"It's a car! I've heard of 'em before!" She explained. "Hey, car!" Hange now broke into a sprint, their arms flailing wildly in the wind as she called out to it, trying to get It's attention- But to no avail.
The 'car' brushed past Hange's yowling, completely ignoring their pleads for it to slow down. Connie and Sasha ran after Hange, hot on her heals as they too were desperate to see just what it was.
I folded my arms, sleeves wrinkling from the subtle movement. I rose a brow in the direction of the three goons.
They'll blow our cover, I thought in exasperation, but kept to myself.
I craned my neck to turn my gaze over my shoulder, eyes falling onto a face that I could never not recognize.
Captain Levi Ackermann...
Humanities Strongest.
...
"If we don't stop them soon, they'll feed it carrots."
His sharp nose was wrinkled in a disappointed look that he cast over to the runaways, clicking his tongue as Onyankopon walked up behind him with a stifled laugh.
"Don't be ridiculo- They're buying carrots?!" He fawned over the actions of the Commander and their two followers who were infatuated with this odd- machine - As I now realized what it was.
I held my gaze on Levi for a moment longer, watching how the blurred orange-red light of the sun caressed the structure of his well defined features, and how he used his fingers to tip his hat down to shield the light away, causing it to spill from his face onto the royal blue hat he wore atop his raven hair. His pale skin forced the shadows on his skin to cower under the radiant complexion he bore, and his lashes fell over his eyes as he stared down at his polished shoes.
Then, he abruptly tipped his head up ever so slightly, his vacant gaze intertwining with mine.
...
The longer I stared the deeper I fell into a void of swelling memories.
But I urged my eyes to pry away, etching my attention elsewhere.
The three who strayed after the car were returning, regrouping with the rest of us. I recognized the other kids who were silently taking in what this place had to offer, but I couldn't seem to read their otherworldly expressions.
Armin, Jean, Mikasa... And Eren Jaeger.
When I looked at them, I could see the sunken eyes of war plastered on their lost expressions that seemed to be begging to be salvaged from the remnants of chaos they experienced throughout the last three years of their youthful lives. I felt sympathy course through my veins, but not pity.
We all felt the way they looked.
We were all just people waiting for the hand of righteousness to clutch around our wrists and pull us out of the forsaken hell we were born into.
And some of us... Are a little more desperate to be saved than others...
I stared at Eren, the boy with brown hair that resembled the dark oaks of the forest back home, his eyes resembling the leaves that clung to the branches.
He glanced somberly over to Mikasa, the girl with jet-black hair that danced in the passing breeze, watching how she rushed over to a merchant stand alongside Sasha, both of them seeming to be overly interested in something.
I couldn't read the sign, recognizing it to be Marleyan language, but I could tell that from the expression on his face, it must have been something he could read.
When Mikasa turned around, I spotted an unusual delicacy sitting in the palm of her hand. She eyed it with such intensity I was sure it would turn to ashes if she looked at it any longer. But eventually, she brought it up to her lips, and hesitantly yet excitedly tasted it.
Her eyes flashed with ecstatic happiness, the feeling evidently surging through her. I had never seen that look of sheer joy on her face before, the sight almost foreign to me.
She quickly hurried over to Eren's side, extending her arm that held the sweet treat up to him, muttering something I couldn't hear from this distance. Eren listened closely.
Those two had a complicated relationship... Childhood friends, an inseparable pair... And yet the atmosphere around them was always tense and the taste of tragedy always attached itself to the dense air perched around them. I saw the way Mikasa looked at him, the way her eyes shone like the melancholy stars in the expectant sky whenever she spotted him in a crowd, and the way Eren's face would contort with uncertainty and another emotion that I couldn't yet decipher.
I had assumed there was a romantic feeling that tied the two together, but due to the overbearing hesitation that always shoved a brick wall between them, I couldn't say for certain...
I put my hands in my silk-lined pockets, a luxurious material I never would have worn even in my most wild and surreal dreams. And yet here I stood, outside the walls, on the doorstep of my enemy, wearing their richly crafted clothing.
Everything about this trip was so very unreal to me...
But what really baffled me... Was the fact I stood here with the very man whom I had detested since the day I laid eyes on him. The very man whom I had loathed for years, the man whom I swore to despise no matter what unforseen things unfolded. In the past, we would dig our nails into eachothers hearts, resenting the way it beat in our grasps.
Enemies.
Rivals.
Two sides of the same coin that yearned to be torn apart and separated.
The calamity that took place the day we reclaimed Wall Maria only set the stage for our hatred to be put on display...
The splash of pure perturbation that would spike through his deadpan expression when he saw me never failed to remind me of the blood that had once filtered through my fingers and stained my palms a vermillion hue that I could never wash away. Even if I scrubbed my palms till they were raw and screaming, it would only make them ooze out my own blood that blended with the color of Erwin's.
Overcome with desperation to deny the fact Erwin had take his last pleading breath, I unfairly blamed Levi for his death. I blamed him for encouraging him to go through with that horrible suicide plan, for not preventing it from happening, disregarding the fact I played a crucial role in his downfall as well...
And now, the sinister silence that filled the void between Levi and I masked over our already rigid relationship, screaming out to the world that his isolated heart would never open a door to me, that he would never allow me to fill the emptiness by entering the room inside, because I blamed him for the death of someone so drastically important for humanities sake. I blamed him for the death of one of his only remaining friends, I blamed him for the death of someone he thought would never be torn away from the roots of this world, but was proven wrong in such a vile and heinous way...
But most of all...
I had blamed him for not blaming me.
...
So whenever I saw that ambivalent stare of his, I felt the gravity of it all come back and plunge onto my shoulders like a ton of bricks. I could almost hear Erwin's authoritive voice booming over the ash colored clouds that were strewn throughout the sullen sky that day. I could almost feel the dull colors of the naturally filtered lands engulfing me in a suffocating embrace. I could almost see that field again- I could almost see the bodies that lay there, freckling the blades of grass in hot and gooey blood that ate away at the ethereal beauty of the world outside the Walls.
Every time he looked at me... His eyes were distant and cold, the icy structure telling the story of how he truly and indefinitely believed the words I had said to him...
That he blamed himself, too.
And as painfully sorry I was for causing him such indescribable suffering,
I couldn't bring myself to apologize, to confess the fact that I was blaming myself just as much as he was, because if he found out what truly happened, I don't think I'd be able to handle his condemning scowl.
It was selfish of me... I knew this all too well...
But if I admitted to what was burdening my calloused heart, I was afraid my soul would split open and the detrimental black color of all my sins would taint the blue skies and slaughter the lamenting yet comforting haze that overlooked us all.
So I buried the secret deep within my veins, hiding it between the skin that encased my agonized bones.
And I hoped, and I prayed-
That it would always remain there.