Ally's POV

It had been a long time since the mark had reared its ugly head so I wasn't expecting it.

Wasn't expecting my side to burst into flames as I cleaned the kitchen, hair still dripping wet from the shower.

This time it was Hobi who was around to witness the event.

His eyes went wide as coins as grasped my shoulders, stopping me from falling to what would probably be a concussion.

‘Al, hey no come on.’

He raised my arm and put it around him and dragged me to the lounge.

Even though I wasn't really capable of talking, or thinking. I was still subconsciously proud of myself for not screaming. Maybe I was getting good at controlling it?

Yeah probably not.

He lowered me down onto the sofa.

No one else was home except me, Hobi and RM. The rest had gone to get food.

I would've gone with them, but I wanted to stay back and clean up the mess we had made.

What an amazing idea right?

I managed to smile with gritted teeth at Hobi to assure him that I wasn't about to die.

The smile probably worried him because I looked like E.T.

He yelled for RM as I doubled over in pain, holding a cushion.

He came running out of his room, panic on his face.

‘What's wr- oh’ he put down the book he was holding and came to sit by me, letting me cry into his shoulder.

‘Call Jiminie.’ RM whispered to the other as he held my hand.

I wanted to say no. The poor guy rarely left the house. And now that he did, my stupid ass would make him come back. I'm honestly like an anchor to him. Weighing him down.

I shake my head against RM's shoulder trying to stop him from telling Jimin. It's not like him being here would make any difference to the pain. I'd still have to go through it.

Shaking my head was all I could do because that's when I started coughing. Because breathing was becoming a foreign concept.

You know how we can't breathe near a fire, because it sucks all the oxygen. Imagine that. But in your side.
It felt like someone was unzipping my lungs. Slowly reducing the work they were doing.

J-hope ran to get me a glass of water while RM dialed the phone, not waiting for J-hope or paying any attention to my failed attempts at stopping him.

As another wave crashed, my brain just went blank, refusing to deal with it.

I leaned off of RM and fell onto the arm of the sofa, facing upwards, trying my level best not to use the curses Suga had taught me.

‘Hello?’

His voice on the phone triggered something in the mark and for the first time it felt like someone shoved a knife in me.

The first scream rang loud and clear through the house.

‘On my way.’ were the next words and he hung up.

Jhope brought the water, but it was kind of impossible to make me drink because I was biting into a cushion like some sort of animal.

The next few minutes felt like years. Imagine pain. Not in a body part. As a physical being. Holding you tight. Not wanting to let go. Imagine drowning in its embrace. Imagine it forcing itself on you and no one being there to stop it from having its way with you.

I was sweating, hair stuck to my face, eyes closed. One hand was in J-hope's while the other was twisting RMs jacket.

The door slammed open. I'm imagining that 6 people busted in. But I only hear the footsteps of one.

‘Where are the rest?’
J-hope voiced my question.

‘They're on their way. How's she doing? How long has it been?’ he asked him.

I couldn't bring myself to open my eyes, because all the tears that I had been keeping to myself would spill and I really don't like crying in front of people.

‘Probably 15 minutes. Not good. Take her to her room. She needs to be comfortable. Well as much as she can be.’

Like always, he slipped his arms under me and picked me up.

His heart skipped a beat when my body went limp in his arms, instead of holding onto him as usual.

He took me to my room, I'm guessing and lay me down on the bed.

I had been wearing a hoodie and sweat pants so him picking me up didn't give me any relief.

As the scent of his cologne wrapped around me, I realized I was on his bed.

I don't understand what it was about him that made me react so violently. When he wasn't near me, I could control the pain. Now that he was here, it was as if my brain thought that, well, the soulmate is here, all systems go.

Profanities made their way out of his mouth when I screamed. It would be poetic if written down. Wails of pain and anger mixing together. No?

Finally it calmed down a bit. Not completely gone because I still felt like someone was tracing their initials on me with a candle.

I was stable enough to sit up and slump against the pillows, eyes still closed and breathing hard.

I heard the door open and close.

Crashes. Yells. Voices. Fumbled.

I finally opened my eyes when the door opened again.

It was Andy who stepped inside.

‘When did you guys get here?’ is what I wanted to ask.
But my throat wasn't exactly cooperating with me. Lord knows why. Maybe because I screamed it raw, or maybe because I was holding back a ball of tears that had nothing to do with pain.

I couldn't see him. I hadn't seen him yet. Where was he?

She walked up to me and took of my hoodie. My lord. It was drenched in my sweat.

She chuckled a bit without humor and said, ‘I'll tease you about this later.’

Then proceeded to just fold up my shirt from the bottom, just so that my waist and last two ribs were uncovered.

Black lines were curling on my skin making me want to slough it off with a knife. Beauty or not.

I opened my mouth multiple times, only puffs of air making their way out but she understood what I meant.

‘He was with you all this time. Just came out....to take a breather. I'll send him back in.’

I nodded gratefully and she leaned down to kiss my head.

I'm so glad that I'm not in her position because I couldn't bare watching someone I love go through so much pain.
She may be shy but she was the strongest person I knew.

The door closed lightly behind her leaving me alone with my thoughts and pain.

God. The word pain had lost its meaning on me. What was pain? Was it what I felt when I opened my eyes to find just Andy in the room or was it what was engraving its way into my flesh right now?

The soft click of the door made me snap my eyes back to it.

Finally, he stepped back inside.

Blur. I can't see. Tears streaming. Arms open.

He took three strides and was in bed next to me, holding me, giving me the luxury to breathe again.

15 minutes passed. He waited for our breathing to synchronize before he reached over to his side table and brought a small bottle and a spoon in sight.

Oh right. He was holding something when he entered the room.

My eyes focused on it.

Honey. Wait honey?

I look upto him with furrowed eyebrows.

‘It's for your throat.’ he explained quietly and poured some into the spoon.

‘open up.’

I never liked honey as a kid, but right now was kind of an exception. It soothed my throat. I opened my mouth so say thank you but he stopped me with his own.

The kiss was mixed with salty tears but I had no idea whose they were.

‘I'm sorry.’

His. The tears were his.

My heart shattered at how his voice cracked.

‘Don't.’ whoa I sound like a mummy.

He just wiped his face with his hand, removing all tears and any signs of previous crying.

‘I'm useless to you. I can't even take this from you. And you're lying broken in my bed because of me. What kind of soulmate am I?’

His tone. His demeanor. The way he was holding me but still tense, as if not giving himself the satisfaction of being by my side.

He was punishing himself. For something that wasn't his fault.

Is this what suffocating feels like? His emotions were running rampant in my chest. Overpowering mine.

Alright that's it.

‘Jimin-’

He interrupts me, ‘Don't talk, you'll make your throat worse.’

‘I don't have a lot of energy so you're going to shut up and let me talk.’

His eyes widened at how angry my tone was.

Of course I was mad. It wasn't his fault. This wasn't his decision. Then what on God's green earth gave him the right to blame himself and feel like crap? And more importantly make me want to break down more than I already had because of how bad I felt? It may not be either of our faults but he was bound to the pain because of me. The doctor said it himself.

‘Did you take me to the drive through, last month , at 3 am when I was craving food so bad that it woke you up from your sleep?’

His forehead bent in lines, ‘A drive through is irre-'

‘Yes or No?’

He rolled his eyes at my childish tone and muttered, ‘yes.’

‘Did you distract me when you knew that Andy or Tae might be dying of pain in a hospital room and it would kill me to see that?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Did you give me the room opposite yours in the dorms just to be near me?’

‘How did you? You know what nevermind. Yeah I did.’

‘Did you leave a cup of coffee waiting for me on the counter everyday you had to leave early?’

By now he had relaxed and had his arms clasped over me. He was smiling a bit, remembering all the things I kept bringing up.

‘Yes I did.’

‘Did you come to my hospital room the minute you woke up, just so that I wouldn't panic at being alone?’

‘Sure did.’

‘And did you tell me not to be sorry because none of the pain I was causing you was my fault?’

He sighed, ‘Yes I did.’

‘Then believe me when I say this, you're the best soulmate I could've ever asked for. I'd die if it weren't for you. Don't be sorry because I'd go through this everyday if it meant staying with you.’

Maybe the mark was making me emotional because my eyes were brimming with tears again but I didn't let them fall.

The idiot would blame those on himself too.

'God, I love you.’

He kissed me again but this had more life than the last one. Even made me turn firecracker red when he lay back on the pillow lightly smacking his lips.

‘Honey is good but I still prefer blueberries.’