Monsters are real

They live inside us and sometimes...

They win

---

The sun had taken it's time to rise, slowly fighting its way through the clouds battling across the horizon. It hadn't been a particularly bad night for Azriel, perhaps that was because sleep had never come looking for him. It was fine really, the night had been blissfully quiet besides the soft moaning of the wind, giving him enough space in his mind to think. To plan.

Azriel prayed- Caudron knows he prayed- that Helion's Third was not as insufferable as high fae from other courts. He didn't think he could manage dealing with another Eris without killing him. Still, he couldn't help but think that he was missing something. Like why he was even required in the first place.

It didn't matter. Rhys had asked and it didn't seem like there was room for any negotiating. So with a little apprehension, Azriel dragged himself from the confines of his room and made his way to the dining hall.

The smells of warm pastries filled Azriel's nose and warmed his chest the second he stepped through the doors, the soft chattering coming from inside stopping momentarily. Feyre, Rhysand, Mor and-

"Ah you're finally awake. I was just debating sending Amren to come and wake you."

Hells forbid. Even with Amren in her new body, there was no hiding that lethal nature that still lurked deep in her soul. In her being.

"It's dawn." He stated, looking between Rhysand and flicking to their guest for less than even a moment. "I didn't realise you needed us gone any earlier."

"Oh Az he's only teasing." Mor chirped, swilling around the liquid in her goblet as she tapped the seat besides her in offering. Azriel was sitting in it moments later. "Tahlia hadn't eaten yet and besides, if you'd left any earlier we wouldn't have had the chance to meet."

"A travesty I'm sure." Rhysand snorted before feeding Feyre a spoonful of his own breakfast. "Tahlia." He laughed, as if forgetting they had yet to be formally introduced. "This is-"

"The Spymaster." She chirped innocently enough, but Azriel's eyes instantly snapped to her, his shadows setting off around him in a flurry of wisps even when he tried fruitlessly to real them back in. "Wow, they're even more magnificent than Helion let on."

And she looked entirely like she meant it, eyes blown wide in not fear, but awe, like she was complete and utterly mesmerised in every slight move they made. "I'm sorry, they're usually a lot more subtle."

"Don't apologise. I think they're incredible." She said, beaming brightly at him, bright enough that it sent heat radiating up his neck, burning to his cheeks. "I'm not sure when you're you wanting to leave-"

"Now." Azriel ushered, ignoring the way Mor's face was contorted into a look of bafflement and the way she was elbowing him in the ribs. "We can leave now if you're ready." He fixed, giving her a tight lipped smile and turning away to face Rhysand instead. "The earlier we leave gives us a better chance by being back before nightfall."

"We'll be back by nightfall." The female added shyly, shuffling back away from the table so she was standing. "It was an honour to meet you all, truly."

"Oh none of that. You better visit again soon." Mor stood up too, to Tahlia's apparent shock, she hugged her tightly. "I think you'll like Velaris, it really is beautiful and I'd love to take you around-"

"Mor, let the poor female go." Rhysand laughed. "It was good to see you again Tahlia."

Standing up from his seat silently, Azriel made a beeline for the front door, not waiting to see if Tahlia was following or not. Then she was walking alongside him, as if appearing from nowhere, making no sound.

They stayed like that, both making no effort to converse as they walked into the brisk morning air. There was a part of him that hated that he had to hold out and offer his scarred hands to her to winnow, but even as he stopped, planting his feet firmly where they were she kept walking until she was standing in front of him. Her navy tunic fluttered loosely around her arm as she held it out to him.

It was like she knew him. Knew there was that air of discomfort or at least the inner battle of his mind.

His eyebrows furrowed with confusion, his eyes searching hers for an answer which only came in the form of a smile. "Any time today, Shadowsinger, some of us have places to be."

The light teasing reminded him of Cassian in a way, it was obvious why he'd taken a liking to her. Her toothy smile was bright and she barely looked like she had a care in the world. Wonder and light dancing in her eyes, no darkness and no fear, certainly not of him or the shadows others had called harrowing. Nightmare like.

His hand slipped into the crook of her elbow, the material of her top hiding the torn skin littered all over. The hazel of his eyes didn't meet hers even when he could feel them upon him. He expected her to ask, to question him but he sensed nothing like that.

Disregarding his awkwardness, he felt them slip into the familiar folds of the world, slipping instead through everything bright not the usual darkness that he had come to know. It didn't carry as much weight as winnowing, no, it felt... well, different.

They landed in an overgrown field that could only have been a mile away from Tamlin's manor. It looked and felt heavy with a wrongness that bleached the air. The dying browns of what used to have been no doubt a meadow full of flowers and colours and life, grew as far as the eye could see. Trees had withered and lost their leaves, bending and shrivelling in, bowing down to the darkness that had swept through the land.

"What happened to this place?" Azriel said, unsheathing a blade from his side to cut through the weeds and the decaying plants.

"Tamlin's neglect has made the Court fall into ruin." She said, light dimming in her eyes as she took in the space around them, mourning the sense of life that had been diminished and cast out.

"The people have turned on him just as much as they've turned on each other." Kneeling down to run her fingers over the crisp leaf of a zinnia flower. "Those who didn't flee after Feyre's disappearance, fight. The only life that grows is dark and consumed with a wrongness that comes with growing through bloodshed."

Her eyes snapped to the trees surrounding them, like she was searching for the rest of her story. Azriel, though deeming nonchalance, was hooked on every word. "The birds do not sing, only the calling and crying of crows and vultures that feed on the weak and dying."

"Do you blame Feyre?"

"No, Shadowsinger. It was bound to happen. It was just a matter of who would topple the first domino." Tahlia stated matter-of-factly, rising up until she was standing and eyeing him with a small smirk tugging at the corner of her lips. "Helion bet a lot of money on it being Rhysand."

Before his mind could race to catch up, Azriel already found himself asking, "And you?" He longed to know the answer, though questioned why it even really mattered all that much.

Perhaps to be put at ease knowing that she really didn't blame Feyre for draining the diminutive life at the Spring Court. To make certain there wasn't an ulterior motive for suddenly finding her way into their lives. Yes, that was it.

Tahlia's grin only grew wider, reaching her eyes and lighting that flame in her eyes that screamed mischief and adventure. "Cassian."

"Where will you be meeting Tamlin?" Azriel asked, if only to steer the direction of the conversation away from his brother and away from that glint of wildness and humour in her eyes that made him want more. To know more, that is.

The area fell into a heavy silence, like the very earth trembled in fear at the beast that he knew was stalking towards them from the East. It was only natural to take a step in front of the female, his siphons flickering in warning and preparation.

"Here, we're meeting here. You should go."

"You trust him?" It was clear she didn't, not if the wringing of her hands and the slightly tense way she held herself was anything to go by.

Still, as if noticing how he was analysing her, Tahlia stood taller. "I think trust is a very loose word in regards to Tamlin but for the sakes of a future allegiance, yes."

"I'll be near if you need me." And he was gone, disintegrating until he was nothing but shadow. It was better this way, he couldn't catch her scent or hear the way her heart thrummed with nerves that made him want to stay.

Stay so she could see him, know that he was still by her side, which he hoped she knew he still was. Watching far off, from the tree line behind her downwind to stop Tamlin from catching his scent.

It was as if the whole world shuddered beneath the footfalls of the High Lord as he prowled into view, stopping where the tree's cut away to the open field. His skin was a sickly white, like his fae form had not seen the sun in months, his hair dull and traipsing far down below his shoulders, almost reaching his navel.

Tamlin stood bare from the waist up, like he'd only chosen to appear in this form as an afterthought. His head tilted in a way that could only be described as animalistic, staring down the small figure in the middle of the clearing.

Azriel stiffened at the sight of him, skin crawling with disgust and hatred for the male, and a fury burning within.

---

Aching, her back was aching with the efforts at keeping her back bent so low, eyes keeping to the ground in a sign of trust. Talhia wasn't either naive nor deaf, she'd heard the stories about the High Lord, though never once had she been told of his demanding presence. Never once had she been told that being alone with him would have her knees shaking so much she could barely stand.

A voice in the back of her mind reminded her she wasn't alone, that she could still feel Azriel's presence even with him being out of sight. Her body and senses were so aware of him, probably her basic survival instincts calmed her by telling her she had the upper hand, even when hoping and praying she didn't need to use it.

"Your name." The voice that met her was gravelly and torn, like the male hadn't spoken for a long time. Could barely remember what he was, who he was.

By the looks of him alone, she could tell that was true, that he'd been tearing through his lands in his other form. Beast. There had been those that had called him a beast, with vicious claws and the promise of death in his eyes. Those were the stories. Tahlia wasn't keen on finding out how much truth was behind the rest of the tales.

"Tahlia." She sputtered when realising how long it had been since the male had spoken. "I'm Helion's emissary."

Silence. Not even the ticking and buzzing of a bug. Not even her heartbeat, like even that could possibly be holding still. He was frozen still, glaring as if straight through her, she knew even with her eyes glued to the brown grass growing above her shoes, as if it would grab hold of her and keep her here captive. "I wrote to you-"

"And you think I've read it?" There was no bite behind his words, but lethal emptiness. "Tell Helion I have no business with him, and that the next time he sends someone onto my lands-"

"I hope this is not a threat, High Lord. I will not take it lightly." Her back would snap back up, fighting the sneer away.

"I'm here to know where your allegiances lie." The moment she would say the words, she'd regret it.

His past would flash across his face, settling his features into fury. "Allegiances lie? Where have any allegiances brought me before?" He would bark, taking a singular menacing step forward and stopping, as if he was trying to reign back in the anger he would be trying to keep at bay.

"And who was it that broke the trust first?"

"How dare you!" And that leash on that animal, the wolf would tear apart as he hunted her. Tearing towards her, snarling and growling until being slammed into by a wall of shadows and flashes of blue.

"Helion fears the Mortal Queens are preparing for an uprising. For another war." Tahlia said instead, slowly inclining, keeping her features gentle.

There would be no explaining that she herself had seen it. Had been keeping a watchful eye over every movement from the human women and advisors and servants that trailed close behind them. They weren't as careful with their decisions as Hybern had always been, like they didn't quite believe.

"And what?" Tamlin started, stepping out from the shadows and until he stood beneath the dull haze cast on his land. "Does Helion believe I side with them?"

Careful. Tahlia would have to be so careful with her words. How could someone so strong, so fierce, so powerful be so fragile?

"No." Her voice held no doubt, did not shake in the way she thought it might.

Helion had not told her to ask who's side he had chosen, but it wasn't because he believed he would stand with them. No, she remembered their conversation after the males from the Night Court had taken their leave. It didn't matter what Tamlin would say, she'd been told, he'd choose whichever side best suited what he wanted. Only none of them knew quite what that was now with Feyre...

Well, everyone knew the story.

"Your borders are closest to Hybern, My Lord. Helion wants to know if there has been any word, or any sign that they could be rallying Hybern's forces again. The people with no one to lead them, if the Mortal Queens would go to them, to ask for their allegiances."

Tamlin turned his eyes back towards the East, like he could see past to the coast and across the sea to stare at the Queens himself. "The fae in Hybern believe they are above all humans. That it is their birthright. They would not bow down to any mortal whether they be of royal lineage or otherwise."

"What of Briallyn? The Mortal Queen turned immortal." The moment Tahlia said the name, his eyes flickered, back stiffening and it took everything in her to stop from listening to her instincts telling her to run.

He must have noticed her tense, because his shoulders sagged, and he took an unsteady step forward, showing a vulnerability she hadn't ever seen from a High Lord.

"I know who she is." His voice said, quieter and laced with something akin to shame. Guilt.

Tahlia said nothing of it. "Would they serve her?"

"She may be cauldron Made, but that does not make any difference to the likes of them. Briallyn was once human. It is enough for them to look and treat her like nothing more than dirt on the bottom of their shoe. She is old and withered and naive and does not have the presence of a fae. They will not side with her." The certainty was obvious, she knew if anyone would know of Hybern's beliefs, or tactics it would be him.

"That doesn't rule out an uprising. If the Queens rally the humans and Hybern decide to retaliate separately it could destroy Prythian."

"Spring is already destroyed."

"And you will watch as the rest of us burn? Is that how I should take that?" The gentleness of her voice was lost behind the bitter bite, heated anger burning around her throat. Tahlia barely noticed the white shade of her clenched knuckles or felt the crescent marks of her nails digging into her skin until a coolness kissed against the skin of her hand.

"I am stating a fact." Tamlin backtracked.

If there was one of her traits she'd learned from Helion, it would be the stubbornness. Therefore, she'd decided whilst planting her feet more firmly against the ground, she would not leave Spring without what she'd come for. Some kind of alliance or agreement.

How could she possibly get that? How could she offer anything to this male if he wanted nothing but to bask in the ruin of his Court. Perhaps even Prythian. "What about a bargain then?"

"You do not need to make a bargain to earn my allegiance. I have no quarrel with Helion or his court."

"Doing this is not just to pick and choose which courts survive." Tahlia said firmly, thinking of the presence she felt around her, the contempt he felt towards the High Lord. The anger. "This is for the whole of Prythian even those you do have quarrels with."

He did not falter with his response."I do not need a bargain." Tamlin turned back towards the darkness of the forest, standing tall showing the expanse of his back.

Skin torn and raw. It made her blanche, the idea that there were things in this forest willing to put up a fight to it's High Lord. A good fight too if the deep gashes were anything to go by. She almost offered to stitch him back up to assure nothing got infected, but bit her tongue to stop herself.

"So will you listen for word?"

The male paused, turning his head so he was barely looking over his shoulder. "I fear I will not do you much good. I have no spies. No one. You will be relying on my ears only, but I will."

"Thank you."

He shook his head, looking back away from her, head falling down to look at his feet. "I should not have to be thanked for doing the right thing. You know of my past, and still you choose to ask for my allegiance. For my help and trust. It should be me that is thanking you."

The fur of the beast tore from him and sent him tearing through his land, the world again began spinning, no longer holding its breath. Tahlia sighed too, letting herself shake away the tension that clung to her body as she turned back to search the other side of the clearing for any sign of Azriel.

---

It wasn't until Azriel lost every one of Tamlin's scents that he let himself slip away from the shadows, appearing so suddenly in front of Tahlia he expected her to start. To flinch or something, instead she loosened a breath and smiled tightly.

"I- He's so cold." Her attention kept catching back on where Tamlin had disappeared to. Azriel would get them away soon, if only to erase the nerves that hung around her, that spiked in her scent around the freshness that reminded him of the ocean. "I think I just expected him to be like Helion or Rhysand. I've heard the stories, call me naive but- He's nothing like them." She repeated, worrying her nail between her teeth and shaking her head like she couldn't quite believe herself.

"No." Because he couldn't quite find anything else to say. She couldn't look him in the eye no matter how much he searched for hers. He wanted her to talk, to find the ease in the way she held herself not half an hour ago. The joy in her eyes, so said the first thing that came to his head. "Cassian seems fond of you."

He cursed himself silently, wincing at the topic and avoided her gaze as soon as it snapped up to look at him.

"Oh?" It worked though, perhaps the embarrassment was worth it as he heard the lilt to her voice that made it sound as if she was moments away from bursting into laughter. "Cassian is wonderful. I've never met anyone who laughs quite as much as he does. Can't handle his wine though."

"I don't think that's just Cassian." He said, smiling gently as her eyes sparked with amusement. "I've tried wine from Day before, it's unlike anything I've ever drank. Knocked me out for two days straight."

Her laugh radiated through the meadow, her hair fell around her as she stumbled with the force of it and eyes crinkling."The Spymaster can't keep up with Day Court drinking... I'll be sure to pass along the message. Helion would be thrilled to know."

"Azriel." His shadows purred at that, he ignored them dutifully."Please call me Azriel."

She nodded as she sobered. "Okay."

Tahlia offered her arm out to him again, he might've been wrong- was probably wrong- but he thought he felt something heavy hang in the air, some kind of tension that was held in the silence. He said the first thing to break it. Though he wished he hadn't.

"Do you sometimes wish you could see the past instead?" Tahlia's whole body jolted to a stop as she stiffened. She did not reply, neither did she look at him, eyes lost staring into nothing but memory. "I'm sorry." He whispered, scared that even the slightest movement would have her bolting.

"We should be getting back." She grabbed at his elbow and they were gone before he could say anything else.

The moment Azriel's feet hit the floor in Velaris, he turned to face her. To apologise again for prying, delving into whatever it was that was none of his business. Perhaps even give her a little bit of his own truth so that she didn't feel alone in what she kept to herself. That before Rhysand, his life had been horror filled too. He'd say no more, but give her that at least.

Though he was met with nothing. Tahlia was already gone.

(I've changed my mind, and those who don't mind this not being cannon can carry on at your own leisure. Sorry it took so long. My mind's been all over the place and not in a great place to write. I hope you all are doing okay.)

-e